


Joy

by Andromytta, nealinor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Castiel and Jimmy Novak are Twins (Supernatural), F/M, Fluff, Greiving Jimmy Novak, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Panic Attacks, Pediatrician Castiel, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow burn Castiel/Jimmy, Smut, Social Worker Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - M/M/M, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 108,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromytta/pseuds/Andromytta, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nealinor/pseuds/nealinor
Summary: Growing up, Jimmy and Castiel Novak were very close. Closer than perhaps any two brothers should be. When it came time for the brothers to go to college, Jimmy secretly applied to Northwestern in Chicago. When the day to leave came, Jimmy left in the middle of the night, abandoning Castiel, leaving Castiel heartbroken and confused.Twenty years later, Jimmy married a woman named Amelia and together they had a twelve year old daughter, Claire. Castiel married his college roommate, Dean Winchester.When Amelia died suddenly, he quickly became overwhelmed. In desperation, he showed up one night on Castiel’s doorstep with his daughter in tow, begging for help. Dean took them in out of concern for Jimmy’s daughter Claire. The once happy life that Castiel and Dean had devolved into tension. Castiel felt betrayed by Dean and heartbroken by Jimmy’s return. Claire was angry at her father for tearing apart the life she had known while she was still struggling with the loss of her mother. Jimmy was lost in grief for his wife. And Dean, in the middle of it all, was trying to help each one of those people while holding onto the best thing in his life: his marriage.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Jimmy Novak (Supernatural), Castiel/Jimmy Novak/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester, Jimmy Novak/Dean Winchester
Comments: 32
Kudos: 90
Collections: DCJ Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I first had the idea for this fic, I knew right away that I couldn’t write it alone. I pitched the idea to Andy and was thrilled when she decided to write it with me. If you know me and my writing, you know that I tend to go with low/no angst projects. This idea was super angsty, so much so that I knew I’d need someone who was good at it. (If you read Andy’s work, you’re not surprised that I went to her for this.) The idea, in and of itself, was such that I rejected it initially for the DCJ Hiatus Indulgence. It was going to be too long for that. Coming in at over 100k words, I was right. This is the longest fic that Andy and I have written together to date. It’s involved and long, so hang in there. 
> 
> The title Joy is going to seem like something of a misnomer in the first few chapters. What we’ve done here is create a situation in which no one is happy. Think of it as a promise to you, the Joy is what’s coming by the end. They’ll get there, just have patience. That said, this is a slow burn on the Jimmy/Cas front and really on the Jimmy/anyone front. You’ll have to wait a long time to get it, but it’s there if you keep going. I think the ride will be worth it. 
> 
> This fic is about several things, but the two I want to talk about are polyamory and family. Themes of both these concepts will come up throughout the fic. With polyamory, we wanted to take a healthy, thoughtful approach to how these relationships are formed and how they work. There’s a lot of emphasis on communication. Also, Sam gives a lot of sage advice. I hope you enjoy it. At the end of the day, our four main characters are trying to be a family. Sometimes it’s a struggle as it is with any family. 
> 
> By the way, there are four main characters in this fic. Jimmy, Castiel, Dean, and Claire. Claire is a major character here and we will deal with her struggles a good deal. Be ready for that. 
> 
> There are, of course, a lot of lovely people I need to thank. First and foremost is my coauthor, [Andromytta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromytta/pseuds/Andromytta), for her support and taking this adventure with me. She put up with me the whole time (a tremendous feat). This fic wouldn’t exist without her. 
> 
> Next, I need to thank our wonderful artist [dmsilvis](https://dmsilvisart.tumblr.com/) for all of her work on this piece. We were promised 3 pieces of art for writing a mega bang as part of this challenge. You will find way more than that because she went above and beyond. She has been a wonder to work with and I am truly grateful. 
> 
> Thanks also go to our beta, [ AvidBkWrm](https://avidbkwrm.tumblr.com/)for the tremendous undertaking that was this fic. She gave 110% to us through this process. I have been amazed at her kindness and the commitment she made to this work. She made our words pretty and presentable and was, without a doubt, integral to this process. 
> 
> Finally, I want to give a shout out to the community that sponsored this challenge, [ the DCJ Big Bang](https://dcjbigbang.tumblr.com/) and our incredible mod, [ Foop](https://formidablepassion.tumblr.com) for all their hard work. It's been a joy and a privilege to take part. 
> 
> At the end of the day, Joy is about acceptance, love, and most importantly second chances. I hope you try it out and like it. We put a lot of work into it and are very proud of what we’ve done here. Enjoy
> 
> ~Neal
> 
> ***  
> There is literally nothing else I can add to such an eloquent and well thought out note! This project was a "Joy" to work on. (See what I did there?) I also have to thank our fantastic artist, who gave us so much more than we expected! Make sure to give dmsilvis' art and fic some love! Also, much love to AvidBkWrm, who really did go above and beyond the call of duty. This project was a labor for love, for all of us, I think. I hope you all enjoy it as much as we did!  
> <3 ~Andy

Dinner was finished and Dean was lounging on the couch with nothing planned for the night, with the exception of watching the new episode of Dr. Sexy with his husband. Cas came out of the kitchen carrying a pair of beers and a bowl of popcorn.

Dean grinned. “You love me.” 

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, putting the beer bottles on the coffee table before he plopped down next to Dean. “It’s close sometimes.” 

“Come on, babe. You love me.” He leaned over and put his head on Cas’s shoulder, peering up at him through his eyelashes.

Cas snorted and leaned away from Dean; however as soon as Dean was off his shoulder, he leaned in to kiss his lips. “Alright, I love you.” 

“Score!” Dean tilted back in for another kiss. The kisses heated up a little, Dean’s tongue flicking at Cas’s lips, begging entrance until Cas let him in. Cas shifted on the couch next to him, tilting in towards Dean. Then the theme music for Dr. Sexy started and Dean pulled away. “It’s starting!” 

Cas groaned. “You are the worst tease in the universe.” He pushed Dean away from him before picking up his beer. “Sexy-time’s over.”

Dean mimicked Cas and picked up his beer too. “Nah, it’s not over. Just on pause until this is over.” 

Grumbling, Cas reached for the popcorn. His grumbles sounded an awful lot like “Stupid inaccurate show….” 

Dean grinned again before draping an arm around Cas’s shoulder, pulling him back in so they were cuddling. Cas went along with it, still grumbling but now silently. All was perfect in Dean’s world. 

The ringing of the doorbell startled them both. Cas sighed and pulled away from Dean. “I guess I’m getting it.” He went to the front door and pulled it open; a heartbeat later and he slammed it shut again. Not simply closing it, but loudly slamming it with a great whump of sound. 

Dean had been trying to pay attention to Dr. Piccolo's impassioned speech about a patient with a failing heart; however, the sound cut through all of that. Concern rose in his chest and he put his beer down to see what happened to his husband. What he saw didn’t ease his worry; Cas was sheet-pale and looked completely spooked. “Babe?” 

Cas backed away from the door, shaking his head as the doorbell rang again. “It’s…it’s….” He swallowed heavily, as if trying to stop himself from heaving. 

Dean bolted from the couch and rushed the few feet to where Cas stood. He laid his hands on Cas’s shoulders to calm him because he seemed to be shaking. “Who is it?” 

Cas was shaking his head with his eyes tightly closed and Dean was starting to panic. Nothing ever fazed Cas. He was a real-life doctor who dealt with life-and-death situations. Yet, whatever was at the door had shaken him deeply. “Who is it?” 

Cas only shook his head again, crossing his arms over his chest in a protective gesture. 

The doorbell rang again. Dean felt a rising anger at whoever was out there because they had hurt his husband and were persistent. Dean let Cas go and whirled to the door, which he wrenched open. “Who the hell…?” The words died on his lips as he was faced with Cas’s double. The man—identical to his Cas in almost every way—stood outside with a young, blonde girl who was glaring, first at the man, and then at Dean. She looked to be about 12, or so. 

“Ah… hello,” the man said, stepping closer to the door. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Jimmy.” He held out his hand, as if expecting a handshake. 

A flash of heat passed over Dean. He knew very well who this was. What he didn’t know was why the hell Cas’s twin was on his doorstep, nearly twenty years after he’d abandoned Cas in the worst possible way. “I know who the hell you are.” He glared at Jimmy’s hand. “Why are you on my doorstep?” 

“I think you have me at a disadvantage,” Jimmy frowned in the face of Dean’s anger. “Who are you?” 

Dean pointed to the engraved plaque next to the door which proclaimed this ‘The Novak-Winchesters.’ “I’m Dean, Castiel’s husband. You didn’t answer my question. Why are you here?”

Jimmy had the grace to look embarrassed. He glanced at the girl next to him, then turned his blue eyes on Dean. His stare was like Cas’s, all-knowing and piercing, however Dean was used to it and didn’t flinch before it. “I came because we had nowhere else to go. I need help.” Now that Dean was looking, the guy had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes were rumpled. The girl next to him didn’t fare much better. 

Speaking of the girl, she crossed her arms and turned her glare back on Jimmy. “Who the hell is this?”

“Claire, language!” Jimmy squawked. 

“Forget that! You dragged me across the country, to someone’s house that you don’t even know. I want to go home!” 

“There is no home!” Jimmy yelled back at Claire, which made her blink rapidly, as if clearing her eyes of tears.

“You think I don’t know that?” She yelled back, her face turning red as tears streaked her cheeks. 

It was one thing to yell at Jimmy, he had that coming. The girl, however, was innocent, and whatever was going on had clearly freaked her out. Her body language screamed  _ distressed _ to Dean’s practiced eye; he made judgements like this for a living, working with troubled children. “Hey, hey, hey.” Dean stepped out, inching his body between them and putting on his calming voice. “No need to yell at her. We’ll figure this out.” 

“Figure this out?!” Claire clearly had had enough and continued to scream. “There’s nothing to figure out. My mom’s dead, and this lunatic pulled me out of school and dragged me all the way here. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know who you are, and that guy…” She pointed past Dean to Cas, who stood frozen and pale-faced in the foyer, watching the showdown on the porch. “…looks just like my dad and that’s freaking me out.” Her chest heaved with her breath as she looked from Cas, to Dean, to Jimmy. Then she turned on her heel and charged into the house, running past Cas and into the powder room off the living room. The door slammed behind her, rattling in its frame.

“Claire!” Jimmy yelled and moved to follow after her; however, he froze on the doorstep when he came face-to-face with Cas. “Cassie.” His voice was soft, as if talking to a frightened wild animal. 

That proved too much for Cas, who whirled around and ran up the stairs. Dean could hear his heavy footsteps as he ran down the hallway above their heads. The door of their bedroom slammed shut a moment later, leaving Dean and Jimmy equally stunned. 

Dean pressed his fingers to his forehead, trying to stave off a headache that seemed to be waking up behind his eyes. “Well, I guess you might as well come in.” Not that it mattered, with Jimmy already in the door and Dean on the porch. 

Jimmy nodded and walked straight to the powder room, where he knocked hard on the door. “Claire! Come out right this instant.”

“Fuck off!” Came the reply through the door. 

“Dammit, Claire!” Jimmy grabbed the doorknob and tried to open it. It was clearly locked, but he shoved his shoulder into the door, trying to force it open.

“Woah!” Dean stepped up to grab Jimmy and pull him away from the door. “She’s upset and needs to calm down. Just give her a bit and don’t break my door.” 

Jimmy closed his eyes, clearly counting silently to ten. He let go of the doorknob and stepped away. “This is all a mess. I shouldn’t have come here.” His shoulders slumped and he looked up at Dean shamefacedly. It was an expression Dean hated to see on Cas, so he steeled himself in front of Jimmy to not fall for it.

“Yeah, this is all kinds of fucked up, but it’s done now,” Dean shrugged and nodded Jimmy towards the kitchen. “Come on. How about a beer? You can drink it and tell me what in the world would possess you to come here, of all places.” 

***

Jimmy followed Dean to the kitchen with a knot in the pit of his stomach. He had no idea what this man thought about everything that was going on. He clearly knew who Jimmy was, which meant that Castiel had told him a little bit about them. But what, he had no clue. What did Dean know about him? About them? Did he know that they had been closer than any two brothers should be without crossing the line into lovers? What had Cassie said about him? It was enough that Dean had been angry to see him, incredulous that he’d turned up at their house after all this time. Jimmy didn’t like unknowns. He liked everything neatly laid out before him, the paths clear and the outcomes expected.

Life wasn’t like that, though, was it? He’d hit a wall and now nothing seemed clear. He was lost in the face of it, and so he’d reached out to the last thing that he’d been sure about: Castiel. Maybe that was a mistake. Right now it looked like it had been a massive mistake. Cassie hadn’t even talked to him. Not one word. He’d just run away and left him alone with Dean. Jimmy’s eyes passed over the man leading him. He had strong shoulders and slim hips, casually dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. His feet were bare. He was perhaps one of the most attractive men Jimmy had ever seen. Cassie had done well for himself. But Jimmy had no idea what to say to him. 

Dean crossed the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, where he pulled out two bottles of beer. He popped them open using a church key mounted to the side of the fridge, handing Jimmy the first, then kept the second for himself. “Have a seat,” he said, gesturing towards the table. His voice was low and strong. When Jimmy looked, his eyes were green. 

Jimmy nodded and took a seat. Dean followed suit. Jimmy lifted the bottle to his lips and took a pull of the beer, found it to his liking and took a second, deeper drink.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, if there was ever a time for a beer, it’s now.” 

“Tell me about it,” Jimmy muttered before tilting the bottle up to his lips. 

“I think you should get on that.” Dean put his beer down and turned his attention to Jimmy. “Why are you here?” 

Jimmy sighed and tried to put his tangled thoughts together. “My wife died,” he blurted out. That was the catalyst to this crazy idea. In fact, for all the crazy that seemed to be leading Jimmy around these days.

“Okay…” Dean said, drawing the word out before going on. “I’m sorry for your loss, man, but that doesn’t really explain why you’re here.” 

Jimmy put the bottle down and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I just… my life was neat before. It was ordered and it made sense. I had my job and I had my family. Amelia kept things going on the home front. She gave up her career when we had Claire, and she just took care of everything. She kept up with homework and soccer and play practice. She made dinner and kept the house clean. I worked. I… um… have a job in advertising for a large corporation. I’d just made vice-president, and that was great but it was… you know, a lot of work and a lot of stress. Then Amelia just…died.” Jimmy could feel moisture in his eyes and he squeezed them shut, willing it to go away. “I was at a meeting that ran late. I came home and she was on the floor. She was so pale and I tried….” He blinked up at Dean, feeling the tears leak out of his eyelids. “I did everything they told me to do when I called 9-1-1, you know. But it didn’t help. They rushed her out of the house and to the hospital but it didn’t matter.” Jimmy glanced up, fearing what he’d see on Dean’s face. 

Dean’s expression was one of solemn sympathy. He licked his lips. “What caused it?” 

“A blood clot in her lungs.” He shook his head. “It was so sudden. I tried… you know? I tried really hard to save her. The doctors told me she died in our house, probably before I even got home. There was nothing anyone could have done for her. I think Claire blames me. Her mother was her world. Hell, Amelia was my world, too. She was the rock we leaned on. She made it all work. Now, nothing makes sense anymore.”

“How long ago did this happen?” 

“Two months ago.” Jimmy picked up his beer again and took another long pull. It wasn’t enough to give him a buzz, but he wished it would. Anything would be better than being inside his head right now. “I tried to do it without her. I tried to run the house and keep up with Claire and go to work and be successful. It’s impossible. Claire is angry all the time. I can’t do anything right with her. I can’t remember the schedule. I don’t really know how to do it. Seventh grade math is from the devil and I don’t know how to help her with it. All she does is yell at me. I’m horrible with her. I spent all my time before working and I don’t know her. She’s my daughter, but I don’t know a thing about her. Amelia did. I always told myself there would be time to learn those things later because Amelia had it covered.” 

“So you’ve been drowning,” Dean surmised.

Jimmy nodded, taking the lifeline that Dean was throwing him. “Yes! I was failing at work and failing at home. It felt like I was dying. Being in that house, being surrounded by Amelia’s things and all the work she’d put into making that house a home…it was killing me. Every day I felt like I was dying a little more. Then I started to wish I would die. Not just abstractly, but viscerally. I couldn’t deal with it. There was no one to help me… no one who cared about me. Claire hates me. My family believes in the hands-off approach, I assume you already know that. I was totally, horribly alone and I just… I started making these plans. Plans on how I would do it, you know. How I could die without Claire being the one to find me. How Claire would be better off if I was dead and I…” He took a deep breath, feeling like his guts were pouring out of his mouth in front of this stranger. “I got scared. No one would even care if I died, but maybe… even after all these years… maybe Cassie would. It’s stupid, I know.” 

Dean touched the back of Jimmy’s hand, jerking him out of his dark thoughts. “It’s not stupid. You guys were close, once upon a time. You came to him because you thought it would be safe.” 

“Yeah. I thought it would be a safe place to fall apart.” Another tear streaked down Jimmy’s cheek and he reached up to wipe it away. He risked looking up into Dean’s eyes and saw compassion there. His face was still stern, but his eyes…those were warm. “Cassie used to tell me that there was nothing that could come between us. I used to believe that with everything I was.” He tore his eyes away from Dean’s, his gaze falling to the backs of his hands. “I know I ruined that. I pushed him away. I guess part of me still believes that it could be true, though. In the dark when no one understood me, Cassie did.” 

Across from him, Dean sighed. “Man, I don’t know what Cas believes.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I can tell you rattled him, so maybe it’s best not to push that for the time being.” 

Jimmy balled his hands into fists and nodded, feeling the finality of those words. Another tear dropped from his face falling onto the back of one of those fists. “I understand. I shouldn’t have come here.” 

“Now, hang on a minute,” Dean’s voice cut through him. “I’m not about to put you out, either. We just need to figure things out carefully, alright? Look, man, I’m a therapist. I work with troubled kids at a halfway house here in town. I know a thing or two about people who are hurting. About children who are hurting. You and Claire are both hurting. You need help. You can’t parent your daughter when you want to die. I know what your family’s like, so I know you can’t turn to them.” He squared his shoulders. “I guess you’re just going to have to stay here. I can’t, in good conscience, let you leave. I hope Cas’ll understand that. He’s going to be angry and he’s going to be hurt, but that damage is already done.” 

Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut. His voice was a whisper,“I know.” 

“Good,” Dean said decisively, and then leaned in until Jimmy met his eyes. “Look, man, I know what it was like between you two.” Jimmy felt his heart freeze but Dean kept going. “I know how close you were to each other. You broke Cas’s heart. That’s how I met him. He was my roommate and he was utterly crushed the day we met. I know how long it took him to get over you because I was there through all of it. You can come here and you can make amends...” Dean’s voice became rougher and when Jimmy looked up, his eyes were hard. “...but don’t think it’s going to be like it was, because it won’t. He’s my husband and I will fight to my very last breath to keep him. Cas is my whole world, you can’t just come in here and take him back because you lost yours. That won’t happen; I’m telling you right now. I’ll help you. I’ll help Claire. I want you to be safe, and well, and to find your feet again, but you will not take what’s mine. Do you understand?” 

Jimmy felt sick. His stomach clenched as he looked into Dean’s glittering gaze. All softness and compassion had run out of his eyes. This was a fighter. This was someone who loved his brother to the core of his being. This was the life that Cas had built for himself, and knowing Cas had that kind of love made the sickness ease. His heart ached for what he’d lost, just as it always did, but he couldn’t hope for better. He knew that. “I understand, Dean.” 

“Good.” Dean tipped his bottle up to his lips and drained it. “You finish that. I’ll see if I can get Claire out of the bathroom.” 

Jimmy picked up the bottle and found it empty. “I guess I’ll go help you.” 

“Nah.” Dean opened the fridge and pulled out another beer, opened it and gave it to Jimmy with a wink. “I’ve got this one. I do shit like this for a living. Let me handle it and when she’s out, I’ll get you both settled for the night.” 

Jimmy let out a breath and felt his whole body deflate. He’d only known Dean for half an hour, but he was sure he had this. Jimmy conceded and let him go. “Okay.” He took a sip of the beer and watched Dean turn away. “Dean?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks.” 

***

Claire was curled up in the corner of the bathroom, under the pedestal sink. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, and her arms were wrapped around her jean-clad legs. Her tears had dried up long ago. At this point, she was surprised that she had any left to shed. Now, she was sitting there sniffling, soothing her dripping nose on the denim. She startled when a light knock sounded on the door.

“Go away, Dad. I’m not coming out to a house full of strangers.”

“Well, first of all, I’m not your Dad. Second of all, I can’t exactly have you tying up my bathroom all night.” The voice on the other side of the door said. Great, he thought he was funny. That’s just what she needed.

“This is a big house. I find it hard to believe that you only have one bathroom,” Claire said. She tried—and failed—to conceal an extra-loud sniffle.

The voice chuckled lightly. “That’s true, but a half-bath is no place for a young lady to live the rest of her life.”

“It’s my life; I’ll stay in here if I want. Leave me alone, you… whoever you are.”

“I’m Dean… and I guess I’m your uncle.”

“What do you mean ‘you guess’?” Claire couldn’t help but be skeptical; of everything in her life right now. Her dad had never mentioned having a brother, let alone a twin. What the hell else hadn’t he told her?

“Well, since your dad is Cas’s brother, and I’m married to Cas, that makes me your uncle. That is how that works, right?”

“You’re the grown up. Aren’t you supposed to tell me how things work?”

Dean sighed heavily on the other side of the door. After a beat, he spoke again. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“We had burritos at the Gas N’Sip when we stopped for gas a few hours ago.”

“I meant, when’s the last time you had real food?”

Claire was quiet for a moment as she thought about that. Her dad didn’t even seem to know where the food was kept in their kitchen back home. They’d been ordering out ever since the incident. “Does Panda Express count as real food?”

“Not even as real Asian food.”

“Then it’s been a while,” she said honestly.

Dean sighed again. “Well, why don’t you come out of there, and I’ll make you some tomato and rice soup? My mom always made that for me when I didn’t feel good.”

Claire’s breath caught in her throat as she tried to suppress another sob. “Mine did, too.”

“Sounds like she was a pretty awesome lady. How ‘bout this: you come out, I’ll make the soup, and you can tell me about her.”

“Ok,” Claire said in a small voice before climbing out from under the sink and opening the door.

She followed Dean into the kitchen, where she found her dad at the table, staring into an empty beer bottle. Claire sat down opposite him and glared with cold blue eyes, possibly causing the temperature of the room to drop at least ten degrees. Claire crossed her arms tight across her chest. “Why haven’t you thrown him out yet?”

Instead of answering Claire, Dean turned to Jimmy. “Hey man, why don’t we get your bags out of the car and I’ll show you to the guest room?” He then turned back to Claire. “When I get done, I’ll make your tomato and rice soup.”

“Amelia used to make that when Claire or I got sick,” Jimmy said quietly.

Claire watched as they left the room and then sat back in the chair and took in her surroundings. The kitchen was homey and cozy; it reminded Claire of her mom’s kitchen, even though they really looked nothing alike. It just felt… nice. The round kitchen table was small and made of dark wood. The matching chairs had comfy railed backs and arms, and the seat covers were crocheted, probably handmade.

She was brought out of her observations by Dean’s return. “So, wanna give me a hand with this soup?” Dean asked. He sounded too chipper; Claire thought it sounded forced. But he was trying, and that was more than her own dad had done since her mom had died.

So, Claire shrugged and got out of the comfortable chair. “Sure. What can I do?”

He pointed towards the built in French door refrigerator. “Grab the jars of stewed tomatoes and tomato paste for me?”

She handed him the Mason jars out of the fridge and hopped up onto the counter next to the cooktop. “You do your own canning?”

“When I have time,” Dean answered as he pulled out a pot. “I’m gonna have to use this minute rice Cas bought by accident. I’m sure you don’t want to wait for me to clean and cook real rice.”

“Mom always used minute rice. Said it cooked better in the soup.”

Dean didn’t answer, just started throwing ingredients into the pot. After several moments of silence, he finally said, “So, do you want to talk about her?”

Claire stared down at her knees, her blonde hair forming a curtain around her. “I miss her. All the time. There’s never been a time in my life when she wasn’t always there… and now she’s just… gone.” She sniffled loudly, determined not to cry again.

“What kinds of things did you do together?”

Claire continued talking, not really paying attention to the question. “She was making my costume for the school play. I was going to be Rupunzel. Not that I ever got a chance. Dress rehearsal is next week. Dad just picked me up after school and we just left…”

Dean interrupted her. “Here, try this.” When Claire picked her head up, Dean was holding a spoon in front of her.

She took the spoon from him to taste it. “Needs oregano.”

“Oregano goes in tomato sauce, not tomato soup!” Dean protested.

“Mom always put oregano in it.”

Dean shrugged and walked to the other side of the kitchen, where an herb garden grew in the window sill over the sink. He plucked a few leaves, rubbed them together, and then chopped them up and threw them into the pot. “So you guys left in a hurry?” He asked as he stirred the pot.

Claire nodded. “I was supposed to be on my way to soccer practice. We just… left. I didn’t find out until later that he only packed up half my stuff. Left my favorite stuffed animal behind… a ton of my clothes… he packed that damned half-finished dress, though.” She was getting angry again. At least being angry was better than being sad.

“Soup’s done,” Dean announced, placing a bowl on the table.

Claire slid off the counter and sat back in her vacated chair at the table. “Thank you.”

“So, soccer and the school play? You were a busy bee.”

“They weren’t supposed to be at the same time. Soccer season would’ve been over, except we made it to the playoffs. I wonder if the team won without me….”

Dean took the chair next to her. “You miss your friends, don’t you?”

“Yeah...I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. If Dad was going to have a mental break-down, I don’t know why he had to take me with him. I could have stayed with Krissy; I was already spending most of my time with her family, anyway.”

Silence reigned while she ate, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Dean seemed to be leaving room for her to think and speak as she wanted to and she appreciated it. It was better than her dad, who was always trying to fill the space with endless chatter. “This is good.” 

“I’m glad,” Dean said. “I’ve made it a time or two. Cas caught the flu last winter and it was all he ate.” 

Claire snorted but kept eating. The warmth of the soup seemed to spread out and fill her, making her sleepy. She blinked her eyes but kept eating. “Mom always gave me toast.” 

Dean nodded. “Toast. I’ll know for next time.” 

“Next time? Do you mean we’re staying?” Claire wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She was glad they weren’t going to be on the road anymore, but she missed her friends and her house and her bedroom. She wanted to go home. 

“Yup,” Dean nodded as he took her empty bowl. “Look, your dad needs help. I don’t know where else he’d go to get it, so you’ll stay here for a while. It’s gonna be tough, but we’ll all have to deal.” 

Claire gave Dean a long look. She wasn’t sure what to make of him; he was big and broad, but also kind. He didn’t even know her, but he made her soup anyway. Apparently he was her uncle, and she’d have to get used to that. “I guess there are worse places to stay.

“Let me show you to your room.” He left the kitchen and went to the stairs, picking up her pink suitcases before heading up. She trailed close behind.

“This is a big house for just the two of you,” Claire commented as Dean led her to the attic bedroom.

“Yeah, well, Cas and I are hoping to adopt kids, one day.”

“You’ll probably make a decent parent,” Claire said as she perched on the edge of the bed. 

“Thanks, I think.” Dean headed towards the door. “Your dad is the first door on the right when you go to the second floor. Bathroom’s on the left. Cas and I are at the far end of the hall if you need something.”

“Okay.” Claire’s voice was small as she watched him leave. The room was cozy and nice, but strange. She supposed she’d have to get used to it. 

“Goodnight.” Dean turned to the door and went out. 

“Goodnight,” Claire called back, out of habit. As the door shut behind him, she sank down onto the bed and tried to process the past few days. After a long moment, she gave up and went to the suitcase to find her pajamas. Once dressed, she turned off the light and went to bed. 

***

Cas had curled up a little on Dean’s side of the bed. Dean’s pillow was beneath his nose and he was taking comfort from the light scent of his husband that remained on the pillow case. The hysterical tears had dried but the shock of seeing Jimmy again after so long was still clutching his chest in a tight fist. How dare he just waltz back into Castiel’s life, without a phone call or warning or anything? He just showed up like it was his due. As if he would be welcome. 

In the bedroom, all was silent. He didn’t know what was going on downstairs and he didn’t care. Let Dean sort it all out. What Cas needed right now was safety and he felt safe in his room, in the bed he shared with Dean, surrounded by the home they had made together. He didn’t need the old heartache of what he’d lost, when Jimmy had abandoned him after high school without a word of explanation. 

Now that he’d thought about it, he couldn’t unthink it. There it was in his brain, the vivid memory of the awful feeling in his gut when he’d woken up and found Jimmy gone. They’d planned to leave for college together that morning. Instead of driving to the University of Kansas together, where they would share a dorm room, Jimmy left early, taking the car they shared and disappearing to parts unknown. Leaving Cas to take the bus all the way to Lawrence by himself. Cas had been broken-hearted and in a daze, and hadn’t paid attention at all when the school substituted another boy into his room the very next day. In fact, he barely noticed that boy for weeks, but when he did… that’s how he met Dean. Wonderful Dean, who had patiently coaxed him out of his shell and had become his best friend, then his lover, and finally his husband.

_ And now he’s your everything. _ Cas reminded himself as he curled up tighter, willing himself to focus on the warmth thinking of Dean caused, instead of the desolation that seeing Jimmy had dropped him in. He sighed, closed his eyes, and buried his nose deeper into Dean’s pillow. The door opened quietly behind him and Cas’s heart squeezed in panic. What if Jimmy was invading his room? He threw a quick glance over his shoulder and relaxed instantly. Just Dean. He turned back to Dean’s pillow and listened to Dean’s footsteps cross the carpeted floor, then felt the bed dip as Dean sat down. 

Dean’s fingers ran softly over his shoulder and the back of his head. “Hey.” His voice was soft but felt loud in the room where silence had reigned. 

Cas rolled onto his back to look up at him. “Hello, Dean.” The words came out on a sigh and Cas reached up to touch his husband’s cheek. “Did you make him leave?” 

Dean was silent for a long time. Too long. “No,” he finally said, flinching back as if he expected to be hit.

“What?” Cas shot up on the bed, his fingers bunching into fists. “How could you let him stay? He’s not welcome here. He’s never welcome here! You know that! How could you do this to me? How could you…” 

Dean’s fingers covered one of Cas’s fists and wrapped around it. His touch was gentle and soothing, his eyes calm and compassionate. It was his therapy face, and Cas hated it just as much as it instantly soothed him. Dean was damn good at it. “Listen to me for a sec, okay?” His voice was just as soft and equally soothing. 

Cas grumbled about it, pulling his hand away and crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. “I don’t want to listen. I want to be angry.” 

“Anger’s not going to help you.” Dean was staring him in the eye, knowing Cas had a hard time looking away from the sparkling green. It was working. “You aren’t angry at me, so that anger would be misplaced.” 

“I am angry at you.” Cas tightened his arms over his chest, trying to protect himself. “You were supposed to protect me and make him leave!” 

Dean leaned forward as if his string were cut, his forehead landing where Cas’s arms were crossed. “I know.” His voice was still quiet and now he was harder to hear, so Cas had to listen closely. “I should have thrown him out on the street, but he brought a child with him Cas. You know I couldn’t do that to her.”

A sigh was drawn from Cas’s lips as he relaxed his arms and let Dean’s head thunk against his chest. Against his better judgement, he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Who is she?” 

“Jimmy’s daughter. Your niece. Claire.” Dean glanced up at Cas before scooting closer so they were sitting side by side. “She’s 12.” 

Cas knew neither of them could throw a child out on the street. Cas was a pediatrician and he lived to help children. So did Dean. It would be just like Jimmy to use her to manipulate them. He caught the thought almost immediately and let out a deep breath. That wasn’t like Jimmy at all, he corrected himself. Jimmy was short-sighted and impulsive at times, but he wasn’t a manipulator. There was no one that Cas liked better than Jimmy, right up until Jimmy had abandoned him. Just like that, the pain was back again and his heart ached. “Why’d he bring her here?”

“His wife died.” Dean’s answer was simple, but Cas could tell by looking at his husband’s face that it was more complicated than that, so he waited. “He’s maybe gone a little crazy, Cas, I don’t know. I have no clue what he was like before, but he’s lost in grief, drowning in his life, and desperate for help.” Dean looked away, collecting himself before looking back at Cas. “He told me he wanted to kill himself. He said he had a plan. You know I can’t sit by and do nothing. He needs help.” 

“You feel sorry for him.” It was almost accusing. 

“I do.” Dean at least had the presence of mind not to lie. “If I’d lost you the way he lost his wife, I’d lose it, too. She died on the floor of their home and he tried to save her. He tried and failed and now he has to live with that. How awful would that be?” 

Cas tried not to think about it. He wanted to close his heart to Jimmy’s problems and be ruthless, but Dean’s words cut through. If Cas had lost Dean that way, he’d never forgive himself. It was easy to see what Jimmy was going through, but he hated that he felt sorry for him. “It would be awful. He still should have gone somewhere else though.” 

“Where would he go? You know the rest of your family wouldn’t help him.”

That was true. Cas had been on his own since he’d moved to college, his family washing their hands of him since he wouldn’t stay home and follow the life plan they’d made for him. “After what he did, though? What would possess him to come here, after all these years?” He wasn’t ready to forgive Jimmy, yet. Maybe he’d never be ready. He wasn’t really ready to have him in his house or anywhere near him. 

“Desperation.” Dean reached out and took Cas’s hand again. “I know this is hard, Baby. I know it’s your nightmare. I just don’t know what else to do. Claire is in danger living with him. You have a suicidal man with a child who depends on him. He’s not looking out for her. He can barely look after himself. I couldn’t put them out. I’m sorry.” 

“Dean....” Cas drew the word out, his voice whining by the end, as if he was begging. Maybe he was. He wanted out of this situation. He absolutely didn’t want it to be something he had to live with, to deal with, day in and day out. 

“I’m sorry.” Dean leaned in and kissed his lips.

The gesture was warm, full of love and comfort. Cas soaked it in begrudgingly. “Dean….” The whine hadn’t left his voice. 

“I know, Baby.” Dean kissed him again. Then again. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him in tight. “I don’t want this to hurt you. I just don’t know what else to do.” 

Cas rested his forehead against Dean’s and watched his eyes. They were really too close to see anything, but there was comfort in being held close. “You know this is going to hurt me. Make him go.” 

Dean sighed. His fingers stroked down Cas’s back. “Don’t let this hurt you. It’s been over a decade. You have a good life now. You have me. We have a marriage we built on love and trust, and that means everything. It’s time, Cas.” 

Cas jerked back. “Time for what?” 

Dean looked at him, his eyes soft, his mouth soft. His hands were open. “Time to heal. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, and he can’t hurt you anymore.” 

“He can.” It was little more than a whisper. “He already did.” Cas turned away, letting his legs fall off the bed so he was sitting on the edge, his back to Dean. 

Dean’s sigh was quiet, his fingers firm as he placed them on Cas’s shoulders and began to rub. “Is it new pain or is it the old pain?” 

Cas closed his eyes and tried not to relax but Dean’s hands were too skilled, his touch too good. It took him a long time to answer and when it came, it was begrudgingly. “Old.” 

Dean hummed, his fingers digging into a knot under Cas’s shoulder blade. “You know, your therapist has been telling you for awhile that you should face Jimmy again.” 

“Don’t quote my therapist at me.” 

“It’s relevant.” 

“That was supposed to be on my terms.” 

“I know it was, but the opportunity is here. You can tell him how you feel, if you need to. You can take that power back from him.” Dean made it sound so reasonable and easy. It wasn’t. Cas had nearly thrown up when he’d seen Jimmy standing there. 

“I don’t want to.” There it was. That was the real problem. Cas knew what he should do, he just didn’t want to. 

“I know.” Dean was always so understanding. Even when Cas was acting childlike . Even when Cas was pushing him away. That hard-won patience meant everything to Cas. Dean seemed to have an unshakable belief in the two of them. It had gotten them through more than one tough patch in their relationship. It was why they were married. Dean never gave up on him, even when Cas had wanted him to. Dean reached down and drew off Cas’s shirt, then tapped his side, “Lay down on your stomach.” 

Cas obeyed him, this time without grumbling. He laid his face into Dean’s pillow and took comfort in its scent as Dean’s hands began to work their way down his back. He was very tense. “Why are you so patient with me?” 

“Because I love you.” 

There was nothing he could say to that. He knew it was true. Somehow, in all the years they’d known each other, Dean had sunk that thought into Cas’s core, and he believed it wholeheartedly. His world spun and he rose in the morning because Dean loved him. He groaned when Dean hit a sore spot and sank further into the bed, the knots unraveling as his husband worked. 

Dean tapped his hip. “Pants.” 

“No.” Cas felt himself tense up. If Dean wanted… Cas couldn’t… not right now. He was too upset. 

Dean leaned down over his shoulder so they were nose to nose. “I’m going to rub your legs. No funny business.”

Cas relaxed again. “Okay.” Dean leaned up so Cas could wrangle his pants off and kick them over the side of the bed. Then Dean went back to work, his fingers kneading over Cas’s lower back, then his hips and glutes, then down his thighs. Every minute, Cas became more and more relaxed, his eyes drooping as he sighed in contentment. By the time Dean was rubbing his feet, the tension had eased and he wasn’t upset anymore. He was ready to sleep. 

“Roll over.” 

Cas grunted in response. 

Dean nudged his hips. “Come on, Baby. Roll over. I’m not sleeping on your side of the bed.” 

Cas let out a weighty sigh and rolled over, finding that Dean had already pulled the comforter and sheet down for him. He wiggled until he was under the covers. 

Dean drew them the rest of the way up. He brushed Cas’s hair back from his face and kissed his lips gently. “I love you, Cas. Get some sleep.” 

“I love you, too.” His jaw cracked on a yawn but he ignored it in favor of rolling onto his side. 

Dean turned out the lights then crawled into bed next to him. They lay side-by-side in the dark, Cas sliding in and out of sleep. Something was missing, though. 

“Hold me?” His voice sounded plaintive in the dark, but Cas didn’t mind. He knew Dean wouldn’t, either. 

“Always.” Dean scooted up behind him and fit his body along Cas’s back, his arms wrapping around and squeezing him tight. 

Safe in Dean’s arms, Cas found sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The shrill sound of an old-fashioned telephone rips from Sam’s phone, breaking the silence in the dark room. A hand gropes around to find the phone. Rowena McLeod stares at the screen before answering. “Dean, it’s the middle of the night. I’m 400 years old; beauty sleep is not an option.” This was the running joke, as Rowena was a touch older than her partners.

When Dean simply said, “Rowena, I need to talk to Sam,” instead of his normal, “Gee, you don’t look a day over 350,” she knew something was wrong.

“Alright. Hold on a second.” Rowena could hear the sound of water running and laughter coming from the ensuite bathroom. She smiled in that direction before turning back to the phone. “It sounds like Samuel is otherwise engaged. Is there something I can help you with, Tweetie pie?” There was genuine concern in her voice, because she did care about Dean, all their snark aside.

“I just, I really need to talk to Sam. Can you get him?”

“Sure thing. Hold on.” Rowena slipped from the bed, pulling on her blue satin robe, then walked into the bathroom to find her lovers engaged in shower acrobatics. “Sam, it’s Dean. He needs you.” She was signing for Eileen as she spoke. “Don’t worry, I can finish up in here for you.” She offered with a sly grin.

Sam looked down at Eileen, then over at Rowena. “Ok, fine.” He said as he got out of shower, sporting one of his patented bitch faces. He took the phone from Rowena and said, a bit too gruffly, “This better be good, Dean.”

“Jimmy Novak and his daughter showed up on my doorstep this evening.”

Sam made his way quickly out of the bathroom and dropped down on the bed. “Oh. Shit. How’s Cas?” Sam didn’t know the whole story behind the twins’ falling out, but he knew it was pretty bad.

When Dean’s voice emerged from the phone, he sounded very worried. “He’s not good. Sam. I don’t know what to do. It took forever to get him to calm down and go to sleep. The minute he conked out, I got up to call you.”

“So what happened?” Sam leaned against the headboard and got comfortable.

Dean sighed heavily. “Long story short, the wife died suddenly, leaving behind a kid and a grieving, useless husband. It’s not like I could turn them away. She’s 12, Sam.”

From the edge in his voice, Sam could tell that Dean was upset about Jimmy’s return, maybe not as much as Cas, but probably close. Of course, since there was a child involved, Dean would never have turned them away. “Sounds like a tough situation all around,” Sam said.

“Why did Jimmy have to show up like this, now, anyway? What does he want?” Dean’s focus clearly wasn’t on their conversation, and his voice faded as he let the phone drop away from his mouth. His next words were barely audible. “He can’t take Cas from me.”

“It’s not like he could have gone to anyone else in his family. From what you’ve said, sounds like they’re all a great big bag of dicks.” Sam said, trying to sound reassuring. Of course, he would support whatever his brother decided. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Shit, Sam, I don’t even know.” Sam could picture his brother scrubbing his hand over his face. “I guess take it one day at a time...maybe push Jimmy down the stairs and adopt Claire as our own.” Dean chuckled darkly at his morbid joke.

Sam groaned. “Not funny Dean.”

“It’s a little funny. But not really.” Dean agreed. “The only thing I’m sure of is that there’s a child involved who needs us. Jimmy needs help, too, but I don’t think Cas is ever going to forgive him. This whole situation is a mess, Sam. I’m sorry I interrupted you so late at night….”

“In this case, I’ll forgive you.”

“I’m not even sure why I called. I don’t know what to say or do about this situation.”

“Sometimes you just need a sounding board. You should know that, Mr. Therapist.” It was Sam’s turn to chuckle at a bad joke.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Sam. I should probably get some sleep. Later.”

The call ended before Sam even had a chance to say goodbye.

***

Castiel’s alarm always went off an hour before Dean’s. Being a doctor with his own practice meant that he had to be up early in order to see patients, where Dean’s day, being a therapist in a group home for troubled teens, started a bit later than that. He watched Dean sleep for a moment and he admired how beautiful his husband was, even in the dark. He could barely see more than the outline of his nose and the shape of his lips but as always, he was struck with how perfect they were. Dean was a little perfect. Not perfect-perfect, for he had many flaws, but perfect for Castiel. He was just the right amount of caring and tough, keeping Castiel always moving, pressing him forward to be a better version of himself. Even when that was hard. Right now, with everything, it was hard. He sighed and rolled out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. 

His shower was perfunctory and quick. He took the normal amount of time shaving and preparing for the day and perhaps a little extra time in taming his wild hair. Not too much, though, Dean liked to tease him when it was wild and Cas loved to be teased by Dean. Dean didn’t know that, of course, and it was better if he didn’t—it was a little secret for Castiel to keep. He dressed with his typical care, today a dark grey suit with a blue bow tie. Dean teased him when he wore bow ties, too. Cas was starting to see a trend and shrugged to himself. Clearly he just needed a little bit of extra attention from his husband. That was fine. Dean was there to give him love and right now, Castiel felt weak. He needed Dean’s love and attention. He never directly asked for it, he found that he couldn’t, but if he went out of his way to attract that attention, well, that was alright. Dean wouldn’t mind. He’d always give Castiel what he needed. 

He stopped by the bed on his way out of the room and bent over to kiss Dean lightly on the lips, just as he always did. “Wake up, sweetheart. I’m going down to get the coffee started.” 

Dean took in a deep breath through his nose and reached up, pulling Cas back down for another kiss. He had morning breath but Cas indulged him, anyway. What could he say? He really wanted Dean’s attention. Finally, Dean let him go with a sleepy hum and pulled the covers back. “Okay, Baby, I’m up.” 

“Good.” Castiel leaned back in pressing a kiss to his forehead, then backed off to let his husband get ready for the day. He left the bedroom and made his way downstairs into the kitchen. 

At the doorway Castiel stopped short. Jimmy was sitting at the kitchen table. He was wearing what looked like pajamas and his hair was still sleep-mussed. 

Fury flashed through Castiel. The rush of it was so much that he turned from the table and went directly to the coffee maker. He refused to speak to his brother, and instead went through the motions of making coffee with his usual precision (Dean complained about bad coffee). It wasn’t normal, though. His heart was pounding as he measured out the coffee grounds. His cheeks were flaming with anger as he filled the pot with filtered water from the sink. His fingers shook as he poured the water out and placed the pot where it went in the maker. His stomach, once hungry, felt full of acid. There was no way he was going to be able to eat breakfast here. He started the coffee maker and turned to wash his hands in the sink. 

“Cassie….”

“No.” His voice surprised him. The tone firm, the pitch angry as he rumbled out the word. “You do not get to call me that.” He whirled around to face his brother, who was staring at him, seemingly at a loss. 

Jimmy licked his lips nervously and spoke again, his voice tentative. “Okay… if not Cassie, then Cas?” 

“Castiel.” His eyes bored into his brother. The appearance of nervousness on Jimmy, who had once been so confident, only served to make him more furious. “To you, it’s Castiel. Not Cas, and never Cassie. Never again. That person is dead.” His tone was harsh and cold. He couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“Okaaay,” Jimmy drew the word out, then went on, looking for all the world like he wished he were somewhere else. “Look, back then…” 

“Don’t you dare.” His breath sounded rough as he drew it in but if anything, his fury only grew. “You don’t get to say anything about ‘back then.’ I don’t want to hear it. I. Don’t. Care. Your excuses and lies do not interest me.” He turned from the table, giving the appearance of calm as he pulled down two coffee mugs, one for himself, the other for Dean. He turned back to his brother. “This is how it’s going to be: I don’t want you here. You are not welcome in my house, and you will never be welcome in my house. You are here because you pleaded with Dean and Dean is a kind man who cares about your daughter. You are here on his kindness alone. Don’t you ever forget that. The moment you cross Dean and abuse his kindness, you are out. I don’t care about you. I don’t care about whatever you are going through. I. Don’t. Care. Never talk to me again.” 

He set the mugs on the counter with shaking hands, not bothering to look at his brother. He watched the pot fill with coffee. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. It was fraught with tension so heavy he could feel it in his bones. Jimmy was silent. When Castiel turned around, Jimmy was pale, his fingers clutched together on his lap. Turning back to the coffee pot, Cas filled the two mugs, then swept his up and transferred it to a travel mug instead. He’d drink it on the road. Finally, he squared his shoulders and turned back, pointing to the full mug on the counter. “That’s for Dean. Just remember, the moment you lose Dean’s approval to be here, that’s the moment I put you out on the street where you belong.” If anything, Jimmy paled further. 

Having nothing more to say, Cas turned towards the door that led to the garage. He’d wanted another kiss from Dean, and maybe a hug, too; however, he knew Dean was still in the shower. He’d have to get them when he got home because he couldn’t stay here another minute more. With that, he swept out the door and into the garage. He passed the Impala, got into his car, and headed to work. The farther away from the house he got, the more the tension bled away until finally, he was in the parking lot at his practice. With a sigh, he got out and did his best to let go of the anger and focus on his patients. It was all he could do, now. 

***

Jimmy sat at the table feeling strangely numb. “Numb” wasn’t exactly unusual these days, and he generally preferred it to overwhelming grief or the ever-building desire to kill himself, which was, as he told Dean, very scary. This was different, though. He felt completely emptied out and ready for bed again, despite the fact that he’d just barely gotten up. When he’d turned up on Cas’s doorstep, he’d expected anger. Of course he had. That was unavoidable after what he’d done, all those years ago. Even as he’d done it, he’d known that just abandoning Castiel that way had been the wrong thing to do. He’d simply been too much of a coward to tell his twin to his face that he wanted them to live separately for a while. He’d known that would break Castiel’s heart, and he hadn’t wanted to see it happen. So he’d packed the car after Castiel had gone to sleep that night and had simply left when it was packed. He’d meant to leave a note but hadn’t known what to say. He’d known there were no words to cushion the blow of what he was doing, so instead he’d left none. 

When Jimmy had turned up on Castiel’s door, he’d expected sadness, too. After all, they’d been close. Too close for brothers. Before he’d left, Jimmy’s entire world rotated around Castiel. He was not only his constant companion, but his closest friend and someone he loved more than he should. They’d been more than brothers, yet less than lovers, but every day they’d grown closer to crossing that line and Jimmy had been afraid of what they’d be once they did, even as he’d yearned to cross it with every passing day. He’d also known that he was holding Castiel back. His brother never looked at another person. They’d both missed out on Homecoming and Prom along with every other significant high school moment, too busy spending time with each other. So Jimmy had left, knowing it would break his brother’s heart, the better to set them both free. He’d expected that heartbreak to flood out over him, to feel the fallout that he’d avoided for the past 20 years. 

What he didn’t expect was hatred. Never in his worst nightmares had Jimmy thought Cas’s anger and heartbreak would turn to hate. Now he knew what it felt like to see Castiel’s blue eyes turn on him with burning . It cleaned him out, robbed him of his voice and he’d let it wash over him, an endless tide of bitterness that clearly had buried itself deeply into his brother’s heart. Anger and sadness he could have dealt with. He had no idea what to do with hate. He looked at the counter, where Dean’s coffee cup was growing cold, and after a long moment, he got up, went to the cabinet where he saw Castiel fetch the mugs and got one for himself. He poured a cup and returned to the table. He didn’t like it black, but he had no idea if they had cream or sugar in the house and searching to find them seemed exhausting, now. He sipped bitter coffee and thought of his brother’s bitter hate. It felt fitting. 

Not long after that, Dean came into the kitchen, preceded by random whistling. “Morning, Jimmy.” He looked around the room for something missing. “Where’s Cas?” 

“Castiel left.” Jimmy winced at his bitter coffee and avoided Dean’s eyes. “He left you a cup of coffee on the counter.” 

Dean picked up the coffee and sipped from it, then winced. “It’s cold.” He poured it out into the sink and poured a fresh cup from the pot. “Did he say where he was going?” 

“No.” 

Dean frowned again, his eyes turned to the mug, then he looked at the door on the other side of the kitchen, which presumably led to the garage. “Did you fight?” Dean’s voice was strained but not angry. However, the look on his face said he could become that way very quickly if Jimmy didn’t give a good answer.

“Not really. I tried to talk to him, but he cut me off. Mostly he just yelled at me and then left.” Jimmy swirled the dark liquid in his cup around, trying to work up enthusiasm for another sip. Amelia always had cream and sugar for him in the house. She always had just what he wanted and needed in the house. Suddenly he missed her more than air. 

“What did he say?” 

Jimmy shrugged. “That he didn’t want me here and if I crossed you, he would kick me out.” 

“Ah.” 

Jimmy risked a look at Dean, but found the man’s face unreadable. 

Dean shrugged and opened the fridge, dug around for a moment before closing it again. “He left his lunch here and didn’t eat breakfast, I’m guessing. We’ll have to stop by his office on our way to do our errands today.” 

“Errands? What errands?” As far as Jimmy knew, he had no errands. He had nothing at all to do but feel sorry for himself, which he was already doing. 

“Claire can’t be out of school.” Dean said, as if Jimmy should have known this already. “If she’s going to be here, she needs to be in school, so we’re going to get her enrolled. I don’t think you have her mandatory medical records, so we are going to have to have Cas do a physical for her. We’ll need her shot records, too. You’ll have to get your old pediatrician to send those over. That will probably take most of the day. I’ve already taken the day off to help you get it done.” 

“Oh.” Jimmy hadn’t thought of any of this. As usual, he’d only thought of escape and help. Looking at Dean, he knew he’d found the help portion of his search but he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. Dean was matter-of-fact and his shoulders were squared as if readying himself for a fight. Jimmy knew he wasn’t allowed to fight with Dean or he’d be back living in his car with Claire, again. So, it was time to go along with whatever Dean said. “Okay, we’ll do that. I’ll try to find the name of Claire’s pediatrician. Um… Amelia took care of that. I’ve never….” 

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” Dean went back to the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs. “Eggs and bacon okay?” 

“Yes, it’s fine.” Jimmy put his mug down on the table. “I guess I should go get Claire up.” 

“Yup.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy squared his shoulders, ready to do the next unpleasant thing of what was shaping up to be an unpleasant day. Of course, all his days had been unpleasant since Amelia died, so at least he was used to it. 

***

The sharp knock to her door startled Claire. “Go away, I’m sleeping,” she lied. Claire wasn’t sleeping, in fact, she hadn’t slept since her mom died and her dad decided to uproot their entire life.

“Come on, Clairebear, it’s time to get up. Dean is going to help us get you enrolled in school.” Her father’s voice sounded strained. She didn’t care.

“Just take me home, and I can go to my own school.”

“We can’t do that. We’re here now, and you have to go to school.” He was pleading with her now. He sounded whiny, and Claire was already tired of listening to him.

“Fine!” She shouted. “But I’m taking a shower first!” She slipped out of bed and grabbed her toiletry kit and fluffy robe. When she opened her door, her father was still on the other side. She glowered at him and slammed the door soundly before stomping down to the bathroom, where she continued slamming doors. 

In the shower, she scrubbed madly until her hair was a tangle of long blonde locks. She wrapped her robe around herself and tried to pull a comb through her hair to no avail. She reached into her bag and pulled out her leave in conditioner only to find the bottle empty. A scream ripped from her lungs that was a culmination of her frustration at her current inconvenience, her anger at her father, and her grief, all rolled into one mighty roar.

The sound must have carried downstairs, because before she knew it, there was a frantic pounding at the bathroom door. “GO AWAY, DAD! I have nothing else to say to you!”

“Um, it’s Dean. Can you open the door? What’s wrong?”

Claire flung the door open and threw the empty bottle at him. “I’m out of conditioner and now I can’t comb my hair!”

Dean looked down at the bottle and sighed. “I’ll run to the drug store and pick some up. Why don’t you go get dressed.”

Claire graced him with the tiniest smile. “Thanks, Dean.”

“You’re welcome. Now go.” He shooed her towards her room.

Claire meandered around her attic bedroom, her suitcases open and clothes strewn everywhere. Her dad did not pack well for her at all. The half finished Rapunzel costume mocked her from the desk. Her school uniform was missing the blazer and one shoe. She had no idea what to wear. Most of what she had wasn’t even clean, they hadn’t exactly had much chance to do laundry while on the road. She finally settled on a pair of jeans that was almost too short for her and a tee shirt from camp that she hated because the material wasn’t soft enough. But, it was the only truly clean thing she had left. She paired it with her tie dyed Chuck Taylors, and hoped the high top shoes hid the short jeans. Just as she finished tying her shoes, there was a knock on the door. She opened the door and Dean held the drugstore bag out to her.

“Thank you,” was all she said before closing the door on him. She sat down at the vanity and sighed in relief at finally being able to tame her hair. It took some time to calm the wild locks and doing it by herself made her miss her mom terribly. None of this was fair. She kept thinking about that—her old life, her old friends, her old school—just stewing on it until her hair was finally done. She had no more excuses to stay in her room. 

Coming down the stairs, she found Dean and her dad waiting in the living room. 

Dean frowned at her. “Those pants don’t fit.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “I know, genius. They are all I have left.” 

“We’ll do laundry when we get home, then. Come on, we need to get going.” 

Claire balked immediately. “I didn't have breakfast.” 

“It’s on the table,” her father said.

Claire ignored him and stared hard at Dean before whirling away to the kitchen. Sure enough, a plate of bacon and eggs waited for her on the table. She wanted to find fault with it, but sure enough, the eggs were scrambled and when she tasted them, they had cheese in them. Just like her mother made. She looked suspiciously at Dean. “Did you make these?” 

Dean nodded. “Hurry it up, kid. We’ve got an appointment to keep.” 

“Appointment? Where?” 

“You need a physical to go to school. I doubt your dad has the one you did at the beginning of the school year, so Cas is going to do it.” 

“Is he a doctor or something?” She wanted to push her plate aside but she was seriously hungry, so she ate. 

“Yup, a pediatrician.” 

“That’s convenient,” she snorted. 

Dean seemed immune to her jabs at him. “Yup. We gotta get going.” 

Frustrated, Claire finished her food. The minute she was done, Dean had her up and was herding her out into the garage and the back of Dean’s car. “I don’t want to go to a new doctor.” 

“Tough, you’ve got to go to school.” Dean said as he backed the car out. 

“I want to go home.” Once again, she turned her angry eyes on Jimmy. 

“We aren’t going home.” Her dad shot back at her, heat in his voice.

“Why not?” Claire demanded. “If we just  _ go home _ I don’t need to get a new doctor, have a physical, or go to a new school!”

“We can’t go home, Claire!” Her dad shouted, turning fully around in the front seat to level a glare at her. Then he turned around and said quietly, “I can’t live in that house without your mother.”

“Not like you ever lived there before,” Claire shot back.

“That’s enough!” Dean said loudly. Then calmer, he added, “We’re here.”

Claire wrenched the door open, slid out of the car, then slammed the door shut. “Hey! Easy with my Baby!” Dean exclaimed.

“It’s just a car,” Claire shrugged.

“That’s enough!” Jimmy scolded her.

Claire huffed and rolled her eyes as she trailed behind the two men headed towards the doctor’s office. When they walked in, Dean was immediately greeted by the petite redhead behind the counter. “Hello Dean. Is this the wee one?” she asked in a lilting Scottish brogue. “Why, she’s quite lovely, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, this is Claire,” Dean made introductions. “And this is her father, Jimmy.”

“Why, you weren’t kidding when you said your handsome husband had a twin. They’re identical.”

“Yes, Rowena, that’s what ‘twins’ means.” Dean rolled his eyes at her. “Is Cas ready to see us?”

“Oh, aye,” she replied. “But I hope you brought him something to eat. The doctor is extra cranky today. Probably because you didn’t properly feed him. What am I always telling you, Deanie boy? You’ve got to keep your man well-fed and well-bed.” Rowena laughed at her own joke.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yes, I have his lunch right here.”

“Excellent. Let me get Meg and she’ll take the three of you back.”

“No,” Dean stated firmly. “Just me and the small, surly one. You get to keep an eye on the big, surly one.”

“Hmmm...I get to enjoy the company of an attractive, blue-eyed man? Not a bad job for Rowena.”

“Behave, or I’ll tell Sam.”

“Pish. You’re no fun.” Rowena pouted at him, but then picked up the phone and did her job.

Not long after, a dark-haired woman came out and called, “Novak!”

“Geez, Meg, you don’t have to scream. We’re right here,” Dean said.

She ignored him and looked at Claire. “You must be Claire. Nice to meet you. I’m Nurse Meg, and I’m going to take your vitals while we wait for the doctor.”

“I’ve been to a doctor before. I know the process,” Claire said and rolled her eyes.

As the nurse took her temperature, she turned to Dean. “You two okay? He is one grouchy bear today.”

Dean huffed and crossed his arms. “If you and Rowena have been after him the way you’re after me, it’s easy to see why. Y'all are the worst sort of work wives; why does Cas even need a husband?”

Meg shrugged, “Beats me.”

“Because I love him and he makes me happy,” Cas—her uncle, apparently—said as he entered the room. He gave Dean a quick peck on the cheek, then looked at Claire for a long moment before glancing back at Dean. “Where’s her father?” 

“Out in the waiting room. I figured keeping you two separate would be a good idea.” 

Cas shook his head. “I can’t examine a pubescent girl without her parent here.” 

Dean blinked. “Look, I’m here to safeguard her. It’s not a big deal.” 

Clearly Cas was stubborn, because he crossed his arms. “Dean, this is not how it’s done.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Look, I don’t see what the big deal is. You’re my uncle, he’s my uncle. I’m sure you’re not creeps or whatever. Can we get on with this, please?” 

Cas studied her. Claire fought the urge to squirm because while his eyes were the same color as her dad’s, his stare wasn’t the same at all. He looked like he was trying to take her apart and peer into her head. It made her feel uncomfortable.

From the side, the nurse, Meg, spoke up. “I’ll just stay here, how about that?” 

Finally, he nodded. “Very well. I’ll do what I can with your clothes on.” He stepped up to the table. “Who was your last doctor?” 

“Dr. Suess.” Claire answered.

“Claire…” Dean said in a very dad-like voice.

“Fine.” She huffed and rolled her eyes again. At this point, she thought they were probably going to fall out. “Dr. Nina Humphreys. I prefer female doctors.”

“Meg, make a note for Rowena to have her get the medical records from Dr. Humphreys.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

Cas came around the table and looked at Claire. “I’m going to listen to your chest and your back.” He waited for a long moment, Claire finally nodded and he put his stethoscope on her. The room was absolutely silent as he listened to her. “Everything sounds fine.” He said, his voice perfunctory as he moved on to examine her wrists, her neck, and finally her belly. He looked at her seriously again. “Have you started menstruation?” 

Claire spluttered immediately. “Why the hell would you need to know that?” 

“Because it’s important to your health. Your doctor at home should have asked this.” 

“Yes, but she was a lady!” Claire crossed her arms over her chest, staring into her lap as her cheeks bloomed with color. 

“We can’t finish the exam without this information.” After a moment, Cas hung the stethoscope around his neck and stepped back. “If you are uncomfortable, Dean and I can step out and you can tell Meg.” 

Glaring into her lap, Claire clenched her fists. “I haven’t. Are you happy?” She threw the glare at Cas. 

Her uncle merely gazed back, completely impassive. “Do you have supplies at home to manage, if it starts?” 

Glaring harder, Claire fought down further embarrassment. “No. We had them at home but Dad left them there.” 

“We’ll get some more,” Dean said from next to the table, as if this wasn’t a big deal. 

“Good.” Cas went on, also as if this wasn’t a big deal. “How are you sleeping?” 

“What are you, the sleep police?” 

“No, it’s relevant to your health.” 

Glaring the hardest she ever had in her life, “When is this going to be over?” 

“When you answer.” Uncle Cas wasn’t like her dad, nothing seemed to get under his skin. It was like fighting with a rock. 

“Fine! I haven’t slept well since Mom died.” Suddenly, she wasn’t okay with answering. Claire turned her eyes to her lap and watched as a tear fell from her lashes and splashed on the back of her hand. Crying only made her more angry. A warm hand suddenly rubbed her back. It was something her mom had done when she was upset and it didn’t surprise her to turn her head and find Dean standing there. How did he keep doing that? 

“It’ll get better, Claire. I promise.” Dean’s voice was soft and compassionate, which only served to make her more angry. 

She brushed his hand off her shoulder. “Whatever. It’s fine. Can I go, now?” 

Cas nodded. “Yes, you are perfectly healthy, though I can tell you need more sleep.” He turned around to fill out a form, which he handed to Dean. “This is what the school will need in order to register her.” 

“Finally!” She slid off of the exam table and ran out the door, slamming it behind her. Once she was out in the hall, she realized she had no idea how to get back to reception, so she leaned against the wall across from the exam room and slid to the floor. She was tired of all of this, and she just wanted to go home.

She heard a murmur of voices behind the door, then it opened and Dean came out clutching the paper Cas had given him. “Alright, we’re done here. Next stop, school.” He walked out, not really giving her time to get up, so she had to scramble after him. In the waiting room, her dad was still leaning against the desk where the redhead sat. He was smiling faintly at the woman, who was telling a story of some kind. 

“Stop flirting, Rowena. We have a schedule to keep.” Dean said as he breezed by, tapping her dad on the shoulder. 

Rowena tsked but waved after them. “Hurry back, Tweetie pie!” 

Within moments, they were in the car again. 

“How was the doctor?” her dad asked.

“It was all the poking and prodding I could stand.” Claire grouched in the back seat, her voice snide. It was a short drive and then Dean was parking the car. Claire got out of the car and looked around at the campus. The unimpressive brick building, the students clad in jeans and unmatching shirts, the metal detectors at the door all led to just one conclusion. “Oh, hell no! There is no fucking way I am attending a  _ public school _ ! Not. Going. To happen!” She stomped her feet and planted them into the grass where she was standing.

Also just getting out of the car, her father froze. “We’ve never sent Claire to public school. She’s always gone to the best private academy with the highest academic ratings. You can’t expect me to send her here.” For once in this entire shitty day, her dad was on her side, but that didn’t make it any better. It actually made it kind of worse.

Dean seemed completely unfazed by their reservations. “Expensive doesn’t mean better. This school has the best ratings in the city. The entire county, even. It’s better than the private schools around here.” 

“If this school is so good, then why are there metal detectors, huh?” Claire asked.

Dean shrugged, “Because the world is stupid. Even the private schools here have them.” 

Her dad’s eyebrows flew up. “That doesn’t sound safe. Are there any safe schools here? Ones that don’t need an armed guard and metal detectors.” 

“Look man, you lived in the city, too. If Claire’s school didn’t have them, then she wasn’t fully protected, was she?” Dean appeared calm but his voice was pinched now and taking on heat. “This is the safest place in the city. The metal detectors keep it that way.” 

“A private school would be better.” Claire could tell her dad was digging in. He was notoriously stubborn, her mom had always said so. He had that gleam in his eye. For once, he was going to defend her. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. 

“Unless I miss my guess, you aren’t working, dude. Now, I don’t know your finances, but private school is expensive. How the hell are you planning to pay for it? Cas and I aren’t paying for private school for your kid. No way, no how.” This was thrown down like the gauntlet it was. 

“If Dean says this is the best school in the county, then we should trust him.” Just like that, her dad was no longer on her side. Claire didn’t even know why she was surprised.

“Yeah, well, I don't care what he says or what you say. I. AM NOT. GOING! Take me home right this instant!” Claire demanded of her father.

Jimmy whirled on her. Her dad loomed over her when he said, “Quit acting like a spoiled brat! I worked very hard to keep you in the best schools and the best clothes money could buy! I need you to actually cooperate, for once, and you can’t even bother to be grateful for everything Dean has been trying to do for you!”

“I never needed things! I just needed someone to be there for me! And now she’s gone and I’m stuck with you! And you don’t even know me!” Claire spat back at him before stomping towards the school. She wasn’t doing it because her dad told her to. No, she was doing it because it’s what Dean thought was best, and at least he cared. She met Dean less than 24 hours ago, and he was already being more of a parent to her than her own father had ever been.

In a short few steps, Dean caught up with her. “I know the school counselor here, personally, and she’s the best. You’re gonna love Charlie.” 

“Why do you think I need a counselor, genius?” Claire didn’t look for her dad. She didn’t care if he was following or not. 

Dean suddenly leaned in, lightly bumping her shoulder with his elbow. “Because you’ve been through a lot. I needed a counselor when my mom died.” 

Claire blinked at that. “Your mom died?” 

“Yeah, I was about your age when it happened.” 

Claire stopped. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How did it happen?” 

“House fire. My brother and I got out. Dad swore she was right behind him, but she wasn’t.” His voice broke a little when he said it and he looked so sad. It was a sadness she recognized. 

“I’m sorry.” Without thinking too deeply about it, Claire took his hand. “That really sucks.” 

“Yeah. I’m sorry about your mom, too.” He squeezed her hand.

They started walking again, but he didn’t let go of her hand and Claire let him hold it all the way through the metal detectors. When they stopped at the school door, she let go and gave a glance over her shoulder. Her dad was there, his expression unreadable. Mom called that his poker face. It freaked Claire out a little bit. 

Dean hit the doorbell and after a moment they were buzzed into the building. It was quiet, in the way schools are when class is in session. Dean led them straight to the office, where they were met by a secretary. Her name plate said ‘Becky Rosen’.

“We’d like to register her for school.” Dean handed over the stack of paperwork he was holding. 

“You’ll need to fill out these forms.” The secretary, apparently Ms. Rosen, handed Dean another stack of papers on a clipboard and a pen. Dean gave them to her dad. “Here you go, knock yourself out.” He glanced back at Ms. Rosen and pulled out his wallet and handed her an ID card. “I’d like to take Claire to meet Charlie while you do the paperwork, is that okay?” 

Ms. Rosen perused his ID before shrugging, apparently bored. “Go ahead. Your credentials are good.” 

Dean grinned and winked at Ms. Rosen, which made her blush. “Thanks for that. Come on, Claire.” He pulled Claire from the office and soon they were walking down a hallway. They took too many twists and turns for Claire to remember them all, then stopped at a door that was covered in paper and decorated with a white owl, an open book, and a lightning shaped scar over a pair of round glasses. Dean knocked. 

A cheerful voice called out, “Come in!” The moment the door opened there was a squeal and then a redhead was launching herself out of her chair. “Dean!” She barreled into Dean, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Hey, Charlie.” Dean grinned as he was hugged, then they both stepped back. “I have someone for you to meet. This is my niece, Claire.” 

Claire looked at the redhead, who had turned a beaming, thousand-watt smile on her. “Um, hi. I guess you like Harry Potter?” 

“I love Harry Potter. Are you a fan?” 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Claire had no idea what to do with this level of enthusiasm. 

“Then step into my office, mon amie.” Charlie tugged a chair out and put it next to her desk. 

Tentative about it, Claire sat. 

Charlie was already talking. “So tell me, Claire. Will you be going to school here? We can be best buds and talk about Harry Potter between classes. How much have you read? Who’s your favorite character? Mine’s Hermione.” 

“Oh my god, breathe,” Claire spat out, a little afraid the redhead would pass out from lack of oxygen.

Charlie laughed. “I’m pretty much always like this.” 

“Where do you get the energy?” 

“I’m highly caffeinated,” Charlie gave a wink.

Behind them, Dean laughed. “I just brought Claire by because she’ll be going to school here and is going through a hard time right now, with the move and all. I thought she could use a friend.” 

“Say no more, Deanaroonie!” 

Claire glanced from one adult to the other. “Ok, so this is just way too much enthusiasm for me to handle today. Can we please leave? I need to nap. For a million years.”

Dean and Charlie looked at each other, then Dean said, “It has been a kinda trying day for the kiddo here, guess I should take her home.”

Charlie nodded. “No problemo. But Claire, first thing tomorrow I want you to come chat with me, ok?”

“Yeah, sure,” Claire agreed absently as she tried to pull Dean out of the office. A couple of beats later, he let himself be dragged from the room.They walked down the hall together quietly and this time Claire paid close attention to the different turns they took so she could find the office again tomorrow. “I guess I’m really going to school here.” 

“Yup. I think you’ll like it. Just give it a shot.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Can we just go please?” 

“Sure, let’s get your dad.” They returned to the office where her dad was done with the paperwork and was uncomfortably fending off what looked like flirting from Ms. Rosen. Claire glared at the woman who seemed to pay her no mind. Dean tugged a relieved looking Jimmy from the office and back out to the car. Claire climbed in the back again. 

As Dean backed out, he said, “What do you want for dinner tonight, Claire?” 

Claire thought about it for a moment before saying in a soft voice, “Meatloaf. With mashed potatoes.” 

“Amelia made that all the time.” Jimmy mused, his voice breaking a bit. 

“You got it.” Dean tossed a wink over his shoulders then pulled out onto the roads, presumably to take them home. 

Claire didn’t care. She was done with the day. She sighed, laid her head back and closed her eyes. Before too long, she slept. 

***

Dean stood in the kitchen, watching a pot of potatoes boil. He hadn’t made meatloaf in ages, though Cas liked it, but he never really forgot how to make it. It was his mom’s recipe; one that he’d found in his dad’s things after he’d died. It had been amazing that his father had hung onto it for so long, but Dean now knew why: it was delicious. It was baking in the oven right now and the potatoes were nearly done. Dinner would be in about ten minutes or so. 

The door from the garage opened to admit Cas. His husband looked around carefully before stepping into the room. When he laid eyes on Dean, he smiled. It was his biggest smile, the one he reserved just for Dean. “There you are.” 

“Welcome home, Baby.” Dean opened his arms and Cas stepped inside them, dropping his briefcase onto one of the chairs next to the kitchen table. 

“I missed you today.” Cas murmured, then rubbed his cheek against Dean’s as they hugged. He had a good five o’clock shadow and he savored it as his stubble dragged against Dean’s. 

“You saw me at work today.” Dean reminded him. 

“It doesn’t matter. I missed you today.” Cas tightened his arms around Dean before stepping back. “Something smells good.” 

“Meatloaf. A request from the niece.” 

Cas’s expression immediately shuttered. “Ah. I love your meatloaf.” 

“I know, Baby. A treat for everyone. Go change.” He tapped Cas lightly on his ass to get him moving, then turned back to the stove. Still, Cas stood for a very long moment before he picked up his briefcase and moved on. 

Dean shook his head, already a little worried about the landmine that was going to be dinner. He focused himself on the task at hand, draining the potatoes and mashing them with the hand masher, then whipping up gravy to go with them. Finally he tugged the meatloaf out and set it aside to cool while he set the table for four. Once everything was ready and on the small table, he hollered up the stairs. “Dinner time!” 

Claire was the first one down the stairs. She paused at the table, blinking sleepy eyes. “It looks good.” She sounded a little snide, but that could be left over from earlier when Dean had given her a crash course in how to do laundry and then had made her do her own. 

“Sit.” He nodded to a chair and she sat down at the table. 

Cas came in next and he paused next to Dean to kiss his cheek. “Mmmm, wonderful as always, my love.” 

Claire made a gagging noise. “You two are gross.” 

Dean just winked at her. “This is what love looks like on us. I’m at home. I’ll be gross as much as I want.” 

Cas sat down across from Claire. He was a little stiff about it, but he did sit. 

Jimmy, of course, came in last. He surveyed the table and took a spot next to his daughter because that was all that was left. He had to sit next to Cas and Claire no matter where he sat. 

Cas immediately scooted his chair closer to the seat that Dean would take. The stress level of the room climbed. 

“Well, dig in.” Dean took his seat, for all the world trying to seem as if this was just a normal family dinner and not defcon-5. 

“Dean, I’d like to change seats with you.” Cas spoke up the minute Dean had sat down. 

“Sure, no big deal.” Dean started to rise. 

“I want Dean to sit next to me.” Claire reached out and grabbed his sleeve. 

Now Dean was torn. Obviously, Cas didn’t want to sit next to Jimmy and he felt for his husband. However, this was Claire opening up to him for the second time today. It was also important. 

Cas turned his gaze to Claire. Dean could tell his niece was now on the receiving end of Cas’s cold stare, the one that made many a person back down in years before. “That won’t work. I need to take that seat.” 

Claire, surprisingly, did not wilt before the stare though she did look nervous. “I want to sit next to Dean.” Her lip quivered and Dean was suddenly afraid she might cry. 

“Look, I’m sure we can find a solution that makes everyone happy.” Dean began.

“I won’t sit next to him, Dean.” Cas turned the stare to Dean. Dean hated this stare. Even after all these years it made him quiver in his boots. (It also turned him on a little bit and that was inappropriate for dinner.) “It’s bad enough he’s in my house.” 

“I want to sit next to Dean.” Claire’s fingers tightened into Dean’s arm as she reiterated her claim. 

“Oh my fucking God!” Jimmy burst out, standing up so abruptly that his chair fell over with a clatter. “I’ll go eat in the goddamned living room.” He jerked his empty plate off the table and turned to leave. 

Suddenly Claire and Cas were united in their dislike of Jimmy. 

“That would work nicely.” Cas said, just as Claire said, “Yeah Dad, off you go.” 

“No one is eating in the living room!” Dean yelled, startling everyone at the table. Claire let go of his sleeve and Cas turned reproachful eyes on him. In the kitchen doorway, Jimmy flinched. All eyes now on him, Dean went on. “Look, this situation is hard for everyone. We all know it. You don’t have to deal with each other at any other time of the day but we are all going to sit at this table and eat dinner like civil adults.” 

“I’m not an adult.” Claire shot back immediately. 

“Can it, Peewee.” Dean groused in return. “We are all going to sit where we are for now. We will rotate where I sit from now on. I’ll stay here tonight. Tomorrow Cas will have this spot. Capiche?” 

Claire grinned triumphant. 

Cas turned the glare back on Dean, drawing his shoulder up and squaring off for a fight. 

Dean reached under the table and took his hand and met that blue stare head on. “Just for tonight. Baby, please.” 

Cas squeezed his hand once and looked down at his plate. “I capiche.” 

“Good.” Claire and Cas settled, Dean turned his attention to the last person in the room. “Jimmy, come back to the table.” 

Jimmy stared at them all hard, especially Dean, however, his gaze lacked the weight of Cas’s stare. It was like he was trying to do the stare but it wasn’t the same. He just didn’t have the same power that Cas carried. His shoulders slumped, Jimmy picked up his chair and returned to the table. Dean picked up the plate of meatloaf slices, served himself then passed it to Claire. While he did so, Cas picked up the potatoes with a sigh and helped himself before passing to Dean. 

For a moment, Dean thought they were going to get on with dinner. Then Jimmy tried to pass the meatloaf to Cas. Cas didn’t look at his brother and didn’t take it. Jimmy was staring at Cas, missing the fact that Claire was trying to pass him the mashed potatoes. 

Cas looked at Dean. “Tell him to put the plate down. I’ll get it from the table.” 

“Are you fucking serious right now?” Dean turned to Cas and was met with the stare. 

“I’ll sit here but I’m not taking a thing from him.” Cas replied, his voice coldly serious. 

Dean ran his hand over his face. He was going to hear about this from Cas later tonight. “You’re serious right now.” Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it now. The decision had been made. Dean finally looked at Jimmy, his own jaw tight. “Just put it down for now.” 

Jimmy put the plate down. After a long minute, Cas picked the plate up and served himself. If the stress had been defcon-5 earlier, Dean had no words for what it was now. They ate in silence. The only entertainment was the way Cas deliberately turned his body away from Jimmy so he wouldn’t have to look at him. It was the longest dinner of Dean’s life, and that was including the ones where Dean’s dad had been drunk and verbally abusing him through the meal. 

Dean kept his eyes to the plate, frustration and fear welling inside of him. He wanted to smooth this over for everyone. He knew everyone at this table was suffering in some way and yet, they couldn’t find any kindness in their hearts to give to each other. He was failing them, failing himself as a therapist, as a husband, and as an uncle. Helpless in the face of the cold air in the room, the food in Dean’s mouth tasted like ash. Then under the table, a small hand touched his. Claire took his hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. Dean looked up. 

“It’s really good meatloaf.” Claire said, her voice sounding unnaturally loud in the silent room. 

A beat later, Cas reached for him and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It really is wonderful. The best it’s ever been.” His blue eyes were soft, the cold glare gone. 

Suddenly Dean could breathe again. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” Claire pulled her hand back to pick up her glass of milk. 

Cas simply nodded and bent to take his last bite. 

Across from him, Jimmy shrugged again and forced a smile. “Thanks for dinner.” 

“You’re welcome, man.” Dean looked at his empty plate and started to relax a little. It was still incredibly stressful. The tension in the room had only eased a little but he felt less like a failure. With the plate clean, Dean got up. “I’ve got dishes.”

Cas stood up too. “Not tonight. I’ll do them.” He leaned over to kiss Dean’s cheek. “You get Claire and… our other guest settled for the night. We can watch Dr. Sexy reruns in our bedroom later.” 

Baby steps. Dean knew it was just baby steps, however, they at least got through it. “Come on guys, I’ll show you how to work the TV. We’ve got all the good channels.” He led the way, glancing to make sure Claire and Jimmy were following him so he could get them settled for the night, full of the promise of a night spent with his husband. 


	3. Chapter 3

Claire’s first week at her new school had been going surprisingly well. She was seeing Charlie everyday, and at her counselor’s suggestion, joined the soccer team (apparently this school had a later season than her old one). Though Claire initially balked at a co-ed soccer team, she became fast friends with two of the boys on the team. Kevin Tran was their starting goalie, and a certified genius. He was also helping Claire get back up to speed with her pre algebra classwork. Jack Klein played at left wing. He was a literal ray of sunshine to Claire’s black hole sun, and she was more than grateful for his fast friendship. So things were starting to look up...until she got that text message from Krissy.

When she came home from school, slamming the door behind her, her eyes all red and puffy, the first person she saw was her father. He looked at her with a softness she wasn’t used to seeing from him. In a concerned voice he asked, “Clairebear, what’s wrong?”

She was immediately suspicious of his motives, besides, she really had no interest in talking to him. After all, what had happened was his fault anyway. Instead of answering his question, all she said to him was “Where’s Dean?”

Claire pretended not to notice when Jimmy’s face fell. “He’s still at work.”

“I’ll be in my room then.” She forgot that he usually didn’t come home from work until about a half hour after she was home from school.

***

Dean’s day at work had been particularly rough. The center had just admitted a new kid who was exceedingly resistant to help, and that was adding to Dean’s already heavy stress load. Ever since Jimmy and Claire showed up on his doorstep, work became his sanctuary from the oppressive tension in his once happy home. 

Things were starting to look up now that Claire was starting to find her place in her new school, so Dean was looking forward to nothing more than chilling out for a couple of hours before he had to start dinner. The last thing that he needed was to be met with Jimmy’s accusing glare the minute he walked in the door. In fact, as soon as he took off his coat and hung it up, the other man was in his face.

“You’re one to talk, Dean Winchester! You, who practically threatened me, telling me that I can’t take what’s yours? Well, you, sir, are a hypocrite!”

Dean put up his hands in an effort to block the words. “Yo, Jimmy, calm down. What are you talking about?”

“My daughter! My little girl who came home from her public school, clearly distressed. But instead of talking to me about it, who does she ask for? You, that’s who! Claire will barely even look at me anymore, but clearly she worships the ground  _ you _ walk on!”

“Wait...what’s wrong with Claire?” Clearly Jimmy had some issue with Dean that would need to be addressed, but all Dean could focus on was the fact that Claire was distressed. That needed to be dealt with first.

“Haven’t you been listening? I don’t fucking  _ know _ because you’re the only one she wants to talk to!”

Dean sighed heavily and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I guess I should go check on her then.” Dean side-stepped Jimmy and climbed the stairs to her room.

He knocked twice on her door. “It’s Dean. Can I come in?”

“Sure,” she said nonchalantly, but Dean had a feeling she was glad he was there.

“Your dad said you were upset about something, but refused to talk to him. You know you can’t keep shutting him out, right?”

“Why not? This is all his fault anyway!”

“What’s all his fault? The reason you’re upset?” Dean asked. He was really getting tired of playing the peacemaker. Between Claire and Jimmy, between Cas and Jimmy, that was all Dean did these days was mediate between family members. It didn’t help that Jimmy was still basically useless, stuck only feeling sorry for himself.

“Yes, it’s his fault!” Claire answered brashly, pulling Dean out of his thoughts.

“Care to elaborate?”

Claire held her phone towards him like a visual aid. “I got this text from Krissy today. Our soccer team lost the semi-finals because I wasn’t there, and not only that, that bitch Denise Chambers stole my role in the school play. And she’s wearing a store bought costume! Can you believe that! Because of my dad’s insane road trip, he’s ruined  _ everything _ !”

Dean sighed. It was becoming his only expression here lately. “Be reasonable for a minute here, Claire. Do you really think you not being on the team caused them to lose?”

“Well, I  _ was _ the starting center.”

“So, are you that much better than the other team that you could have carried the entire game by yourself?” Dean’s patience was wearing thin, but he had to keep it together.

“Maybe I am.” Claire said smugly.

“Ok, so now you have a chance to prove it, with a team whose season isn’t over yet….and against boys too.”

“You know being male doesn’t automatically make one better at sports, right?” Claire asked sardonically.

“Yes, _ I  _ know that and  _ you _ know that...but there are people in this world who don’t know that. Now you have a chance to prove them wrong.” Obviously appealing to her ego as an athlete was the only way he was going to get through to her today.

“Ok, so you have a point there. But what about that bitch Denise stealing my part?”

“Your new school has a theater department too, you know. You can always get another part.”

Claire sighed heavily. “Ok, fine, whatever. You’re dismissed.”

“Why thank you, your royal pain in the….I mean highness.” Dean said playfully. As much as he was growing fond of Claire, he was getting a bit tired of her dramatics, so he was thankful to leave her room. But then he had to steel himself, because now he had to deal with Jimmy, who was clearly upset about Claire. If Dean had been thinking it through, he might have predicted this would happen as Claire opened up to him more. However, Dean hadn’t really been thinking it through, he’d simply been taking it one day at a time and surviving.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way back downstairs, preparing an apology for Jimmy. As soon as he rounded the corner into the living room, Jimmy came at him. Before he could let the man start yelling at him again, he began speaking. “Listen, Jimmy, I’m sorry. I never intended to become Claire’s go-to adult. I was just glad she was opening up to me, because she needed to open up to somebody.” 

Jimmy had stood up the moment Dean had come into the living room and he was frowning at Dean deeply, his brow furrowed. “Is she okay?”   
  


“Yeah, just teen stuff really. None of it was a big deal.” Dean shrugged as he stood in the doorway.

Jimmy snorted but he was nodding. “I’m glad it’s nothing. That doesn’t change the fact that she went to you though.” 

“What do you want me to say here?” Dean asked, feeling his frustration rise.

“Look, this is a little hard to swallow. We came to you for help. Now you’re stealing my daughter.” His voice took on some heat and he stood with his hands on his hips. He looked a little like Cas that way, enough at least that Dean could see their shared upbringing. 

“I’m not stealing anything. I’m just giving her an outlet and trying to look out for her.” 

Jimmy snorted, rolling his eyes. It was almost a full bodied motion and for some reason that pissed Dean off. He pressed on, gaining some heat himself. “Because clearly she had no one else looking out for what was best for her. You should have been looking out for her, man. Instead, wallowing in your own self pity, you uprooted her entire life and dragged her to a place where you knew you wouldn’t be welcome!”

“What the hell was I supposed to do? Stay in that house, slowly dying?” Jimmy was definitely getting pissed off, however, unlike Cas he didn’t stay cool. He was getting red in the face as his voice raised. 

Dean wasn’t going to stand in his living room and be yelled at. Fuck that. “You need to get your shit together, man. If you were acting like a father, she might seek comfort from you instead of an uncle she’s known for a week!”

Jimmy stood in the living room, gaping at Dean like a fish. Whatever the man had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. “I’m doing the best I can!”

“Bullshit! You ran away from your problems and took your little girl along with you. You gave no thought to what she needed, it was all about what you needed and wanted. It was selfish as shit man and you know that.”

Jimmy recoiled at that then seemed to shake it off as he continued, “Yes, you get to be all high and mighty now.” Jimmy was yelling, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “You get to have your nice house with your wonderful husband and your happy life. Well my life is gone. All my happiness is in the toilet and there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m trying to fucking survive here. You can show me a little sympathy!”

“I’ve been showing you sympathy. I’ve shown you nothing but kindness. I let you stay here, despite Cas telling me not to. I’ve stood up for you and your kid when he’s wanted you gone. It has wreaked havoc on my happy life and my happy marriage and all you do is sit around this house. You don’t go out. You don’t work and you don’t help out. You don’t even do the fucking dishes, man.” 

If anything, Jimmy only got more angry. “Fine, you can be the martyr then, giving out scraps of your kindness while you steal the only thing I have left!” 

Dean felt the heat rising up his neck and over his head, his shoulder tensed and his head was beginning to pound. He didn’t need this right now but still he was stepping in shoving Jimmy’s chest. “You want to wallow, then fine. Wallow! But don’t you dare accuse me of stealing your daughter. I’ve stolen nothing. You fucking gave her away when you forgot about her needs.” 

“You know what? Fuck you!” Jimmy hissed in his face, pushing Dean back towards the stairs. 

For one hot moment, Dean considered hitting him. The urge was there. He could ball up his fist and hit this fucker in the face. That’s when he knew it was time to cool down. He stepped back. “Fuck you too.” He backed off, then turned and slowly marched up the stairs. He needed to cool off and the bedroom was the best place to do that. He’d deal with Jimmy when he had regained his composure.

***

Jimmy watched Dean go with a fire in his head and his guts twisting. How dare that man act like this is all his fault? Like he somehow wanted his life to derail beyond the point that he could manage it? It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Not losing Amelia. Not the way he was losing Claire now. What the hell did he have left? He listened to Dean’s retreating footsteps while he was fuming. No one gave a damn about what he was feeling. His daughter hated him. His brother hated him. Both of them wanted him gone. It was that thought that finally cooled his temper somewhat. Dean was the only reason he was still in this house. Without Dean’s goodwill, he would be out on the street. Castiel had made that clear. 

Suddenly the heat of his anger turned to panic. He had to fix this. Preferably before Castiel came home and found out that he’d been fighting with Dean. That was when he looked up and saw Castiel standing in the doorway that led into the kitchen. His brother stood there, his nostrils flared and his eyes cold. Jimmy didn’t need to be told that his brother was angry. Not just angry, this was Castiel full on furious. The angrier his brother got, the colder he became. Right now, Castiel looked like he should be radiating ice. Jimmy nearly flinched when he met those eyes. “I can explain.” 

“You don’t need to. I heard the whole thing.” Castiel’s voice was a low growl. “I think you’ve outworn your welcome.”

“Wait!” Jimmy called out, feeling the icy grip of fear around his heart. “I can fix this. I’ll make it up to Dean. I’ll apologize. Don’t throw us out.” 

“I warned you.” Cas was unrelenting. He’d always been a force to be reckoned with when he was angry. “I told you that you were here on Dean’s goodwill alone. I won’t tolerate even the slightest rudeness to him.” 

“I know I deserve that. I shouldn’t have pushed him but he’s stealing my little girl! She’s all I have left.” Jimmy wished his voice was less whiny, less pleading. It was just that he didn’t know where he would go if Castiel threw them out.

“Dean stole nothing from you.” If anything, the cold glare in Castiel’s eyes grew. “He has been nothing but kind to Claire. She’s responded to that in her own way. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Dean. If I saw you make even one attempt to cultivate a relationship with your child, I would feel something. I have seen no such attempt.” 

Jimmy threw his hands up in frustration. “She hates me! I get it. You hate me, she hates me and I just alienated Dean. I’m a fuck up.” 

“You’ve been a fuck up since the last time I saw you.” 

Something hot flashed through Jimmy’s brain at those words. “That’s not true. I’ve only been a fuck up since Amelia died. I’ve lost my damn mind. I know that. But before, that wasn’t a fuck up.” 

Castiel’s eyes flashed from cold to artic. “You left without a word to me. How is that not fucking up?” 

“I had my reasons.” Jimmy straightened up, pulling himself together. 

“Bullshit.” 

All along, Jimmy had been expecting this. He knew this would come out at some time. There was too much anger in Castiel for it not to. For once, Jimmy was ready. “No, I had my reasons. For all of it. Even for not leaving you a note. Be honest with yourself. Would a note have made my leaving any better? Would it really have made it easier?” 

“Yes it would have been better!” Castiel pushed into the room until they were face to face. “It was heartless and cruel. I spent years wondering what I had done to make you leave!” 

Jimmy had guessed that would be the case. He’d known Castiel too well to not. “It was all heartless and cruel.” Admitting the truth was odd but strangely, Jimmy felt light. Free. “I knew that when I did it but it was necessary.” 

“Necessary!” The shock was clear on Castiel’s face. He’d never expected that. “How in the world was abandoning me necessary? In what world could you dare consider it right?” 

“In this world. The one we live in right now.” A strange peace crept over Jimmy. He’d wanted to say these words from the moment he’d seen Castiel the first time. He was going to say them now. “Look at your life. Really look at it, Castiel. Look at what you have.” He gestured around himself at the tidy living room and the stairs, the reality of the house around them. “You have this amazing life. You’ve got a husband who loves you, a job that leaves you fulfilled and hope for the future. You have so much. Your heart must be full all the time. I’m jealous.” Sighing, Jimmy brought his gaze back to his brother. “I had that too. A wonderful house, a beautiful wife, a job I excelled at that was challenging and paid really well. I had everything.” It hurt to say that, to dwell on what he’d lost but he needed to. He needed to set his brother free because it’s become obvious that there’s a piece of Castiel that has never moved on. “Think about the way we were. Think about how your high school years went by without you ever dating. You never looked at anyone else.” 

“I didn’t need to!” 

“Shhh, yes you did. You needed to look. Imagine a world where we went to college together. Dean would have been there. That’s where you met him. He would have been there and he would have been looking for someone like you and you would have been so wrapped up with me that you would have missed him.” 

“That’s…” Castiel no longer sounded furious. He no longer sounded sure. “That’s…” 

“That’s the truth. It was heartless and cruel to leave you the way I did and for that, I’m sorry. I was a coward. I couldn’t look at you and break your heart. I should have had the nerve to tell you in person. I just didn’t think you would have listened. I was afraid I’d lose my nerve.” He risked looking at Castiel. His brother looked troubled, his brow furrowed, his eyes on the floor. “Look at me.” 

Castiel shook his head. 

“Look at me, dammit!’ Jimmy reached out and touched his brother for the first time in twenty years. He nudged his chin up so they were looking at each other. He couldn’t read what was in Castiel’s eyes, not after all this time. “I’m not sorry for leaving. If I hadn’t left, I wouldn’t have met Amelia. I loved her. No, look at me.” Castiel tried to jerk away but Jimmy put a hand on his shoulder and held him steady. “I loved her, Castiel. With everything I was. With all that was in me. I loved her. I know you love Dean the same way. I can see it between you. That’s a gift. It’s a gift I gave you by leaving. Look into your heart. You know I was right to leave. It had to happen. I left you and I’m not sorry because you have a fantastic life now. The kind of life I had. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I’m not sorry I left.”

Castiel breathed out a broken sob as he wrenched himself from Jimmy’s grasp. There was a moment when Jimmy thought he was going to speak, his lips working, but then he turned on his heel and fled, leaving Jimmy with the sound of his retreating footsteps.

***

Castiel’s heart was pounding in his head as he ran up the stairs. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the hot tears as they poured down his face. His breath was heaving in and out. He wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing. He couldn’t seem to make it stop. He ran down the hallway to the bedroom he shared with Dean and wrenched the door open. Dean was already there, standing by the window and staring out. He turned to look over his shoulder when Cas came in. Immediately, his features drew up into alarm. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” 

Cas stood there, for a moment just sobbing, his fingers clenching and unclenching at his side. When he looked up, Dean was there, laying his hands on his shoulder. It was too close to the way that Jimmy had held him in place and Cas only sobbed harder. He could hear the sounds he was making, his sobs filling the room with a desperate note. Unable to articulate, he threw himself into Dean’s arms. Instead of holding on, Dean wrapped his arms around him and drew him in. 

“It’s alright. Whatever it is, it’s alright.” 

Castiel shook his head, rubbing his closed eyes on Dean’s shoulder. The tears were flowing freely and it felt as if something was trying to break loose from his chest. Something he’d been holding onto tightly. Something he’d held onto for years. It was trying to break free and that terrified Castiel. Throwing his arms around Dean’s back, he sobbed open mouthed without voice. 

“Shh, shh.” Dean began to pet his hair, his hands running down his back. “Take a deep breath.” 

Castiel shook his head again, suddenly unable to breathe. He gasped roughly, looking up at Dean with wild eyes. With his eyes, he sent a plea for help to Dean. 

Dean understood. “Breathe with me. In…” Dean demonstrated, drawing a breath in. “And out…”  He exhaled exaggeratedly . 

Having the thought taken away from him, Castiel followed along. He breathed in. He let it out. He did it again. He could feel the air circulating again however, his heart was still a wild thing, trying to beat its way out of his chest. After a long moment, he dropped his head back down to Dean’s shoulder. The sobs came back in force, wracking his body. 

“Cas, Baby… Sweetheart. Calm down. I need you to breathe with me.” 

Castiel shook his head. He couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was never going to breathe again. His fingers tightened into the back of Dean’s shirt, clutching at him as if he were a lifeline. Suddenly he became just that, a lifeline, the only thing that was keeping Cas afloat in the sea of misery. 

Something snapped inside of Cas and with a snarl he lurched forward, forcing his lips onto Dean. His hands, once clutching, became desperate, tugging at Dean’s clothing. He forced his flannel off his shoulders and began to peel up his shirt. He found his voice. “Now. I need you now.” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Dean grabbed his hand to stop him from peeling off his shirt. 

Frustrated, Cas redirected his hands to the fly of Dean’s pants. “Please, Dean.” The words were broken by the sobs that still wracked his chest. He stopped his ministrations to wipe his nose on the sleeve of his suit coat while ignoring the tears that still poured down his face. “I need you right now.” Frantic, he continued attacking the blue jeans. 

“Baby, come on.” Dean grabbed at his hands again and Cas growled, frustrated, around a hiccuping sob. Whatever was trying to break free from his chest was fluttering in his throat.

He clamped down on it hard, reaching up to wrap a hand around that ache. He swallowed convulsively and opened his lips to argue. Another sob poured out. “Please.” 

“Cas, you’re still crying.” Dean reached for him then, his fingers were gentle on his face. “You know I want you always but not like this. I can’t. Not while you’re crying your eyes out.” 

Cas reached for his hands, covering them with his own and tried to peel them away from his face. “But I need it. I need you.” 

“When you are calmer.” Dean’s voice sounded so reasonable. He turned his hands over and clasped Castiel’s gently, pulling them towards his face. He kissed the knuckles first on one hand, then the other. “I’ll give you what you need.” 

Cas opened his mouth to argue but what came out was a shuddering sob. He couldn’t make them stop. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed it to stop. Instead, his shoulders shook with the force of emotion that wracked his body. He gave up and dropped his head to Dean’s chest and sobbed fully, letting go. 

“Shh,” Dean soothed as he ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “It’s gonna be alright.” 

Cas shook his head. 

“What’s not going to be alright?” Dean asked, his voice ticking up with alarm.

“Everything.” Finding his voice again was not easy, but he did. 

Dean pulled his head back. “Tell me.” 

Cas shook his head, trying to hide his face on Dean’s chest again. 

“Tell me, Baby, please.” There was pleading in Dean’s voice now. Castiel wasn’t immune to it, he could tell Dean was getting upset and that was all Castiel’s fault. 

He opened his mouth, fully intent on telling Dean what was wrong but he found that he didn’t know. Instead of words, a heartbroken keening emerged instead. 

Dean was visibly shaken. “I need you to tell me.” Dean’s voice was soft but it was clear he was fighting for it to be. His husband was shaken and struggling to be calm. 

Castiel tried. “Jimmy… he…” A series of sobs wracked his shoulders. He squeezed his eyes shut. They burned from all the crying and yet still the tears came, an unstoppable force. 

“What did Jimmy do?” There was a flash of anger in Dean’s voice now, his hands tightened on Castiel’s back. 

Castiel needed to get it together. He recognized that voice and it meant Dean was about to go do some damage to Jimmy or someone else. Something about that, reached deep into Castiel’s chest. One thing in the universe was still right. Dean still loved him. That allowed him to find his voice. “He said he wasn’t sorry. About leaving me that way.” Just saying it ripped more tears from him. Again he squeezed his eyes shut, willing them to stop. 

Dean sighed deeply, pulling Cas back into his chest. Cas let him, allowing himself the comfort of those arms. His heart still beat in his throat, the words having given it wings. Something dark and ugly was pulsing inside of him and he knew it was the hatred he’d built for Jimmy over all the years. It’s a creature he had nurtured and fed on a diet of anguish and bitterness. But now, now he knew it had no place here. There was no room in his life for that hatred and no more room in his heart. Letting it go, however, seemed impossible. Suddenly his breath cut off again and he gasped in Dean’s arms. 

“It’s okay. Breathe!” Dean grabbed his shoulders and made him tilt his face up. 

Airless, Castiel gasped roughly, clutching at Dean. 

“Breathe.” Dean lightly shook his shoulders. “Baby, breathe!” Dean was becoming panicked, his grip was hard and his eyes shone in the light of the room. He gave Castiel a gentle shake. “You’ve got to breathe!” 

Suddenly, on another gasp, the air rushed into Castiel’s lungs again and he did as Dean asked. He breathed. For long moments, he lay in Dean’s clutched grasp, watching his husband’s eyes and pulling air into his lungs. “He’s right.” The words felt as if they were forced from him, but out they came. 

“Who’s right?” Dean looked confused and still very worried. 

“Jimmy.” Now that he had air, the tears were starting to slow down a little. He still sobbed between breaths, but they were farther apart. 

“He’s right about not being sorry?” 

Castiel nodded. It hurt. Just agreeing with it, just thinking it hurt. “He said…” Another sob but smaller. “He said I have a good life because he left.” He searched Dean’s face. It was beloved. Every inch of it from the top of his head to the stubble on his chin, it was beloved. “I have you because he left.” Clutching again, he pulled Dean to him, this time wrapping his arms around his very tense husband. Something happened then, a shifting inside of him. That dark ugly thing with the wings beating in his throat slipped free of him. It flew up his throat and out of his mouth, leaving Castiel exhausted. Crying still, he stumbled backwards towards the bed. “He’s right. He broke my heart but he needed to.” 

Dean held him up as they went to the bed, and once there, he laid Castiel down. “Baby….” 

Castiel drew in a breath, let out a sob. The tears still didn’t stop, however it was years of grief that he’d held onto, clenched inside his chest. “I need to rest.” 

Dean’s eyes still looked wild and the tension remained in his body and his shoulders. Cas had done that to him, had drawn him along and strung him out. He needed to do something for Dean, he needed to calm him down but he just couldn’t keep his eyes open. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” Dean touched his cheek, wiping away tears. 

“Let me hold you?” Castiel reached for Dean but his arms felt heavy.

Dean smiled and Castiel knew it was forced. “Nah, you rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Closing his eyes, Castiel nodded. Between one thought and the next, he was lost to the arms of sleep. 

***

“Coming, coming,” Sam yelled towards the door. The doorbell didn’t stop. Sam couldn’t imagine who would be visiting at this hour, and if the girls had left without their keys, one of them would have called or texted. He opened the door to find his brother standing on his doorstep. “Dean? What are you doing here?” He took one look at his brother and ushered him inside. “What’s wrong?”

“Does something have to be wrong for me to visit my baby brother?” His words were jovial, but his voice and everything else about him most definitely was not.

Sam sat him down on the sofa while he took the chair next to it. “Well, no, except that you don’t usually drop by unannounced…”

“Yeah, well, around here you never know what you’ll walk in on.” Dean interrupted.

“...And you look like someone backed into Baby and didn’t leave insurance information.”

Dean’s head dropped and his shoulders shrunk into his body. Sam knew Dean would open up in his own time, but his brother looked like he was about to break. It had to be bad.

Suddenly Dean picked his head up and looked around the comfortable home. “Where are Eileen and Rowena?”

“Girls’ night out. We’ve got the place to ourselves.”

“Oh. Ok, that’s good.”

Sam considered his brother for a few minutes. Based on his previous conclusion that something bad happened, Sam got up without a word and fetched two beers from the fridge and a bottle of whiskey and two rocks glasses from the bar, setting everything on the coffee table in front of them.

Dean took a long pull from the beer then poured himself a generous glass of whiskey. Sam knew his brother well, a bit of liquid courage would help pull out whatever was in Dean’s head. For being such a good therapist, Dean was the worst person about opening up and asking for help. “Thanks, Sam,” Dean said once he finished his whiskey.

Sam poured himself a drink and then looked over at Dean. “So, what’s going on?” 

“I just...I had to get out of the house. So many people, ya know?” Dean was deflecting.

Sam wouldn’t let him. He looked right at Dean and asked, “So, how are you holding up?”

Sam watched as Dean visibly relaxed, probably for the first time since Cas’s brother had shown up. 

“Not good Sam. Things are not going well.”

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you just need space?”

That was all it took for Dean to just start talking. He never looked up from the empty glass in his hand (he never refilled it either.) “I never told you what actually happened between Cas and Jimmy.”

“No, just that Jimmy stopped talking to Cas before they went to college and disappeared. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.”

“They were really close, like super close…not like us…. Cas, he was in love with Jimmy, and I’m pretty sure Jimmy felt the same way...not that they acted on it, they were just kids. Jimmy broke his heart.” Dean finally looked at Sam. “The problem is Sam, I think Cas is still in love with him.”

It took Sam a bit to process the unexpected information. Finally, he just said, “Ok. Does Jimmy still feel the same way?”

“I’m not sure Jimmy feels anything right now except grief.”

“That’s understandable. How do you feel about Jimmy?”

“He’s pissing me off. He’s wallowing in his own self pity.”

Sam nodded. “That’s not a great way to get to know someone.” Sam thought for a few more minutes before he asked, “Do Cas’s feelings for Jimmy diminish his feelings for you in any way?”

“How can I compete, Sam? They have a history...they’ve known each other since the womb!”

“That’s not what I asked, Dean. You do know that it’s possible to be in love with two people in very different ways at the same time, right? I mean, look at me and Eileen. We’ve been together since high school. I didn’t meet Rowena until she started working for Cas two years ago. Do you think I love her any less just because we don’t have as much of a history?”

“No...but it’s not the same thing, Sam!”

“Of course not. Everyone’s relationship is different. But I’ve been watching you and Cas since you got together. There is no way that man isn’t completely head over heels in love with you. Just because he might also be in love with someone else doesn’t change that.”

“But Sam...what if I’m just the rebound? I helped him get over Jimmy...only to find out that he never got over him.”

Sam smiled softly at him. “I hate to therapize the therapist, but is that really how Cas feels, or is that just your insecurity?”

Dean shrugged.

“You know what you have to do now, right?”

“Talk to Cas.” 

Sam agreed. “Of course you do. The secret to any relationship is honest, open communication. If Cas is still in love with Jimmy, you guys have to figure out how that affects your relationship. Are you going to be comfortable if they get back together? Does Cas even want to rekindle things with Jimmy? These are the things you guys need to talk about. The only people who get to define your marriage are you and Cas. And I know you guys, you want nothing more than for each other to be happy. So go talk to your man and figure out what that is.”

“Yeah, good idea. Thanks, Sam.”

As Dean stood to leave, Sam had one last piece of advice for him. “Oh, and Dean, if you decide that what’s going to make the both of you happy is for Jimmy to be gone, you need to have the strength to do that, kid or no kid, ok?”

“Yeah, ok Sam. I’ll call you tomorrow or whenever and let you know what we decided.”

“Alright. Drive safely.” Sam gave his brother a hug and saw him out.

***

When Dean came home, it was to a dark living room. There was no sign of Claire or Jimmy at all. It was well after dinner time and he had no idea if anyone had eaten. Dean was the one who’d been cooking full time and he wasn’t sure they could survive without him. He thought about scrounging up what he could, however, he honestly wasn’t hungry. With all the upheaval of seeing Cas so upset then admitting his fears to Sam, he was wrung out and exhausted. He’d eat tomorrow. Instead, Dean turned out the kitchen light, checked the doors to make sure they were locked, and then headed upstairs. The hallway was dark and when he opened his bedroom door, it was dark too. Cas was a lump, still on top of the covers. 

He smiled to himself as he made his way into the room. He began stripping out of his clothes and tossed them into the hamper before making his way to where Cas lay. He nudged his husband lightly. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you into your pajamas.” 

“Dean?” Cas’s voice was rough with sleep. “There you are.” He reached out and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “I was looking for you.” 

“Here I am.” Dean whispered, stroking his hand through his husband’s hair. “Come on, let’s get you undressed.” 

“M’kay.” Cas murmured and sat up, He shrugged off his suit coat and pulled his bowtie loose while Dean made quick work of unbuttoning his dress shirt. “I’m glad tomorrow is Saturday.” 

“Man, me too. I’m exhausted.” Dean agreed, nudging Cas’s hip until he raised up enough for Dean to work his pants off. 

“It’s been a long week.” 

“It has.” Dean agreed, picking up Cas’s discarded clothes and carrying them towards the hamper. “Time for some shut eye.” 

Cas hummed in the dark and Dean could hear the sheets being pulled down. He climbed into bed and plumped up his pillows before turning on his side and facing away from his husband in the dark. His fears from earlier welled up inside him and he felt himself tense. What if he was a rebound? What if Cas went back to Jimmy and left him? 

Unaware of this, Cas scooted up behind him and wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest. The moment he settled, he too froze. “Dean, what’s wrong?” 

Dean could feel himself growing more tense with those words. “Nothing. It’s been a long day in a long ass week. Can we just go to sleep?” 

Cas let him go and rolled away. For a moment, Dean thought he was going to let it go. Then the bedside light on Cas’s side clicked on. “It’s been too long for us not to talk to each other. What’s wrong?” 

Dean threw up an arm to cover his eyes, avoiding Cas’s gaze. “It’s not important.” 

Cas tugged Dean’s arm off his face. “If it has you avoiding me at bedtime, it’s important.” 

“I need to sleep. Just let me sleep. Please?” 

Cas’s chin took on that stubborn tilt. “You’ve been my rock for this whole week. I’ve been leaning on you too much, I can tell. Put some of that load on my shoulders.” 

Dean sighed heavily. “You aren’t going to like it.” 

“That’s for me to decide. I still want to know.” Cas waited, his lips pressed together. After a long moment of Dean not talking, he went on. “We have to talk to each other. We can’t do this if we don’t talk.” 

“Okay.” Dean sat up so he was facing Cas. “We don’t…we haven’t talked about this in a long time. I haven’t needed to.” 

“Okay?” 

“It’s about how you were in love with Jimmy.” 

Cas froze next to him, his eyes flicking over Dean’s face. “It hasn’t been relevant.” 

“Well, he’s here. It’s relevant.” 

“I know he’s here but that doesn’t change anything.” 

“I think it does.” 

“Dean, how?” 

“You never got over him.” Dean’s heart felt like it was going to freeze over with fear but he kept going. Sam told him to open up and he was right. They couldn’t do this if they didn’t talk. “You never let go of how much he hurt you. I think you never stopped loving him and now he’s back.” 

“Dean… it’s not…” 

“No, I need you to let me finish.” Dean took a breath and pressed on. “He’s here and you still love him. Where does that leave me? Am I… am I some kind of rebound? Something to fill his place until he returned? What’s going to happen to us? I need to know.” Even as he said it, he jerked his eyes away unwilling to see what was on Cas’s face.

“It’s not like that at all, Dean.” Cas reached for Dean, his fingers a gentle touch on his chin. When Dean looked up, Cas’s eyes were warm and soft. Full of love. “Maybe I love him and maybe I don’t. I don’t know that. I was too busy holding onto my grief and my rage.” Cas shook his head and continued. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him.” 

“Right...so…” 

“It’s my turn to talk. Let me finish.” Dean gestured to Cas, urging him on. “What I do know is that I love you. I love you with everything I have. With everything I am. I need you to believe that.” 

Dean reached for Cas’s hand and squeezed his fingers. “You guys have all that history….” 

“A history where I was abandoned and left broken. I have history with you too, you know. A long history that starts with a green eyed boy that wouldn’t let me drown. A boy that never gave up on me and loved me patiently when I couldn’t love him back. We have a history of talking to each other, opening ourselves to each other and sharing our lives with each other. It means the world to me.” Cas leaned forward and brushed their lips together. “I should have guessed you’d feel this way. I’ve always known that confidence isn’t your friend. I’m sorry I failed you, my love. I was too focused on me.” 

“Cas, you’ve been dealing with utter shit….” 

“It’s not an excuse. I should have known you’d feel this way. Jimmy showed me how much I loved you today. He made me look at it when he said he wasn’t sorry. He made me realize how irreplaceable you are to me. There is no other you. There’s no one who could ever be what you are to me. You’re priceless.” 

Uncomfortable with the praise, Dean looked away again. “I… look you’re my person. I can’t… I can’t lose you Cas.” 

“You won’t lose me.” Cas turned his head back and kissed him again. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Relaxing, Dean fell forward and wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders. “Okay.” 

Cas’s fingers stroked through his hair. “It doesn’t matter what happens with Jimmy. My life is with you now. Whatever happens, that’s permanent.” 

Closing his eyes, Dean soaked up the feeling of Cas’s fingers. “Okay.”

For a moment they sat there in the dim light of the lamp, Cas stroking his fingers through Dean’s hair. After several minutes, Cas spoke up again. “Let me make love to you.” 

“With everything that’s been going on…” 

“I need that connection to you, Dean.” Cas tugged Dean’s head up again. “I think you need it too.” 

“I always need you.” 

“Good.” Cas leaned in and their lips met. For a long time, the kiss was gentle, a firm touch of lips. With a tilt of the head, they fit together. Then with a parted sigh, Dean dove deeper, pressing his tongue into Cas’s mouth. Cas hummed and then sucked lightly on his tongue, welcoming him in. Again they mellowed out, letting their kisses slowly build upon one another. They grew closer, their breath mingling, the heat building slowly between them. It was precious, the way they shared these moments with each other; and in his heart, Dean knew there would never be anyone like Cas. 

Dean tumbled back onto the bed and drew Cas down between his thighs, needing to feel his husband’s body pressed fully against his. The weight of it was perfect as was the silken touch of flesh against flesh. They lay together, sharing kisses and slowly beginning to touch. First his fingers down Cas’s spine to curve over the shape of his ass. Then Cas’s fingers tripping across his nipples, pinching to bring them to tightened nubs. Finally Dean couldn’t take the distance anymore and he tugged Cas’s boxers off. Cas kicked them away then turned himself to the task of removing Dean’s boxer briefs. Once they laid naked together they basked in it, rolling their hips together to feel the bump and glide of cock against cock. 

“Cas, please?” Dean begged when he could take no more. The need had been building to a slow burn that he couldn’t hold back any longer. And Cas, he withheld nothing from Dean. He reached for the bedside table, withdrew the lube and slicked his fingers up. The touch against Dean’s hole was cool but welcome and he opened his thighs wider, inviting his husband in. Dean sighed as one finger pressed against his rim and then slipped inside. He lost himself in the growing pleasure as one finger became two and then finally three. “Now.” He murmured, pulling his lips from Cas’s to speak the words. 

“Yes.” Cas answered, nipping at Dean’s lips as he withdrew his fingers and slicked up his cock instead. A minute amount of shifting and he was back between Dean’s thighs, the hard length of him pressing in against Dean’s hole and then gliding inside. It felt as easy as breathing, the way his body welcomed Cas in. He wrapped his thighs around Cas’s waist and his arms around his shoulders. His whole body cried out for touch, for sensation and Cas gave that to him in hot, slow strokes. They met like lapping waves, moving together in perfect time. The tension and pleasure built between them, each answering a need in the other. Cas reached between them and wrapped his hand around Dean. He stroked him in time with his thrusts and the perfection of that motion was enough to carry Dean away. He came hard, his release splashing up their bellies as he clenched around Cas. Moaning low, Cas thrust into him twice more and then he too was coming. Cas crashed down in his arms and Dean held them as they trembled together, basking in the glow of their bodies.

Dean had no idea how long they lay like that, but he must have dozed because Cas moving woke him up. “Where ya going?” He tried holding on tighter to keep his husband close. 

“Just to get a washcloth.” Cas promised and Dean let him go. He came back a moment later and gently washed Dean’s stomach and chest as well as his thighs. He gave a cursory cleaning to himself and then climbed back in bed next to Dean. He clicked off the light and settled next to Dean, wrapping him up in his arms. “I love you. Never doubt that. You are my light.” 

In the dark, Dean soaked up the words as if he were parched. Cas loved him. No matter what happened, that would be true. It was just what he needed. “I know. I just… you’re my everything. I get scared when I think I could lose you.” 

Cas pushed his hair back from his forehead and put a kiss there. “Never. You couldn’t lose me in a hundred years.” 

“Good.” Dean settled in close, wrapped in the warmth of his husband’s arms. It was enough. 

***

Castiel woke up with Dean in his arms. He was snoring lightly and drooling a bit into his pillow. Cas smiled to himself before pulling away from Dean, careful not to wake him. His husband had been carrying a huge load of stress and he needed his rest. Slipping from the bed, Cas went into the closet and found his pajamas and dressed himself, not caring who was going to see. It was his house and he was going to be comfortable, house guests be damned. 

Once downstairs, he headed into the kitchen, fully intent on cooking breakfast for Dean. Of course, Jimmy was there. His brother was sitting at the kitchen table, frowning into his cup of coffee. Cas squared his shoulders and strode into the room. He got himself a mug from the cabinet then filled it with coffee. At the table, Jimmy had grown tense but was still staring into his coffee cup. 

“I need to talk to you.” Cas’s voice surprised him, but he went with it. There was something he needed to say. 

Jimmy’s shoulders sunk. “I get it. I’ll have Claire pack up. We’ll be out within the hour.” 

Cas frowned. “That’s not what I have to say.” He crossed to the table and took the chair next to Jimmy. It was strange to be so close to his brother after all these years. 

“It’s not?” Surprise was written on Jimmy’s face. 

“No.” Castiel found himself frowning into his coffee cup as he ordered his words. He looked up, willing himself to meet his brother head on. “I thought about what you said yesterday. I really thought about it.” Jimmy opened his mouth but Cas pressed on. “Now that I’ve had time to process it, I think you’re right. You had to leave. If you hadn’t left, I wouldn’t have met Dean. I wouldn’t have him now.” Jimmy’s eyes had widened so Cas threw up a forestalling hand. “That doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you. Not for the way you left me. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for that but…. I understand now. That helps.” Cas took a deep breath, his eyes searching his brother’s face. “And I’m sorry. If Amelia meant to you what Dean means to me, then I’m sorry she’s gone. My heart breaks for your loss.” 

Cas wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t for Jimmy to collapse like a house of cards. His brother’s coffee cup dropped to the table with a clatter, spilling coffee on the dark wood as Jimmy covered his face with his hands and began to sob. He shook silently for a long moment, his eyes squeezed shut and his face turning red. Tears began to roll down his cheeks. “I wish I had died instead.” He gasped in between sobs. 

It was too much for Castiel to sit silent before. In his own way, he understood. He’d thought his world had ended when Jimmy had left, but now he could see that it wasn’t that final. Jimmy was alive and for years Castiel had held to the hope he’d come back. Jimmy didn’t have that. Amelia was gone forever. Unsure of himself, he awkwardly rubbed his hand across Jimmy’s shoulders, uncertain what to say. 

Jimmy turned blindly to him and fell into Cas, hiding his face. “Sorry…” He wept. “I’m sorry.” He was wracked with tears as badly as Cas had been last night. 

Cas had no clue what to do. He’d seen Jimmy sad before but never like this. Never so broken open. He looked up in desperation for help and his eyes landed on Claire, who was standing in the kitchen doorway. Dean was standing just behind her, all mussed hair and sleepy eyes. 

“There’s nothing left.” Jimmy heaved. “You hate me. Claire hates me. I’ve got nothing left.” 

Suddenly Claire broke free from the doorway and forced her way between Jimmy and Cas. She placed her tiny hands on either side of her dad’s face. “You’ve got me, Dad. I’m what’s left.” She gave him a rough shake, her eyes fierce and her expression determined. “You’ve got me, okay?” 

Jimmy looked up, eyes watering, nose running. He sniffled loudly. “I do?” 

Claire nodded once. “We’ve got each other. It sucks. Man does it suck, but we do.” 

Jimmy just blinked at his daughter in confusion. 

Claire shook him again. “Okay, Dad? You’ve got me and I need you here.” 

The breath in Jimmy whooshed out all at once and he wrapped his arms around Claire. “Thank you, Clairebear. Thank you.” 

“Yeah, whatever. “ Claire pushed his head off but she looked into his face, peering curiously. “You’re going to stop crying because you are getting snot all over me and then Dean’s going to make us breakfast and you’re going to eat it.”

Jimmy let out a watery laugh. “Yes, ma’am.” 

Claire nodded again, this time in approval. “Then you are going to talk to Uncle Cas and Dean about finding a job. You can’t sit around on your ass anymore.” 

Jimmy laughed again, then let Claire go to wipe his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “Okay, you got it. I promise to be more present.” 

Claire shook her finger in his face. “You’d better.” She turned to Cas next. “Get my Dad a tissue or something, he’s covered in snot and it’s gross.” 

“I got it.” Dean piped up from the door. 

“Nope, you are making breakfast.” Claire demanded, turning her blue eyed glare on Dean. “Uncle Cas has got the tissue, you’ve got breakfast and Dad…” She crossed the kitchen and grabbed up the paper only to slap it down in front of her dad. “...is going to get a job.” She looked around the room, putting her hands on her hips. “Well?” 

“We’re moving.” Cas said, holding back a laugh as he got up from the kitchen table. As he passed Dean, he stopped to kiss his cheek. 

Dean leaned in and kissed his lips. “I think it might be okay.” 

Cas just smiled. “I guess we’ll see.” 


	4. Part II: 4 months later

Jimmy sighed as he reached into the car and pulled out his briefcase from where it sat in the front passenger seat of his Lexus. It had been a very long day and to top it off, he had stacks of essays that he needed to grade, preferably tonight. He rolled his shoulders as he squared them to go into the house. A house which he was still very aware, was not his home. However, it was where they were staying and he suspected it was becoming a home to Claire. Never in his wildest imaginings had he ever thought he would be living with his twin once more but here they were. 

Just as he was aware that this wasn’t his home, he was also aware the rift that had formed between himself and Castiel was still there. It wasn’t open animosity anymore; Castiel would talk to him on occasion and would at least accept dishes Jimmy passed him at this point. Still, Castiel mostly avoided him and when they talked it was always perfunctory - often something about household maintenance or Claire. Usually though, his brother left most of the important communication to Dean. Jimmy felt guilty about this too; he could see the strain that being in the middle was causing his brother’s husband, but it seemed there was nothing he could do about it. Castiel had accepted why Jimmy had to leave, he’d said so himself but true to his word, Cas hadn’t forgiven him for the way he had done it. Jimmy felt as if maybe he never would. 

Another point of guilt for Jimmy was the job he now held. Instead of going back home to his vice president of marketing position with Sandover, he had let Dean talk him into something a little more local. Instead of tackling difficult problems and sitting through board meetings, Jimmy was now teaching marketing to the students at the local community college. He’d been scared to death when he’d gotten the job; after all, the only training he’d ever done was when he got new people in his department and even that had been years ago. He’d climbed so far up the corporate ladder that he never dealt with new hires. Once he’d gotten the job, he turned in his resignation at Sandover. That had been hard; he’d worked hard getting to where he’d been and had always had his eyes on ascending farther. Now he was out of the rat race, taking a big pay cut and dealing with grading papers and answering questions. He couldn’t tell if it was worse that he sort of liked his new job; it was different every day and came with its own set of challenges. Of course, he had to face the fact that he’d never be able to sustain himself and Claire at the level they were used to living. As long as they stayed with Castiel and Dean, it didn’t matter though. 

Jimmy knew by this point he should be finding them other lodgings. He thought he could afford a small apartment with what he made and he knew he could move Claire out. However, she’d seemed to have burrowed herself in deep and now seemed emotionally invested in Dean. After losing her mother, it seemed cruel to rip away another source of support for his daughter. It didn’t bear mentioning that Jimmy still wished that source of support was him and not Dean. Overall, the important point seemed that Dean, for all the strain he must be under, had not made any move to send Jimmy and Claire out on their own. They lived with a tenuous status quo around the house. It felt as if they tiptoed around each other a lot. It wasn’t exactly comfortable but it worked. Jimmy was smart enough not to mess with that. 

Setting his shoulders firmly, Jimmy clutched his briefcase and headed into the house. No one greeted him when he came through the door but that was typical. He still noted it every time though, because Amelia had always been there to greet him with a smile and a kiss. He missed her deeply and it still gnawed at him, but it was no longer the wild grief that had made him want to die. It was gentler now, a steady source of sorrow that he lived with; a part of his new life that reminded him that she’d been there. Sometimes he felt as if it was the only reminder of her life at all. That and Claire. 

Jimmy tossed the briefcase and the stack of papers in a chair in the living room then went through the door to the kitchen to find Claire sitting at the table doing her homework while Dean cooked dinner. 

“Hey, sweetie.” He said and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. 

She rolled her eyes and gestured to her homework. “How are you with writing essays? Dean won’t help.” 

At the stove, Dean snorted. “What she means is I won’t write it for her. Which I won’t.” 

“I need help.” Claire whined. 

Jimmy pressed back a smile. He knew from Amelia’s stories of Claire that his daughter was better at math than english so he wasn’t surprised. “What’s the essay about?” 

“This book we read. It was total garbage about some middle school kid with a brother who was like some kind of criminal. It was super boring.” 

“Hmmm, sounds it. What are you supposed to be writing about?” 

“Something about narrative and evidence.” Her answer was a mumble. 

“You don’t really know, do you?” 

“Pfft.” Claire snorted. “It’s total bullcrap and I don’t care.” 

“Claire, it’s important. You will need to write essays through the rest of your schooling. It’s time you learned how to do it right.” 

“Fine, show me!” 

“I’m not falling into this trap.” Jimmy tugged the paper towards him. There were a total of two sentences on it. “Did your teacher give you a hand out with the assignment on it?” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

Claire rolled her eyes again, this time more exaggerated than the last. “I was supposed to write it down in class.” 

“And why didn’t you?” 

“No reason.” 

“Claire.” 

She sighed heavily. “I was passing a note to Kevin, alright?” 

“Maybe we should ask the teacher to move your seat so you aren’t tempted to pass notes.” 

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will. Your education is important.” 

The young girl growled and folded her arms over her chest. “Maybe if I ask Kevin, he’ll know. Can I text him?” 

They had strict texting rules in place for Claire, which Amelia had initiated when they bought Claire the phone. Jimmy had seen no reason to change them. The major rule was no texting before homework was done. “Go ahead. One time only.” 

“Fine.” Claire pulled her phone out of her bag and began to write the message, all the while mumbling about how ‘this was garbage’ under her breath. It made Jimmy want to sigh, because this was only going to get worse as she got older.

From the stove, Dean tossed a grin over his shoulder and wink. The man was amazing. It was as if he’d known that Jimmy was already exhausted with Claire and was sending silent encouragement. He could see why Castiel loved him so much. Dean made it look effortless, he hadn’t taken offense at Claire’s attitude and just stayed at the stove, cooking up something that smelled delicious. Once again, Jimmy felt the pangs of missing Amelia violently, just as he always did when Dean was around. He wanted to like Dean but the way the man made him miss Amelia also made him uncomfortable too. He was always sad when Dean was around, always missing the spouse he’d had, loved, and lost. 

Claire’s phone chirped and she turned it over in her hand. After reading it, she shoved it in Jimmy’s face. “There, the assignment.” 

Jimmy read it over and nodded once. “It looks like you need to form an opinion about the story and argue your point using evidence from the book to back it up. That shouldn’t be hard.” 

“My opinion is that this book sucks.” 

“Okay. Well, why does it suck?” 

“It just does. It’s pointless.” 

“But why? Back up your opinion.” 

Claire let out a sound of frustration. “It has nothing to do with me. I think we’re supposed to sympathize with the narrator because he’s a middle schooler but he’s nothing like me.” 

“Okay, so argue that the narrator is a poor object for sympathy. Discuss the ways they’re too different from you to really make you feel what you are supposed to.” 

Claire blinked at him. “I can write a negative opinion?” 

“Of course. The assignment doesn’t say you have to like it. You just have to do it.” 

After a long moment, Claire gave a grudging, “I can do that,” before bending her head back down to focus on her paper. 

From the stove, Dean threw him a thumbs up. Jimmy grinned in response, feeling accomplished before that sense of loss, of missing Amelia, swept away the joy. The kitchen plunged into silence, the only sounds were the scratching of Claire’s pencil and the soft sizzle of whatever it was Dean was cooking. Those sounds were broken perhaps five minutes later when the door to the garage opened to admit Castiel. 

The man breezed across the room and planted a firm kiss on Dean’s cheek. “Hello, Dean.” 

“Hey, Baby.” Dean laid his spatula down and turned to Cas, enveloping him in a warm hug. 

From the table, Claire made gagging sounds. 

This was all very routine, so normal it happened almost every night. Castiel came in, greeted Dean by saying “Hello, Dean” in just that same way (Jimmy figured it must be a thing between them. One of those silly little interactions all couples had.) and then Claire gave them a hard time for being affectionate. It was something of a new normal. 

Cas turned from Dean to look gravely at Claire. “Hello, Claire.” 

“Hey Uncle Cas.” She gave him a little half wave before turning back to her schoolwork. 

As usual, Castiel nodded to Jimmy but did not greet him any other way. It was a step up from when Castiel had ignored him totally and Jimmy supposed this was baby steps. At this rate, they might actually make up by the time they were both 70 or something. Jimmy didn’t make it awkward by greeting his brother. 

“I’ll go get changed.” Castiel breezed out of the room, heading upstairs to change out of his suit. Jimmy hadn’t done that because his business suits felt like armor to him; he was a calm professional in the suit, James Novak, a man who could deal with anything life threw his way. When he was in his normal clothes, he was just Jimmy again and Jimmy was something of a wreck, grieving his wife and drowning in life. He didn’t like Jimmy very much these days. 

Five minutes later, Castiel came back in, just as Dean announced, “Dinner’s ready.” 

Claire cleared off her books and papers, while Castiel pulled out dishes from the cabinet and set the table. Jimmy stayed where he was. He usually didn’t have a place to fit in when Castiel was around, so he did his level best to be unobtrusive. Once the table was set, Dean served up the food. Tonight was burgers and fries, which was Castiel’s favorite. Jimmy liked a good burger too and Dean’s were some of the best he’d ever tasted. 

As they all sat there chewing in silence, Claire piped up. “I’d like to have my friends over for a sleepover.” She turned her eyes on Dean, doing her best impression of puppy dog eyes. “Please?” 

Jimmy likely would have caved to the expression simply because it would be nice for Claire to come to him for something. It was a little gratifying to see Dean fall for it too. “I guess that’s alright. Cas?” 

Claire turned the expression on her uncle next. “Please Uncle Cas?” 

“I see no harm in it. It’s normal for children your age to want to have prolonged exposure to their friends.” His voice was clinical as always, giving the science behind Claire’s request. He seemed less susceptible to the eyes. “As long as you are quiet and don’t make a mess, it’s fine with me.” 

“Yes!” Claire cheered. “I’m gonna invite Kevin and Jack!” 

Dean spluttered at the same time Jimmy did. “You can’t invite boys to a sleepover!” 

“What? You totally can!” Claire shot back at Dean. 

Jimmy cut in. “No, Dean is right. You can’t have a mixed gender sleepover.” 

“Why not?” Her voice was heating up into an angry teenage zone. 

Jimmy looked up to see Dean staring at him across the table. "It just isn't done. You can invite your female friends over for a sleepover."

"I don't have any female friends!" Claire spat out. "This is absolute, bullshit!" She turned to Dean for help.

Dean was already shaking his head. "Nope, I'm with your dad on this one. It's too much temptation."

Claire's expression morphed into confusion. "Temptation? For what?" She swung her head, looking from Dean to Jimmy then finally to Castiel.

The man in question cleared his throat. "I assume they mean for sexual behavior. You are at an age where young people begin to model adult relationships by picking out boyfriends and girlfriends."

"Okay, gross."

"Indeed." Castiel raised an eyebrow as he looked across the table at Dean. "I think they are being a little ridiculous." 

"Cas!" Dean barked out while Claire turned disbelieving eyes on Cas. 

Unperturbed, Castiel went on. "She’s much too young for any true sexual behavior much beyond kissing. Which would be harmless for one…"

Claire spluttered. "I don't want to kiss Kevin or Jack!"

"...and besides, she could make out with girls as easily as she could with boys." Cas went on. 

This time Jimmy spluttered right along with Dean. "We are not talking about homosexuality with my daughter!"

"I would assume you already had." Castiel said coolly. "She lives in a household with two people in a happy homosexual relationship. She already knows it's okay. But we are getting far afield right now. The bottom line is that there are three adults in this house who can surely chaperone three 12 year old children. Nothing will happen beyond movie watching and possibly popcorn fights, which does break my rule of not making a mess." He looked sternly at Claire.

Claire simply nodded, seeing her one ally in the endeavour. "Okay, no popcorn fights. Got it. But can we, Uncle Cas? I can have Jack and Kevin over?"

Castiel nodded. "It's fine with me. As I said, this is normal development for a child your age. However, I can't make this decision. It's truly up to Jimmy. You're his daughter, after all."

Claire's head swiveled to Jimmy and her pleading eyes were back.”Please dad? Kevin and Jack are my only friends here and it’s not like I can invite Krissy. She’s back home.” 

That was really the coup de grace, wasn’t it? Because Jimmy had yanked Claire away from her own life because he couldn’t cope with his. The guilt didn’t just well up, it crashed over him and he hunched his shoulders beneath it. “Yeah, it’s alright.” He glanced up to see the triumph in her eyes. “But you are not to be alone with these boys, ever. Alright?” 

Claire rolled her eyes even as she made a fist pump in the air. “Whatever, fine. We’ll hang out with Uncle Dean the whole time.” 

“Wait a second, me?” Dean looked mystified. “I didn’t agree to this at all.” 

“Come on, you love me.” Claire demanded. 

Dean shook his head. “If we are doing this, then all three of us are doing it. Got it, Cas?” 

Castiel just nodded. “I got it, Dean. I’ll help chaperone.” 

With that, they all went back to dinner. Jimmy wanted to grumble about it but Claire, of course, seemed very happy that she had gotten her way. He couldn’t help but wonder how this was going to go, however, he knew that Dean would be there and if anyone could handle twelve year olds, it was Dean. He eyed his brother across the table, wondering how Castiel was going to do with this, then turned back to his burger. If he could say nothing else, Dean made a mean burger and he let himself enjoy it. 

***

The day of the slumber party arrived, and Claire raced downstairs — just sleeping in enough to miss the trip to the supermarket— to make sure that Dean had picked up all the snacks on her list. It seemed like a lot for just the three of them, but Jack liked sweet snacks while Kevin preferred salty ones. As for Claire, she liked pizza rolls, with ranch dressing.

When she turned the corner towards the kitchen, she heard her uncles talking about the sleepover. 

“I still can’t believe the boys’ mothers agreed to this.” Dean was saying. “Well, Kelly is a bit of a free spirit, so I guess I’m not surprised she’s ok with Jack coming over. But Linda Tran is kind of a tiger mom. I’m still surprised she lets Kevin have any friends, let alone one that’s a girl.”

“Dean, you are overwrought about this. Try to relax. They aren't going to be playing spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven, if that happens to be what you did when you were 12. These are good kids who will have adult supervision.”

“Hey! Are you saying I wasn’t a good kid?”

“If the shoe fits….”

Claire cut them off right before their playful teasing turned into kissing. That was something that happened more times than Claire wanted to think about.

“Geez! I don’t know what you’re so worried about. I certainly don’t want to kiss either of them. Gross. And neither do they. All Jack wants to do is play soccer and bake. Which reminds me, did you get stuff to make brownies?”

“Yes. And I didn’t forget the nougat either.”

“Thank you.” Claire went right back to her rant. “And trust me, no one wants to kiss anyone who has hair like Kevin Tran. And all he’s interested in is soccer and the cello. So chill out already!”

Dean threw his hands up. "Alright, already. Sheesh. I get the point."

"What time do they arrive?" Claire was practically bouncing on her toes. She was super excited and wasn't hiding it very well.

"4 o'clock. They'll have time to settle in before we order the pizza." Dean added.

Claire looked at the clock. That was still hours away. "Ugh!"

"That gives you plenty of time to clean your room before they get here."

"But Dean! We’re sleeping in the living room. They aren't even going to see my bedroom." She rolled her eyes.

"Nope, that was part of the deal. Your room is a disaster. It's time to clean it before you get bugs or something."

"I'm not going to get bugs!" She screeched, which pulled a wince out of Uncle Cas. 

"The state of your room is not healthy." He stated, squinting at her. 

"Yup, kiddo. Either clean it up or I'll call Jack and Kevin's moms to cancel.

Claire made a loud noise of frustration before turning on her heel and stomping up the stairs to show her displeasure. She even slammed the door when she got to her room but it was two floors up and she doubted that Dean or Uncle Cas could hear. She was tempted to throw herself on the bed to pout however the bed was piled up with clothes. She looked around and had to admit it was pretty messy. She couldn't see the carpet and her little desk was covered with books and papers from school. With a sigh, she got up and started to clean.

Once she started, the time seemed to fly by. Dean interrupted her once to call her down to lunch and then a second time to bring her the vacuum. She groused about having to vacuum just for the sake of doing it but of course, Dean was completely unaffected. It took ages to complete, when she looked at the clock it was 3 and she hadn't gotten to her desk yet. This was too much! 

"Dean!" She screamed out.

She was gratified to hear his footsteps on the stairs right away. He opened her door and looked a little worried. "Claire, are you okay?"

"I'm not going to get done!" She flopped onto the bed which was now free of clothing and neatly made up. "Mom would have helped me." 

Dean crossed his arms over his chest, appearing unsympathetic. "You made the mess and you can clean it up."

"I have cleaned it up! I've been cleaning for hours!"

"It looks like all you have left is vacuuming and cleaning your desk."

Claire gave a doubtful look to the vacuum. "I've never used one before."

"You've never used a vacuum before?" Dean's eyebrows had flown up at the thought.

"No, mom always did it." 

Dean rolled his eyes but uncrossed his arms and went to the vacuum. "Well, it's easy. I'll show you."

 _Perfect._ Claire got up from the bed and went to his side. It was true she didn't know how to vacuum and it looked easy, still it was a little bit of help and she wanted it. After all, she'd cleaned the rest herself and it had been a lot of work.

Dean plugged in the vacuum and carefully showed her the pedal you pushed to unlock the vacuum. "You push this, then turn it on here." The vacuum roared to life. "Then you push." Dean demonstrated, rolling the vacuum over the floor where it picked up little bits and pieces on the carpet.

Claire put on her interested face and watched Dean work.

Dean stopped after a few passes. "Here, your turn." He raised his voice to top the noise of the vacuum 

"I don't like it. It's loud!" She put her hands over her ears.

Dean turned a suspicious eye on her. "Are you serious right now?"

She nodded, stepping back from him.

He seemed to war with himself for a moment before shaking his head. "Fine. I got it. Go clean your desk." 

_Score!_ Claire went to the desk. "Okay, Dean." It was no picnic straightening the mess she'd made of the desk but it was better than having to do both. Behind her, Dean finished vacuuming and started to pack up the vacuum. "Thanks, Dean!"

He went away grumbling but she knew he'd forgive her. It still took her forever to clean up the desk. So long, in fact, that she was just finishing when the doorbell rang. She dropped the last of her books into the book pile and ran downstairs. 

Dean was letting Jack in. "Welcome!" 

“Hi Uncle Dean!” Jack said brightly.

“Hey, kid, I’m not your uncle.”

“What are you talking about? You’re everybody’s Uncle Dean!”

“Hey Jack!” Claire said. She grabbed him by the forearm and led him into the living room.

Claire was just getting Jack settled in with a game controller when the doorbell rang again. “Kevin’s here!” She squealed and raced to answer the door, even though Dean was still standing there. She flung the door open and hauled Kevin into the living room while the adults gaped behind them.

They could just hear Linda Tran talking to Dean as they worked on getting the gaming console setup.

“So, Dean, I’m sure you’ll be keeping a sharp eye on these children?”

“Yes ma’am. There are three of us and three of them, I think it will be fine.”

“If you say so. But I’m more than willing to stay and help out.” Linda offered.

Kevin’s eyes grew big as saucers at his mom’s offer. “I’ll be fine, Mom! Go home!”

“Are you going to give me a proper goodbye, young man?”

“Yes, mom.” When he stood up to see his mom off, Claire followed him with Jack in tow.

They giggled softly as Linda hugged her son and kissed him on the top of his shaggy head. Claire was glad she could giggle at that, because it also made her miss her mom terribly. From the door, Kevin groaned audibly. “Ugh, Mom, stop.”

“Never. Now, you behave and listen to Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak, ok?”

“Yes ma’am.” She finally released him and Claire and Jack quickly whisked him off to a good eavesdropping distance.

“Dean, here is my cell phone number. You call me if anything comes up. I don’t care what time it is. And here’s a list of all of Kevin’s food sensitivities and his nightly schedule.”

“I work with teens and tweens for a living, Linda. I think I can handle this.”

“Very well. But call me if you need me.”

“Will do.” He slammed the door one handed when she left. Claire looked at Kevin and Jack to see they were both holding back snickers. 

Once the door was closed, Claire led the way to the kitchen to help Kevin and Jack make snacks. Down came all of the giant bowls in the house to be filled with various chips and candy. There was even one bowl filled with buttery popcorn and peanut butter M&Ms. Okay, so Dean had helped with the popcorn, rolling his eyes as he pulled down the air popper. From the doorway, Uncle Cas said “This is much healthier than the microwave popcorn, Dean.” Claire shared a look with Dean over that one and Dean had winked, which made her giggle again. When Uncle Cas looked at her suspiciously she gave him her best innocent stare. He didn’t look like he was buying it though. 

“I don’t think any of that is on this list of food Kevin should be eating.” Dean said from the entryway of the kitchen. “Should we even be ordering pizza?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “I don’t have food sensitivities. My mom just doesn’t like me eating junk food.”

“That’s why I bring extra Doritos in my lunch,” Jack confirmed.

“Me too.” Claire said. Then added, “You guys better clean up after yourselves! Uncle Cas said not to make a mess!” Uncle Cas gave her a nod and his lips quirked up, which was as close to seeing him smile as she’d ever come and she felt ridiculously proud of herself for it. 

The three paraded into the living room carrying bowls and bowls of snacks. Once all of the food and drink made its way out of the kitchen, Claire made an extra trip back to clean up the remaining mess. Uncle Cas was the one who made this happen, so she was going to do her best not to break his main rule. She again earned an appreciative nod before Uncle Cas went back upstairs. When she was done, she flopped down on the sofa between her two friends and said, “So, who wants to watch a scary movie?”

“I do!” Jack exclaimed.

“Um...I guess?” Kevin was less sure.

“Great!” Claire reached into her backpack and pulled out a DVD. “A Nightmare on Elm Street. It’s my favorite.”

“Don’t you think you are a little young for Freddy Krueger?” Dean asked.

“No way, I grew up on these movies.” Claire declared. “They were my mom’s favorite too.”

Dean shrugged and helped get the DVD player set up. Then, finally, all three grew quiet as they sat together on the couch, entranced with the movie. Jack was on the edge of his seat watching in fascination. Claire was relaxing into the couch, comfortable in her skin as she was an old hand at this, and Kevin mostly had his eyes hidden against Claire’s shoulder. 

They stayed like that until they were interrupted. Uncle Cas walked in right when Freddy was attacking Tina. The movie froze on the iconic image of Freddy Krueger’s nightmarish claw. “I don’t think this is appropriate for children.”

“Claire has already seen all of these movies,” Jimmy said. “Besides, the kids know it’s fake, and clearly they’re enjoying it.”

“It looks like poor Kevin is scared to death!”

“Come on, Cas, just sit down. You’ll see this is too cheesy to be scary.” Dean said.

Uncle Cas gave Dean a skeptical look. “I think I’ve seen enough as it is.” 

From his chair, her dad snorted. “No dice there, Dean. Cassi...Castiel has been scared of horror movies since we were kids. He used to hide his face behind my back.” 

Claire perked up with interest as she’d never heard anything about her dad and Uncle Cas as kids. 

Uncle Cas snorted. “You were the one who insisted on watching them even though I told you I didn’t like them.” 

“You watched them anyway.” 

“I did it to keep you happy.” There was something sad about Uncle Cas’s voice and he cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. “Never mind. I’m going back upstairs.” 

“Baby, come here.” Dean held out his hand to Uncle Cas, who slowly took it, then was pulled down on Dean’s lap. “Now I’ve got a lapful of sexy and you can hide your face in my neck.” 

Claire thought she heard Uncle Cas say ‘Incorrigible’ but it was muffled so much she couldn’t be sure. Still he stayed, which was too much to let go unmolested. “Gross. My friends are here.” 

“Easy, Claire.” Her dad piped up. “They can be comfortable watching the movie. After all, you and your friends took the couch. 

Claire settled back in with Kevin and Jack and they turned the movie back on. It wasn’t long before the doorbell rang, causing half the household to jump out of their skin. Next to her, Kevin squeezed her arm and squealed in her ear. “You okay there, Kevin?” 

Kevin’s eyes were firmly shut as he peeped, “Fine. I’m just fine.” 

Claire shrugged and went back to the movie while Dean fetched the pizzas.

***

Two more movies, four pizzas, and too much junk food later, the kids were finally asleep. Claire and Kevin were on the sofa and Jack was in a sleeping bag on the floor next to it. After three rounds with Freddy, Kevin insisted he could not sleep alone in his sleeping bag and currently had a hold on Claire like she was the only thing that could protect him from the dream demon.

“That might be trouble when they’re older.” Dean said to no one in particular, still sitting in the easy chair across the room with Castiel in his lap.

Jimmy hummed his agreement as he got up to stretch. “Who knows?” Overall he’d had a pretty enjoyable evening, and having Dean and Castiel there to help with the kids had taken the pressure off.

“It’s early, developmentally, to be making such a statement.” Cas said as he scooted back from Dean’s lap. 

Dean just shrugged as he went to the coffee table and began to pick up the bowls. “I’m going to drop these in the sink for now. Claire can do them tomorrow. Need any help finding a sleeping bag, Jimmy?” 

“Sleeping bag? What?” Jimmy blinked at Dean. 

“Well, yeah. Someone has to stay down here. She’s your kid.” 

“We never talked about that!” 

“It went without saying, I thought.” Dean looked immovable as he picked up the various bowls of snacks, now mostly empty. “I’ll help you once I’ve taken care of this.” He breezed out of the room. Leaving him alone with Castiel. 

Castiel stood watching Dean, shifting from foot to foot but he didn’t flee like he always did.

Jimmy licked his lips, thinking of what Castiel had said earlier. “Did… did you really only watch all those movies when we were kids just to make me happy?” 

Castiel looked at him sharply, almost as if he’d forgotten that Jimmy was there. His expression was mostly neutral but Jimmy knew the way around that. It was in the eyes and that’s where he looked now. Castiel looked frightened, as if he was seconds away from fleeing now. He didn’t though. Instead he said. “Yes, I did.” 

“Why?” Jimmy knew he was pushing his luck but he couldn’t make himself stop.

“I thought I already explained that. Because you wanted me to.” Stubbornness was rising not only in Castiel’s eyes but his face too. 

“I thought after a while it got better.” Jimmy wasn’t sure how he felt about this but it wasn’t exactly good. 

“I still always hid.” Castiel’s voice had gotten very quiet. 

“I thought… I kinda thought you liked to hide that way. To be...close.” It was the closest Jimmy had ever come to mentioning that thing. The growing feelings between them that made being near Castiel both a revelation and heartrending. The fact that he wanted something he couldn’t have and shouldn’t have wanted in the first place. Something they both knew was between them. 

Castiel stared at him now, his lips open as if trying to speak but not finding the words. His eyes though, they bore into Jimmy now. “Maybe… I just liked making you happy.” It was a deflection and they both knew it. The room around them was raw both with what was unspoken and the looming tension between them that had been there since Jimmy had come back. 

“I always wanted to make you happy too.” It was the wrong thing to say. Jimmy knew it the moment it came out of his mouth. 

Castiel’s jaw snapped shut and his nostrils flared. For a moment, Jimmy was sure that his brother was about to lay into him again, sleeping children be damned. Then he… just didn’t. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, his expression relaxed. “But that was wrong, wasn’t it? Neither of us should have wanted that.” 

The fact that they were discussing this now, after all these years, felt bizarre to Jimmy. It was the talk they needed to have before he had left. “I always thought so.” 

“Always?” 

“I don’t know.” Jimmy swallowed convulsively as some emotion welled up in his throat, though he couldn’t say if it was sadness or remorse, or maybe both. “I can’t answer that now. Not with things as they are.” He looked up and felt like he was pleading. “Not with Amelia gone.” 

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment and stepped forward to put one hand on his shoulder. “I’m still here. We have time.” 

Jimmy’s breath shuddered as he drew it in, terrified as to what that could mean. It could be a good thing, maybe an overture of forgiveness, but it smacked so closely to what they had before. He couldn’t think about it, not after just saying her name, not when love and loss for her ran through him. He felt tears well up and he closed his eyes against them as he reached up to cover Castiel’s hand with his own and squeezed. 

“So, sleeping bag!” Dean’s voice came through the kitchen door and broke whatever spell had been over them. They hopped away from each other, both turning to look at the kitchen doorway as Dean came through. He frowned at them. “Are you guys okay?” 

“We’re fine.” Castiel said, turning to Dean to reach for his hand. He drew his husband in for a kiss on the lips. 

Suddenly, Jimmy could breathe again. Whatever was between them wasn’t like what it had been. It couldn’t be because Castiel had Dean. That was as it should be. That was what Jimmy had wanted. He told himself that firmly and turned his thoughts back to Amelia. They’d both moved on which was as it should be. “So, where can I find this sleeping bag?” 

Dean gave him a grin. “Upstairs. I’ll go get it and toss it down to you.” 

“Sure thing.” 

They both turned to the stairs, but Castiel looked back at him. “Goodnight, Jimmy.” 

Flummoxed, Jimmy raised a hand awkwardly to wave. “Goodnight.”

***

At the top of the stairs, Dean turned right to go get the sleeping bag from one of the closets. For a moment, Castiel watched his husband go, admiring the slope of his shoulders and the shape of his hips before he turned off to the left and their bedroom. He didn’t get dressed for bed, however. Instead he sat down on the edge of the bed and found himself staring at his empty hands. He didn’t know what had come over him back there in the living room. He’d come to understand Jimmy’s reasons for leaving him. He’d accepted them and finally had decided to believe they were the right reasons. After all, now he had Dean and Dean was easily the best thing in his life. He knew he loved Dean. The foundation they had between them was unshakable. His faith never wavered in that. So he’d come to agree with Jimmy. His brother had needed to go. Nothing but good had come of that decision no matter how heartbreaking it had been to Castiel at the time. 

He hadn’t forgiven Jimmy for the way it had happened. Castiel had been abandoned without a word. More, it was clear that Jimmy had taken pains to make sure it happened that way, packing the car and leaving while Castiel slept in bed, full of faith that he and his brother would be leaving for college together. He’d done that deliberately to Castiel. Even if he understood why it happened, even if he accepted it needed to happen, he couldn’t forgive the way Jimmy had just abandoned him. He’d thrown away all they had together, invalidating years and years of closeness and protection between them. At least, that is what Castiel had always believed. Now it didn’t feel as if that was so clear cut. 

Castiel had made himself stop thinking about what had come before the moment that Jimmy left. Abandoned, broken open and weeping, he had forbade himself from thinking of all the times that Jimmy promised he would always be there for Castiel. He made himself not linger on what he’d lost because the more he let himself delve into those thoughts, the more the present had become unbearable. He needed to move on, and so he’d forced himself away from what had been and tried to look for what would be. It hadn’t been easy. He’d barely known how to talk to people because Jimmy had always done that for him and yet, there’d been this one boy, his college roommate, who’d never minded and never gave up on him. Castiel was pulled from his reminiscing as the man that boy had grown into walked into their shared bedroom.

Dean was smiling as he came through the door but when he saw Castiel, the smile slid off his face. “What’s wrong, Baby? Did you and Jimmy fight?” 

Castiel shook his head. “No. We didn’t.” He wasn’t sure how to tell Dean what was wrong, of how unsure he felt about all of this. 

“What is it then?” Dean closed the door and came to the bed, where he sat down next to Castiel. He reached out and took Cas’s hands, filling them with his own. “You know I’m here for you.” 

“I know.” Cas lay his head on Dean’s shoulder, feeling like he’d changed somehow and had no idea how to communicate that. “It’s just… when Jimmy talked about watching horror movies when we were kids...it brought up memories.” 

“Were they bad memories?” Dean let go with one of his hands and began to card his fingers through Castiel’s hair. 

“No, quite the opposite.” Cas closed his eyes and for the first time in forever, he remembered himself as he had been: a happy twelve year old, secure in his relationship with his brother. It had been uncomplicated then, Jimmy had been his very best friend and that was okay. “It was a good memory, even if Jimmy made me watch something that made me scared. It was something I could do to make him happy and if I had bad dreams, he would wake up with me and talk me through them. He made it alright again.” 

“You liked it.” 

“Mmmm, I guess so. I hadn’t thought about that in years. I made myself stop.” 

“Because he left?” 

“Yes, because he left.” Cas tilted his head to look up at Dean but could only get hints at his expression. His eyes were a little tight. “It was so simple when we were kids. Jimmy was my protector and that was allowed. People didn’t think it was weird until later. It didn’t get… uncomfortable until we were much older.” 

“And when you were older…” Dean’s voice died away as he searched for words. 

“It became something it shouldn’t have been.” Castiel had been honest about this with Dean. That much isn’t strange. What was strange was how honest he’d been about it with Jimmy. It was something they’d never spoken of before. “And then he left. I was lost and just yearned for him to come back. I would have begged if I knew where he had gone. He was my everything. He navigated all the difficulties of life, he told me what to do, how to dress, how to be accepted. He protected me. When he was gone… I didn’t know how to do any of that.” 

Dean’s hand slid over his head and landed on the back of Cas’s neck. “I know, Baby. I was there. You were like a lost little duckling. You seemed so bewildered and alone.” 

“I was weird.” 

Dean laughed. “You were weird and you just looked like you needed someone. A friend.” 

“You started to protect me.” Castiel observed quietly, turning his eyes to the wall. “I don’t think I learned how to do any of those things.” 

“That’s not true.” Dean’s voice was firm and his hand disappeared from Castiel’s neck and touched his chin, where it turned his face up so they were looking at each other. “I may have helped you out a little bit, but if you remember, I told you how to stick up for yourself. I gave you lessons in how to talk to other people and how to relate. I may have done some of it but the rest of that was you. If I died tomorrow, you’d be okay without me. That’s always been important to me. I want you to love me, not need me like a crutch.” 

Just thinking about Dean dying, the way Amelia had, sent a feeling of tears to his eyes and Castiel closed them against it for a moment, willing it away. “I do love you.” He separated from Dean’s shoulders to draw his husband close, he kissed his lips. “And I will always need you in my life. Not as a crutch but because I love you.” 

Dean’s eyes searched Castiel’s for a moment. “But thinking of old times with Jimmy… it made you feel something?” 

Castiel could see something akin to fear in Dean’s eyes and for a moment, he considered lying to his husband. It was a momentary flash, an impulse that would make him lie so Dean wouldn’t be afraid, but they’ve never lied to each other before. He wouldn’t start now. “I was confused. It was strange to think that Jimmy, who abandoned me so cruelly, would look back on our shared childhood fondly. I told myself he must have hated me to have done what he did. Even after he explained why, I thought he must have had hard feelings for me, must have thought I was holding him back. Now I see he might have done it for a different reason and that disagrees with everything I’ve ever told myself.”

“The truth isn’t clear cut and the situation was complicated by what you felt for each other.” 

“Now I have to consider that Jimmy did it because he cared for me and that doesn’t make sense. If he truly cared, why would he have done it so cruelly? He broke me into pieces.” To this day, that question has plagued Castiel. 

Dean turned away. “Maybe he just didn’t have the strength to tell you in person.” 

“He should have. I deserved that much.” Cas reached for Dean and made him turn back. “Why are you afraid?” 

“Because you still love him.” Dean’s eyes darted away, still refusing to look at him. 

“I may be confused about what happened with Jimmy. I may be struggling with his reasons for doing what he did and my feelings about it may be unresolved but Dean, I need you to see that my feelings for you have never been in doubt.” Castiel pulled Dean to him, kissing the corner of his mouth. “You are my husband. You are the man I love without a doubt and you are the one I promised the rest of my life to. You have shown me what true love is. You’ve shown me something I can be proud of, that I can live my life with, that I can share with the world. You gave me all of that. I will never lose my faith in you. Never. Please. I need you to have faith in me.” 

“I do.” Dean closed his eyes but opened them again to focus on Castiel. “But this is terrifying. I can’t lose you.” 

“You aren’t. You won’t. Whatever was between Jimmy and I. That is in the past. It’s history. You are my present and my future.” He kissed Dean fully on the lips this time, lingering gently. “That won’t change.” 

“I can…” Dean licked his lips, his eyes flicking from Cas’s mouth to Cas’s eyes again. “I can maybe get right with him being a part of our lives in the future… whatever shape that takes, but please Cas, don’t leave me.” 

“Dean! Never!” What Dean just said was a lot to take in because it hinted at things that Castiel wasn’t ready to consider so he put it away for later. “I’m confused. Not walking out the door. I’d never leave you. Never in a thousand years... I’m the one that gets left.” 

“You know I’d never leave.” Dean leaned in to steal a quick kiss. 

“I know.” 

“Good.” Dean let him go and got up, crossing to the closet. “I’m sorry I need reassurance. I just… you mean the world to me. I don’t want to live in a world without you. I could but it would suck. Don’t leave me behind. That’s all I ask.” 

“I never will.” Castiel got up and followed Dean to the closet. When he caught up, he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and kissed the back of his neck. “Let’s go to bed. I want to hold you while we sleep.” 

“Okay, Baby.” 

***

In the dark that night, Dean laid with Castiel wrapped around his back, one arm draped over his waist. Dean was the little spoon and he loved every minute of that usually. Tonight, however, sleep wouldn’t come. Dean just laid awake in the dark, thinking about Cas, thinking about Jimmy, as he watched the numbers on the clock tick by. Yes, sleep was a long time in coming. 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean sat in his car, staring at the building. Sonny’s Home for Wayward Youth had been Dean’s home away from home for years now and he loved his job as a social worker, counselling troubled teens. But today, he just didn’t have it in him. He’d barely slept the night before, which had been a startling new trend since his talk with Cas after the slumber party. He couldn’t help the intrusive thoughts that kept creeping into his head. When he finally left his car and made it in the door, even the kids could tell he was off his game. They were offering him comfort when it should have been the other way around. Finally Robin, the music therapy counselor, told him to go home.

But Dean didn’t want to go home. Home was no longer the sanctuary it once was. Home became the place where everyone needed to lean on him, where he had to be strong, where he was watching his life fall apart. He got in his car and drove, and thought, and drove some more until eventually he found himself parked in his own garage. He sighed and picked up his cell phone to call the one person in his life who wasn’t asking anything from him and just wanted to support him.

After just two rings, Sam picked up. “Hey Dean. What’s up? Is everything ok?”

Dean didn’t really know what to say so he just said, “Do you guys want to come over for dinner some time soon?”

“Yeah, sure. You mean me and Eileen?”

“No…”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Rowena said she met Jimmy and Claire when you brought them to Cas’s office. So me and Rowena then?”

“No Sam. Can you just listen? You and Eileen and Rowena. You know, like before.” Dean had his brother’s family over for dinner at least a couple of times a month before their unexpected guests had arrived. After that, it just seemed easier to not have them over, to not have to explain polyamory to a twelve year old and her father. But Dean decided that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea Dean?”

“Yeah Sam, I do. I don’t want anyone thinking that I think there’s a stigma to polyamory.”

“Nobody thinks that, Dean. Me and Eileen and Rowena, we all understand. We know you and Cas don’t judge us like that, but that most people in the world would...and since you don’t know how your brother-in-law feels, for now it’s easier to just keep to ourselves.”

“It’s not that Sam…” Dean sighed and finally said what was really on his mind. “I think Cas is still in love with Jimmy and I want to remind him that I’m ok with unconventional relationships.”

Sam was quiet for so long Dean was starting to think that they’d been disconnected. Finally he said, “Just tell me when Dean, and we’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean gave a sigh of relief. He felt like this was the only thing he could do to make sure he was still in the picture when Cas sorted out his feelings for Jimmy. 

Sam was quiet on the line for another long moment before he said. “Is it really going that badly? That you feel like you need to remind Cas that you’re okay with polyamory?” 

Dean stared out the window and considered hanging up on Sam. He didn’t, but he considered it. He took a deep breath and remembered all that therapy Cas had helped him through in the early years of their relationship. He knew he needed to share with someone and the only one he could do that with was Sam. Cas would see his fear as Dean not trusting him and Dean still didn’t know Jimmy all that well. “I don’t know, Sammy. It’s killing me. I watch Cas wrestle with this and I just don’t know where I stand. The other night, he told me he was confused. That Jimmy brought up old memories that were good and he didn’t know how he felt about his brother.” 

“Did he mention wanting to get back together with him?” 

“No.” Dean stared down at his hands, which were clutching Baby’s steering wheel. “He told me he would never leave me and that he loves me when I told him I was afraid.”

“I think he means that, Dean.” Sam’s voice was level and calm over the phone. “You trust him, I know you do.” 

“I thought I did.” Dean found himself confused about his feelings for Cas and that made him feel ashamed. “I feel shaken to my core.” 

“Is this really the right time to bring up polyamory with the whole family then? Tell me honestly, are you doing it because you want it to be an option down the road or because you are desperate to not be butted out by Jimmy?” 

“Dammit, Sammy.” As usual, his brother never let him hide from the truth. He always called him on his bullshit. “Can it be both?” 

“Of course it can be both.” He could hear Sam shuffling papers around on his desk for a minute. “Do you really know Jimmy well enough to consider it? Is Jimmy really ready for it?” 

“No.” Dean paused to gather his thoughts. “No to both. I just want to put the idea in the back of their minds. That there’s an option where they can be together or whatever and I don’t get left out and lose.” 

“That’s not really the right reason to do this, Dean.” 

“Well, what if I’m sick and tired of bending my life out of shape for these people in my life? I want to see my freaking brother and his wonderful ladies? I want my life back, dammit!” Dean’s voice was hot as more truth ran from his lips. 

“That’s a better reason, I guess. Though maybe we can find a way to not be as confrontational about it?” Ever the voice of reason, that was Sammy. 

“Okay. What should I do?” 

“Maybe tell them about me and the girls beforehand to let them get used to the idea. Ask them well in advance and give them the option to go somewhere else if it makes them uncomfortable.” 

“That’s the grown-up thing to do, huh?” Dean sighed because doing it this way totally didn’t meet his need to put it as an acceptable idea in the twins heads. 

“Yes it is.” More papers shuffling from Sam. “And it lets them approach a difficult topic at their own pace. It also prevents anyone from having an extreme reaction when they are introduced to my two girlfriends. I don’t want to put either Eileen or Rowena through that.” 

All the fight drained out of Dean. “Okay, that’s fair. I don’t want to put the girls through that either.” 

“Good. I’ll talk to the girls. You talk to Jimmy and make sure it’s kosher then we’ll make plans.” 

“Got it. Thanks, Sammy.” 

“Oh and Dean?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Don’t forget that this is hard on you and you need some relief too. You’ve always got me and the girls. We’re here for you no matter what. Any time. No questions asked.” 

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean tried to shrug it off but there was a part of him that just needed comfort and he couldn’t find it anywhere else. “I’ll talk to you soon.” 

“Okay, bye Dean.” 

“Bye.” 

Dean let himself out of Baby and made his way into the kitchen. A quick glance at the clock told him he had a couple of hours to go before he needed to get Claire from school. A nap, he decided, was long overdue. Maybe getting some sleep would make him feel better.

***

Jimmy watched as Dean slowly got up from the table and began to take care of the leftovers, boxing them up as the rest of them sat around the table. This was unusual because Claire usually took care of the leftovers and either himself or Castiel took care of the dishes. However, something had been off about Dean all night and Jimmy couldn’t place his finger on it. His brother’s husband seemed a little on edge, though he’d cooked dinner and smiled as usual when Claire came home complaining about her homework that day. 

“Hey, let Claire take care of that. It’s her chore, remember?” Jimmy piped up before Dean had even put down the platter of lasagna on the counter. 

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Dad.” Claire said, rolling her eyes as she pushed back from the table. She turned away with a flip of her golden hair and went to the cabinet where the tupperware was kept, grumbling the whole time.

Castiel also pushed back from the table. “I’ll take care of the dishes, Love. Take a rest. You seem tired today.” He paused to kiss Dean’s cheek so Jimmy made himself busy by consolidating the plates on the table into one stack. Castiel gave him a nod as he picked up the stack of plates and forks, then went about loading the dishwasher. 

“Yeah, man. Why don’t you go and watch tv or something? You made dinner so take a break.” Jimmy started to get up from the table as well. He had papers to grade after he got Claire started on her homework. 

“Hang out a second, okay Jimmy?” Dean asked as he pulled open the refrigerator and got himself a beer. 

The second Dean closed the door, Claire huffed and pushed past him to open it again to put the leftover lasagna inside. “There. Dinner’s put away. Can I go please?” 

“Up to do your homework. I’ll be there to check on you in thirty minutes.” Jimmy said as he settled back into his chair. He wondered vaguely what Dean wanted and tried not to read too much into it. He was always a little afraid Dean and Castiel would ask him to leave with Claire anytime. 

“Fine.” Claire stomped away and took herself up the stairs. They could hear her footsteps all the way to the third floor. The sound of her door slamming was quiet from this distance but just loud enough to let them know she had done so. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes heavenward and wondered how he was going to survive the teen years without Amelia. Instead he turned his eyes to Dean. “What’s up?” He was trying to be casual but he felt his shoulders tensing up as he asked the question. 

“It’s nothing major. Chill out, man.” Dean said, taking a pull of his beer. For all that he said that, he took a long time before he started to speak again. He opened his mouth and seemed to think better of it and closed it again. 

From the sink, Castiel paused in his dishwasher loading to watch Dean. “Are you sure you are okay, Dean?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine Baby.” Dean waved away Castiel’s concern and looked back at Jimmy. “See, before you and Claire came we used to have my brother Sam over for dinner all the time. I want to start doing that again.” 

“That’s fine, Dean.” Jimmy didn’t see what the big deal was. He’d heard about Sam, of course, and he knew he lived in the area. He found it a little strange that he hadn’t met him yet, just based on how much Dean talked about him. 

“I… okay, here’s the thing. Sam comes with his girlfriends.” 

“Wait… more than one?” Now Jimmy was confused. 

From the sink, Castiel piped up. “Yes, Sam is in a polyamorous relationship with two wonderful women, Rowena and Eileen. I believe you met Rowena already when you brought Claire to my office. She’s a receptionist there.” 

“Yeah. I remember.” 

“Right… so Sam wanted me to talk to you beforehand because it’s a lot to explain to a twelve year old.” Dean said, his voice even which was a little odd for Dean. “I mean, you and Claire don’t have to be here of course, but I’d like you to be.” 

“And they’re all in a relationship...together…” Jimmy had heard about this of course, who hadn’t with tv shows like Sister Wives? He just wasn’t sure how he felt about exposing Claire to an alternative lifestyle.

“Yes, and they’re very committed to each other. It’s not really that odd. Over the course of evolution, monogamy is actually more unnatural.” Castiel added.

“I mean, to each their own. I don’t have a problem with other people living their lives or whatever. Just… don’t you think it’s a little adult for Claire. I mean, she’s twelve.” Jimmy said, though he felt a little like an ass for saying it.

“Look, it’s not like they’re going to do or say anything inappropriate.” Dean said. “Sam and Eileen have a family practice law firm and Rowena works for a pediatrician. They know how to deal with kids.”

“Claire is a bright and curious girl. I’m sure she’ll have some questions.” Jimmy pointed out because honestly, he was supposed to be the question answerer and this was beyond his depth. “I don’t have any clue how I would explain that.” 

“Look, they won’t mind answering a few questions, and they’ll be able to do it in an age appropriate manner. But I understand if you don’t want to be here. But we’re all kinda family now, right?” 

Jimmy could tell this was important to Dean. Dean who never asked anything from anyone except for occasional help around the house. It didn’t seem right to flake out on this, no matter how unsure he felt about Claire’s ability to understand. Besides, he had to admit, he was a bit curious about Dean’s brother. “Ok, fine. Set it up. But if I feel the conversation is becoming too ‘adult’ for Claire, I’m sending her to her room.”

“Fair enough. I’ll give Sam a call later. Thanks, Jimmy.”

***

Claire was sitting in the kitchen “helping” Dean cook (which meant she sat around watching him until he asked her to fetch something from the refrigerator or cupboard.) His brother was coming over for dinner, and Claire had a few questions, the least of which was, “So, if he’s your brother, and you’re my uncle, does that make him my ‘Uncle Sam’?”

Dean looked up from his preparations. “Yeah, I suppose so, if that’s what you both decide.”

“He has two girlfriends, right?” Claire couldn’t even imagine dating one person, let alone two. Kissing seemed gross.

“Yes, he does…” Dean sounded like he was reluctant to answer her questions and he was thinking really hard before he answered. 

Claire powered on anyway. “So does that make them my aunts?”

“Well, they’re not married, so technically no, but family is what you make it. So that would be up to you guys.”

Claire sat there in silence for a while before piping up again. “How can someone date two people at the same time?”

Dean was quiet for so long that Claire thought he didn’t hear or her, or that he was ignoring her question. Finally, he said, “Well, Sam has a big heart and a lot of love to give. You know, you can ask him these questions when he gets here.”

“But I don’t know him. I know you, so you should answer my questions.”

“Sam can answer them better.”

Claire shrugged. She supposed Dean was probably right. Besides, Dean was cool, so his brother was probably cool too. After all, her dad was a dork and his brother was an even bigger dork. So Sam was probably cooler than Dean anyway.

When the guests arrived, Claire watched with rapt attention as Dean made introductions. He turned to her dad but he was using sign language with his hands too. First, of course, was Sam. “Jimmy, this is my brother, Sam.” Her dad stepped forward to take his hand. 

Claire’s impression of him was that he was a literal giant. He did have great hair though. Then was Rowena. 

“And this is Rowena.” Once again her dad stepped forward to shake hands, but Rowena just chuckled and grabbed his hand limply without shaking it. It was more of a hand holding situation than a real handshake .  Claire must have been pretty irritable when she went in for her check up, because supposedly she’d met her before, but Claire was sure she would have remembered someone so glamorous. She was petite, especially compared to Sam’s moose-like stature, with flaming red hair and a bright Scottish accent Claire was immediately fascinated with. She was wearing a full length black skirt and black silk halter top that looked amazing on her. But Claire really couldn’t get over her hair and suddenly wondered what she would look like as a redhead. Finally, Eileen was introduced.

“Last but not least, this is Eileen.” Her dad turned to Eileen but she gave him a big wave instead of offering her hand for shaking .  She was quieter and more subdued than Rowena, but no less striking, with soft dark hair and a kind smile. She wore a chocolate brown sweater that looked so soft Claire had to restrain herself from touching it, black leggings, and brown riding boots. Claire watched as Sam, Rowena, and Dean signed to Eileen. She sighed, wishing she could join in. She had started taking an ASL class at her old school, but her new public school didn’t offer it. She didn’t have time to dwell on it and make herself homesick though. 

“Everyone, this is Jimmy, Cas’s twin, and this is Claire, Jimmy’s daughter.” Dean turned to them each in turn. Eileen gave her another wave, which was definitely more of an ASL greeting but one she didn’t know. Rowena simply winked at her with a roguish smile but Sam greeted her seriously. 

“It’s nice to meet you both.” 

Her dad nodded with a thin smile. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to put a face to the name.” 

Sam chuckled. “Whatever Dean told you isn’t true.” 

Her dad looked confused. “You aren’t a lawyer?” 

“Oh, well that’s true. Just none of the childhood stuff is true. Don’t believe any of it.” 

Jimmy chuckled. “Got it.” 

From the door, Dean cleared his throat. “Dinner’s ready. Come grab a seat!” 

Soon everyone was whisked into the dining room so dinner could be served. They usually ate in the kitchen, but Claire realized the tiny kitchen table would not accommodate six adults plus her. 

Claire watched as the adults talked, everyone but her dad both speaking and signing their conversation. It was all pretty boring, getting to know each other kind of stuff. 

“So, Jimmy, what do you do?” Sam asked. 

“Oh, I used to be in marketing but now I’m teaching marketing classes at the community college.”

“That’s a big change. How are you liking it?” 

“It’s different from what I used to. I’m finding it challenging but good.”

Claire was going to nod off into her risotto if this kept up, so without even waiting for a break in the conversation, she said, “So, if Dean is my uncle, and you’re his brother, does that make you my Uncle Sam?”

All conversation stopped immediately and everyone turned to stare at her. “What? I want to know, ok?”

Sam chuckled. It sounded warm. “Well, technically Dean is only your uncle because he’s married to your actual uncle. But you can call me Uncle Sam if you want.”

She thought about that for a moment before crinkling her nose in disgust. “No way. Uncle Sam reminds me of that old skeezer on those army posters. You’re not an old skeezer, are you?”

“I certainly hope not. Besides you and Eileen, I’m the youngest one here.” He laughed. Great, he thought he was funny.

Now that she’d started talking, she couldn’t stop. She looked at Rowena this time. “How do you feel about your boyfriend having another girlfriend?” She could have just as easily asked Eileen, but she loved to listen to Rowena talk.

“Oh, Dearie, it’s not just about Sam having two girlfriends. Eileen and I are also girlfriends. We all respect each other and love each other very much.” 

“So, what, did you all like, meet each other in a bar and decide to be together?” Claire knew how dating worked, sort of. Her parents had met in college and liked each other. She wondered how that worked with three people.

“Claire, that’s a very invasive question. You’ve just met them, I don’t think this is appropriate conversation for the dinner table.” Jimmy admonished from across the table. His cheeks were colored slightly, as if he was embarrassed. 

“Why not? I just want to know how they met.” Claire protested. “You and mom used to tell me how you met all the time.” She had no idea why suddenly that was inappropriate. By this point she knew how her parents met and how her uncles met.

“It’s fine.” Eileen said. Claire watched while Eileen spoke. “Sam and I met in high school. It was love at first sight.” She laughed. Claire personally thought the love stuff was pretty gross, but she liked Eileen anyway. “We danced around each other in homeroom a lot before he finally asked me out. We’ve been together ever since.” 

“Awww.” Sam said as he bent over to kiss Eileen on her cheek.

“Gross.” Claire muttered.

“You think they’re gross now, you should try living with them.” Rowena said.

“Oh, come on, you're just as gross as us.” Sam said as he bent to his other side to kiss Rowena.

“Not in public. Now get off of me you big tree.”She playfully pushed Sam away, but he just smiled about it.

Claire couldn’t help but giggle at them. They seemed a lot more fun than the grownups she lived with. She looked directly at Rowena. “So did you meet them in college too?”

“Ah...no. They came by the office to help your uncle with some legal matter…”

“Was he sued for malpractice?” Across the table, Uncle Cas made a strangled noise and then began to cough. Dean reached over to pat his back but it couldn’t hide the fact that Uncle Cas was now glaring at her. She shrugged sheepishly. “I’m joking!” Uncle Cas did not look amused. He really had no sense of humor. 

“That wasn’t funny.” Her dad admonished her. He had no sense of humor either.

“Nothing quite so interesting my dear. But it did keep them coming back for a week or two. I thought they were sweet and pretty easy on the eyes, so of course I turned on the charm…”

“We weren’t sure which one of us she was flirting with.” Eileen added

“We both thought she was attractive and she seemed fun…” Sam continued. “So we decided to ask her out.”

“Wait, you both asked her out? At the same time?” 

Sam nodded. “We did. That’s the relationship we wanted to have so we wanted to be clear about it from the beginning.” 

“Imagine their surprise when they found out I was flirting with both of them.” Rowena sent her a wink. 

“We never expected to fall in love with her, but we did and here we are.” Sam finished a bit lamely.

“So now you all love each other and just are together all the time?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Sam answered her. “Although it’s important that we make time for each other too. We all have our own date nights. And we’re open and honest with what we want and expect from each other. The key to any strong relationship is communication.”

Claire looked between them a little suspicious. “And it all just works? Like it’s normal for you?” 

“Yes, it may not be the way most people do things but it works for us.” Eileen told her with a kind smile. 

Claire still wasn’t sure about all of this but she knew that she liked all three of them and they did look like they were happy together. After a long time, she looked to her dad. Normally she would ask her mom, but she couldn’t do that. “And it’s… you know, okay?” 

Her dad paused for a long time before smiling at her. “It’s just another way that people live. I think it’s important that we respect people’s differences and that it’s okay.”

Claire thought about this and finally nodded. It sounded like something her mom would say. Her mom had been the one to tell her about gay people and stuff like that. In all honesty, she was a little surprised her dad was okay with it because there were times when he seemed a little stuffy but if he said it was okay, that must be the truth. 

Across the table, Dean was watching her closely. She turned to him. “And other people think it’s okay?” 

Sam was the one who answered. “Like everything else, it depends on the person, just like with gay marriage. I think what’s important is that we are happy. This is our normal. It may not be what other people choose but it’s what works for us.” 

“So it’s kinda like Uncle Cas and Dean? A little?” 

“I guess so.” Dean said slowly. “I mean, not everyone agrees that we should be married but mostly we don’t care. It is our life, we live it the way we want to.” 

“Okay. Cool.” Curiosity satisfied, Claire turned back to her food, which she had mostly been pushing around her plate. Risotto was cool and all but Dean had made broccoli too. There was no cheese and she was not a fan. 

“Claire, eat your broccoli.” Of course her dad noticed. 

She rolled her eyes and speared a piece of broccoli with her fork. “After dinner can we all play a game?” 

“How about charades?” When no one answered, she shot a look to Rowena. “You can be on my team.” 

“Och. You’ve got it wee one. We’ll beat them all.” 

“Fine, but Sam and Eileen are not allowed to be on a team. They cheat.” Dean put in. 

“I’ll take Eileen.” Uncle Cas spoke up quickly. Across the table, Eileen grinned and signed something Claire didn’t catch. 

“Guess it’s me and Sam.” Dean piped up. 

“Absolutely not!” Rowena put in, gesturing with her fork. “You two are as bad as Sam and Eileen. Sam shall be with Jimmy.” 

“Wait, then who am I on a team with?” Dean frowned, the odd man out. 

“Eh, I guess you can be on our team.” Claire offered because secretly she liked being on a team with Dean. 

“You got it kid.” 

“Hey, wait! Now your team is bigger than everyone else’s.” The table quickly devolved into bickering over teams but it was all good natured, even if it was hard to keep track of because everyone was talking over everyone else. Claire was simply happy that everyone had taken her suggestion and they would do something fun after dinner, and that's how they finished the meal. It may have been chaotic but to Claire, it felt a little bit like family and home. 

***

Dean could hear the raised voices in the garage the moment he stepped out of the car. It had been several days since the family dinner with Sam, Rowena, and Eileen and things had been pretty calm around the house so he figured it was time for some upheaval. Of course, he’d hoped having a successful dinner and game night would ease some of that but clearly not. Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. It had been the day from hell. 

This morning, when he’d arrived at work, he’d been called frantically by Robin about one of the kids that was usually pretty good. In fact, it was someone they hadn’t had problems with for a long time and was getting ready to be discharged from the house, able to go home. He’d spent a long two hours trying to talk the kid down, to find out that the kid in question had been abused by their dad and despite the fact that they weren’t going home to the dad, they were still afraid of him. Dean’s heart had ached for the boy, even as he tried to convince him that it would be safe to leave Sonny’s home. 

But that hadn’t been all. Of course not, right before he left for the day, a different kid had threatened to kill themselves. That was an all hands on deck situation and for the second time that day, Dean found himself talking down a child that was completely distraught. It was his job and he loved being there to help those kids but it wore on him just the same. Someone so young shouldn’t want to kill themselves, that shouldn’t happen at all and it made him heartbroken that he had to live in a world where it occurred. 

As a result of all that, Dean was now two hours late in coming home from work. It was seven o’clock and it was not a good sign that there was a fight going on in the kitchen. Steeling himself, Dean squared his shoulders and opened the door. 

“...you are being totally unreasonable!”Claire was yelling at her father, her hands fisted on the table as she leaned over, red in the face with anger. 

Jimmy was really no better. He was standing over Claire and he was just as loud. “You are twelve, Claire. You are much too young to dye your hair!”

The moment Dean stepped into the kitchen, both heads swiveled towards him. 

“Dean! Tell him!” Claire whined, pushing up from the table to run around and grab his arm. “People dye their hair all the time! It’s perfectly fine.” From her perch, she turned a glare on her father. 

Jimmy, in frustration, looked directly at Dean too. “No one lets their twelve year old dye their hair! It’s outrageous. Tell her I’m right!” 

Dean looked between them for a moment. “Hi guys.” He was trying for mild and calm, but in his chest, his heart was racing from all the stress in the room. “Where’s Cas?” He tried to shrug Claire off as he walked towards the refrigerator. “What was for dinner?” 

“No one made dinner.” Claire said, still clinging to Dean. “That’s not important! What’s important is that my dad is being overbearing. I’m not a little kid anymore.” 

“Claire, you are still a child!” Jimmy shot back. 

“No one made dinner?” 

“No!” Both Claire and Jimmy practically shouted simultaneously. 

Dean’s stomach was trying to wrap itself around his backbone, he was so hungry. He didn’t think he could deal with this disagreement on an empty stomach. “Alright, I’m ordering pizza.” He turned off towards the kitchen drawer where they kept the take out menus. He was impeded by Claire still clutching his arm. “Come on, Claire. Let go so I can get us some dinner.” 

“Not until you tell him he’s wrong!” 

That was the moment Cas walked in the kitchen. “Oh good, you’re home. I’m starving.” 

Dean turned a glare on Cas. “Are you kidding right now? You came home and just went upstairs?” 

Cas rolled his eyes. “They were arguing.” 

Dean could feel his temper rising. “Let me get this straight. You came home, and they were arguing so you just noped the fuck upstairs?” 

“Language!” Jimmy cut in. 

Dean just stared at him. “You two… you’re both adults and you just decided not to fix dinner?” 

“I couldn’t hear myself think, let alone process what was required to handle dinner.” Cas crossed his arms over his chest, his shoulders hunching as he frowned at Dean. 

“And you.” He whirled on Jimmy. “You just decided not to feed your child?” 

“Look, we were fighting. I had no idea what time it was.” 

“Have you done your homework, Claire?” 

“Not important.” Claire insisted. “He won’t let me dye my hair red.” 

“You are absolutely not dying your hair.” Jimmy snorted. “She wouldn’t even want that if you hadn’t invited Rowena over.” 

Cas reared up. “Excuse me? Dean is allowed to invite whoever he wants to this household.” 

“He introduced my child to an alternative lifestyle. She’s twelve, there’s no way she was ready for that.” 

“You were the one who agreed.” Jimmy and Cas moved towards each other, standing practically nose to nose, yelling at each other. 

“Dean!” Claire shook his arm, demanding his attention again. “Make him see that it’s no big deal. I can dye it red and we can dye it back blonde some other time.” 

The kitchen was full of voices, all of them angry. He’d come home from a day where he’d left feeling like the world was not fair and he’d walked right into this; a household full of people that were shouting and demanding him to fix it. There was no dinner. Homework hadn’t been done. Dean felt like he was the only person who was committed to making anything actually work. He was two hours late because of his job and that’s all it took for everything to fall apart. It was too much. No where was safe anymore. He couldn’t rest and absolutely no one was thinking about him. 

“ENOUGH!” The kitchen fell silent in the wake of his yell. Claire looked up at him with wide blue eyes. Both Jimmy and Cas turned unreadable expressions on him, twins in every way right now. The world was on his shoulders and Dean felt himself shattering. “I can’t do this anymore.” His voice was quiet in the silent room. He looked at them, shaking his head as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “I can’t…” He had no words. There was no sense to be found and nowhere for him to go. What he did know was he wasn’t safe here. Not right now. He took a step back, shaking Claire from his arm. In the stunned silence of the kitchen, Dean turned and walked out the kitchen door. 

Behind him he heard Cas call out. “Dean? Dean!” He didn’t turn around, instead he got into Baby, backed out of the garage and just drove. He had no goal in mind, no place he wanted to go. His phone began to ring in his pocket. While stopped at a redlight, he took it out and turned it off. After a while, he began to recognize the streets around him and accepted the inevitability of where he was headed. When he pulled up to Sam’s house, he wasn’t even surprised. 

When he got out, he noticed there were tears on his cheeks but he didn’t remember crying. He wiped them away and went to the door. He knocked and after a moment, remembered himself and pushed the doorbell. Inside he could see the light blinking that would catch Eileen’s attention since she couldn’t hear the bell. It was lucky he did that because it was Eileen who came to the door. 

“Dean!” She smiled at first, but as she looked at him longer, her smile faded. “What’s wrong?” She held the door open for him. 

“Where’s Sam?” Dean asked both aloud and in sign. Signing was second nature to him now, so he did it without thinking whenever he was around Eileen.

“He’s out with Rowena. It’s their date night.” Eileen ushered him to the sofa where he sank down with a huff. “You can wait for him if you want, but you know you can always talk to me.”

“Can I just sit here for a few minutes...just breathe in a place where no one needs anything from me?”

“Of course, Dean. Do you want something to eat or drink? I’ve got some leftover lasagna here.”

The offer of food definitely perked him up a bit. “That sounds great...but who made it?” Sam was a terrible cook, no matter how hard he tried.

“Don’t worry. I made it. I promise, it’s not only edible, but delicious.” Eileen warmed the plate in the microwave and brought it and a beer out to Dean.

“Thanks, Eileen.” He dug into the food with gusto. With everything going on at work, he’d missed lunch, and of course he didn’t get dinner.

When he’d finished eating, Eileen cleared the dishes and brought him another beer. “Ok, spill.” She said, sitting next to him on the sofa, angling her body so she could see him and he could see her cross her arms over her chest.

“Have you ever been surrounded by needy people with no hopes for escape?”

“Well, sometimes it feels that way when Sam or Rowena get sick...especially at the same time. But I have a feeling that’s not what you mean.”

“Um...no.” He sighed and after a few seconds started talking again. “Today at work was rough. You know, those kids, they need extra attention. Some more than others...but it’s fine. It’s what I do, what I’m good at. Some days are better than others and today...well, it wasn’t a good one. That happens, you know? Days like that, I look forward to going home, to my husband, to my sanctuary….”

“Yes, I understand. Home is supposed to be your safety net.”

“Exactly. Unfortunately, it’s not like that anymore.”

“Ever since your brother-in-law and niece moved in?”

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I love having Claire there...and Jimmy is ok sometimes. But I’m the one who does the cooking, packs the lunches, drives the carpool two days a week...I make sure Claire gets her homework done. I was two hours late getting off work today, and with two other adults in the house, you’d think some of that would be taken off my shoulders. Instead, I walk in on Jimmy and Claire fighting, expecting me to mediate and then Cas comes down and demands dinner. I...I can’t do this all myself.”

“You shouldn’t have to. That’s not fair. All of you work full time jobs, you should share the chores. That’s what we do here. Granted we don’t have a child to take care of, but there’s still household things that we all pitch in and take care of. That’s what adults do. Didn’t Cas help you out before all of this, or was taking care of the house left up to you?”

“No, before all of this happened we shared the responsibilities equally. Or mostly anyway. I’m a better cook than Cas.” Dean smiled wanly. “But ever since Jimmy moved in, Cas barely even leaves our room except for meal time. I had thought things were starting to get better though. I figured someone would notice I was working late and take some of the burden from me.”

“You could always stay here for a few days, teach them a lesson. We have the space — and we promise to be on our best behavior.” Eileen offered. “You wouldn’t have to do anything. Let us take care of you for a few days. Have some ‘Dean time’.”

“Who would make sure Claire got to and from school on my carpool days?”

“Her father. Or her uncle.”

Dean huffed half a laugh. “More likely they’d have Linda Tran or Kelly Klein do it.”

“Well, at least they’d have to figure that out on their own. And they’d have to make lunches and fix dinner...you know, figure out a way to coexist without you.”

That was a very tempting offer, and Dean was close to taking Eileen up on it when another thought came crashing down on him. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t leave the two of them alone like that.”

“Why not? They’re grown ass men. They need to start behaving that way, and they’re not going to do it if you baby them all the time.”

“I know that, Eileen. But that...that’s not the issue….”

“So what is the issue, Dean?” She spoke softly and put a hand comfortingly on his knee.

“If I’m gone...if I’m not there to remind them I exist...they might...they could…”

“What Dean? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid they’ll realize that they’re still in love with each other and Cas will just forget about me once he has Jimmy back.”

Eileen said nothing, she just blinked at him in surprise. Apparently Sam hadn’t told her anything. Dean watched her face for any signs of disgust. But all he saw was that same surprise, which faded before she started speaking again. “So that’s why they stopped speaking to each other? ‘Forbidden love’ and all that?” She used finger quotes around “forbidden love” like she thought it to be a ridiculous concept in this case.

“Something like that. I mean, there’s more to it than that. Jimmy abandoned Cas without so much as a note...but if I leave them alone, to their own devices, forced to interact...what happens then?”

Eileen regarded him seriously for a moment. “Even if Cas is still in love with Jimmy, you know that doesn’t diminish his love for you, right?”

“Unless he never really did and I was just a rebound.”

Eileen gently smacked him on the back of his head. “You know that’s bullshit. He loves you, anyone who has seen you together knows that. Have you talked to him about this?”

“Yes. He says he doesn’t know how he feels about Jimmy anymore. But once in a while, it’s like...I guess...it feels like something is still there, you know?”

Eileen shrugged. “So? It’s possible to be in love with more than one person. Or still have strong feelings for someone you once loved, even if the feelings have passed. There is no one way to love someone. Just love them for who they are, warts and all.”

“Don’t you get jealous at all? Like now, when Sam is out with Rowena and you’re stuck here taking care of his brother?”

“Right now? No, not at all. But I am only human, and humans are fallible. Yes, sometimes I do get jealous. Sometimes Rowena gets jealous. Sometimes Sam gets jealous. Sometimes we get so mad at each other that we want to scream. But when that happens, we talk about it. We have to. It’s not healthy keeping all that stuff inside. You should know that. When one of us feels hurt, or scared, or mad, or jealous, we just talk it out and try to figure out why we feel that way. Is it our own insecurities, or is someone doing something to make us feel that way? Communication is important in any relationship. No matter what that relationship is….and I think it’s important that you tell Cas and Jimmy how they made you feel tonight.”

“What? Like a 50s housewife with no other value than putting food on the table?”

“Yes, exactly. And if you still have concerns about Cas and his feelings, you two should talk about that as well. Dean, you’re important and valuable as a person, and your feelings are valid and should be respected. I can’t believe I have to tell you, of all people, this. Haven’t you given this speech before?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s easier to give advice than take it sometimes, you know?”

“I do know. Now, what are you going to do? Do you want to stay here and make them fend for themselves for a little while, or do you want to go home and confront them about how they made you feel?”

“Can’t I take door number three where I go home and pretend like nothing happened?” Dean asked. He knew Eileen was right, but wasn’t sure he had the energy to take her advice. He also didn’t want to see what he’d walk in on if he decided to let them fend for themselves.

Eileen shrugged. “I mean, you could, but then eventually you’d be right back here on my sofa, drinking my beer and eating my food.”

She was right. He had to do something. He didn’t want to continue being taken advantage of, which is how he was feeling right now...actually had been feeling for quite some time if he was honest with himself. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. Thanks, Eileen.” They hugged when they stood up, and Eileen walked him to the door. There was no putting it off, Dean had to deal with his family.

***

The last two hours had been very tense in the house. Cas ran his fingers through his hair as he came downstairs from getting Claire into bed. Why he was putting Jimmy’s daughter to bed, he didn’t know but it was well past her bedtime and someone needed to. He found himself wondering if Dean had been doing that lately. In fact, now that he was thinking about it, he was beginning to see that Dean had assumed more and more responsibility in the house, not just with Claire but also things that Cas used to do as well. Guilt slipped over him as he climbed down the stairs. He was exhausted from convincing an overemotional twelve year old that he was not going to throw her out of his house. 

What’s worse was that he actually wanted to. It wasn’t anything he had against Claire, she was an innocent in all of this, but it couldn’t be denied that having Jimmy and Claire there had upset their normal lives and nothing was the same. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d sat on the couch with Dean to watch Dr. Sexy; and it had been at least a week since they’d made love last. Dean was always so tired and Cas… he knew he was weak and hiding from Jimmy. That one night of openness and dealing with the past between them had made him retreat from it hard. He didn’t know how he felt about Jimmy and right now, he didn’t want to know. It was in the past. Even though he knew the past could still come back to haunt you, he wanted to ignore it for a little while longer. 

When he came down to the bottom of the staircase, Jimmy popped up from where he was sitting on the couch. 

“I’m sorry, Castiel. Please don’t throw us out.” His brother had regret in his face though Cas couldn’t tell if it was for what he’d done to Dean or because he believed eviction was imminent. 

Castiel sighed. “You owe that apology to Dean. It’s not his place to referee your fights with Claire just like it’s not my place to calm her fears before putting her to bed.” He pinned his brother with a look.

Jimmy’s shoulder’s hunched. “I know. It’s just, when she gets like this she won’t let me near her. She wasn’t going to listen to me. She didn’t even want to talk to me.” 

“That’s your problem to deal with, not mine.” 

“Cut me some slack here. This is really hard without Amelia. Nothing’s the same at all.” 

“And you think our lives haven’t experienced upheaval in the same way?”

Jimmy’s jaw firmed and his nostrils flared, a sign that he was becoming angry. “No, I don’t. You still have your comfortable house and your loving husband.”

Cas opened his mouth to respond and inform Jimmy that his home wasn’t comfortable anymore either, when the noise of the kitchen door opening cut him off. He whirled in time to see Dean coming through the door. Some of the tension inside of him eased. “Dean.” He crossed the kitchen quickly and pulled Dean into his arms. “I’m so sorry.” 

“You should be.” Dean said quietly. 

Cas looked at him in surprise. Dean very rarely had rebukes for Cas but it seemed he had them now. Cas felt ashamed as he looked into his husband’s green eyes. “I shouldn’t have hidden in my room. I knew you were having a bad day. I should have seen to dinner.” 

Dean’s eyes flicked over Cas’s shoulder before he stepped out of Cas’s arms. “You should have. And you…” he glanced to Jimmy who was standing in the kitchen doorway. “...should have made Claire do her homework and at least made her dinner.” 

Once again, Jimmy looked ashamed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not the housekeeper.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. He looked at Cas. “And while I love you, I’m not your 50s housewife. I don’t have to have dinner on the table, ready for you when you get home from work. You know how to cook.” 

“I do.” Dean’s voice may have been quiet, but he could sense the anger in those words and it made Cas shake. He and Dean rarely fought. “I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry doesn’t cut it. I need it to stop. I’m not a maid, I’m not the chef and I’m not a nanny. I have my own job and my own life and sometimes that job is hard. Those kids need me and I do my best to take care of them. I need a place to rest, relax and recharge. I need my home.” 

“Dean… I know. I know all that. I….” 

Dean cut him off. “Don’t apologize. Get better.” His eyes were hard as they darted between Cas and Jimmy. “Both of you. Get better. I can’t do everything around here. I’m not strong enough.” 

“You’ve been taking care of Claire and that’s my job.” Jimmy’s head was hanging down and he was talking to his feet. “It’s so hard. She…. “ He shook his head. “That’s not an excuse. I’ll try to get better at talking to her. She misses her mother and I can’t fill that void.” 

“Jimmy, none of us can. We have to continue on in spite of that.” Dean wasn’t bending an inch, even though he was usually a little bit gentler with Jimmy.

“I know.” Jimmy’s voice shook. 

“I’ll cook dinner more. I’ll do more chores.” Cas offered, trying to ease Dean’s fears. 

“Thank you…but that’s not all I need from you. From either of you.” Now Dean licked his lips and hesitated looking between them. “I need to know where I stand. I need to know what’s going on with you two.” 

“What do you mean?” Jimmy looked as confused as Cas felt. 

“You dance around each other. Sometimes you get along and sometimes you don’t but I’m stuck here in the middle and I’m terrified. I know how things were; Cas has never lied to me about that. I need to know where I’m going to be if you two… if you decide you love each other again. That’s what I really need. I need to know that there’s a place for me.” 

Jimmy buried his face in his hands and his shoulders shook but Castiel reacted right away. “Dean, we’ve talked about this. I love you. My place is with you. You’re my husband and that’s never going to change.” 

“Life changes Cas. You never thought Jimmy would come back. It was never a question before now.” 

“What do I need to say to make you not feel like this?” 

Across the room, Jimmy stumbled two paces forward then wrenched out a chair where he sat heavily. “I can’t do this.” He looked up at them, tears bright in his eyes. “I get it, Dean. I do understand but I… I just don’t have anything inside of me like that anymore. Amelia took it all with her. I’m just… I’m barely surviving here.” He wiped his eyes as he looked between them. “I didn’t come here because I wanted to drive a wedge between you. I didn’t come because I wanted Castiel back. I just didn’t… I didn’t know what to do anymore.” 

“No matter your reasons, Jimmy, you had to know this was going to come to light.” Dean stood his ground as Jimmy quietly sobbed. 

“Maybe this isn’t the time to talk about this.” Castiel began, trying to find a way to ease both Jimmy and Dean at once. It seemed impossible. 

“We have to talk about this now, because I can’t live this way. I can’t be afraid of my home and wondering if I’ll still have a place in it down the road.” Dean turned a glare on Cas. 

“I’ve tried… Dean, what do you need me to say?” They’d talked about this. Castiel knew they had, he’d been clear about his love for Dean, about how he would never leave him. “Do you not trust me?” 

Dean opened his mouth to respond but it was Jimmy who cut in. “It’s me he doesn’t trust.” 

In the room, silence reigned, broken only by Jimmy’s sniffling. After about 30 awful seconds, Jimmy sighed. “What do you need me to do, Dean? Do I need to leave? Because I don’t want you feeling this way either. This is your home and you belong here. I’m the interloper.” 

Dean frowned. “Where would you go?” 

“I have no idea.” Jimmy shrugged. 

Dean shook his head. “I’m not doing that to Claire. I just need you to promise that there’s a place for me. Even if you decide to take Cas back, there needs to be a place for me.” 

“Dean, there’s always a place for you. There’s no home without you!” Cas burst out, reaching for his husband again. 

At the table, Jimmy once again covered his face. He seemed to take a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. “Dean, I love Castiel. I won’t lie to you. I never stopped loving him. I left him because I thought that was what was best for him. I left him so he could meet someone like you, someone who would be what he needed. But it’s not the same as it was, it hasn’t been since I met Amelia. And now that Amelia’s gone, I just don’t have the room for anything else. I promise you, I’m not trying to take your place. I just… I need help and I didn’t know where else to turn.” He looked up at Dean, meeting his stare full on, tears still streaking down his face. “I can’t give you any more than that. I’m sorry. That’s all I’ve got.” 

Dean’s shoulders relaxed and he crossed to where Jimmy sat and laid a hand on his shoulder. “That’s more than enough Jimmy. I’m sorry to put my bullshit on you.” 

“It’s not bullshit. It matters to you.” Jimmy shrugged and Dean let go. “I’ll work with Claire. We’ll try to depend on you less. That much I can do. We have to learn to live without Amelia sometime.” 

“Do the best you can, that’s all I can ask.” 

Jimmy nodded, pushed back the chair and walked out of the kitchen. They could hear his footsteps on the stairs. 

Castiel walked around the table. “What do I have to do so you don’t feel like this anymore?” 

Dean sighed. “Keep loving me? Don’t leave me?” 

“That’s easy.” Cas touched Dean’s chin, angling it so he could lean in for a kiss. “Why don’t we go upstairs? I’ll give you a massage and we can try to wind down from this difficult day?” 

“Did you even eat?” 

Cas chuckled. “Yes, love. We ordered pizza. Claire’s homework is done and she’s in bed. There’s nothing you need to do right now but let me take care of you.” 

Dean smiled softly and pulled Cas back in for a kiss. “Okay, baby. You got it.” 

Cas led him upstairs to do just that. 


	6. Chapter 6

Claire knew this wasn’t going to be a good day when she came downstairs and the only person she saw was Dean. “Where’s my dad?” She asked, hoping he just hadn’t made it downstairs yet.

“Oh, he had an early faculty meeting.” Dean said. “Why don’t you go get dressed while I finish up breakfast. Ms. Klein will be here soon to pick you up for school.”

“My dad is supposed to drive me today.” Claire insisted.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Kelly’s turn to drive you guys to school.” Kelly Klein, Linda Tran, and someone from Claire’s household (usually Dean) took turns driving the three of them to school.

“No. My _dad_ is supposed to drive _me_ to school today.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Kiddo. He’s not here. Now go get dressed while I finish breakfast.”

“FINE!” Claire stomped up the stairs and slammed the door to her room. Instead of dressing in the outfit she had laid out, her grey argyle leggings and a pink babydoll top, she put on her black jeans and turtleneck, pulling her blonde hair into a single straight braid.

When she made her way back downstairs and saw breakfast, she was even more bummed out. Bacon, eggs, and toast. It was what Dean usually made, and it was delicious...but it was just..regular. 

“It’s about time,” Dean said when he saw her. “Come on, eat something. Kelly will be here any minute now.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Come on, you have to eat something.”

Thankfully, the sound of a car horn saved her from further argument. Claire grabbed her back pack and flew out the door.

When she slid into the back seat next to Jack, he passed her a plastic rectangular container. “Happy birthday, Claire!” He exclaimed.

From the front seat, Kelly added, “Jack insisted on making you his favorite cupcakes, even though I told him your dad and uncles would probably have something planned already. But you know how he feels, you can’t have too many sweets.”

“Thanks, Jack.” Claire said, giving him a hug. “No one even seems to know or care that it’s my birthday at home, so thank you for remembering.”

“You’re welcome.” Jack said with a bright smile.

Soon, they were at Kevin’s house. When he got in the car, he handed Claire a brightly colored gift bag. “Happy birthday. I’ve never had a friend who was a girl before, but my mom said you’d like this.” Inside the bag was a unicorn hair clip and one of those “birthday girl” ribbons party stores sold.

“Thank you Kevin.” Claire said as she gave him a hug too.

Claire spent the rest of the ride silently thinking. Of course Jack and Kevin remembered her birthday. They both had moms. Moms always remembered these things. Apparently her dad only remembered when her mom reminded him.

Instead of school being a much needed distraction, it only served to make her bad day worse. Her homeroom teacher actually remembered her birthday, and all of the kids in class were looking at her expectantly since it was common for the birthday kid to bring treats for everyone. But all Claire had was the six cupcakes Jack made her, and he was not willing to share with the rest of the class, so Jack carefully hid them under their backpacks. Unfortunately, most of her homeroom class was in the rest of her classes as well, and she could feel kids staring at her all day. She even heard one girl in the hall say to her friend, “That’s the girl with no mom.” 

Kevin squeezed her shoulders and said softly, “Don’t listen to them.” 

“You don’t know what it’s like though. Your mom never forgets anything.”

“At least you got a chance to know her,” Jack said a little sadly. “My dad left before I was born, and Kevin’s dad died when he was baby.” He cleared his throat and added, “Yeah, our moms are pretty awesome, but they’ve had time to learn how to be single parents. Your dad just hasn’t figured it all out yet.”

“You know…” Kevin said, drawing out the words, “Your family could be planning a surprise party for when you get home from school….”

Claire smiled when she thought about it, then frowned. “Were either of you invited to a party at my house?”

“No…” Jack said and shook his head. “But maybe my mom knows something? I’d never keep it a secret if I knew.”

Kevin frowned. “I wasn’t invited either, and my mom would have updated the calendar in my phone if there was something planned.”

“Yeah, she even plans when you go to the bathroom.” Jack joked.

“Ew.” Claire groaned as the bell rang. “Come on, we’re going to be late for class.”

By the time the third period was over, Claire was barely holding it together. She swore the other kids were whispering about her. At lunch, she just couldn’t do it anymore. They shared the cupcakes Jack had made, and Kevin and Jack sang “Happy Birthday” to her, but it still wasn’t right. Mostly she was just hoping not to draw anymore attention to herself, but her friends insisted on singing. They weren’t bad, per se, but they were definitely loud. It felt like every eye in the cafeteria was on her. She could feel her face heat and the blood rushing in her ears. She sank down in her seat, and before she was even aware of what she was doing, had slid off of it and under the tiny round table where she and her friends always had lunch. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

When the bell rang, she felt someone’s hands on hers, but she just couldn’t move. “Come on Claire. We’re going to be late for class,” Jack said. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been talking to her, but distantly she thought the second bell had rang.

“Stay here,” she heard Kevin say. Of course she was going to stay right there. 

Or maybe he was talking to Jack, because the next thing she was aware of was Jack sitting across from her on the floor. “It’s going to be ok. Kevin went to get Charlie. She’ll fix this, somehow.” 

What could have been minutes or hours later, she felt soft hands on hers and heard Charlie’s voice, and Jack was gone. “Come on, Claire. You’re going to miss class. Or would you prefer I call your dad to come get you?”

“No! No! Don’t call her dad!” Either Kevin or Jack said. Claire couldn’t tell whose voice it was over the buzzing in her ears. She vaguely wondered if this is what an anxiety attack felt like.

“Ok. How about if I call her uncle?”

“Yeah! Call Uncle Dean!” That was definitely Jack.

Calling Dean seemed like a good idea to Claire. She thought it was possible he didn’t even know why today was special. If her dad forgot it was her birthday, how would her uncle even know? Dean probably wouldn’t have forgotten.

***

Dean knew Claire was having a bad day, he just didn’t know why. So he wasn’t exactly surprised to get the call from Charlie.

When he got to the school cafeteria, which was where Charlie said to meet her, he found Claire curled up under one of the tables. Didn’t she realize how disgusting middle school cafeteria floors were? Clearly, hiding under things was a security thing for Claire.

“Hey, Kiddo, you wanna come out from under there? This floor is pretty sticky and gross.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Claire practically flung herself into his arms and started bawling against his chest. He looked at Charlie. “Hey, can I take her home?”

“Yeah. I’ll sign her out.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Dean said, shuffling them so that Claire was at his side instead of in front of him.

“Wait, don’t forget this, Uncle Dean!” Jack said, handing him a plastic container and a gift bag.

“He’s not _your_ uncle.” Kevin said.

“But he’s everybody’s Uncle Dean!” Jack insisted.

Dean just sighed and shook his head. When he took the time to really look at the items Jack had handed to him, he was starting to put two and two together. As he led Claire out of the room, he could hear Charlie say to the boys, “Would either of you like to tell me exactly what happened here?”

That was a good question, one Dean intended to address once they were alone in the car. Safely ensconced within the Impala and seatbelts fastened, Dean pulled out of the school parking lot. “So, want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Claire said, keeping her arms wrapped securely around her chest.

Taking a deep breath, Dean tried another approach. “So, I guess today is your birthday?”

“Yeah.” Claire said miserably. “Not that Dad actually remembered.” She then turned in her seat as much as the belt would let her and just started talking. “You know, my mom used to make this big fuss. She’d always write on the calendar we had on the fridge ‘one week until Claire’s birthday,’ and she’d count down the days, you know? I always thought it was just so I’d see her making a big deal about it. I guess it was also to remind my dad.”

“So what did you do for your birthday? Let me guess, a big party with all your friends?”

“No. Mom asked me every year if I wanted a party with all my friends. I always told her that all I wanted was to spend time with her and Dad. I never got to see Dad. He was always working. But every year, on my birthday, he’d take the day off. If it was on a school day, he’d drive me to school, come have lunch with me, and then after school we’d always do something as a family. Usually go to the zoo then out for dinner. No matter what time we got there, we always got to see them feeding the white tigers. The white tigers were my favorite.”

“That sounds nice.” Dean said as he pulled into the garage.

“Yeah, it was. Guess Dad didn’t think so though. He probably hated missing work.” Claire got out of the car and slammed the door, leaving Dean to cart in all of her stuff.

When Dean got into the house, Claire was almost to the stairs heading up to her room. “Halt! Get back in here.” He handed her backpack to her and set the cupcakes on the counter. “Go put your stuff away and I’ll fix you something to eat.”

After twenty minutes passed and there was still no sign of Claire, Dean went up to her room, knocking twice before letting himself in. “Hey, Kiddo, you should really eat something.” 

Claire was curled on her side, her arms around her chest. “I’m not hungry.” She tightened her arms for a moment and flopped over. “This is completely stupid!” 

“What’s stupid?” 

“My dad left my favorite stuffed animal at home. It was a white tiger, like we used to see at the zoo. I just… really wish I had it right now.” 

“I’m sorry you don’t have it.” Dean sighed and looked at her seriously. “I know the first birthday after losing your mom is hard. My mom was amazing, she always made a big deal for mine and Sam’s birthdays. After she died, my dad didn’t handle it well…”

Claire chuckled brokenly. “Tell me about it.”

Dean huffed a half laugh. “Trust me, my dad makes your dad look well adjusted.” He pulled her desk chair out and sat down next to her bed. “On my thirteenth birthday I made sure Sam had breakfast and lunch for school. Dad was still passed out in bed. Sam and I walked to school, and afterwards, by the time we got home, Dad was gone. So I made us dinner and helped Sam with his homework before starting mine. About nine o’clock that night I got a call from Dad’s favorite seedy bar where I had to practically carry him out and drive him home. I was kinda a scrawny kid, so driving the Impala back then was a bit of a challenge.” He left the part out about what happened when John woke up angry and looking for his keys so he could go back to the bar. Afterwards, Dean had to explain away a broken wrist by saying he’d fallen down the stairs. 

“No way that happened. You’re lying. Or exaggerating to make me feel better.” Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

Dean looked her right in the eyes. “Claire, have I ever lied to you?”

“No.” Claire answered hesitantly, but it seemed she did believe him. “That really sucks then. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Dean shrugged and gave her a wan smile. “Hey, it helped build me into the guy I am today. I guess my dad did the best he could. He didn’t have the kind of support system Jimmy has. He was an only child and never had many friends who actually liked him….Anyway, I’m sure your dad didn’t forget about you. Let me go give him a call and see what happened.”

“OK.” Claire caught him by surprise when she wrapped him in a big hug before he could leave the room.

“Happy birthday Kiddo.”

Once downstairs, Dean dropped the relaxed facade he was putting on for Claire. He wanted to believe that Jimmy hadn’t forgotten her birthday, he seemed to be doing better lately. But the truth is, Dean didn’t know that for sure. He was trying not to be pissed off, and had to count to ten before he picked up his phone to call the other man. It rang several times before going to voicemail. Jimmy was probably in class right now, but Dean didn’t care. He kept calling until he finally answered.

“I’m in class right now Dean, is it an emergency? What’s wrong? Is Claire alright?”

“No, actually she isn’t alright. Did you forget something today?”

There was a pause on the other side of the line as Jimmy thought. “No, I don’t think so.”

“No? What about your daughter’s thirteenth birthday?” Dean was starting to get upset now. “You were supposed to drive her to school.”

“I know, but I had that faculty meeting come up at the last minute. I left her a card with a note. I told her I’m going to take her to dinner at that pizza place she likes with the pinball machines and to invite Jack and Kevin if she wants to. I couldn’t take her to the zoo today. I just started working here and couldn’t find anyone to cover my classes. I explained all of that.”

“Um...no you didn’t. You were gone before she got up and there was no card.”

There was another pause and Dean could hear Jimmy rifling around. “Shit, shit, SHIT! The card...it’s in my briefcase. I can’t believe this. Guess she’s pretty mad, huh?”

“You could say that. If you can, you should try to come home ASAP. I’ll try to explain what happened.”

“She’s not going to believe me. She’ll think I did forget and just bought this card at the last minute. I screwed up, Dean.”

“Yeah, you did. Why didn’t you tell me it was Claire’s birthday and what your plans were? I would have been happy to take her to school and entertain her until you could get off work.”

Jimmy sighed heavily. Dean heard the door close behind him. He guessed Jimmy had stepped out of his classroom. “Because we talked about this, remember. Me leaning on you so much? I’m trying to stop using you as a crutch. I promised you I’d be better at taking care of my own kid.”

“And I appreciate that. But Cas and I are her uncles, and we’d like to celebrate her birthday too, you know. You can still ask for help when you really need it or it’s important, like today.”

“I know. You’re right Dean, as usual. I’ll see what I can do about my last two classes and come home if I can, ok?”

“Ok Jimmy.” Dean hung up the phone and took a moment to think before squaring his shoulders to go back upstairs and talk to Claire again. There was no avoiding it honestly and he knew she had a right to be angry. He wouldn’t be able to plan a better birthday without asking her what she wanted. He went up the stairs again and knocked on her door. 

“What is it? Did you talk to my dad?” Claire’s voice came through the door. 

Dean opened it and came in. “Yup, I did. Called him in the middle of class. He didn’t forget your birthday. Apparently he wrote you a card to explain where he was and what you were going to do, then left it in his briefcase.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. He’s going to buy that card on the way home.” 

Dean shrugged. “I believe him kiddo, he was upset when he found it in there while I was talking to him.” 

Claire looked down at her hands in her lap, thinking about this for a minute. “Okay. Why wasn’t he here? What are we going to do?” 

“Don’t you want to hear that from him?” 

“No, I want to hear it from you.” 

Having Claire trust him was like a double edged sword. He was glad there was someone around who she could trust but it was also hard. He wasn’t her father. “He couldn’t get away from work. Teaching isn’t like what he did before. He said he couldn’t leave because he was so new to the job.” 

“That sounds like bullshit to me.” 

Dean held back the urge to sigh. “I’m just the messenger. You’ll have to take it up with your dad.” 

“Fine.” Claire rolled her eyes briefly before looking back at Dean. “So what are we doing for my birthday. What had he planned?” 

“Your dad wanted to go to the pizza place you like and he was going to invite Jack and Kevin to join if you wanted.” 

“Lame.” 

“Look, it’s a school night. There’s not time for a lot of wild shenanigans. If you don’t want that, we can do something else. What do you want to do for your birthday?” 

“I want…” Claire stopped, obviously thinking about this hard before answering. “I want dinner with just us. You, Uncle Cas, Dad, and Me. Like we’re a real family. Make meatloaf and mashed potatoes, that’s my favorite thing that you make for dinner. And I want a cake. Chocolate cake with cookies and cream frosting with candy sprinkles on top.” 

Dean had a feeling that there was a reason for her directions. “Was this what your mom did?” 

Claire shook her head. “Mom made me lasagna. She made me strawberry cake with vanilla icing. She used to write ‘Happy Birthday Claire’ in pink letters.” 

“Do you want that?” 

Claire shook her head again. “No, I need something new. I can’t have a mom birthday anymore.” 

Dean came to the bed to sit down next to Claire and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Just because it’s not the same, doesn’t mean it can’t be good. Sam used to try to bake me a cake when he got older. He was awful at it but I loved it. Now, Cas gets Eileen to make the cake for me. He’s no good at cake either. The cakes are never like mom’s but I love them anyway. Remember there’s still people who love and care for you Claire.” 

“Okay.” Claire answered in a small voice. 

Dean let her go and got up. “Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Chocolate cake, cookies and cream icing with sprinkles. Anything else?” 

“You’ll sing happy birthday, right?” 

Dean grinned. “You haven’t heard Cas sing yet! One awful rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ coming right up!” 

Claire finally cracked a smile. “Thanks, Dean.” 

“No problem. I gotta go make this happen. Will you be alright up here?” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah, go.” 

Dean saluted her and went back downstairs. He stood at the kitchen counter where he searched recipes then made a grocery list. He still had several hours before dinner so making the requests happen was totally doable. When the list was finished, he thought of one other thing. He picked up his cell phone and dialed. 

Cas picked up on the second ring. “Hello Dean. Is anything the matter?” 

“Nah, Cas. I know you’re busy but I need to tell you; today’s Claire’s birthday.” 

He could almost hear Cas’s frown. “Why didn’t Jimmy tell us?” 

“He didn’t want to lean on us so much and he totally screwed up. I’ll tell you about it later. What I really need is to ask you if you can stop by the mall and pick up something to be a birthday present.” 

“I can do that.” 

“Hey! Ask Rowena what’s appropriate for a 13 year old girl.”

“Dean, I’m perfectly capable of picking a gift.” 

“Just ask Rowena.” 

“Fine.”

“Thank you, baby. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

With that taken care of, Dean swept up his list and saw to the rest. 

***

By the end of his day, Castiel was exhausted. He’d had a patient halfway through the day that was so sick he’d had to send them to the hospital and that was never a good situation with a person so young. He’d been dealing with that (mostly comforting the parents) throughout the day, along with a trip to the hospital to see that patient before his day ended. Unfortunately, he’d completely forgotten all about Claire’s birthday present and by the time he’d finished for the day, Rowena was already gone. Dean had told him to ask, but Castiel was sure he could handle this - how hard could a gift for a 13 year old be?

The answer was hard. Castiel stepped into the mall and was bombarded by the number of stores and the people bustling everywhere. He’d finally wandered to a shop called Hot Topic, which looked like it was full of trendy stuff that a budding teenager might like, at least, he thought they likely would. The shop itself was overwhelming. Merchandise climbed the walls and was shoved on dark colored shelves. Music boomed from the speakers and went to work on his headache. In the end, he quickly grabbed a cat plushie that described itself as grumpy and checked out. Stuffed animals were appropriate for someone Claire’s age. It would have to do. At least the clerk at the counter had wrapped it for him. Unfortunately the paper was also black. He was out of time, so he took it. 

He rushed home, already running late from his usual time, and parked with unusual carelessness in the garage before making haste for the door to the house. Inside the kitchen was a cheery scene, the table was covered in a purple table cloth and it was set with colorful orange paper plates. That confused Castiel because it wasn’t Halloween, but he supposed Claire must like those colors. Dean would’ve known that and taken care of that detail. Dean was standing at the stove and gave a great sigh of relief at seeing Castiel. 

“There you are. I was afraid dinner would get cold.” 

“I’m sorry. It was a hard day. Here’s the gift.” He handed Dean the black wrapped parcel. 

“Why’s it black?” 

“That’s the only paper they had at the store.” 

Dean gave the package a long suspicious look. “Did you ask Rowena?” 

Before Cas could answer, Claire came through the door. “There you are, Uncle Cas!” She looked between them, her eyes landing on the present but she didn’t say anything about it. “Maybe we should get started. I don’t think my dad is coming.” 

“He’s definitely coming.” Dean said, laying the present on the counter and crossing the room to put an arm around Claire’s shoulders. “I texted him, he’s on his way.” 

“Okay.” She stepped away from Dean and pulled out her chair at the table. It was then she noticed the table for the first time. Again, she didn’t say anything but a smile crossed her lips as she sat down. 

Castiel followed suit and sat down too. “Happy birthday, Claire.” 

She gave him a small smile. “Thanks, Uncle Cas.” 

The front door burst open and Jimmy rushed in, out of breath. “I’m here! Sorry! Sorry!” He tossed his briefcase and coat down on the couch before he came into the kitchen. “Happy birthday, Clairebear.” He leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead. 

Claire simply let him. “Sit down. Dinner’s gonna get cold.” 

Dean laughed. “Nah, I’ve got it covered.” He put on oven mitts and pulled the meatloaf out of the oven. 

Cas blinked at this. “It’s Tuesday.” They always had tacos on Tuesday because Dean loved what he called Taco Tuesday. It was some reference from a movie Castiel had never seen. 

At the stove, Dean was putting slices of meatloaf on a serving platter. “I know. We are changing it up for the birthday girl this week. Never fear, Taco Tuesday will be back next week.” He shot a wink over his shoulder at Cas. 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Come on, Uncle Cas. Where’s your sense of adventure?” 

Jimmy laughed. “Yeah, Castiel has never been the adventurous one.” 

Castiel hrmphed. “I beg to differ. I can be quite adventurous if the situation warrants it.” 

At the stove, Dean laughed again as he dished up mashed potatoes. “That’s not the kind of adventure they want to know about, baby.” 

“Oh, gross!” Claire piped up in disgust. 

Cas looked down at his lap, cheeks heating. “I beg your pardon.” 

Dean put the dishes on the table and sat down between Cas and Claire. “I’m just teasing you, baby. You are plenty adventurous outside the bedroom too. We go rock climbing.” 

Claire shuddered at the thought. “I don’t know how, but that sounds worse.”

Jimmy admonished her with a shocked, “Claire!” 

Dean snorted. “It’s not a euphemism, kid. It’s really climbing rocks.”

Castiel turned to his plate and said, a little loudly. “This is delicious as always, Dean.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “I know that. I’m just saying...rock climbing sounds horrible.”

“Got it, no rock climbing for Claire. How about white water rafting instead?” 

Jimmy shook his head. “Nah, Castiel doesn’t like to swim.” 

Castiel tossed Jimmy a hard look. “I’ll have you know I can swim now. Dean taught me.” 

“Dean must be a man of great persuasion.” 

Claire rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, yeah. He’s great.” She scooped up the mashed potatoes from her plate. She was eating like she’d never seen food before.

“Hey, Kiddo, slow down. You’re going to choke. I promise you, the food isn’t going anywhere.”

“I know that. It’s just...the food is good and all, but I’m ready for cake and presents!” She turned a blue eyed stare on Castiel. “Come on, Uncle Cas. You eat so slow. Get to it.” 

Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle. “Okay, I’ll get to it then.” He picked up his fork once more. Next to him, Dean rubbed his shoulder affectionately but then turned to his dinner too. The table fell into a comfortable silence born of eating. 

The minute the last fork was put down, Claire was on her feet, grabbing up the paper plates. “Easy clean up. I’ve got it!” It took her less than a minute to take away their plates and toss them in the trash can. She immediately turned expectant eyes on Dean. “Now! Cake!” 

“Okay, kiddo. Cake it is.” Dean got up and went to the counter where an obvious cake dish was waiting. He lifted the cover to reveal a cake that had white frosting with dark chunks in it, which he carried to the table. There was no writing on top, however, it was covered with multi-colored candy sprinkles. 

“It’s perfect!” Claire said, forgetting herself for a moment where she actually clapped with excitement. She caught herself and stood aside as Dean began to place candles on it. 

“You didn’t say how you wanted the candles, so you’re getting thirteen.” The candles were purple and orange and soon Dean had them spread out over the cake. He pulled his silver zippo lighter from his pocket and started to light them. Once they were all lit, Dean looked around the room and started to sing. _“Happy birthday to you…”_

Cas joined in immediately and Jimmy was right behind him. 

“ _Happy birthday to you._

_Happy birthday, dear Claire._

_Happy birthday to you. “_

__

By the end of the song, Claire had a hand over her mouth and was holding back giggles. When the sound died away, she blew out all the candles. They all applauded but as soon as they were done, she looked right at Cas. “Oh my god, Uncle Cas. You’re an _awful_ singer!” 

Castiel blushed as Dean beside him said, “I told you, didn’t I?” 

“You did but I didn’t believe it. No one is that bad.” Claire was still giggling while Dean cut the cake. 

“I am a bad singer.” Castiel confirmed. 

Next to him, Jimmy piped up. “He’s always been a bad singer. You should hear him do Christmas carols.” 

This was apparently hilarious to Claire. “If you sing so bad, why do you do it so loudly?” 

Cas frowned. “Do I sing loud?” 

“Yes!” All the other people in the room confirmed together. 

“Oh. My apologies.” Cas looked down at his hands. 

Suddenly Dean’s arm was around him. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.” 

“Yeah, Uncle Cas. It’s cool.” Claire added with another stifled giggle. She immediately switched gears. “Gimme cake!”

“Claire!” Jimmy admonished her once again. “Where are your manners?” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I mean, gimme cake, please?” 

Dean threw back his head and laughed as Jimmy sighed. Dean cut four pieces of cake, which turned out to be chocolate and put them on little orange plates. Claire was given the biggest piece, which earned a smile. In retrospect, this was the happiest he’d ever seen Claire be. Once again, they fell silent as they devoured the cake, which was delicious. 

The moment she was done, Claire tossed her plate aside on the table. “Now, presents!” She tossed a look at her dad before adding, “Please?” 

Castiel got up and grabbed the black wrapped present which he turned over to Claire. “This is from myself and Dean.” 

Claire took it and immediately ripped the paper off. She looked at it for a confused second. “You got me a stuffed Grumpy Cat?” 

“I got it at the Hot Topical. It was age appropriate.” Castiel was immediately aware of Dean palming his face next to him. 

Dean leaned over and hissed into his ear, “You didn’t ask Rowena.” 

Castiel shrugged. “She was gone and I was running late. This is fine.” 

Claire was still looking askance at the cat but then she put her arms around it and hugged it. “Thanks, I guess.” She looked at her father next. “What did you get me, dad?” 

Jimmy looked around for a second. “One sec.” He hopped up from the table and went into the living room. He came back with a box wrapped in purple paper. “Here, sweetheart.” 

Claire took it and once again made short work of the paper. It was a shoe box. She pulled open the lid to reveal a new pair of soccer cleats. They were brilliantly orange. She looked at her father, seeming unsure. “I… how did you know I needed new cleats?” 

“I heard you tell Dean.” Jimmy answered. “Make sure they are the right size.” 

Claire pulled off her shoes and put on the cleats. “They fit perfectly! They’re awesome!” She lurched over to impulsively hug her father. “Thanks, Dad.” 

Jimmy looked surprised but he immediately wrapped his daughter up in a hug. “You’re welcome, Clairebear.” 

When they let go, Dean waved them off. “Get out of my kitchen, I need to clean up.” 

Grumbling, Claire picked up the shoe box. 

“Oh! No wearing cleats in the house!” 

Again, Claire rolled her eyes and took off the shoes. She stuffed them back in the box, grabbed the stuffed cat and headed for the stairs. Jimmy was right behind her. 

Cas watched them go, then got up to help Dean clean the kitchen. 

***

Jimmy followed Claire up the stairs, wracking his brain about what he was going to say to his daughter. He’d never forgotten her birthday, of course he hadn’t, but his own new scatterbrained craziness had certainly made it look like he had. She hadn’t yelled at him when he got home but he was sure it was coming. He knew his daughter and he knew she was struggling with losing her mother and he’d made that worse by pointing out how very different the day was going to be without her. They reached the top of the stairs to the second floor and Claire went to the landing of the next flight up, which is when she noticed him following. 

“What are you doing?” 

Jimmy drew himself up. “I’m going upstairs with you so we can talk.” 

Claire scowled. “Look, shit happens. We don’t need to talk about it.” 

“Language!” Jimmy scolded before going on. “And we do need to talk about it.” 

“Fine, whatever.” She turned off to go up the stairs. 

Jimmy followed her, his stomach tying itself into knots. It was strange. She was his own child, someone he’s cherished and watched grow but these days she was a stranger to him. It increased his nervousness whenever he dealt with her because he never knew what to expect. Today he expected her anger and was prepared to take it, he’d screwed up but she needed to know he hadn’t forgotten. Not when it really counted. When they got into Claire’s room, Jimmy shoved the card he’d planned to give to her this morning. “Here, I know it’s too late now but I promise I didn’t forget.”

Claire took the card and looked at it, long and hard. Then she looked at him. He could see in her eyes that she was tired. She didn’t look like she was furious, she looked exhausted. 

Jimmy licked his lips nervously, not really understanding why she wasn’t yelling at him yet. She had a right to, after all. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m sorry I didn’t leave the card. I’m sorry you spent even half the day thinking that I forgot. I couldn’t forget. I wouldn’t do that. It’s too important.”

“So you really didn’t forget? You didn’t stop at the store on your way home?”

“Of course not. I was there when you were born. I could never forget that. I’ve had that card and those soccer cleats for a month just waiting to give them to you. The note is new. I wasn’t expecting to miss driving you to school today.”

“Those notes Mom used to put on the fridge...I was starting to think she did that to remind you about it. That you’d always just forget otherwise.”

“Whose idea do you think it was to do that? Your mom used to laugh at me, I’d get so excited for your birthday. I always kinda wanted to throw you a big party with all your friends, thought that would be fun for you. But every year you’d just ask to spend time with me...with us. It was always my favorite day of the year.”

Claire flopped down on the bed and spoke to the ceiling. “But I see my friends at school every day. You were always at work.” She sat up again. “Is that why you wanted to take me and Kevin and Jack out for pizza? To give me that big party with all my friends?”

Jimmy shrugged. “It’s a school day, and I have no idea where the nearest zoo is...I thought it sounded fun.”

“That’s what Google is for, Dad.” Claire got quiet for a little while before speaking again. “Mom should be here, you know. I keep expecting her to show up like ‘Surprise! It was all just an elaborate April Fool’s joke.’”

“That’s not funny, Claire.”

“I know it’s not funny! None of this is funny! My mom should be here with me! Why did she just have to leave like that?”

Jimmy sat down on the side of the bed next to Claire. He wanted to cry suddenly, because that was the hardest question he’d ever been asked. “I don’t know. I ask myself that everyday. Why? Why was she taken from us?” 

“It’s not fair.” Claire sounded suspiciously like she wanted to cry. If she cried, Jimmy wasn’t sure he could keep himself from doing it either. 

“Life isn’t fair.” He heard himself say. It was a platitude. Something his father always said to him when he was young. “You know what? I always hated it when my dad said that to me. I don’t want that to be true. I want life to be good for us. I’m sorry it’s changed so much. There’s just… nothing we can do about that.” 

“That’s stupid. It’s my life, I should be able to have my mom in it! I know life isn’t fair, but this is more than just not fair.” Claire’s face was turning red when she jumped off the bed and started pacing. “It’s more than not fair that Mom just left like that. How could she do that to me? How could she do that to us?”

“Claire.” Jimmy reached for his daughter, who evaded him. “Claire!” He reached again and caught her gently by the wrist. “I don’t think your mom wanted to go. That’s not the woman I knew. That’s not who I married. It’s not a matter of how could she.”

“This is stupid!” Claire wrenched her wrist away from him. “I want my mom back!” She looked wildly around the room, seemingly searching for an escape route but then she threw herself at him. Jimmy barely had the time to stand up and catch her before she was burying her face in his chest. “I’m so mad! I want her back!” 

“I know, Clairebear. I want her back too.” Jimmy ran his palm over her hair, smoothing down the blonde locks that she’d inherited from Amelia. Nothing he could say here was good enough, he knew that. He felt much the same; he was raw and angry, aching for Amelia. Suddenly it seemed as if there was nothing he could say, no words to ease her or himself.

“Why didn’t she stay then? She could have fought harder, waited for the paramedics. She didn’t have to go like that.” Claire dissolved into sobs, soaking the front of Jimmy’s shirt.

A sob broke from Jimmy’s lips; there was nothing he could do to stop it. That night, that awful night was seared into his memory and just hearing Claire mention it brought it all back. His terror at finding Amelia on the floor, his frantic attempts to revive her while waiting for the paramedics and then the crushing news that she’d been gone the whole time. That nothing he did could have helped. “I tried.” He squeezed Claire in his arms. “I tried so hard Claire. I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t… I couldn’t…” Words wouldn’t come then, just rough sobs. 

Claire pulled herself from his arms and sat heavily on the bed reaching for the box of tissues on the nightstand. “The paramedics were supposed to save her Dad. She was supposed to let them…” She blew her nose loudly before handing the box to Jimmy. “Why did we have to leave?” Somehow, there was barely a tremor to her words. “Why did we come here? Nothing here smells like Mom. I miss her smell.”

Just hearing that Claire didn’t think Jimmy was supposed to save Amelia eased him for a moment, so Jimmy accepted the box of tissues and blew his own nose. He took another tissue to wipe his eyes then sat down next to her. “Because I couldn’t live there without her. Her things were all there, the closet was full, just waiting for her to come in but she was never going to do that. I couldn’t be there anymore. I’m sorry. I know it’s hard but I was going crazy in that house without your mother. I needed help.” 

“And Dean and Uncle Cas help?” 

“I think so. Don’t they help you?” 

Claire blew her nose again and then tossed her used tissue on the bedside table. “Yeah, Dean’s pretty cool.” 

“What about Uncle Cas? Isn’t he pretty cool?”

Claire chuckled. It was small, but it was better than her crying. “Uncle Cas is the only person I’ve met who’s a bigger dork than you.”

“But he got you this genuine Grumpy Cat plush toy.” Jimmy said with a hint of a smile, picking up the cat and holding it out to her with a wiggle.

“Yeah, I guess it is kinda cute. But don’t tell him I said that!” Claire reached over and snatched the cat out of Jimmy’s hands. Then she leaned over sideways and bumped her shoulder into his. 

It made him abruptly realize just how big she was getting. Suddenly, Jimmy had no idea what he was supposed to say but Claire seemed to expect something. “Was it at least okay? Your birthday? Even though your mom wasn’t here?” 

Claire was silent for a very long time. “It was different. Not bad different, just different.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Claire hit him with the grumpy cat. “Listen, Doofus. I said it wasn’t bad. The cake and dinner and the presents…those were all good. It felt nice…like having a family again. I haven’t felt that way without mom.” 

Jimmy’s heart sank. He’d been so focused on himself that he’d stolen away Claire’s feeling of home and security. “I’m sorry.” 

“Oh my god! Just stop already. I said it wasn’t bad.” She shifted on the bed next to him and was suddenly pulling him over by the chin to make him look at her. “This isn’t what we wanted but we both can deal, right? I’m dealing and that’s... it’s okay, alright?” 

“I just want to do the right thing for you, Claire. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that at home but I feel like I’m doing it here. Is that alright?” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it’s alright. Besides, Dean is kinda nurturing, right? And his cooking is _way_ better than yours.”

Jimmy laughed. “Yeah, alright. I got it.” 

Claire pushed him. “Now get off of my bed and let me go to sleep.” 

“Okay, you got it.” Jimmy crossed the room to the door to the stairs. 

“Oh, and dad?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for not forgetting my birthday.” 

Jimmy paused at the door then walked back over to Claire, where he bent down to kiss her forehead. “Never, Clairebear.” 

Claire pushed him away. “Good _night_ , dad.” 

“Good night.” Jimmy left Claire’s room, feeling lighter than he had in months. He was still mostly a screw up but after talking to Claire, he felt better. He was still struggling but he was sure he could still be a good dad. Maybe he’d even be a better dad than he’d been before. 


	7. PART III : 2 months later

In the last two months, Jimmy was feeling a little better about life, even though he missed Amelia like he would miss air. He and Claire still had their conflicts from time to time, but it has been better since her birthday. Likewise, things with Cas were still awkward at best, but his brother was no longer freezing him out; they talked, albeit stiffly, when they saw each other in the house. It’s not like it was, Cas didn’t seek him out nor did he share the ins and outs of his life but Jimmy had expected that. While he was hoping their relationship would heal to the point that they were at least friends again, what they had was a vast improvement. He wasn’t really happy, he felt like he couldn’t be without Amelia, but he was surviving. That’s the best he could do. 

The last months flew by and next week was Jimmy’s spring break. He’d hoped to spend it with Claire doing fun things together, however, her spring break wasn’t that week at all. It was a week later so they wouldn’t get that opportunity. Still, they could do things together in the evening and Jimmy was pretty much banking on that for next week. Otherwise, he wasn’t really sure what he was going to do with himself, alone in Cas and Dean’s house all day long. It’s something he was worrying about daily, even though spring break was still a week away. 

Jimmy pushed that worry aside as he parked in the driveway and made his way inside the home. The scene in the kitchen was familiar to him; Dean was standing at the stove cooking dinner. Cas was at Dean’s back, his arms wrapped around his husband’s waist while Claire sat at the table doing her homework. There was something comforting in this new normal, even though it wasn’t the normal that his heart still cried out for. 

“Hi guys!” Jimmy greeted as he dropped his briefcase on the nearest counter. 

“Man, don’t leave that there.” Dean said automatically, not even turning around at the stove. 

Jimmy chuckled and picked up the briefcase again just as Claire looked up from her math book. “Hi, Dad! My homework is done.” 

She made a show of slamming the book closed. 

“Good.” Dean turned around, twisting out of Cas’s arms though he paused to press a kiss to Cas’s lips in apology. “Clear your books off the table and take them upstairs.” 

Claire rolled her eyes but collected her books, then stomped out of the room and up the stairs. 

The moment she was gone, Dean caught his eye. “Jimmy, I need to talk to you about something.” 

Those words froze Jimmy solid. Things were going pretty well around the house however, Jimmy was always afraid there would come a day when Dean got tired of them and asked him to leave. “Okay… what is it?” Cas was looking on curiously, so whatever it was, it was going to be news to him as well. That made Jimmy calm down a little bit. 

“I know your spring break is coming up and I had an idea.” 

“What’s that?” Jimmy was pretty open to things that could occupy all that time. 

“I think you and I should go to Chicago and clean out your house so you can put it up for sale.” 

“What?” Everything in Jimmy’s head screeched to a halt. “Why would I do that?” 

“Are you going to move back home?” 

Jimmy had to think about that. When he’d come here originally, he’d had no thought in his head about what he was going to do. Now, however, he had a job in Lawrence, Claire was in school and he’d quit his job at Sandover long ago. “I… guess not.” 

“So there’s no point in hanging onto it.” Dean said, matter of factly as he removed the pan from the stove and began dishing out dinner onto a serving platter. “I know you are struggling with money and that’s because you are paying for a house that you can’t afford any more.” 

“But Amelia lived there.” Jimmy didn’t want to get rid of the house. It’s where he lived with Amelia. Her things were there. It was true he couldn’t look at those things and see them but he knew they were there. It was proof that she’d lived; most days it seemed as if no one but him knew she was gone. 

Dean’s expression softened. “I know, Jimmy. But Amelia’s not here and you can’t afford to hang onto it. It’s been six months. It’s time.” 

JImmy just stood there. His mouth opened, then he closed it, not knowing what to say. 

From across the table, Cas cleared his throat. “It might be good for you… it could help you move on.”

That was logical. Cas was good at logical. Jimmy knew that. However, he didn’t want to be logical. He wanted to hold onto every last thing that had belonged to Amelia forever. He didn’t want to move. He wanted Amelia. He didn’t say any of that, though. He just stood there, staring at them. 

Dean continued on. “I know this is hard, man. That’s why I’m going too. I’ll be there to help you… whatever you need.” 

Jimmy looked at Dean slowly, trying to ignore the screaming in his head that told him this was absolutely the wrong thing to do. A hand touched his shoulder and Jimmy jumped, turning his head to see it was Cas. He didn’t remember him crossing the room. 

“Dean is very good at this sort of thing. He’ll help you.” 

Jimmy looked between them. “You’ve already talked about this.” 

Dean nodded. “Of course. It kinda means that you’ll be staying here with us for the foreseeable future, on a more permanent basis. We had to talk it out.” 

Jimmy looked to Cas. “And you are okay with this?” 

Cas avoided his eyes and took a moment to answer. “Yes. We want things to be stable for Claire… and for you. I would need help if our positions were reversed. I can do that for you.” 

Once again, Jimmy was struck dumb. This was a lot coming from Cas, who was awkward with him at best and avoided him at worst. “Really?” 

Cas nodded and after a beat, his fingers squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder. Cas’s gaze was steady as he met Jimmy’s eyes. After another beat, his brother let go. 

Jimmy turned back to Dean. “And you can do this? Take off work and get away for a week?” 

“Yup!” Dean confirmed. “I’ve already got it cleared at work. Cas has agreed to take care of Claire, so we’re all set to go.” 

Once again, Jimmy looked between the two of them before finally nodding. “Okay.” He wasn’t sure about this at all, but it seemed that the plans were already made. Also, Dean had a point. Jimmy couldn’t afford the upkeep on the Chicago house; it required much more than what a teacher in a community college paid. His savings were all but gone. “When will we leave?” 

“Friday after work.” Dean confirmed as he went to set the table. 

Jimmy had more questions, but Claire came back into the kitchen. She looked between the adults. “It’s heavy in here. Were you fighting again?” 

“Nope!” Dean said as he put the serving platter on the table. “Sit down and eat.” 

They all followed Dean’s directive and sat at the table, passing around the food and filling their plates. The silence was uncomfortable. Jimmy didn’t know what to say, and it seemed neither Dean nor Cas were going to push with Claire in the room. 

Claire, of course, wasn’t going to let it go. “So, if you’re not fighting then what is it? You guys are unnaturally silent.” 

Everyone looked at Jimmy. Jimmy looked down at his plate and pushed around his peas, trying to ignore the stares. He’d never been good at that though. “Dean and I are going back to Chicago next week.” 

“What? Why?” Claire burst out. “Can I go?” 

“No, you’ll be in school next week.” Dean cut in right away. “Jimmy and I are going to clean out your old house so we can put it up for sale.” 

Claire sat up straight as if sucking in air and Jimmy knew this wasn’t going to be good. He looked around the table and everyone else had made the same realization. They were in for it now. However, her reaction, when it came, wasn’t what he was expecting. She looked like she was about to cry. “It’s my home too. I have a right to help pack it up.” She spoke calmly, and her voice was rational “Or we could just go home to stay.” Even as she said it, Claire looked at him with pleading blue eyes.

Jimmy looked at her, feeling his heart break a little more. It was her home and he knew she missed it, but he couldn’t stay there anymore. Not without Amelia. “Claire, baby, we can’t go back. It’s not home anymore, not without your mother there, and you can’t miss school.”

“But...but it’s Mom’s things and my things. We should go through them together! Mom wouldn’t want some stranger pawing all over her things!”

“Claire, that’s enough. Dean isn’t just some stranger.”

“He is to Mom! Mom never knew him! Mom didn’t even know you had a twin brother!” She stood up from the table and pushed her food away, stomped up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door hard enough that it reverberated through the entire house.

Jimmy called after her. “Your mother knew!” Of course, she wasn’t there to hear it, but he turned to Dean and Cas and repeated it. “Amelia knew I had a twin. It wasn’t a secret. We just didn’t talk about it in front of Claire. We were planning to tell her when she was older.” Suddenly he didn’t want to eat either. This was hard and now that he saw how devastated Claire was by the idea, he didn’t want to do it. He pushed his plate away. “Why do we have to do this now?” 

“Because it’s time. You have a week off and you’re going broke.” Dean looked sympathetic, but he also looked like he wasn’t going to bend. Cas sat at his side, as always, ready to back up his husband. 

Jimmy pushed back from the table. “I’m going upstairs.”

Dean simply nodded. “Maybe let Claire cool off before you try to talk to her?” 

“I guess.” Jimmy turned his back on the table and went upstairs. He stopped at the bottom of Claire’s staircase and looked up. Dean had told him to let her cool off and he probably should but he also didn’t like it. His daughter was hurting, just as he was. She was allowed to want to come along and to be upset about it all. He couldn’t just leave things like this. He went up the stairs and knocked at her door. 

“Go away!” 

Jimmy fought down a sigh and opened the door. He didn’t go in, but stood at the door. “Claire, I’m sorry. This sucks.” He leaned in the doorframe and tried to find words. “I don’t like it anymore than you do.” 

“If you don’t like it, then why are you doing it this way? Isn’t this something we should do together? I’m not a little kid anymore. I can help.”

He walked into the room and sat at the foot of Claire’s bed facing her. Sighing, he said, “I can’t keep putting this off, and you can’t miss school.”

“Yes I can! I can help. I’ll talk to Charlie, and I’m sure she’ll talk to my teachers. Kevin and Jack can email my assignments to me. I can do it, Dad.” Claire looked at him with pleading eyes.

“But if you go, who’s going to keep Uncle Cas company while we’re gone?”

“Dean. He can stay here and I can go.”

Jimmy didn’t know how to tell his daughter that there was no way he’d be strong enough to go through with this without Dean’s support. He was going to have to figure it out, even if that meant swallowing his pride. “This… is going to be hard. It would be hard for both of us and I just… I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it. You know how Dean is good at supporting people and I’m going to need that.” He looked at her, carefully choosing his words. “I know you could help but I can’t lean on you like that. It would be wrong. I’m your dad, I should have to support you. You don’t have to support me. That’s not fair to you and it’s just… I’m going to need that. I need to take Dean.”

“How do you know I can’t handle it if you won’t even let me try? I’m not a baby anymore!” The way she sat there pouting, she looked every bit the child she claimed to no longer be.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t handle it, I said you shouldn’t have to. Clairebear, you’ll always be my baby, and it’s my job to protect you. I may not have been doing great at that lately, but let me do it this time. Do this for me, please? Stay here where I know you’ll be OK?”

Her blue eyes bored into him. He could practically see the wheels in her head turning as she considered his words. “Are you really going to be OK without me? I mean, that’s...that’s our home. You shouldn’t have to do it by yourself.”

“I won’t be by myself, you know. Dean will be with me.”

“But...but he doesn’t know our history. He doesn’t know what’s important. What if he throws away Mom’s sunflower print sundress because he doesn’t know she wore that in your wedding?”

“You’ll just have to trust me to know what’s important. Can you do that?”

Claire stared at him, blinking her blue eyes slowly and twirling her blonde hair. “I guess…but if there’s any questions about anything, do you promise to call me?”

“Yes, ma’am. And you have to promise to take care of Uncle Cas while we’re gone. Do you think you can handle that?”

“I guess I can.” Claire sniffled loudly, and Jimmy knew she wasn’t happy about the situation, but at least she seemed to accept it now. Jimmy knew that was the best he could hope for, right now. He leaned over and smoothed the hair off her forehead, then kissed it. “And hey, I’ll be sure to bring back all your stuff.” 

Claire snorted at him. “You’d better.”

“So, I don’t know about you, but I could eat now. What do you say? Maybe Dean saved our leftovers.” 

“Yeah, okay.” She rolled her eyes and scooted to the edge of the bed. Jimmy stood up and offered his hand, and after a long moment, Claire even took it. He led the way downstairs, sure that if Dean hadn’t saved their plates, he’d probably heat up whatever was leftover for them. 

***

Dean tossed a stack of blue jeans into the old duffel and turned back to the closet to get some flannels to add to the pile. The duffel made him a little uncomfortable as always; it brought to mind the days after his mom died when his dad had gone off the rails and forced them to travel across the country. He’d lived out of that duffel for years while trying to take care of Sammy. All the while, his dad was lost between bouts of rage and extreme drunkenness. Even today, with those days decades in the past, Dean still thought about it when he pulled the duffel out to pack. 

Logically, he knew this was nothing like that. He had a purpose here, even if he knew it was going to be a hard one. Jimmy couldn’t live in both places anymore. Dean hadn’t particularly wanted to poke this sleeping bear however, he was all too aware of how often Jimmy sat up in the kitchen wrestling with his finances. Last week, he’d begged a couple of hundred dollars from Dean to pay some outstanding bills. He understood that the man wasn’t exactly ready to say goodbye to Amelia and get rid of their old house, but Dean couldn’t keep slipping him money without Cas finding out. That was a fight Dean wanted to avoid at all costs. 

So, he was going to Chicago and taking Jimmy with him. They’d clean out the house and get it put on the market. It sounded so simple but he knew it wasn’t going to be; he was prepared for wild grief and no small amount of tears. He was a counselor, he could take it. (Okay, he wasn’t an adult counselor and all his experience was with children under the age of 18, but he was better equipped to handle this than anyone else in the house.) With a sigh, he tucked the stack of flannel shirts into the duffel bag and went to his drawers to get underwear and socks. Cas was standing in the door. 

“Hey, Cas. What’s up?” 

Cas pushed off the doorframe and came into the room, where he pulled Dean to him. “I don’t want you to go.” 

Dean had been expecting this would come; it was just coming later than he expected. “Baby, we agreed that this had to happen.” 

“I know… I’m just nervous.” 

“Nervous? What about?”

“Dean, you are leaving me here with Claire. She doesn’t really like me.” 

This wasn’t what Dean had expected. He and Cas were rarely apart and so what he had expected was push back for being separated for so long. Worries about Claire hadn’t occurred to him. “She likes you just fine.” 

“Dean, she barely talks to me.” 

“Well, face it baby, you aren’t exactly easy to talk to.” 

“I know, that’s not going to get better with you gone.” 

“No, but you know how to talk to children. You do it every day.” 

“It’s not the same.” 

Dean looked into Cas’s face and touched his cheek. “It is the same. She’s a thirteen year old girl. She’s going to be a little down because she wanted to go. She’s also going to be doing her normal stuff - going to school and doing her homework. You are perfectly capable of helping her through those things.” 

Cas sighed but didn’t answer. 

“Come on, Cas. We talked about this. We both know that Jimmy is going broke trying to keep up the old house. He needs to do this and we both agreed he couldn’t do this alone. I could get the week off and am better prepared to help him through this. That was the plan.” 

“I know.”

Dean squeezed his husband tight. “I’m going to call you every day, Jimmy’s going to call Claire every day. You’ll barely notice we’re gone. By the time you look up, we’ll already be back.” 

“Phone calls aren’t the same.” 

“Mm, they aren’t but you know you don’t need me to get through life.” 

“I’ll be fine. I just want you here. It’s not that I need you here. I’ll miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too.” Dean firmly backed out of Cas’s arms. “But I’m going and I need to finish packing. The sooner we leave, the farther we’ll get tonight and we are going to need as much time as possible to get things settled at the house.” 

Cas went to the drawer and began pulling out Dean’s socks. “Okay.” He passed the socks to Dean and Dean packed them into the duffel. They packed the rest of his clothes in silence, then Dean zipped up the duffel and pulled it onto his shoulder. “Time to do this.” 

Cas stepped back into Dean’s space, this time for a kiss. Dean reciprocated and let himself get lost in Cas’s lips for a long moment. It was when lips parted and tongues started to play that Dean pulled himself away. “I gotta go.” 

“I know.” Cas stepped back and fell into step just behind Dean as they walked down the stairs and headed to the kitchen. Jimmy stood in the kitchen with a suitcase sitting at his feet. 

“Ready to go?” Dean asked as he walked into the kitchen. 

“No.” Jimmy’s voice was quiet and he was looking at his feet. 

Dean could feel the tension in his shoulders ratchet up. He didn’t want to fight this battle on two fronts. “Come on, man. This is what we agreed on.” 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going.” Jimmy shot back. “I just said I wasn’t ready.” 

“That’s fair but we are going.” Dean said firmly. “Where’s Claire?” 

“We already said our goodbyes. She didn’t want to watch us leave.” 

Dean looked up the stairs and thought about this. He exchanged a look with Cas who just shrugged. “Alright, then let's get on the road.” 

Jimmy nodded and picked up his suitcase. Dean led the way out the kitchen door and into the garage, where he opened Baby’s trunk and tossed their luggage inside. He took his time unlocking the doors and then turned to Cas while Jimmy got into the car. “Bye, baby. I’ll miss you.” 

Cas once again stepped in to receive a kiss. “I’ll miss you too. Be safe.” 

“We will.” Dean confirmed and though he wanted to linger with his husband, he knew he was the one driving and they needed to get on the road. “See you soon. I’ll call you when we stop for the night.” 

Cas nodded and stepped back, so Dean could get into the car. He opened the garage and backed down the driveway. Cas stood in the garage and watched them go. For the first twenty minutes, as they navigated their way out of Lawrence, the car was quiet. Dean reached for the radio and turned on some music while Jimmy stared out the window. Normally Dean loved road tripping but despite having lived with him for six months now, he didn’t know Jimmy very well. The mood in the car was heavy. Dean tried to lighten it. 

“So, Jimmy, how do you like road tripping?” 

“Um… I don’t know?” 

“You’ve never been on a road trip?” 

“I mean… not really. Amelia prefered to fly so when we went on vacation we took planes.” 

“Man, I hate to fly.” Dean shuddered. “What about before that? You and Cas? Did you guys ever just take off and drive?” 

“Not really. Cassie… I mean Castiel always was a homebody. He’d be content to just curl up and read. Though I guess there was one time…” 

“Yeah? Tell me about it?”

“We were juniors in high school, I think. That year there was this concert during the summer and I really wanted to go. Castiel couldn’t care less, of course, but when I asked him he agreed to go. I knew our parents would say no, so I didn’t ask. We told them we were going to the park and instead we drove from Pontiac all the way to Chicago. It’s not a really long trip but it was nice to hit the road with just the two of us. I bought tons of junk food and for once, Cassie actually ate it!” Jimmy smiled at the memory, slipping into calling Cas by his childhood nickname. “I’d never been to the city before and it was absolutely enormous! We got terribly lost and Cas had to jump out of the car to ask for directions.” Jimmy glanced at him with a smile, then seemed to realize how much he was talking and went quiet for a moment. “We made it home late that night and found that Mom and Dad hadn’t even really noticed we were gone. We totally got away with it. It was our little secret.” 

“So you have been on a road trip… just a short one.” 

“I guess so.” Jimmy chuckled. 

“Well, maybe our destination isn’t as exciting but we can still get a pile of junky snacks if you want. I love that stuff and Cas doesn’t let me eat it.” 

“That sounds like him.” Jimmy was staring at the dashboard in front of him. “I don’t know, it feels wrong to have fun while doing this.” 

Dean glanced at Jimmy. “Man, it’s okay to have fun. Even though we’re on our way to do something hard. You’re allowed to enjoy the journey.” 

“It feels too much like life has moved on.” 

Dean thought about his answer before he gave it. “Life has gone on. I understand how hard that is. You might not want it to, but we can’t stop time. Claire had a birthday. You’ve got a new job and a new life. That’s all okay. You’re allowed to move on.” 

“I don’t want to leave Amelia behind.” 

“You aren’t leaving her behind, you know. She’s obviously still with you. You think about her all the time.” 

“It’s not the same.” 

“Of course it’s not the same. But you can’t bring her with you anymore. That can’t happen. Instead you can bring her memory with you. In that way, she’ll never really leave you.” 

Jimmy sighed deeply. “I wish that made me feel better.” 

Dean tossed another look at Jimmy and found the man looking back at him. He turned his eyes back to the road when he spoke. “Someday it will.”

“Maybe.” 

Dean nodded and the silence stretched for a long moment before his eyes caught on a brightly lit gas station. “Look.” He pointed it out as it came into view. “A perfect opportunity to stuff ourselves with soda, chips, candy, and beef jerky.” He threw a smile to the man next to him. “Come on, live a little.” 

Jimmy stared at him, giving him one of those looks Cas was so good at; like he could peel open his skull and read the contents of his brain. It was a little creepy they could both do that. Finally, Jimmy smiled a little shyly. “Okay, let’s do it.” 

“Alright!” Dean pumped his fist in the air and he navigated the car off the road and pulled into the gas station so they could load up on junk.

***

Left to his own devices, Castiel found himself wandering the lower floor of the house. Normally at this time of day, he’d curl up on the couch with Dean and watch whatever’s on tv, however, he didn’t feel like doing that without Dean. He didn’t really pay attention to most of the shows they watched, he simply watched them because Dean liked them and it gave him time to spend with his husband. He decided to try to read instead. He picked up the book he was working on from the coffee table and turned to the page he was last reading as he sat down in the armchair. After 20 minutes of staring at the same page, he gave up. 

How was he this bad at spending time alone? He paced the living room thinking about this, wondering how Dean had become so central to his life that he had a hard time dealing when he was gone. He didn’t need Dean, he knew that, but he prefered to spend his time with his husband when they had it. They hadn’t even had time to talk about their days before Dean had left with Jimmy. It seemed that it didn’t matter what Dean had said about this week flying by; he could see that it was going to be extra long. With a sigh, he flopped back into the armchair and tried to decide how to spend the rest of his Friday night. Footsteps on the stairs interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to see Claire at the bottom of the stairs. 

She waved halfheartedly at him. “Hi, Uncle Cas.” 

“Hello, Claire.” He could see that she was indeed feeling sad. Claire’s eyes were down turned and red rimmed, and she stared glumly at her socks. 

“Can I have some ice cream?” 

Ice cream sounded amazing right now. “Why don’t we both have some ice cream?” 

She shrugged. “Cool.” 

Cas got up again and went into the kitchen. He made himself busy pulling down bowls and spoons. When he turned to the refrigerator, he found that Claire had already gotten out the ice cream and was handing him the carton. “Thank you.” It was plain vanilla, and while that wasn’t his favorite, it seemed to be something Dean bought all the time. He dished out two bowls of ice cream and handed one to Claire. 

She frowned at it. “Dean puts chocolate sauce in it.” 

“Oh? Does he? Cas opened the fridge door and stared in. “We have chocolate sauce?” 

Claire rolled her eyes and pushed him out of the way. She fetched a bottle of chocolate sauce and poured it over her ice cream. “We’ve got caramel too. Dean said you liked it.” She pointed to the bottle of caramel. 

“I didn’t know that.” Cas picked it up and poured it over his ice cream. He took both bottles and put them in the fridge. Apparently he’d picked the wrong places though, because Claire moved them around before closing the fridge door. 

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless.” She griped as she took a seat at the table. 

Cas felt color rise in his cheeks. “Dean gets off work before I do, so he does most of the grocery shopping.” 

“And he does most of the cooking.” Claire spooned up her ice cream with a sigh. “How are we going to survive without him?” 

“I can cook.” 

“Better than my dad?” 

Cas turned a hard look on her, which did not seem to impress her. “Yes, better than your dad. He could burn water. I can cook simple things well enough. Dinner won’t be fancy but we won’t starve. That said, I hope you like grilled cheese.” 

Claire gave a short laugh. “Grilled cheese and spaghetti all week, huh?” 

“At least you get to eat lunch at school. I get PB&J all week.” Cas said, a little mournfully. 

“Dean says you like it.” 

“I do. His sandwiches are better than mine though.” 

Claire stared into her bowl of melting ice cream. “It sucks being left behind.” 

“It does.” He agreed, but seeing her distress, he felt it was his duty to try to be positive. “But we’ll be okay. Dean says they’ll be back before we know it.” 

“Not likely. Dean or Dad always tucks me in before bed.” She glanced at him sheepishly.

Cas had thought that children this age wouldn’t like that but it seemed that Claire did. “I can do that. I don’t mind.” 

“It’s not the same.” 

“No, it won’t be the same but we can survive without them for a week. You’ll see.” 

Claire ate her ice cream but she didn’t look like she was put at ease by this. Cas’s heart sank. He’d told Dean that this was going to be hard. Of all the people in the house, Claire interacted with him the least. He was wracking his brain as to how to ease her fears when she spoke again. “They are going to give away my mom’s stuff.” 

Cas now had no idea what to say. It was true he dealt with children all the time, in all states of health, however he didn’t really deal with hard emotions the way that Dean did. He had to try though. The worst thing he could do was lie. So he went with the truth. “They may likely give away some of her things. I know Dean though, he’ll save something for you to remember her by.” 

She shrugged. “It’s not the same.” 

“Of course not. Nothing can be.” That seemed harsh, even to his ears. He tried again. “But there are good things that can happen too. You’ve got new friends and a new life here.” 

Claire stared at him again, and he met her eyes. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking, her expression unreadable, but finally she said, “Your ice cream is melting.” 

Cas gave a start and found that his ice cream _was_ melting. He started to eat it. 

Claire finished before him, got up and tossed the bowl into the sink. “I wish I could forget about this whole thing.” 

“What Dean and your father are doing?” 

“Yes.” 

That was fair. Cas knew that sometimes a distraction did help. He thought for a moment then had an idea. “What about having your friends over tomorrow?” 

Claire immediately brightened up. “Kevin and Jack? Do we have to do homework?” 

“No, it can be a play day.” 

“You would do that?” 

“I don’t see why not. You’ll be extra good because it’s just me, right?” 

Claire saluted him. “You’ve got it, Uncle Cas.” 

“Then I’ll call Kelly and Linda tonight.” 

Claire squealed and threw her arms around him. “I’ll go clean up my room right now.” 

“Very well. I’ll come up in time to tuck you in.” 

Claire tossed him a smile and whirled around to hurry upstairs but Cas called out to her. “Oh, and Claire?” 

“What?” 

“We aren’t going to tell Dean or Jimmy. I don’t think they’d like it.” 

“Aye-aye, Captain.” She saluted him again and ran up the stairs. 

Cas felt a little trepidation but he forced it down. Claire was a good kid. Jack and Kevin were also good kids. They were going to watch scary movies and eat junk food. He could manage that. How hard could it be? He gathered his courage and dialed Linda Tran on his cell phone. 

***

Claire spent extra time making sure her room was clean, putting her homework aside to do it. Saturday morning they had cereal for breakfast and Claire spent the morning planning what she would do with her friends. The rest of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies were a must, even if it ended up giving Kevin nightmares. He was thirteen, it was time to realize the boogeyman wasn’t real. She also knew they’d want to play video games, so she struggled to hook up the gaming console.

“Uncle Cas!” She hollered when she couldn’t get it to work.

“What is it, Claire?” He looked overly concerned, and she felt kinda bad for making him worry.

But not too bad. “Can you set this thing up? Kevin and Jack will want to play Mario Kart. Kevin never gets to play video games at home.”

He squinted his eyes at her. “You mean you don’t know?”

“No. Dean always does it. I think I got a wire crossed somewhere, because now the screen is blue.” She was starting to panic. She had to get this right.

“Well, I’m sure I can figure this out.”

An hour passed, and neither of them had managed to figure the device out. Her friends were going to arrive in fifteen minutes, and the gaming console was still doing nothing. Suddenly, Uncle Cas said in his reasonable doctor voice, “You know, I’m sure Jack and Kevin can set this up.”

Claire’s eyes got wide, that was the smartest thing either of them had come up with. She didn’t know her uncle could be almost sort of cool. “You’re a genius! Jack is a wiz at these things! I’m sure he can set it up.”

“Well, there you go. Crisis averted.”

Jack was first, as usual. He was usually early to everything, and as expected, fixed the problem with the gaming system in record time. A few minutes later when the doorbell rang, Claire answered it to find Linda fussing over Kevin, making sure he didn’t forget anything. She gave Cas Kevin’s list of forbidden foods,and as she always did, offered to stay and help chaperone. Cas had a more difficult time than Dean at getting the woman to relent.

Kevin’s mom stood in the door with her hands on her hips, glaring around the room at them. “Are you sure you can handle them on your own, Castiel?” 

“Yes, Mrs. Tran. I am a pediatrician. I deal with children for a living. Besides, it’s just a few hours. You’ll be picking him up at 8.” 

The adults glared at each other until Kevin’s mom relented. “I’ll see you at 8.” She pulled Kevin back in for another kiss on the forehead. “Be sure to mind Dr. Novak-Winchester.” 

Claire rolled her eyes as she listened in on the adults, and once they closed the door on Mrs. Tran, the “food sensitivities list” was scrapped as they ordered three extra large pizzas.Once they were settled in with snacks to tide them over until the pizza arrived, Claire asked, “So, what do you want to do first? Movies or video games?”

“No video games. I’m so over Mario Kart!” Kevin said.

“What?” Claire asked, incredulous.

“He’s been that way since the last time I kicked his butt.” Jack helpfully supplied. “Remember that? He pouted for a week!”

“Oh yeah. I totally forgot about that.” Claire giggled. “That was brutal.”

“I did not pout!” Kevin insisted. “What movies do you have?” He tried to change the subject.

“Wanna go back to Elm Street?” Claire asked with a glint in her eye.

“Yes!” Jack enthused.

“No way!” Kevin disagreed.

“Oh come on, Kevin. I promise I’ll protect you again.” Claire promised.

“Ok, fine.”

After two pizzas and two movies, Kevin was clearly no longer freaked out. “How can you watch these so much? It’s like the same movie over and over again.”

“It is not! Come on, there’s only two more left in the franchise. Well, three if you count Freddy Vs. Jason, which I don’t have, but I’m sure we can stream from somewhere.”

“No, no way. If I have to listen to those claws on metal pipes one more time, I’m going to murder someone in their sleep.” Kevin gave Claire a pointed look.

“Ok, fine. So what do you want to do?”

Kevin shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Jack, what about you?”

“I want to kick Kevin’s butt at Mario Kart again, but that won’t happen until he’s willing to be my victim again.”

Claire looked from one boy to the other. Jack’s hair was always carefully styled with gel, and he was always incredibly put together. Claire often wondered if Kelly had been a fashion designer in a past life. Kevin on the other hand seemed to only wear khakis and polos, and his hair was a tragedy, an awful bowl cut. Suddenly, she had an idea. She peeked into the kitchen to see if her uncle was around. He seemed to be wrapped up in something on his laptop, so she chanced strolling in there and grabbing the kitchen shears.

Cas looked up as she entered the room. “Do you need anything?”

“Oh um, just a fork. Kevin freaks out if he gets pizza grease on his hands.” She grabbed a fork and held it up for emphasis in her right hand as she held the shears firmly behind her back in her left.

“He certainly is unique, isn’t he?”

“Aren’t we all, though?” Claire agreed before quickly and carefully scurrying from the room.

When she made her way back to the living room, the boys eyed her suspiciously. “What are you doing?” Jack asked.

“Oh, I’m just going to improve Kevin’s hair style and all over eye candy appeal.”

“What does that even mean?” Kevin asked, his voice jumping an octave in apprehension.

She pulled the shears from behind her back with a flourish. “I’m going to end that bowl cut once and for all!”

“No! No way! You are _not_ cutting my hair!”

“Oh come on, Kev. It can’t be any worse than what your mom is already doing to it!” Jack encouraged Claire’s behavior.

That caused Claire to laugh so hard she choked. “Your _mom_ cuts your hair??? That explains _soooo_ much. Come on, let me give it a try. I’ll just take a little off the back, I promise.”

“Come on, dude. Don’t be a wuss. It’s not like she’s going to cut you with Freddy Krueger claws!” Jack looked at Claire with mild concern. “You’re not, right?”

“Of course not!” Claire said with an eye roll. “I mean, I did have a replica of his glove, but even if it was here, it’s not like I could cut hair with it. I’m not Edward Scissorhands.”

“Who’s Edward Scissorhands?” Kevin asked, his voice pitching high again.

“No one, never mind. We’ll show you that movie later.” Claire said. “Come on, please let me cut it? It’s either this, or I put on the next movie…”

He finally gave in with a huff. “Ok, fine! But just a little off the back, ok? I’d like us all to live to see fourteen.”

“Yay!” Claire squealed in delight and sat him on the coffee table so she could reach to chop that dark, dark hair. She studied his head, her tongue thoughtfully peeking out of her lips as she turned his head this way and that. Then, she started cutting. She totally intended to just take a little off the back, but after a few snips noticed it wasn’t even. So then she had to cut a little bit more off the back. By the time she got the back even, the sides were far too long, so she started in on them. Again, getting things even was a bit of a problem, and Claire briefly wondered if kitchen shears were the right tool for the job. She shrugged and kept going. The sides were making his bangs look weird, so she had to do something about them next.

Several minutes later, she made a dramatic final cut and said “Viola!” Hair covered not only the coffee table but also the floor surrounding it.

Kevin looked down at his dark locks surrounding him and gulped. He walked over to study his reflection in the darkened TV and screamed. “This is more than a little off the back! You gave me sideburns! How did you give me sideburns????”

Biting back a laugh, Jack said, “It’s not so bad. Maybe now you can convince people that you shave?”

Claire hit him on the arm then focused on Kevin. “You look less dorky now. It makes it easier to see your pretty brown eyes without all that hair covering them.” Claire was so not good at this, but she still stood by her decision to cut Kevin’s hair, even if it did look a bit...off. “Look, I’ll pay for you to go to a real salon and get it fixed, ok? I’ve been saving my allowance to go see Krissy, but I don’t think my dad will let me do that anyway, so it’s all yours.” They were still studying Kevin’s reflection in the TV, so they didn’t notice when Castiel walked into the room until he said, sounding aghast. “What have you done?” Claire knew by the tone of his voice that he was mad, though his expression was as blank as stone.

She looked at him sheepishly and shrugged, the shears tucked back behind her. “Kevin was in dire need of a new look.”

“Do you realize that Linda Tran is never going to let him come over here again?” He demanded and yes, now his voice was heating up as he turned his blue eyes on her. His angry stare was nothing like her dad’s angry stare. Uncle Cas was extra scary because he was so very… blank. He could have been carved from stone. “I thought you were going to be extra good because it was just me!” 

Claire did remember promising that, however, she didn’t think what she had done had been that bad. “It’s just a little hair. It’s no big deal, right?” 

“No big deal?” Kevin piped up, still gaping in horror at his reflection in the darkened tv screen. “My mom is going to lose her marbles! I’m a dead man!” 

“Okay, let’s all calm down.” Cas stated, reaching between his eyes to pinch the bridge of his nose as if this would help him calm down too. “First of all, your mother isn’t going to murder you. She will likely attempt to murder me first.” 

“Oh man!” Jack said in rising worry. “What are we going to do? Can we fix it?” 

“It’s not that bad!” Claire protested, still hiding her scissors. 

“Yes, Claire. It _is_ that bad.” Cas said, completely deadpan as he crossed the room where he reached behind her and took the scissors. He paused then, staring at Kevin’s hair. “I can’t fix this. I’d only make it worse. We have two options, but I don’t see how one is better than the other.” 

Kevin wrenched his eyes away from the tv and looked at Uncle Cas. “Maybe if you tell me what they are, I can advise you which one would be less likely to result in your murder.” 

“Thank you Kevin.” Uncle Cas stated firmly. He turned that hard look on Claire again before continuing on. “We can either attempt to find someone to fix his hair before his mother gets here or we can simply call her now.” 

“That’s detonating the bomb early!” Jack protested. 

“Yes, well I imagine she’ll want to know right away.” 

Kevin appeared to be thinking it over. “Okay, I guess we should call my mom. I think she’d be more mad that she didn’t get to pick out how it was fixed.” 

“Very well.” Cas drew out his phone and stared at it hard. 

Claire watched him before it occurred to her what was going on. “You don’t want to do it.” 

Cas looked helplessly at the ceiling. “No, I do not want to do this. Dean handles these sorts of interactions for a reason.” 

At this point, Claire was starting to feel a little bit guilty. She hadn’t meant to make trouble for Uncle Cas. “Here, give me the phone and I’ll call her.” 

Cas clutched his phone tighter. “No, I had better call. It will look even worse if you do it.” He sighed deeply and pushed a couple of times at his cell phone before holding it to his ear. “Hello, Mrs. Tran. No… no, nothing is wrong. At least nothing dire.” Cas cleared his throat uncomfortably as he listened to Kevin’s mom. “No, nothing like that. Kevin is unharmed. However, you see… I got an important email about one of my patients and I had to answer it. While I was distracted, Claire took the opportunity to… well to cut Kevin’s hair.” 

“SHE WHAT!” They could all hear Kevin’s mom scream as Cas pulled the phone away from his ear. Whatever came next was much more quiet. 

“No, he’s not bald. It’s just a little… well a lot shorter. With sideburns.” Whatever Kevin’s mom had to say, it took a long time to say it. Uncle Cas stood there, quietly listening. His expression never changed really, except how it seemed to get a little tighter around the lips. “Yes, of course. We… I thought you would prefer to know right away. I will, of course, pay for it to be fixed if you were to take him to a salon.” There was more talking that Claire couldn’t hear. “I understand, I didn’t realize you cut it yourself. Very well, I will have Kevin gather his things. He will be ready to go when you arrive. Goodbye.” Cas’s shoulders slumped. 

“Is she going to kill you?” Kevin asked in some trepidation. 

“No, I do not think so. She is, however, forbidding you from coming back over here unless both Dean and Jimmy are present. I also suspect she is going to call Dean about this.” He winced as he said it, before mumbling under his breath, “As if Dean is my keeper.” 

“Oh no!” Claire slapped a hand to her mouth. “Our secret!” 

If anything, Cas’s shoulders slumped even more. “Quite.” He pocketed his phone. “It’s not like he wasn’t going to find out. I’m terrible at lying to him.” He looked at Kevin. “Get your things together, your mother is on her way.” 

“Okay.” Kevin said, his voice heavy. He slumped off to put his things in his backpack. 

“I’m sorry, Kevin.” Claire now felt really bad. Kevin wasn’t going to get to come back over again, and she’d managed to ruin the secret that she and Cas had made. She watched Kevin gather his things with a heavy heart. She really was trying to help. Kevin wasn’t a total troll like most of the kids at her new school, and she just wanted him to see that. She didn’t expect to make such a mess of things. Before his mom could take him away and forbid him from being friends with her forever, she bounded up the stairs and ran back down. “Here, take this.” She pressed a wad of saved up allowance into his hand. “I know this might not fix things, but see if your mom can take you to get it fixed by a professional. I’m really sorry.”

Kevin looked at her with sad brown eyes. “I know you are. This doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, it just means we’ll probably have to do things at my house where my mom can watch. You didn’t force me. I didn’t have to let you do it. I could have said ‘no’ or just not sat there like that.”

“We kind of pressured you into it, though.” Jack spoke up for the first time since Cas had found them. “I’m really sorry too. I guess it will be tofu at your house instead of Doritos at mine for a while, huh?”

“My mom won’t be mad at you, too.” Kevin said. Claire really hoped not, Jack had been more of a cheerleader than the instigator.

Standing near the kitchen, Uncle Cas spoke up. “She’s probably not mad at any of you. She’s upset with me for the lapse in attention.” 

Shortly after, they heard an angry beeping just outside before Kevin’s phone rang. He answered it with trepidation. “Yes, Mom. I’ll be right out, Mom….I understand, Mom.” He gave Jack and Claire each a quick hug before bolting out the door.

Claire was relieved when he hugged her. It hadn’t been her best laid plan but at least Kevin didn’t seem mad. But it definitely wasn’t a good sign that Mrs. Tran didn’t even get out of her car. Sighing, she looked over to Jack. “Do you want to go home too?”

“Nah. Let’s watch the rest of the movies.”

Cas walked to the armchair and sat down. “No more horror please, since I have to be here too.” 

“Awww, Uncle Cas!” 

Cas gave her a firm look, one that said he wasn’t going to be budged. Then his phone rang. He looked at it and gave a great sigh before turning mournful eyes on her. “It’s Dean. I’ll take it in the kitchen.” He looked from her to Jack. “Watch your movie, but no more mischief, please?” 

“Alright, I promise.” 

Cas nodded and walked from the room, answering the phone with the words, “Hello, Dean.” 

She and Jack watched the movie, though it wasn’t the same without Kevin there. Soon though, Jack’s mom came and collected Jack. If she thought it was weird Kevin wasn’t there, she didn’t say. Claire sat on the couch, a little glumly after they’d left. 

Uncle Cas came in and sat next to her. “It’s not the end of the world, you know.” 

“Was Dean mad?” 

“Nope, he laughed at me.” Cas shook his head. “Look, these things happen. You’re young and children get into mischief. Kevin’s mom knows that. She wasn’t angry with you, in fact, she only yelled at me a little. She was frustrated that I took my eyes off you to check my email. She’ll want to keep an eye on you when you spend time with Kevin and before you know it, this will all blow over.” 

Claire thought about this and honestly, it did make her feel a little better. “Dean laughed?” 

“Of course he laughed. This was comedy gold to Dean Novak-Winchester.” Uncle Cas even smiled. “Come on, we need to clean up the kitchen... and all the hair.”

“Ugh, can’t we do it tomorrow?” 

Cas shook his head. “If we both work on it together it will be done in no time.” 

“Fine.” Claire followed her uncle from the room, hoping that he was right and it would be better in no time at all. 


	8. Chapter 8

Monday morning rolled around, and Claire really didn’t want to get out of bed. First of all, Cas’s version of breakfast was nothing like Dean’s...but that was the least of her worries. Monday was Mrs. Tran’s day to drive the carpool, and she was not looking forward to seeing her after the incident with Kevin’s haircut. It didn’t help that she’d have to see the woman an extra day, since she and Mrs. Klein had to take over Dean’s carpool days. Why did Mrs. Tran have to drive on Mondays anyway? Claire covered her head with her pillow as her alarm continued to blare.

She barely heard the soft knock on the door over the alarm, then Cas was striding into the room. He had a pinched, grumpy look on his face but Claire had already learned that he wasn’t a morning person. “Could you please come downstairs as soon as possible? Breakfast will be ready shortly and your carpool will be here soon. Please don’t forget to turn your alarm off.” Before she could answer, he was hurrying out again. 

Claire groaned and decided she couldn’t put this off any longer...but maybe she could convince Castiel to drive her school instead. With somewhat of a plan in place, she started to get dressed, ignoring the fact that her clothes maybe didn’t fit her as well as when she first moved in. She bounced downstairs and with a cheery grin said, “Good morning Uncle Cas! How are you this morning?”

Cas looked at her through squinted eyes and tilted his head. “You are entirely too chipper for a Monday morning. Here, eat this.” He handed her a bowl of cinnamon raisin oatmeal. Not her favorite, but today it would be.

“Thanks, Uncle Cas! This oatmeal looks delicious!”

“Ok, I didn’t see you get this excited when Dean made you waffles from scratch. What’s going on?”

It was now or never. Batting her eyelashes and putting forth her most sincere demeanor, Claire went for it. “Uncle Cas, will you please drive me to school? Pretty please?”

“Claire, we talked about this before Dean and your father left. I don’t have enough time before my first patients to drive you school and get to the office. I’m very sorry.”

“Oh, can’t you make an exception, just this once? I’d really like to spend more time with you.” Claire really hoped he bought her act.

He leveled her with that spooky stare of his. “If I try to alter the schedule any further Rowena will likely murder me. Claire, what’s really going on?”

She should have known better than to try to fool him. It’s like he could see right through her. Honestly, sometimes it gave her the creeps. “Ok, fine. Mrs. Tran is driving the carpool today...and I kinda don’t want to see her after what happened this weekend. She’s probably still mad at me. I mean she probably won’t want to pick me up anyway.”

“Claire, you’re thirteen now. It’s time to face the consequences of your actions. I’m sure Mrs. Tran will still pick you up.” A car horn sounded just then, as if on cue. “Now get going.”

“Fine, but if she brings you back a blonde corpse, you’ll have to explain it to my dad!”

Claire slid into the back seat, firmly pinning Jack in between herself and Kevin. “Wow, Kevin, your hair looks really good!” She whispered to him.

“I know, he almost looks cool now!” Jack said, a little too loud.

Claire glared at him, then addressed the driver. “Mrs. Tran, I’m really, really, really sorry I messed up Kevin’s hair. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You weren’t thinking, dear. But that’s the danger of being thirteen. Your uncle should have been keeping a better eye on you. That’s why Kevin won’t be allowed to visit until your father and Dean are back in town. Thirteen year olds are a handful, especially when there are three of you.”

“So you’re not mad at me?” Claire asked hopefully. She really did like Mrs. Tran, even if she was super strict and overprotective of Kevin.

“Of course not. I am a bit disappointed that you didn’t exercise better judgement...but I really have no room to talk. When I was your age, I found my dad’s razor and tried to shave my cousin’s head...luckily my dad stopped me just in time…”

Claire couldn’t help but giggle. “It’s hard to picture you doing something like that, Mrs. Tran.”

“I was young once too, you know. I remember what it’s like. That’s why there are adults around to keep an eye on you. Castiel should have been watching better, but these things happen. He’s not used to dealing with three children all at once.”

“So, you’re not mad at Uncle Cas anymore either?”

“I never was mad, exactly...You’ll understand when you’re older.” Mrs. Tran said, and her voice indicated that the conversation was over.

“I hate when she says that.” Kevin added.

The last few minutes of the ride were spent in silence but Claire took heart that she had done no lasting damage. That was a relief.

***

Dean and Jimmy had arrived at Jimmy’s house late on Saturday morning and they had decided to get to work right away. Instead of tackling the more personal areas of the house, Jimmy had insisted that they do the downstairs first and Dean had agreed easily enough, deciding that maybe Jimmy needed to warm up to the task. That was fair. They went through the living room, deciding what to keep and what to donate. Sunday saw them in the family room, which had loads of board games all of which Jimmy wanted to keep ( _ “Claire loves board games, Dean. Maybe we could bring them and have a family game night with you and Cas.”).  _ Dean hadn’t bothered disagreeing. It sounded awkward in the way that all things which involved putting Jimmy and Cas in a room together were, but maybe it would help ease things. He was willing to give it a go. 

Monday morning, Dean set himself up in the kitchen. Jimmy had winced and said they should just donate everything. He didn’t help Dean, however, he just hung around in the door and watched as Dean opened the cabinets and began to carefully wrap and pack what were surely the dishes Amelia had picked out. After about ten minutes, Dean stopped and gave Jimmy a pointed look. “What is it? Do you have something you want to talk about?” 

Jimmy shook his head. “No. I thought I should go work on my bedroom… and I guess I’m dragging my feet because I don’t want to.” 

Dean stopped and faced Jimmy fully. “That’s fair but you gotta start sometime. I’m not expecting you to get very far on it today. Try just for a little while and if it’s too much or you need help, come back down here.” 

“Okay, Dean.” 

Dean reached out and squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder. “I’m here to help, man. Don’t forget.” 

Jimmy tossed him a wan smile. “Thanks.” 

He turned and left the room. Dean listened to his footsteps on the stairs for a moment before shrugging and turning back to the cabinets. After that, he worked into a rhythm of bringing down dishes, wrapping them up, and carefully tucking them into boxes. He kept that up, working systematically through the cabinets. He didn’t know much about Amelia, but it was clear she had good taste because he kind of wanted her dishes, however, he knew that was a bad idea. Jimmy would probably come apart at the table the first time Dean tried to use them. 

An hour and a half had passed while he worked and Dean didn’t think much of it until he noticed the time. He checked his watch, realizing just how long Jimmy had been up there. He felt a tremor of trepidation because honestly, he hadn’t thought Jimmy would make it very long before he came back downstairs. So either, the man had nutted up and was dealing with it or something was really wrong. Dean laid the last glass he had wrapped into the box and left the kitchen to call up the stairs. 

“Jimmy?” 

There was no answer from up the stairs. Logically he knew Jimmy could have turned on music. They’d done that yesterday while they’d been going through the family room. However, he didn’t hear loud music and quickly decided he should go upstairs and check on Jimmy. He climbed the stairs fairly quickly then faced a moment of confusion when he came to the top of the stairs. They hadn’t come upstairs at all and Jimmy’s house was massive. However, there was a door open down the hall towards the left and Dean decided to check there first. When he came to the door, it was clear this was the master bedroom, it was spacious and had a king sized bed which was neatly made, covered with a navy blue comforter. But there was no sign of Jimmy. 

“Jimmy?” 

Still no answer. Dean looked around the room and finally spotted a pair of doors in the back wall. One was open and light spilled out. He quickly made his way to the door and looking inside he made a couple of discoveries. First, this was clearly Amelia’s closet for all the clothes that filled it belonged to a woman. The second thing was that Jimmy lay on the floor, curled into a fetal position. His face was red and he was obviously crying the kind of sobs that are so hard they’re silent, and moreover, don’t involve a lot of breathing. In fact, Dean hadn’t seen Jimmy draw a breath in the time since he’d stepped through the doorway, which was alarming. 

He grabbed Jimmy’s arm and tried to pull him up off the floor but Jimmy was largely dead weight and unresponsive. “Jimmy, pull up, man!” He gave the man a rough shake to snap him out of it. 

Jimmy was slow to respond and Dean gave him another shake before Jimmy blinked his eyes, chest still heaving and actually looked at him. His face was tear streaked and pale between the red blotches of skin. He didn’t speak but sobbed silently, body shaking and breaths stuttered. He was at least breathing now, that was an improvement. “Jeez, man.” He’d seen Jimmy cry before, it happened in quiet moments around the house, mostly when Jimmy thought no one was looking, however those minutes were nothing like this. Dean had been expecting both grief and anger, however it had been six months since Amelia had died and he’d thought that Jimmy had processed some. The grief he saw now was still raw and deep, far more than he’d been expecting and he felt like an ass for forcing Jimmy into it; he’d simply thought the man had enough time for that to ease, despite knowing full well that no two people grieved the same way. 

Before him, Jimmy was still shaking and sobbing and Dean wasn’t made of stone. He pulled the other man into his arms, much the way he would have done with Cas. It wasn’t that he was confused, in his eyes Jimmy was nothing like Cas and he couldn’t mix that up — Jimmy didn’t look the same as Cas did when he cried — but something about the depth of Jimmy’s grief made him want to offer comfort. “Okay…” He soothed, stroking Jimmy’s back. “This was hard and that’s on me. I didn’t know it would be this bad. Let’s just… try to calm down, okay? Deep breaths.” He gave an exaggerated breath in, then let it out slowly, arms still mostly around Jimmy. Jimmy didn’t respond to him so Dean gave him a rocking shake. “Come on man, focus on my voice, okay? Breathe with me. In.” He demonstrated again and this time Jimmy copied him. “Out.” 

It took Jimmy some time to calm down and Dean didn’t know how much; he just sat there and calmly kept breathing those exaggerated breaths in and out while murmuring encouragement to the other man. It was all nonsense and he didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, figuring that Jimmy wasn’t really either.

Finally, Jimmy pushed back out of Dean’s arms. He blinked slowly and peered at Dean as if he didn’t understand that he was really there. “Dean?” 

“Yeah, man. You okay?” It was a dumb question and Dean regretted it immediately. Jimmy obviously wasn’t okay. 

Jimmy shook his head. “I can’t... “ He hiccuped a sob before going on. “I can’t believe she’s gone. Coming in here… it feels like the first day.” He gestured around to the clothes hanging above their heads. “I know she doesn’t need these things. I know it. But how can I take them down and just give them away?” He started sobbing again, though not as hard as before, curling in on himself. 

Dean began to rub his back. “I know. It majorly sucks but waiting on this longer isn’t going to make it go away. You only have to do this once.” 

“It doesn’t feel like it only happened once.” Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut which made tears run down, the trails cutting through his reddened cheeks. “It feels like it’s happening all the time. When I close my eyes… Dean, I still see her. On the floor with blood on her lips. She was so pale.” He nodded towards the bedroom. “The blood is still on the carpet.” 

Dean glanced over his shoulder but he didn’t see it. It must have been either small or in Jimmy’s imagination. “It’s not still happening.” His voice was quiet and he tried not to imagine it but it’s hard not to; if he’d walked in on Cas to find him lying on the floor that way, he knew he’d be haunted forever. Jimmy probably has PTSD, which Dean had guessed at before and the only good news here was that Dean treated children with PTSD for a living. Adults were different of course, but Dean had a rough idea of what he was doing. “It’s not happening. It sucks but she’s already gone. She’s not still suffering on the floor.” 

“I couldn’t save her!” Jimmy all but yelled at him as he lashed out at Dean while twisting, trying to get away from him. “I tried. I did everything they told me to do when I called 9-1-1. They said to do CPR, so I did CPR but she never breathed. I just wanted her to breathe!” He glared at Dean, angry but Dean could see the raw anguish in his eyes. 

Dean raised his hands, showing them empty but he was careful to not touch Jimmy while he was so upset. “No one should have to do that. It wasn’t fair.” 

“I want… “ Jimmy closed his eyes, squeezing them tight. “I want to stop seeing it every time I close my eyes.” He opened his eyes again and when they landed on Dean, they were pleading. “I failed her Dean. The most important person in my life and I let her die.” 

“You didn’t.”

Jimmy shook his head. “I did. It was my fault. If I had just been home…” 

“The doctor’s said…” 

“No!” Jimmy was yelling again, his voice loud in the spacious closet. “I wasn’t there! I stayed late that night from work. There was a project…it was important to my bosses and one of the people working for me needed help. I stayed late to help them. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.” His voice had quieted somewhat and he was staring at his hands, lost to the memory. “My job depended on making sales, and ultimately what happened in the whole department rested on me. I needed to keep my job to pay for our life. I called Amelia and she said it was fine. She sounded like herself. Like nothing was wrong. I missed dinner and I missed putting Claire to bed. I wasn’t there when Amelia collapsed. The doctors told me she had been dead when I found her. I left my wife to die alone on the floor while I sold iron to the highest bidder!” By the end his voice had gotten louder, the edge back as he condemned himself. 

“You didn’t know.” 

“It doesn’t matter! If I’d been there when it happened, it’d probably be different. If I’d been there when she collapsed I could have saved her!” 

“You don’t know that.” Jimmy shook his head and Dean risked touching him, reaching out to lay a hand over his shoulder, where he squeezed. “You don’t know it would have been different. What if you’d been there and she still died? You said it was what? A pulmonary embolism? Those are super dangerous. Cas told me. She might have died right away.” 

“You don’t know that.” Jimmy’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut again, the tears slowing now that he was more angry than sad. 

“Neither do you.” Jimmy shook his head but Dean persisted. “No, you don’t know that. The chances are she would have died no matter what you did. If you don’t believe me, talk to Cas. He’s a doctor, you know. He understands these things. Maybe you need to talk to him.” 

“He’s working.” 

“Yeah but he’ll make time. This is important. You can’t keep living like this, JImmy.” 

Jimmy snorted. “I’ve been living this way for six months now.” 

“Uh... yeah and you aren’t getting better. You are steeped in your guilt…” Before him, Jimmy flinched away so Dean made his voice quieter, trying to remain calm. “...and you haven’t processed this at all. You can’t because you haven’t let this go. Every day it’s still happening in your head. You can’t live like that Jimmy.” 

“I deserve to live this way. I let her die.” Jimmy’s voice broke when he said it, and he started to cry again, softly this time. 

“That’s not true, you did everything you were supposed to do and soon as you could do it. That’s all you could do. We can’t go back and change the past. Besides, I don’t think Amelia would want you to live this way.” Dean was taking a risk with this, but the woman Claire had described to him had sounded kind and loving. She wouldn’t fault Jimmy and she wouldn’t want him to suffer. 

Jimmy shuddered at the words before nodding. “I just want her back.” His voice was broken, totally bereft.

“I know.” Dean’s heart ached for him, because he knew if their positions were reversed he’d feel the same. He’d never want to move on from Cas but likewise, he knew that life had to move on. Jimmy didn’t want to let his wife go, but he had to. “I know you do and that’s natural. But Jimmy, you need to heal. You can’t hold onto her this way. It’s time to let her go a little bit.” 

“I can’t.” 

“You can. You already have. You’ve moved out of the house you shared. You’ve started a new life somewhere else. In a way, you’ve moved on.” 

“I don’t feel like I’ve moved on. I feel like my heart is stuck, missing Amelia, hating that she’s gone. Hating myself for letting her die.” 

“We can work on that.” Dean promised. He squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder again and pulled him into a hug. “You don’t have to do this alone. You’ve got family to help you when you’re struggling. Like now.” He gave the man a tight hug before letting him go. “I’m going to go through these clothes with you. We’re going to decide what we are going to give to charity because Claire said Amelia gave to charity all the time. She’d want her things to help other people. We can do that for her. We are going to pick a few things to give to Claire, so she can have keepsakes of her mom. That’s what we’re going to do and we’re going to do it together. When it gets too hard, we’ll go downstairs and do something else for awhile.” He stood up and offered a hand to Jimmy. “Sound like a plan?” 

Jimmy stared at his hand and he gave another shudder before he took it and let himself be pulled up. “Okay. I… thank you, Dean.” 

“That’s what I’m here for.” Dean said as he turned towards the clothes hanging to the left. “When it’s lunchtime, we’re going to call Cas and he’s going to really explain a pulmonary embolism so you can stop feeling guilty about that. Capiche?” 

Jimmy gave a watery laugh. “Got it.”

“Let’s grab some boxes and get started.” 

***

Besides a random call on Monday afternoon, in which Dean asked Cas to explain how deadly pulmonary emboli were to Jimmy, Cas had heard from Dean every night between 8 and 9 pm. Currently it was Wednesday at 8:45 and Cas had been on the line with Dean for the last half hour. 

“You would not believe how much stuff is in this house!” Dean told him, not for the first time. 

Cas chuckled. “You’ve said. You told me we’re going to be having a game night when you two get home.” 

“They have so many games, Cas! It’s like 4 boxes worth!” He could hear Dean flop back onto a bed and tv was playing in the background. 

“I’m looking forward to it. Claire actually looked pleased when I told her you were bringing the games back to the house.” 

“Speaking of Claire, how are things going?” 

“Fine.” 

“That’s it? Just fine.” 

“It’s been normal school days, Dean. She goes to school, I go to work, and when we come home we eat dinner. I think she misses your cooking but she has conceded that I’m a better cook than her dad.” 

“That’s something.” 

“High praise, I’m sure.” 

Dean laughed. “That’s all you can expect from a kid her age. I guess you knew that.” 

“I did.” There was a knock on the door. “Hold on, Dean.” Cas frowned and he got up to open his bedroom door. Claire was there. “Hello, Claire.” 

“Hey, Uncle Cas.” She was looking at her feet and scuffing the carpet with her toes. 

This was odd behavior. “Is everything alright?” 

“Um... yeah.” She glanced at him and then immediately away again. 

Cas tilted his head curiously and stared at her for a moment. Claire didn’t say anything else but she also didn’t go away.

“Cas, is everything okay?” 

Cas gave Claire another look and the girl squirmed. “Dean, I think Claire needs something. I’m going to hang up now.” 

“Yeah, sure. Let me know later what’s up.” 

“I will. I love you.” 

“Love ya, Cas! Talk to you later.” 

The call disconnected and Cas turned his attention to Claire. “What’s wrong, Claire?” 

“It’s just…” Claire started, then stopped. She glanced at him, then glanced away again, coloring rising in her cheeks. “ I mean… I know you are a doctor and all…” 

Cas felt his eyebrows wrinkling in concern however, he tried to reign that in. Clearly he was making her nervous. “I am. Are you sick?” 

“No… not exactly.” Claire said, shifting from foot to foot. She gave him another of those glances and suddenly turned away. “Nevermind. Nothing’s wrong.” 

“Claire, wait!” Cas hurried down the hall after her and she stopped at the foot of the stairs that led to her room. “You’re right. I’m a doctor and you can tell me anything. I’ll help you.” Inwardly, he was a little nervous. What in the world could be so bad that the girl wouldn’t want to tell him. Typically Claire was a forthright child and didn’t hold back when she was giving out her opinions. She wasn’t shy. Something niggled at his memory, back to the day when he examined her at his office before she started school. “Is it…” Now he was tongue tied. It was just that he was remembering that day and how aghast she’d been. “Have you… um… started menstruating?” 

Claire immediately turned red. The color spread over her cheeks and down her neck. “Yes, okay?” She hissed.

“Okay.” Cas fumbled around trying to find what he should say because she was looking at him as if she expected something. He had no idea what. He tried to imagine what Dean would do. Dean would treat it like it was no big deal. It wasn’t a big deal. Cas knew that. It was a biological process and part of healthy development. Young girls started their periods every day. He’d talked to young girls about their periods before, told them when they could expect it, he told parents what to do to anticipate it’s arrival. Somehow that was all different when his niece was looking for him for advice. Her expectation of him snapped him out of his pause. “Do you have what you need?” 

Claire shook her head while looking at her shoes. “After the visit with you, Dean said he would buy some supplies but I think he forgot.” 

“Alright, let’s start there. We will go to the drug store and buy you the supplies you need.” He had another thought. “Are you in pain?” 

Claire shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “A little? It’s kinda crampy. It started at school today but I didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

This was familiar territory and Cas latched onto it. “Pain is to be expected. Your uterus is contracting to expel it’s… contents and that can be painful. We’ll get you something for the pain first. Come with me.” 

Claire was staring at him oddly, but she finally agreed. “Okay.” 

Castiel led the way down the hall toward the bathroom he shared with Dean. Once there, he dug through the cabinet until he found a bottle of advil. “An anti-inflammatory should help.” He read the dosing directions carefully before tipping out the right number of pills and placing them in her hand. “Are you allergic to any medication?” 

Claire was still giving him that odd stare. “No, I’m not allergic to anything.” 

“Take those then.” He pulled out one of the paper cups from the dispenser on the counter and filled it with water before handing it to Claire. She took the water and swallowed the pills. “Let’s go to the drug store.” 

“Um… what do I do now?” She asked, once again blushing. Her voice was quieter when she hissed. “About the bleeding?” 

“What?” He had no clue what she meant. They were going to get supplies for the bleeding now.

“It’s getting in my clothes.” She glanced up at him, looking a little sick and a lot embarrassed. “It might get on the car seat. What if the people in the store see?” 

“Oh.” Cas hadn’t thought about that. He had no idea what to do with that. “Do you want me to go to the store without you? Have you ever stayed at home alone before?” 

Claire shook her head. That didn’t surprise Cas. Claire’s mom had been a stay at home mom and Dean got off work earlier in the day so someone was pretty much always with her in their house too. 

“Would you be okay if I went to the store without you and came back?” The minute he asked, Claire grabbed his arm and held on tight. “Okay.” Now he had no clue what to do. For a moment, he had a wild, irrational thought to call Dean. Dean was in Chicago and couldn’t help. “What do we do now?” 

Claire glared at him. “You’re the adult here!” 

“Yes, but we can’t call Dean and ask him to go get them.” 

Claire thought for a moment before seizing on an answer. “Call Kelly. She’s a girl and will know what to get.” 

“Claire, I’m perfectly capable of picking out feminine hygiene products at a drug store. We’d be disturbing Kelly. It’s already nine o’clock. That’s too late to call.” 

“Kelly would know which ones are good ones. What were you planning to do?” 

“I thought I would buy a selection for you to try until you found one you liked.” That made sense to Cas. He had no clue what made one product more desirable than another. “It would be a ten minute trip. I’d be back in no-time.” 

“It’s after dark. What if someone tried to break in while you were gone.” 

“Claire, this isn’t Chicago. That sort of thing never happens here.” Instead of answering, Claire grabbed his arm again. “You could ride with me and stay in the car. No one would see.” 

Claire shook her head. “What if I got blood in the seat?” 

“We’ll put down a towel.” Castiel thought about that for a moment more. “It also wouldn’t be the first time someone got blood in my car. Remind me to tell you about the last time Dean played softball.” 

Claire looked at him curiously at that, but then shook her head. “I want you to call Kelly.” 

“I can’t call Kelly. It would be very rude and inappropriate. We can deal with this ourselves.” 

“I wish Dean was here.” Claire said miserably. 

“I do too.” Cas said in complete commiseration. 

Claire gave a small laugh. “How are you this helpless?” 

Cas glared at her. “I’m not helpless. I know exactly what to do. You won’t let me do it.” They glared at each other for a moment, Claire’s arms crossed over her chest. She had a pretty good glare however, Cas was well known for his stubbornness. 

Cas sighed heavily and gave Claire a once over. “How badly are you bleeding? Has it gotten onto your pants?”

Claire looked down at her feet and scuffed the toe of her Chuck Taylors on the carpet. “No...just my underwear. I changed before I came downstairs to get you.” She was uncharacteristically shy.

“Since it’s your first time, it is unlikely to be heavy enough to seep through your pants. Also, you can try this…” He rummaged around in the bathroom pulling out his first aid kit, suddenly remembering that he had it. He pulled out a large gauze pad and handed it to her.

Claire took it from him, then looked down at the gauze and back up to him. “Is this from that softball story?”

“No, this was from that time Dean was slicing carrots and almost cut the tip of his finger off. Or that time he had to get stitches in the back of his head...I don’t remember exactly. Anyway, that should absorb enough until we can get you the proper supplies. Now, go get ready and we’ll head to the drug store.”

“Thanks Uncle Cas.” She turned to head to her room, then unexpectedly turned around and gave him a quick hug. “Be down in a minute.”

Cas turned back to his bedroom where he put his shoes on and grabbed his wallet and keys. His phone went off as he went down the stairs. He wasn’t surprised to see it was from Dean. 

_ Dean: Everything okay? _

_ Me: Everything is fine, Dean.  _

_ Dean: What did Claire want? _

At that point, Claire came down the stairs. 

_ Me: I’ll tell you later.  _

He looked up and put a smile on his face, one that he hoped was comforting. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes, let’s go.” 

Cas indicated that she should go first and he switched off the lights as they left the living room. Soon they were out of the kitchen and in his car in the garage. He checked his mirrors and waited for the garage door before backing down the driveway. The nearest drug store was only a few blocks away. They had only driven one block before Claire spoke up. 

“You drive really slow.” 

Cas glanced at her. “This is the speed limit.” 

“Dean drives faster.” 

Cas sniffed. “I’m aware. I do not drive like Dean. I drive safely.” 

Claire chuckled. “Are you saying Dean’s a bad driver, Uncle Cas?” 

Cas calmly drove through the four way stop after carefully stopping for the required amount of time. “I’m simply saying that Dean and I make different driving choices.” 

“Uh-huh.”

“Dean would tell you it’s because my car is a toy with a hybrid engine and his car has a big block, something or other engine that gives a lot of horsepower.” He glanced at her to see she was hiding a smile behind her hand. “I don’t know what any of that means, however.” He stopped at another four way stop, counting in his head before he drove through it. They came to the drug store, where he pulled into a parking space and he cut the engine. They both got out of the car and walked into the store together, heading back towards the aisle labeled ‘feminie hygiene products’. Once in the aisle, they both stopped and stared at the selection before them. It was larger than what Cas had imagined. Every box was labeled with words that he supposed described their function however, he couldn’t even begin to guess what absorbency she would need. Medical school had not prepared him for this. 

At his side, Claire looked equally mystified with wide eyes. “Um… how about these?” She pulled a small box from the shelf. It was purple. 

Cas glanced at the box and read it’s label. “These are panty liners.” He had no idea how that was different from a maxi-pad. “I don’t know if that’s what you need?” 

Claire looked at him defiantly. “It’s a purple box.” 

“I don’t think that’s an appropriate deciding criteria.” He walked a few paces down the aisle. “I think we should start with which kind you want.” 

“Kind?” 

“Um… maxi pads or tampons.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

Now in nebulous territory, Cas looked at each box before taking a guess. “I think tampons are worn internally.” 

“Intern…. you stick them up in there?” Claire looked absolutely horrified. 

Cas had picked up a box and was diligently reading the box and could tell he’d been right. “Yes, you insert them in your vagina.” 

“Uncle Cas!” Claire gasped. “Shush. Not so loud!”

Castiel looked around but there was no one around them. He didn’t think his voice had been that loud. “Why? This is a normal bodily function. It happens to most women.” 

“Jeez, I know but you don’t have to be so technical about it.” She was blushing. 

“I find being precise is the best course of action.” He looked at the box of tampons in his hand. “I assume you don’t want these.” 

“Yeah, no.” She shuddered and turned back to the shelf. 

“Very well, we should find some maxi pads.” He went back to browsing the aisle. He was once again lost. Claire joined him. 

She picked up a white box. “These say teen. Why are they teen? What makes them special?” 

“Hmm.” Cas took the box from her hands and read over it. It had a lot of text and swore it was better for younger people but he couldn’t discern the difference, other than a higher cost. “I don’t know.” 

“Let me see.” Claire took the box from him. 

“Maybe we should ask the sales clerk.” Cas started towards the end of the aisle, intent on finding someone.

Claire immediately grabbed his arm. “No!” 

Cas turned to her, confused. “Why not. The clerk I saw was female. She’d likely know.” 

“It’s too embarrassing to ask, Uncle Cas.” She rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get these.” 

Cas looked at them doubtfully. “Maybe we should get several different types in case you don’t like these.” 

“How hard can this be? You just bleed on them.” Even as she said it, Claire dropped her voice and blushed.

“They go in your underwear.” Cas pointed out. That sounded uncomfortable to him. 

“Look, if I don’t like these, we can come back.” 

“That sounds inefficient. They aren’t that expensive.” 

Claire gave him a pleading look. “Let’s just go, please?” 

Cas frowned at the box in Claire’s hands then picked up a second one. “In case you need more than one.” 

“Fine.” She circled behind him and began to push him towards the check out. “Come on.” 

Cas let himself be pushed, then steered to the check out. They placed the boxes on the check out stand and the cashier, an older woman with graying hair, smiled at both of them. “First time?” 

Claire hid her face in Cas’s back, so he had to answer her. “Um yes.” 

If anything, her smile widened. “You’re a great father.” 

“Oh...um, no. She’s my niece.” 

The woman blinked but kept on smiling. “Well, it’s nice that you’d do this for her.” 

“Of course.” Cas fished the money out of his wallet and paid. Claire swiped the bag off the counter and began to push Cas towards the door. 

The cashier called after them. “Have a good night.” 

They climbed back into the car, where Claire sat with the bag in her lap. 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” 

Claire looked at him. “You are so awkward.” 

“I’ve been reliably informed.” 

“Just so you know.” 

“I do.” 

The drive home was mostly silent, however, it didn’t feel awkward to Cas. He pulled in the driveway and they let themselves back into the house. “I think it’s past time to go to bed.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll go get changed.” 

While Claire ran up the stairs, Cas pulled out his cell phone. He texted Dean. 

_ Me: Claire started menstruating today.  _

The answer came almost immediately. 

_ Dean: You sound like such a doctor. Menstruating. Jeez. _

_ Dean: Is she okay? _

_ Me: A little embarrassed but okay.  _

_ Me: We went to the drug store and she’s set for the night.  _

_ Dean: Look at you, handling the tough stuff.  _

_ Me: Dean _

_ Dean: I mean it Cas, you are doing a great job _

_ Me: I wish you were here. _

“Uncle Cas?” 

Castiel climbed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Is something wrong?” 

“No, I’m ready for bed.” She looked at him oddly. “What would be wrong?” 

“I just… everything worked out alright?” 

Claire blushed. “Yep, everything’s fine. Can I go to bed please?” 

“Of course.” They went up the stairs and Cas waited patiently for Claire to climb into bed. He pulled up her covers and handed her the grumpy cat. She took it but rolled her eyes, just like she always did. 

“Goodnight, Uncle Cas.” 

“Goodnight Claire.” He turned to let himself out of the room. 

“Uncle Cas?” 

“Yes, Claire?” 

“Thanks… for not being weird… well anymore weird than you usually are.” 

That was high praise coming from Claire. “You’re welcome.”

***

It had taken Jimmy a day and a half to clean out Amelia’s closet and go through the rest of her things. It was mostly slow going because he could only do so much before he was on the verge of a breakdown again, needing Dean to talk him down. In the end, Jimmy knew it had only gotten done because Dean had been there, gently pushing him to finish the job. He knew he had to let go. There was no use holding onto things that Amelia no longer needed and he did need to sell the house — the payments on it were killing him now that he had a lower paying job. 

It was late Wednesday evening and he was sitting alone in his half empty bedroom. Dean was downstairs again, Jimmy could hear the faint strains of classic rock coming up the stairs, which meant that Dean must have it up really loud. That was okay; Jimmy liked that kind of music in general and he could just barely make out what the song was. They’d decided that Jimmy would be okay alone since all of Amelia’s things were gone; his task this evening was to pack up the things that belonged to him. He was going through a dresser drawer full of old t-shirts. As a general rule, Jimmy only dressed in t-shirts when he was off work — he secretly hated the suits and ties that he had to wear for work, even though he knew he looked good in them. 

There was an open plastic tub beside him that he was currently filling. It was something of a slow process as he pulled shirts out of the drawer, looked at them and decided what he should keep. The pile to be given away was startlingly large, many of the shirts had been acquired during the last twenty years with Amelia and the memories were too strong. If he wasn’t sure he’d be able to wear it without getting sad, he decided to give it away. He was reaching the very bottom of this drawer when he pulled out a very old shirt. 

It was worn and gray with fading letters that were flaking off due to the age but he could still make out. ‘Bon Jovi’ it read, and beneath it, was the name and year of the tour, while the back had a long list of dates. One of them was Chicago, Illinois. Reflexively, Jimmy smiled. This was from the concert he’d told Dean about — when he and Cassie had snuck off together to go into the city without their parents knowing. Castiel hadn’t really cared a thing about Bon Jovi and Jimmy had known that, but he’d gone along anyway because that’s what Jimmy had wanted to do. He brought it into his lap and stared at it, remembering. 

_ “That was awesome!” Jimmy enthused as they followed along the crowd of people leaving the arena. He was sweaty and exhausted and on a total high from what he’d just seen. He’d been a fan of Bon Jovi for a long time and getting to see them in person had been something of a dream for him, even if they’d had to sit in the nosebleed seats.  _

_ Beside him, Castiel gave him a small smile, the one that meant he was still completely humoring Jimmy. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”  _

_ “Of course I did! Come on, even you have to admit that it was great!”  _

_ Castiel tilted his head this way and that as if considering. “It was better than sitting through dinner with Mom and Dad, at least.”  _

_ Jimmy immediately elbowed his twin in the ribs. “Come on! You’re no fun!”  _

_ “I beg to differ. I came along with you and even asked for directions when we got lost.”  _

_ “Alright, I’ll give you that.”  _

_ “Also, I got you this.” His brother reached into the backpack he was carrying and pulled out gray fabric and put it in Jimmy’s hands.  _

_ Jimmy found himself staring down at a brand new Bon Jovi t-shirt. “This is…” He glanced at his brother, who was struggling to keep up with him in the crowd. “Hold on.” Jimmy grabbed his brother’s arm and began to cut across the mass of humanity until they came to the edge and were able to step out into a corner of the arena by the doors. “This is freaking amazing! When did you get this?”  _

_ “When I got up to go to the bathroom.” Castiel looked away, his cheeks coloring slightly. “Do you like it?”  _

_ “Do I..? Of course I like it! This one was my favorite, I just didn’t think I had the money for it.” Unlike Castiel, Jimmy tended to blow whatever money he earned immediately. His brother, however, clearly had been saving to afford the exorbitant concert prices. “How did you know which one to get?”  _

_ “I must know you very well.” Castiel paused and then went on. “We are twins.”  _

_ “Yeah.” Jimmy nudged his shoulder into Castiel’s for a moment before taking the shirt and pulling it on over the one he was wearing. “This is perfect. Thanks, Cassie.”  _

_ “You’re welcome.” Castiel shrugged. “We better get going. Who knows when Mom and Dad will notice us gone.”  _

_ “Okay, okay… I’m moving.” He grabbed his brother’s arm and steered them back into the crowd.  _

Jimmy had treasured that shirt for years. In fact, he’d insisted that the two of them share it and he would put it in Castiel’s drawer until his brother wore it. Then he would take it back. It was merely happenstance that it had been with Jimmy’s things when he’d left for college. The smile slid off his face. It was just another thing he’d taken from Castiel when he left and now that he was looking at it, he regretted it. Had Castiel kept things from their childhood and teen years to remember the good times? Jimmy had no clue. 

Staring at the t-shirt, the thought plagued Jimmy. Castiel had been hurt… heartbroken, according to Dean. True enough, when Jimmy had come to them for help, Castiel had slammed the door in his face and for the first few months acted like he’d never wished to see Jimmy again. That was fair. Jimmy had done something very cruel. He knew he had but he’d had reasons and they were good reasons. They both had good lives now. Sitting alone in his bedroom, it didn’t feel like they were good enough. He’d traded in something he’d treasured all his life for something new. He didn’t regret the life he’d built. He treasured Amelia and Claire just as much, but it was only as he looked at the shirt that he finally felt the full extent of what he’d lost. 

When he left Castiel that day, he’d made himself harden his heart and drive away. It was only after he’d moved into a dorm room with a stranger that he’d been confronted with his own fears. It had felt absolutely wrong to share space with someone else. He’d despaired then, and spent as much time as possible out of the room. It was in doing that — seeking out campus activities to keep him busy that he met Amelia. He’d met her in his first week at Northwestern. She’d smiled at him kindly and offered to sit with him at a campus mixer and instantly he was pulled in by how easy she made it; she’d carried the conversation, asking him about himself and his intended major. They’d found common ground and she was easy to talk to— they’d started dating within a week. 

It had felt so natural to Jimmy at the time that he’d gone with it. He fell in love with Amelia because she was easy to love. She gave selflessly and had been everything he’d needed at the time. In fact, as their relationship evolved as they grew and changed, she always just changed with him and they’d grown together in time, a seamless whole built of two parts. But somehow he’d always missed the fact that he’d clung to her at first to fill the void in his life that had been left without Castiel. Now that she was gone, he had a new void in his heart and nothing to fill it with. He hadn’t run to his brother to fill it, at least not intentionally, even if Dean had accused him of that more than once. He couldn’t fill the space that Amelia left, not totally. Staring down at the shirt, at their remembered past, he began to realize that Amelia hadn’t truly filled the void left by Cas, it was still there. After all these years, his yearning for his brother remained. 

It was different now. It wasn’t the romantic, almost sexual longing that it had been — a shameful need that he denied until he couldn’t stand it anymore. By the end, it had been either leave or break. So he’d left. He’d found someone he could love and want physically. Now…he just wanted his brother back. He missed the closeness and the laughter they always shared. Castiel had been his best friend. The one he always turned to and to not be able to count on Cas now, despite the years separating them, was odd. He still found it strange that the man downstairs offering him kindness and support was Castiel’s husband. 

Wrapped up in these thoughts, Jimmy moved without thinking. He took out his cell phone and dialed his brother. It rang twice. 

“Hello? Jimmy?” 

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

“Okay.” There was a silent second, then in a slightly more worried voice, “Is Dean alright?” 

“What? Yeah! Of course, Dean is fine. He’s downstairs. Packing something and blowing out his ear drums with what I think is AC/DC.” 

“Oh. Good.” Another long awkward moment. “Is there something else you needed?” 

He needed his brother back but that’s not the sort of thing you could just blurt out. Jimmy stalled for time. “How’s Claire?” 

“She’s fine. I… there was a situation but we handled it and now she’s in bed.” 

“A situation?” Jimmy's train of thought derailed into worry. 

“Yes, she started menstruating today and we did not have supplies. It’s been handled.” 

“Oh. Um… good. Thanks for that.” Why had he done this to himself? Oh yeah, the shirt. “Look, I was packing my stuff up and I found something.” 

“Okay.” His brother waited politely, his voice hard to read. 

“It’s…” He looked at the shirt again and promptly lost his nerve. “Look this was stupid. I’m sorry I called.” 

Once again there was that awkward silence. “It was important enough for you to call me.” 

“Yeah. I guess.” 

“Are you going to tell me?” 

Jimmy sighed. “I was going through my t-shirt drawer and I found the shirt from the concert.” 

“Concert?” Castiel sounded confused. 

“Yeah, come on, you remember. The Bon Jovi concert we went to. We snuck away from Mom and Dad, lied about where we would be and went to Chicago. Tell me you haven’t forgotten.” 

“No, I haven’t.” His voice was soft. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. That in and of itself, was something foreign to Jimmy. He used to be able to read every mood and expression Castiel made. Now, he wasn’t sure how Castiel would react. “It’s the t-shirt I bought you.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Hmm, I’m surprised you didn’t throw it away.” 

“Throw it away?” The thought was anathema. How could he just throw away part of their past? “Why would I do that?” 

“You left all of that behind. I had assumed that none of our memories would be important to you any longer.” His voice was clipped and short. 

“You know that assuming makes an ass out of you and me, right?” 

“Jimmy.” 

“Sorry.” Jimmy was scrambling because it was easy to tell that Castiel was three seconds from hanging up on him. “I wouldn’t throw it away. You gave it to me.” 

“I see.” 

Jimmy sighed, loudly this time. “Look, I know the past between us is messy and that’s my fault but Jesus, Castiel, did you really think I stopped caring?” 

“I didn’t know what to think. All I knew was that you left me without a word. It seemed as if I… and my feelings didn’t mean anything to you at all.” 

“That wasn’t it at all. You know that because I told you. We’ve talked about this before.” 

This time Castiel sighed. “We have.” Another long stretch of silence. “I’m sorry. I am trying to let it go. The past is behind us.” 

“It is and it isn’t.” Jimmy bunched up the shirt in his fists. “This… it was a good day. One of my favorite memories of us. Not just that we went, but that you got this for me. You didn’t have to do that. It meant something to me. It still does.” 

This stretch of silence was even longer. So long that Jimmy pulled the phone away from his ear to see if the call had dropped. It hadn’t. Castiel was still there, just not talking. Finally, he said, “What do you want from me?” 

That was the thing; Jimmy didn’t really know. He knew he wanted his brother back but the steps to achieve that, those were a mystery to him. In the end, he just blurted it out. “I want my brother back.” 

“You, in fact, have a brother. He is still living and on the phone with you right now.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I do.” There was the sound of something shifting. “I don’t know how to give you what you want. Trusting you again… it's hard.” 

“I know.” Jimmy had no clue what he expected to happen. He wasn’t even sure what he intended to say. But finding the shirt, remembering that day, it was important. He needed to share that with Castiel. “I just… maybe I wanted you to know that I never forgot. I kept a part of you with me and I still have it.” 

“I…. that’s something, I suppose.” 

“But not enough.” 

“Jimmy, I don’t know. I’m trying to do the best I can with what you left behind. You can’t ask for more than that.” 

Castiel was right. Maybe he was asking the impossible. It was just… it seemed to be getting easier. Castiel had been warmer lately and he’d hoped that maybe sharing a good memory, something they shared would help. “Alright. That’s fair.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Yeah, no problem. Look… I guess I’ll just…” 

“I’m glad you kept it.” 

“What?” 

“The shirt. It was a gift. I’m glad you kept it.” 

“Of course I would.” 

“Maybe I needed to know that.” 

“I… I’m glad I called then.” 

“Of course… is there anything else?” 

“No, that’s it.” 

“Very well. If that’s it, then I need to get to bed. Mornings are not my friend.” 

Jimmy chuckled. “They never were. Good to see that some things don’t change.” 

“Goodnight Jimmy.” 

“Yeah, goodnight.” 

Castiel disconnected the call, leaving Jimmy sitting on the floor holding a very old t-shirt. Gently he refolded it and placed it among the others to keep. 


	9. Chapter 9

Come Friday, the house was well on it’s way to being packed. Dean had spent yesterday evening hauling boxes out to a U-haul trailer they’d rented. There was no way the numerous boxes of stuff would fit in Baby; however, it wasn’t so much that they needed to rent a full size truck. Today’s load was all going to Goodwill. Most of the furniture and household goods were going to be donated to charity, and they were doing that Saturday morning. At this rate, they were in good shape to be ready on time. 

At the moment, Jimmy was upstairs packing up Claire’s belongings while Dean separated boxes to keep from boxes to donate. He was also waiting on someone to arrive. He wasn’t looking forward to this step because he was worried Jimmy would freak out again, but it needed to be done. Just as he thought it, a sleek sedan pulled into the driveway. On the side was a magnetic sign that read: Lisa Braeden, Realtor. Finding out that Lisa had established herself in Chicago, of all places, after leaving KU had been a surprise but a welcome one. She was one of his closest friends and had been his biggest cheerleader when he’d been pursuing Cas back in those days. 

The woman who stepped out of the car was dark haired and pretty, just as he remembered. “Hey, Lis.”

Lisa threw a bright smile his way and hurried her steps so she could envelope him in a huge hug. “Dean! I was so thrilled you called me! How have you been?” 

He squeezed her tight before backing up to smile down at her. “Great! You know I married Cas and we’ve been living the dream.” 

“I knew you would.” She nodded, satisfied with his answer. “So you need to sell a house? In Chicago? I thought you lived in Lawrence?” 

“We do.” Dean confirmed, then waved over to the large house behind him. “It’s kinda a long story. The short version is that Cas’s twin’s wife died and he decided to come to Lawrence. He can’t afford to keep the house.” 

“Oh.” Like many people who knew Cas, Lisa knew that there was bad blood between Cas and his brother. She just didn’t know why. “Well, it’s nice of you to help him. It looks like a nice house and it’s in a great neighborhood. We should sell it in no time. Why don’t you show me around?” 

“Sure thing.” Dean led the way inside the house and started in the living room, which was off to the left of the front door and was massive. Lisa gave a whistle when she saw it but otherwise didn’t say anything. They did a full tour of the first floor, through the formal dining room, the kitchen with it’s walk-in pantry, and then the family room. 

“Your brother in law must have some wealth.” She remarked as they climbed the stairs. 

“He had a high paying job but he gave that up.” 

“I see.” 

“Let me introduce you.” Dean had no hope of avoiding Jimmy’s attention now that they were upstairs. He walked down the hall towards Claire’s room. He could hear Jimmy humming something off key. It was a little endearing because Cas did that too — what were the odds of neither one of them being unable to sing on key? “Hey, Jimmy?” 

“Dean?” There was the sound of shifting boxes and then Jimmy appeared in the doorway to Claire’s room. His expression shifted to neutral upon seeing Lisa. “Who’s this?” 

“This is my friend, Lisa. The realtor I told you about? Remember? She’s an old friend from KU. I couldn’t believe our luck when I found she lived here.” 

“Oh.” Jimmy gave her another long look and belatedly smiled. It looked forced. He offered his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

Lisa took his hand and turned on that professional charm. “I’m pleased to meet you. You have a lovely home. Thank you for giving me a chance to sell it.” 

If anything, Jimmy looked like he was about to be sick. Dean jumped in quickly. “I’m going to finish giving Lisa the tour and then we can talk about business and shit, okay?” 

“Okay.” Jimmy agreed before turning away stiffly. He was much worse at hiding how upset he was compared to Cas. Dean could tell Jimmy was seconds from bolting; if it had been Cas, the stiffness would’ve been harder to read; it was hard to tell normal stiff Cas from a heartbroken stiff Cas. Dean had learned but it had taken him time to figure it out.

Dean steered Lisa away, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “He’s taking the loss of his wife really hard.”

“I understand. How long ago did it happen?” 

“Six months.” If she was surprised, Lisa didn’t show it. “Let’s finish looking around. I promise I’ll treat him with kid gloves, okay?” 

Dean sighed, relieved. He knew Lisa was good with people, sometimes better than he was. “Thanks, Lis.” Together they walked down the hallway, stopping at each room to look around. Dean pointed out that every bedroom had an en suite bathroom, which to him seemed like a lot of wasted space but he didn’t say so. Finally they came into the master bedroom. 

Lisa crossed the large space, looking around before she stopped, looking at a tiny patch of discolored carpet at the foot of the bed. “What’s this?” 

Dean hadn’t thought it was that noticeable, after all it was tiny, however it was clear that Lisa had. “Um… that’s where Amelia died.”

Lisa instantly blanched. “What happened?” Her voice was aghast. “Was it… did something… was she…?” 

“She died of a pulmonary embolism. Jimmy found her there and did CPR. She was bleeding a little.”

Lisa relaxed a little, though she frowned at the spot. “I see. I was afraid something violent happened.” 

“Nothing like that.” Dean assured her. “I did the best I could with it and I think Jimmy scrubbed at it a lot too. I thought the spot was so small no one would notice.” 

“No, it is very small.” Lisa agreed, looking up from the spot, which really was only a little bit paler than the carpet around it. “Maybe we can cover it with a piece of furniture. It’s a tiny blemish, no one will probably notice it. I’m paid to notice small defects.” 

“Oh man… we were planning on having the furniture hauled away tomorrow.” 

Lisa shrugged. “We’ll hope for the best. I may have to disclose that a previous owner died here. It’s such a nice house though and that… well it happens more than you would think.” 

Dean winked at her. “I know you’ll work your magic.” 

Lisa just smiled and turned away to poke her head into each of the matching his and hers walk in closets; both now empty. She found the bathroom amazing — it did have a whirlpool tub and a seperate shower after all. They next toured the attic and finally they were finished. Lisa reached for her briefcase as they sat down at the table. “I think I can sell this house very quickly. The market for this area is good. I'll need Jimmy now, though. There is paperwork he’ll have to sign to get things started.” 

Dean knew he had put this off for as long as he could. “Alright, I’ll go get Jimmy.” He turned and made his way back upstairs. This time when he walked into Claire’s room he found Jimmy at work, packing up Claire’s stuffed animals. He was moving slowly, stopping and frowning at each one before tucking it into the box. “Hey, man.”

Jimmy jerked around to look at Dean, a stuffed bear in his hand. He looked down at it, frowning. 

“What, has it offended you?” Dean asked playfully, trying to lighten the heavy mood in the room. 

“What?” Jimmy frowned, and then he seemed to notice the bear. “Oh, no, it hasn’t. I was just thinking.” He tucked the bear into the box by his side. 

“Wondering if Claire needs all these?” The pile was really quite large. 

Jimmy laughed, looking surprised. “You know as well as I do if we forget even one there will be hell to pay. She was already unhappy that we came without her.” 

“No joke.” Dean crossed the room and sat on the bed. “Maybe I can convince her to give some away once we get home.” 

“Good luck with that.” 

Silence descended and Dean was loath to push Jimmy but this was another instance where he was going to have to. “Lisa’s really impressed with the house. She thinks she can sell it in no time but she needs to talk to you. There’s paperwork to sign.” 

Jimmy sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping. “Okay, Dean.” He didn’t move, however, just sat there staring at the pale purple carpet of Claire’s bedroom. When he finally looked up, Dean could see the anguish in his eyes. “Is it okay that I don’t want to do this?”

“What?” Dean was surprised by the question. Lately Jimmy had just been breaking down, crying and dragging his feet. He never asked permission. But he was now. Something was changing. It made Dean attempt to be gentler when he answered. “Of course it’s okay not to want to do it. That makes total sense, man. This was your home. You lived here for a long time and you were happy here. It’s okay to not want to give that up.” 

Jimmy closed his eyes and nodded, seeming to soak up Dean’s words. “I know we can’t stay here anymore… but giving it all away. It’s been so hard. This week we’ve dismantled everything that I worked so hard to build. Every item here is something that I worked hard to provide to my family.” 

“I know. I can see that.” To Dean it all seemed so opulent but when Jimmy said it that way, he could see beyond all the fancy furniture and the massive house. It was all so nice; a comfortable lifestyle that had been hard won and carefully maintained. “You gave your all into working so they could have everything they needed.” Jimmy nodded however Dean went on. “You’re still doing that, you know. You’re still working hard and giving Claire what she needs.” 

Jimmy snorted. “Dean, I can’t afford to buy her new clothes. I’ve watched her outgrow them and have just been praying she could hold out a little longer. Last week I asked you for two hundred bucks to pay the cell phone bill.” 

Dean shrugged. “It’s a work in progress. The life you have after may not be like what you had before but it’ll still be good. You’ve got me and Cas to help you out when you need it but after you sell this place, you aren’t going to need that help anymore. I bet you’ll have money left over to buy Claire those clothes and pay us back for what you borrowed.”He reached over to squeeze Jimmy’s shoulder. “No one is keeping count.” 

“That’s because you haven’t told Castiel.” There was a challenge in his eyes as he said it. “My brother wouldn’t have given us that money. If he knew I was asking, he’d make me leave.” 

“I think you’re underestimating Cas.” Dean hedged. “It’s true I didn’t tell him about the money, but I don’t think he would care. Things may still be tough between you two, but he cares about you and Claire. He wouldn’t let you stay if he didn’t care.” 

“My brother would do anything you asked.” It was an accusation. 

Dean raised his hands. “Nah, man. Maybe he was like that with you, but he had a shit ton of therapy before he married me. He won’t let me push him around. I wouldn’t do that to him anyway. If you being there was really breaking him to pieces, I would have asked you to leave a long time ago. I think he’s healing. It’s just happening slowly.” 

Jimmy absorbed that but didn't say anything about it. He changed the topic instead. “I guess we shouldn’t leave your friend waiting.” 

“Eh, Lisa’s good people. She won’t mind a little wait.” Dean did, however, stand up. “Come downstairs and get to know her, I think you’ll like her.” He offered his hand to Jimmy. 

Jimmy glared at him suspiciously but did take Dean’s hand. “That better not be a hint. I’m not in the market for a new wife.” 

“What? No!” Dean chuckled at the thought. “Lisa’s married and has a great kid.” 

“Good.” Jimmy seemed mollified. He at least let Dean go and headed towards the stairs. “We should do this now while I still have my nerve.” 

Dean clapped a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder as they walked. “You’ve got nerves of steel on you. It must be in the Novak genes.” 

“It’s really just stubbornness.” 

“Ah, that I know is in the Novak genes. Cas can out stubborn me any day of the week.” 

JImmy laughed. “Yeah, he can me too. No one is as stubborn as Cas. I’ve met a few walls that have nothing on him.” 

They were both chuckling as they walked into the dining room where Lisa had made herself at home at the table. She perked up with a smile when she saw them. “Ah! Mr. Novak. I have the paperwork all ready to go so this will be as painless as possible.” She offered her hand to Jimmy. 

“Thanks, Ms.… uh… I’m afraid I didn’t catch your last name. Dean didn’t say.” Jimmy took her hand into a firm handshake. 

“It’s Braeden, but you can call me Lisa like Dean does.” She motioned to the table where the papers were all spread out. “Let’s sit.” 

Dean joined them at the table and listened as Lisa explained all the different papers on the table. Together she and Jimmy figured out what the list price would be, which was enough that Dean whistled in amazement. The other two ignored him as they moved on to discuss the paperwork that hired Lisa to represent Jimmy and allowed her to list the house. There was more but Dean faded out through most of it. The only reason they hadn’t gotten screwed when buying their own home was because Cas had been there to read every line of legaleze and in some cases, argue about it extensively. It took close to an hour and a half, which Dean broke up by going into the kitchen and making sandwiches for everyone. By the time it was done, Dean was exhausted and he mostly hadn’t been listening. It was clear it had taken its toll on Jimmy though, he was hunched in his seat, his shoulders slumping and his eyes were dull. 

Lisa, however, seemed to understand. She gathered up all of the papers and tucked them back into her briefcase. “I think you’ll see that this will move very fast. Before you know it, the house will be sold and you won’t have to worry about it, okay? Just hang in there.” Her voice was soft and her smile was kind as she looked at Jimmy. 

Jimmy seemed to shrug off some of his sadness. “Yes, of course. You’ve been very helpful. Thank you, Lisa.” 

“Of course.” They shook hands again and then Dean was showing Lisa to the door. 

“Thank, Lis.” 

Lisa smiled and leaned in to give Dean a hug. “Anything for you, Dean.” As she pulled back, she punched her arm. “Next time you call me, Cas better be there too so I can talk to you both and hear how you are really doing. Got it?” 

“You got it.” He stood in the door and watched her go to her car. After she pulled away, he went back into the dining room to find Jimmy still sitting at the table. He was staring at the wood before him in that intense way that he had surely learned from Cas. “You okay, man?” Dean was prepared for Jimmy to melt down. He was figuratively and literally ready to catch the man as he fell. 

JImmy looked up at him. HIs eyes were bright, likely with unshed tears, but he was remarkably steady. “I feel strangely light.” 

“Light?” Dean came and sat down next to him at the large table. 

“Yeah.” Jimmy ran a hand over his face before he looked at Dean. “I’ve been dreading this, Dean. It’s been on my mind that I was going to have to do this. I’d have to come here and pack up her things, get rid…” His voice broke for a moment but he went on. “...get rid of the life that we had built together. It was a point of fear, following me around no matter what I did. It was always there. But now, it’s almost over. I’ve done the worst.” He looked up, swallowed unsteadily but his eyes remained dry. Still shimmery, perhaps, but no tears were shed. 

“I know this has been your personal hell. I know that. But you did it and you survived.” 

Jimmy smiled sadly. “I think this would have gone very differently if you hadn’t come.” 

“I didn’t do anything special, really.” 

Jimmy’s dry laugh said it all. “You have been here with me, practically holding me up every time I’ve fallen down. You’ve scooped me off the floor more than once. You even give me tissues when my face is gross. You’ve pretty much packed this whole house by yourself. I’ve been useless.” 

“Not useless, just struggling.” Dean shrugged it all off. He knew that he should take the compliment, it’s something his therapist still worked with him on. “Everyone needs help sometimes, Jimmy. This was hard for you. I understand that. If I’d lost Cas I would be just as much of a wreck.” 

“I don’t think so. You and Cas… you guys are healthy. I leaned on Amelia too much.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. That doesn’t matter right now. Right now, you have a real, practical need to move past some of this. Getting there was a struggle and I don’t mind helping you through that. Come on, man. I’m your friend. Friends do this for each other.” 

“I guess.” Jimmy shrugged. “I’m trying to say thank you, Dean. You aren’t letting me.” 

“I’m saying you don’t have to.” 

“I call bullshit. I’m not really anything to you. Just your husband’s brother, who, in fact, caused your husband so much trauma that he can’t forget it. You don’t owe me anything.” 

Dean shook his head. He didn’t actually want to argue this with Jimmy but it seemed the man needed to hear it. “Maybe you were that six months ago. But now? You’ve lived in my house, you’ve eaten my food, and you’ve been around because we’re a family. Family does this shit for each other, even when it’s not pretty.” 

This seemed to take Jimmy aback. “We’re family?” 

“Yeah, man. Hasn’t it felt like that to you? I mean, maybe not at first, and maybe it’s not perfect but it seems to be working.” 

“Except Castiel still avoids me.” 

“Maybe sometimes but not as much as he used to. Cas is coming around. Give him time.” 

“I want that.” Jimmy sighed deeply. “I know it will never be what it was, but I want a brother at least. I… I need that.”

“I know man, he’s trying. He’ll get there. In the meantime, you’ve got me.” 

“Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without you.” Jimmy looked at him seriously, his blue eyes full and so very different from Cas’s. “I mean that.” 

The urge to argue rose up in Dean, and he wanted to reiterate that the strength came from Jimmy but he knocked it back. They didn’t need to argue about Dean’s inability to take thanks. Instead he grunted, “Yeah, man, anything.” 

“Good.” Jimmy pushed away from the table. “We’ve got a few hours until dinner. What do you say to packing plushies and then pizza?” 

Dean chuckled, letting the topic drop easily. “Sounds great. Have I ever told you how much I love plushies?” 

“Nope, can’t say that you have.” 

“Eh, it must have slipped my mind.” 

***

Claire tugged and tugged at the hem of her tee shirt, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t quite get it to cover her navel. Sighing, she tugged her shoes on and hoped no one would notice that her jeans were a bit too short. Huffing, she grabbed a flannel out of her closet. The sleeves didn’t reach all the way down to her wrists, but at least her belly button wasn’t exposed once she’d buttoned the shirt over her stomach. The top few buttons wouldn’t quite close the way they were supposed to, so she was forced to leave them open. It was time to admit that she needed new clothes...but she didn’t really know who to ask to take her shopping.

She didn’t have time to consider it longer, because there was a soft knock at her door. “Claire, please come down for breakfast. Your carpool will be her soon.” Her uncle said through the closed door.

“I’ll be right down, Uncle Cas.” Sighing, she picked up her books and headed downstairs.

When she got downstairs, her uncle looked over at her. “Claire, is everything alright? You haven’t been tardy like this since you didn’t want to face Mrs. Tran earlier this week.”

“Yeah...everything is basically fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

Luckily, Claire was spared a response by the beeping of a car horn. “Gotta go! Bye, Uncle Cas. See you later!”

After school, Claire was dropped off at Cas’s medical practice. While she would have preferred to go straight home, she was thoroughly enjoying spending time with Rowena, who would always get her set up in an empty office so she could do her homework, but would check up on her frequently. It took Rowena all of two seconds to pinpoint her issue.

“Why, my dear, it looks as if you are in desperate need of a new wardrobe. In fact,” she leaned close to Claire to whisper in her ear, “it might even be time to start wearing a bra.”

“What? No way! Ew!” Claire exclaimed.

“What’s wrong? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. So, you’re becoming a woman. Newsflash, it happens to us all.”

Claire looked down at her feet then back up at Rowena...well, down a little bit at her. When did she become taller than Rowena anyway? “Ok, so you might be right. I do need new clothes. I just have no idea what to do about it.” She flopped down on the green leather sofa in the vacant office.

“Well, what did you do about it before now?”

“My mom always took me shopping the weekend after my birthday….” She trailed off. Her birthday was a couple of months ago and she tried not to think about the ritual with her mom.

“So why didn’t you ask your dad? I’m sure he would have been happy to take you shopping.”

“I...I didn’t want to ask him. I know he’s been struggling to pay bills and stuff. He thinks I don’t notice but I do. That’s why he and Dean went to sell our old house. My dad is broke.”

Rowena sat next to her and patted her on the knee. “Now, now, Dear. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is. I’m sure you could’ve told him and he would’ve made it happen.” Her eyes roved over Claire’s figure again. “I’m afraid it might be a wee bit too late now, though. I’m not sure this can wait for your father to return. Let’s talk to your uncle and see what we can do about...this.” She waved her hand indicating everything Claire was wearing.

“Ok...but can we not talk to him about bras? He already had to buy me maxi pads.” She turned red again just remembering it.

“I’ll try, but I make no promises. Here, why don’t you start on your homework and I’ll bring your uncle in when he’s finished. He’s on his last patient of the day.”

“Thanks, Rowena.”

“Anytime, Sweetie.”

Claire decided to dive into her homework, and before she knew it, Uncle Cas was knocking on the door before coming in. “Rowena said you needed to talk to me?”

“You know, this is your office, you don’t have to knock.” Claire said in greeting.

“It’s the polite thing to do. Is this about this morning? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Uncle Cas. Everything is ok...except...well...I kinda need new clothes.” She held her arms straight out to demonstrate how short the sleeves were on her.

He looked at her with wide eyes. “Can’t...can’t this wait until your father gets back?”

Claire shrugged. “Maybe...but it’s starting to get too hot for long sleeves and all my tee shirts are starting to look like crop tops. I...I might get sent home from school. Dress code and all that.”

“Oh my. That is a conundrum, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, kinda. So, um, I was wondering, maybe, could Rowena take me shopping? I know, I’ll have to borrow your credit card or whatever, but I’m sure my dad will pay you back.”

It seemed impossible, but Cas’s eyes grew even wider. “You want Rowena to take you shopping?”

Claire shrugged again. “Yeah. She’s got great taste.” Misunderstanding his shock, she added, “You can come too if you want. Just thought it might be boring for you.”

“It’s not that. Of course I’m going to go with you. It’s just...Rowena may have great taste...but for someone just a bit older than you.” He looked deep in thought then added, “What about Eileen? She has good taste too...just a bit different than Rowena.”

“You mean she’s less flashy, right?”

“Yes, she’s less flashy. It would probably be better if she helped us pick out your new clothes.”

Claire scrunched up her forehead as she considered it. “But..Uncle Cas….”

“What is it, Claire?” 

“I...I don’t know how to talk to Eileen. I had just started to learn sign language at my old school, and this school doesn’t offer it. What do I do?”

He smiled warmly at her. “That’s ok. Eileen can read lips, and I can help you sign. It will be good to practice, right?”

Claire smiled back and nodded. “Yeah, ok, that sounds good. Eileen must have really good taste too, since she’s dating Rowena.”

Cas chuckled at that. “I promise you, Eileen has very good taste.”

In the car on the way home, Cas said, “When we get home, I’ll text Eileen and see if she’s free to go to the mall tomorrow.”

“Cool. Can we pick up a pizza for dinner?”

He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t see why not. It’s Friday after all. Friday can be pizza night.”

“Thanks, Uncle Cas.”

The next morning saw Claire sitting at the table as Uncle Cas stumbled his way through making pancakes. Most of them were burned but the few that weren’t were actually not too bad. Claire took the time to say so. 

Uncle Cas just laughed. “Dean says they are all awful.” He switched off the stove and sat at the table, though he frowned at the burned pancake on his plate. “Oh well.” 

In sympathy, Claire handed him the syrup. “When are we going to the mall?” 

“After we eat. Eileen is meeting us at 11.” 

“You’re still in your pajamas.” 

He gave her a flat look. “I’ll get dressed by then.” 

Claire shrugged and watched Cas slather his pancakes in butter and then syrup. “You know that’s not healthy.” 

“It’ll be our little secret.” He actually winked. 

Once breakfast was finished, Claire saw to the dishes while Uncle Cas went upstairs to get dressed. As it was, they still managed to leave with plenty of time. “We’re going to be early.” 

“Of course, it wouldn’t do to keep Eileen waiting. She’ll be there when we get there.” 

True to his word, they found Eileen waiting on them, despite being five minutes early. 

“Good morning, Eileen.” Cas said the words and he signed them slowly for Claire’s benefit.

Claire copied them immediately. “Good morning!”

Eileen smiled nice and wide, speaking as she signed. “Good morning to you both!” she turned to Claire. “So, where would you like to go first? Is there a store where you usually shop?”

Claire scrunched up her brow and thought about it. “My mom used to take me to this children’s boutique in Chicago. They would measure me and make sure everything fit. I don’t remember what it was called though….”

“Unfortunately, we can’t exactly go shopping in Chicago today.” Cas said reasonably.

“Yeah, I know. Kinda wish my dad had let me go with him. Then we’d be able to go there.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to hang out with you.” Eileen said enthusiastically. “Rowena’s gotten to see you everyday this week!”

Claire couldn’t help but smile at her. “Yeah, it’ll be pretty cool to hang out with you, too.”

Cas led the way to the mall directory. “So, I was doing some research, and I think we should start here.” He pointed to a place on the map that looked like it wasn’t too far from where they already were. “The website said they specialize in apparel for ‘preteens, tweens, and teens’.” He used actual figure quotes, which caused both Claire and Eileen to giggle.

“Then I guess we’re following you,” Eileen said, and they followed Cas through the crowded walkway.

When they arrived at the store, “Justice,” the first thing Claire noticed was pink. Lots and lots of pink. She balked before going in the door. 

“Claire, what’s wrong? The internet said this would be a good place to take you.” Uncle Cas said with growing concern.

“It’s just so...pink. So very, very pink. And sparkly.”

Cas looked up at the store as if noticing it for the first time. “Indeed, it is. Their website gave no indication the store would look like this. The clothes all looked so...normal.”

“Come on, let’s just go inside. We’ll look around and see if you like anything. If not, we’ll go somewhere else. I’m sure your Uncle Cas has done a lot of research.” Eileen encouraged her with a wink.

With a shrug, Claire crossed the threshold, her adult chaperones right behind her. The clothes weren’t as bad as she was expecting, but mostly they were just...wrong. Not quite her style, not quite her size. Things just felt...off. 

After browsing for about a half an hour, where she’d managed to pick out only one pair of jeans and a couple of tee shirts (which she handed to Uncle Cas for safe keeping) she suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe and all but bolted out of the store. She made a beeline for a bench a few feet away, and that’s where Eileen found her, struggling to catch her breath.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. Claire didn’t know if she signed along with her words, as she couldn’t pick her head up.

“Nothing, my pants are just too tight.” She managed to gasp out.

Eileen put a gentle hand on her knee. “You’re going to have to pick your head up to talk to me. I can’t read your lips down there.”

When she did manage to lift her head, Eileen was smiling softly at her. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok. Want to tell me what happened in there?”

Claire considered lying, falling back on her excuse that her pants didn’t fit, but in the face of Eileen’s soft brown eyes and kind smile, she just didn’t. “My mom always took me shopping for clothes. I’ve never done this without her before. It...it feels wrong. My dad isn’t even here…”

“It is different, isn’t it? Different isn’t necessarily bad though, right?”

She shrugged. “I guess not.”

Eileen took her hands and looked seriously into her eyes. “Claire, it’s ok to miss your mom. It’s ok to miss her everyday. It’s ok to miss her when you’re doing something you and she used to hold dear. It’s also ok to move on with your life. I bet your mom wouldn’t want you going out in clothes that didn’t fit, would she?”

Claire gave her a small smile. “She’d actually be pretty appalled by it. She’d really like that top you helped me pick out though.”

“See, things can still be ok, even though you miss your mom.”

She smiled a little bit bigger. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. We should probably go rescue Uncle Cas from that pink and sparkly vortex, huh?”

“Probably. I did leave him at the register...he’s probably lost by now.”

Claire giggled at that, but they were proven wrong when Cas appeared next to them with a bag in tow. “Is everything alright out here?”

Eileen looked at Claire, then at Cas. “Maybe not totally alright, but definitely better now, wouldn’t you say so, Claire?”

“Yeah, things are better...I’m better now. Let’s keep shopping.”

“Glad to hear that. There was this one other place I did research on, we should go there next.”

“Does that sound good to you Claire? If you don’t find anything there, I’ll take you where I like to shop.” Eileen encouraged her.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

They walked quickly down the corridor and ended up at somewhere called “The Children’s Place.” It definitely wasn’t as pink and sparkly...but it was still kinda...wrong. Claire stopped right in the middle of the walkway. Luckily, before she could say anything and sound like a whiny teenager, Eileen came to her rescue.

“Don’t you think this place is a little young for her, Cas?”

“The website said it was for kids of all ages, from infants to teenagers.” Cas protested, frowning in consternation.

“The website lied, Cas. Move on. I know where we can go and get Claire everything she needs.”

“Fine. Lead the way.” Cas said, and Claire had never seen her uncle show so much emotion.

They followed Eileen across the mall and up the escalator until they were standing in front of a large department store. Once again, Claire balked. “It’s-it’s a department store!” She said with the obvious distaste of someone who’d been raised on boutiques and custom shops.

Eileen patted her on the shoulder. “Yes, but it’s not just any department store. It’s Nordstrom’s. Trust me, you’ll love it.”

She said the name of the store with such reverence, Claire almost believed that she would love it. Eileen led the way, Claire and Cas following close behind. They were met almost immediately by a well dressed young woman, who greeted Eileen with a big smile, signing to her as she said, “Ms. Leahy, welcome. We’ve been expecting you.” She turned to Claire. “And is this the young lady we’re shopping for today?”

“Yes, Madison. This is Sam’s niece, Claire. She and her father just moved here from Chicago. I think she’s grown six inches since she’s been here.” Eileen turned to Claire and Cas. “This is Madison, my personal shopper. She’ll help take care of everything.”

Madison first shook hands with Claire, saying, “It should be no problem finding clothes that will look great on you!” Then she turned to Cas. “We’ll have your daughter in a new wardrobe today.”

“Cas is my uncle.” Claire corrected with a smile. She kinda liked the dark haired woman. “But I can see where you’d be confused, especially if you met my dad. They’re twins.”

“Oh, ok then. It’s pretty cool that you have such a supportive family.” Madison said, completely unfazed by her mistaken assumption.

“Yeah, it is pretty cool.” Claire agreed.

Introductions out of the way, Madison led them to the Junior’s department. “So, Claire, what do you usually like to wear?”

“Mostly jeans and tee shirts. Sometimes I like leggings.”

“Great, that shouldn’t be too hard to find. Do you like to dress up?”

“Sometimes, I guess. I don’t really have much reason to.”

“Ok then. We’ll look at a few dressier things and see if you like them. It’s ok if you don’t.”

Eileen interrupted them. “Madison, there are some other items we should also look at for Claire.”

She nodded. “Right. You’re a young woman now...have you ever had a bra?”

“Noooo!” Claire hissed, horrified. She glanced around to see if anyone had overheard them. She was relieved that her uncle seemed to be looking at a rack of clothes. She kinda didn’t want a repeat of the maxi pad incident.

“Well, we’ll have to see what we can find for you.”

“Do I...do I have to wear one?” Claire asked. She was genuinely curious.

Eileen was thoughtful before answering Claire’s question. “No, you don’t necessarily have to wear one, but you might be more comfortable if you do. Why don’t you try on two or three, and if you end up not wanting to wear one, we’ll figure something else out.”

“So you’re saying don’t knock it ‘til you try it?” Claire asked.

“Something like that.”

Cas chose that moment to walk up to the conversation. He was holding a pair of khaki pants and light blue polo shirt. “This looks like a suitable outfit.”

Madison looked at Claire. “You didn’t tell me you needed a school uniform.”

“I don’t. I go to public school.” She turned to her uncle. “Uncle Cas, that’s a school uniform.”

“It’s khakis and a shirt. It’s appropriate for someone your age.”

Claire gave him a small smile. “Thanks for the suggestion, but I think I’m going to look around some more.”

“Oh...ok.”

They spent about an hour or so picking out various pairs of jeans, tee shirts, button down tops, leggings, and even a couple of dresses. Claire seemed content with what Eileen and Madison suggested. Everytime Cas would show her an outfit, she’d smile at him and she thought about them seriously, even trying them on for him, but in the end she’d politely decline them. It wasn’t that they were bad or anything, it just wasn’t her style really. Cas favored things that were a little more proper than what Claire liked. When it came time for the dreaded bra sizing, Eileen took Claire into the fitting room by themselves and helped her find the right size and style. Once they had what could be deemed a suitable wardrobe, Madison led them to the cash register to pay. Cas pulled out his credit card, and when Claire saw the total, she was immediately plagued with guilt.

“Uncle Cas, I don’t need all of this. I can put a lot of it back. I only really need a couple of pairs of jeans and a few tops.”

“Nonsense, Claire, you need suitable clothes to wear.”

“But this...this is too much. I don’t know if I can pay you back.”

Cas squatted down so that he was eye level with her. “Claire, you don’t have to pay me back. I’m your uncle, I’m happy to take care of you. You need this.”

Claire was totally not tearing up when she threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “Thank you, Uncle Cas.”

“You’re welcome. Children do grow at a remarkable rate at your age. Before you know it we will be replacing these soon.” He gave her a little wink and a shy smile.

She smiled back at him and then turned to Eileen. “Thanks for coming with us. It was a lot of fun.”

“Any time. It was fun.”

They said their goodbyes and Claire and Cas carted the purchases to his car. The drive home was completed in a companionable silence, Cas driving as he always did — a little slow and meticulous. Claire, however, was thinking. Mostly, she was thinking about her mom and about how different this shopping trip had been from the ones she used to take. First of all, she was sure her mom would never have shopped at Nordstrom’s, but in the end, it hadn’t been all that bad. In fact, with Eileen there to help her with the girly bits, it had been kinda nice. That… Claire wasn’t sure how she felt about it. It seemed a little disloyal to have enjoyed shopping with Eileen and Uncle Cas, especially because her mom was gone. These thoughts weighed her down as they rescued the bags from the trunk and carted them in. 

Uncle Cas dropped them on the table. “Now, we need to cut off tags.” He went into the kitchen to fetch a pair of scissors. 

Her mom had always done this too. In fact, she did it just this way. They cut off the tags at the dining room table. That was more than Claire had been ready for. Claire ran her fingers over the fabric as she carefully held the tags to be cut.

“Did you have fun today Claire?” Her uncle’s voice brought her out of her thoughts.

She looked at him and nodded slowly. “Yeah…I did…. Is that…is that ok?”

He smiled softly at her. “Of course that’s ok. Why wouldn't it be?”

She looked down at the garment she had in her hands. “Clothes shopping was something my mom and I always did together. It kinda doesn’t feel right having a good time doing it with someone else.”

Cas gently laid his hand over hers. “I suppose it doesn’t feel like it right now, but having fun today does not make you disloyal to your mother. She wouldn’t want something like this to be a chore, would she?”

Claire thought about it before responding. “No. She always said buying new clothes was fun.”

“And was it?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You and Eileen made it fun. I think Mom would really like her...and you.”

Across from her, Uncle Cas sighed. “I wish I had met her. She sounds like she was lovely.” 

“She was amazing.” Claire tilted her head, something else suddenly on her mind. “Why didn’t you meet her? I mean, I get that you and my dad had some kind of falling out but was it really that long ago?” 

Cas looked away before he answered. “Yes. Your father and I parted ways before he met Amelia. It was before I met Dean too.” 

“And you never, I don’t know, tried to make up.” 

“It’s hard to explain, Claire.” Uncle Cas returned to cutting the tags off the clothes as he talked. “The way things happened… your father left suddenly and he didn’t tell me where he was going. I thought… that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. So I left him alone.” 

“And Dad didn’t talk to you?” 

“He didn’t.” 

Claire knew there was bad blood between her dad and her uncle and she’d always wondered why. By the look of Cas though, she wasn’t sure that he was ready to fully explain it to her. “Have you made up now?” 

“I…” Cas continued to cut tags, not looking at her. A minute went by without a word. When Claire had all but given up, he started talking again. “We are trying to make up. It’s been a long time and there were a lot of hurt feelings. He needs help though and I’m trying.” 

Claire processed this, thinking. “Are you still mad at him?” 

Uncle Cas looked up at her sharply, but then his eyes grew distant with thought. “No.” He finally said, looking surprised. “I don’t think I am anymore.” 

“That’s good.” Claire liked it here, where she could have Dean and Uncle Cas too. It wasn’t the same, but it was nice. A new normal. “Today was good. Even without my mom. You're right that she would want it to be fun and it was. This whole week has been pretty okay... you know, with just you and me.” 

“It has, hasn’t it?” Cas was smiling at her. “I’ve liked it too.” 

“Can we have pizza for dinner?” 

“Again?” 

“You’ll make hot dogs and boxed mac n cheese again otherwise.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with….” He set the scissors aside. “Alright, I’ll admit that I am also tired of my cooking. I’m still better than your dad, right?” He looked at her a little pleadingly. 

“Right. Cross my heart.” 

“That’s all that matters. Pizza it is.” 

***

Dean and Jimmy had left Chicago on Saturday night after the house was empty and Lisa had taken all the pictures she needed to. Then he’d turned the keys over to her and they’d driven halfway to Lawrence. They finished the trip on Sunday and had gotten home, well to Dean and Castiel’s home, around noon. After lunch there was a lot of unloading; even Claire had helped, grateful to get her stuff back. He’d also been informed that all her clothes were beyond the point of fitting, so he and Dean had packed and moved them for no reason. Oh well, at least Claire had seemed happy. 

Now, Jimmy was carrying up a large box of stuffed toys to Claire’s room. The door was open to make unloading easier, and he found Claire sitting on the floor, tearing into yet another box of plushies. She seemed upset. 

“Where is it?” She tore through the boxes, throwing plushies onto her bed haphazardly. 

Jimmy set the box down. “Where is what?” 

Claire turned baleful blue eyes on him. “You know what! My stuffed tiger!” 

Jimmy knew exactly where it was. It had been too precious to put in a box so he’d carried it into Dean’s car and held it in his lap all the way home, steadfastly ignoring Dean’s teasing. Even now, it was in his room. “You mean Waffles? The white one?”

“Yes! Where is he?” 

“You don’t think I’d stuff him into a box, do you?” 

“If he’s not in one of these boxes, then where is he?” She stared at him with big eyes, looking more like a child than the teeenager she was becoming.

“I put him in a special place, as he deserved. Hold that thought.” Jimmy hurried back down the stairs to pick up the much loved tiger then returned to Claire’s room. “He rode with me the whole way.” He held it out to her. 

She squealed, popping up from her place on the floor and all but snatched the tiger from her dad. She held it close to her chest. “Thank you, Dad! Thank you!” She kissed his cheek with a firm smack.

Jimmy smiled at the kiss, because it was rare for Claire to be that affectionate. “Hey, I’m not totally clueless. I was just a little scattered when we left. I made sure to bring him this time.” It had been worth it, just to see her this happy. 

Claire just shrugged. “Things were different back then. You’re better now.” 

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah.” He stood there a moment more, watching Claire hug the plushie before shaking himself out of it. “Alright, now that you have Waffles, you can clean up this mess you made.” 

“Dad!” 

“Don’t dad me. You have to sleep in that bed tonight. Tomorrow’s a school day.” Claire immediately rolled her eyes at him and they were back on familiar ground. He stepped over and bent down to put a kiss on top of her blonde head. “I’ll be back later to tuck you in.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” She pushed him away. 

Smiling, Jimmy headed back to his room. He had one more thing to give to someone tonight. 

***

Castiel was standing in the den, looking at a stack of board games, trying to figure out where to put them. Dean had just left him to figure out where they should go. Before that, his husband had excitedly been telling him how great Amelia’s dishes were and how bummed he was that they’d had to give them away. He went to a bookshelf that was half full and began to shift around the contents to clear some shelves. Behind him, he heard a knock on the doorframe. 

Smiling, he turned around, saying. “Is there something else of Amelia’s you want to tell me about?” But instead of Dean, it was Jimmy. “Oh… I was expecting Dean.” 

Jimmy shuffled his feet, looking at him oddly. “You were talking about Amelia’s stuff?” 

Cas nodded, already worried that this would be too much for Jimmy. “Um, yes. Dean really liked her dishes. He thought she had good taste.” 

Instead of breaking down, Jimmy smiled. “Yeah, she did have good taste. I wonder why Dean didn’t tell me he thought so.” 

“It’s a sensitive topic. I’m sure he was trying to think of your feelings.” Already, Castiel felt awkward bringing this up. 

Jimmy just nodded. “That’s kind but you know, after this week, I think it helps to talk about her.” 

“That’s… very good.” 

“I know.” 

They stood, staring at each other, neither saying anything. Jimmy shifted again, clearly uncomfortable. Castiel was always a little uncomfortable when Jimmy was around. Eventually, he couldn’t handle the silence. “Is there something you needed?” 

“Oh! Yes.” Jimmy pushed off the door frame and walked into the room. It was then that Cas noticed that Jimmy was cradling a bundle of gray fabric to his stomach. “I wanted to give something to you.” 

“Okay?” He had no idea what Jimmy could have for him. 

“Here.” Jimmy pushed the bundle of gray fabric into Cas’s hands. 

Cas took the bundle and let it fall open. He recognized what it was; of course he did. After all, he’d given it to Jimmy. The letters were peeling off and the shirt was showing its age, however, all told, it was in pretty good shape for being well over 20 years old. Jimmy obviously had taken good care of it. Seeing the shirt, he remembered the day. He remembered buying it for Jimmy and he clearly remembered the swoop of joy he’d felt when he’d seen how much Jimmy had liked it. He immediately began shaking his head. “This is yours. It was a gift Jimmy. Dean has informed me that you keep those.” He tried to offer it back. 

Jimmy, however, stepped back. “I know it was a gift. Don’t you remember?” 

“Of course I remember. I was there. I bought it and gave it to you.” 

“Not that. After.” Jimmy stood there, blue eyes staring into Cas’s as if trying to beam his thoughts inside. Whatever Jimmy wanted him to get, however, was not coming to Castiel. 

Finally, Castiel shook his head. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

Jimmy’s shoulders slumped. “Come on, Cas… Castiel. We shared it. I wore it, then it was your turn. After you wore it once, you gave it back.” 

The realization dawned on Cas. Jimmy was right. It had always been a gift for Jimmy but Jimmy had insisted that Castiel wear it too. It had seemed silly to him at the time, however, he’d done it anyway, mostly because it made Jimmy smile. “I… I do remember that. I haven’t thought about it in a long time.” That had been ages ago. Before everything had happened, back when he was secure in the knowledge that his brother would be there for him. When he believed nothing could ever tear them apart. He directed his eyes back to the shirt, unsure how he felt about those memories now. Of course, the thin gray fabric didn’t have answers for him. It was just cloth, no matter what it represented. Unsure of himself, he looked back up at Jimmy. “What... what is it you want me to do?” 

“I….” Jimmy looked unsure of himself as his voice died away. Then he looked back at Cas and his jaw firmed. “I want you to wear it.” 

This was not what Cas was expecting. “Wear it?” 

“Yes.” Jimmy nudged the cloth towards Cas’s chest. “We used to share it before. I think we can share it again now.” 

“I...it’s not that easy, Jimmy.” Cas felt as if the floor beneath him had fallen away, setting him adrift in feelings he couldn’t define. This wasn’t the desperate sadness or the unthinking anger he’d felt earlier. He didn’t know what it was but it felt… different. Hopeful. 

“I know it’s not that easy.” Jimmy looked away from him, but then his eyes came back and met Cas’s. They didn’t shy away. “But we’ve got to start somewhere, right? This was a good memory. It could still be a good memory. I want it to be a good memory for us. What is it you want, Castiel?” 

That was the question, wasn’t it? Claire had asked him a few days ago if he was still angry and he’d been surprised to find that he wasn’t. He knew why Jimmy had done what he had, and these days, he even accepted why it had to happen. If Jimmy had never left, there would be no Dean. Imagining his life without Dean was unconscionable. The last thing Cas had to accept was the way Jimmy had done it. Because Jimmy had just thrown him away without a word and that had hurt more than anything else. Jimmy should have talked to him, he should have explained. Only… Jimmy had already apologized for that, hadn’t he? That was all Jimmy could do about it now. Which meant that Castiel had to accept that apology. That was what lay before him right now. He looked up at Jimmy to find his brother’s eyes on him, so he immediately looked away again. His heart lurched in his chest, trying to find an answer. “I....“

“You don’t know.” Jimmy said softly. He took a step back. “I can’t make you want what I want. Not anymore.” He turned towards the door and started to leave. 

Seeing him go made all those old memories well up. The times when things were good. The ways Jimmy was always there for him. The days before it got complicated, when Jimmy had been his closest friend and his biggest supporter. He saw just as clearly that if he didn’t say something now, things would never get better. They’d always be distant with each other, a shadow of what they used to be. “Wait!” 

Jimmy immediately stopped and looked at him. There was hope in his eyes. “Yeah?” 

“I do want us to be brothers again. I just don’t know how.” That was the crux of it. How did Cas let go all of those years of heartache? 

“I think we start slow. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It’s been twenty years.” 

“We barely know each other.” 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jimmy shook his head. “I mean, there are going to be differences, obviously. But you’re still you. You’re stiff with people you don’t know, which is weird because now you’re a doctor.” 

“Excuse me, I’m good at my job. Children are different from adults.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You still hate scary movies and you don’t like peas. I’ve watched you pick them off the dinner plate.”

“You don’t like them either!” 

“Yeah, one of us should really tell Dean, but that’s not my point. There’s a lot of you that I still know. I realize there are differences. What I’m asking is for you to give me a chance to get to know them.” 

“That’s reasonable.” Now that he thought about it, the same was true of Jimmy. He was still somewhat impatient, still ever moving, and still fun-loving. He was gregarious, much like Dean and the two of them could get going for hours now. He also knew there were things he didn’t know and sometimes he wondered about it. How did someone who grew up breaking all the rules have such strict ones for his daughter? 

“I know it won’t be like it was.” Jimmy’s voice was soft as he came to stand in front of Castiel. “I don’t expect it to be. I just… I miss you. Now more than ever. I’m a little shocked, all told, that I did this well without for so long.” 

“You never needed me at all.” To say it hurt, even after all these years. 

“That’s not true and you know it. I needed you too much.” 

“You had all the friends. You talked to people, went out, had friends who weren’t me. I never did any of that.” 

Jimmy looked at him frustrated. “None of that matters. We both each used the other like a crutch. Neither of us lived in the real world, too busy being wrapped up in one of our making. It couldn’t have lasted.” 

Even now, hearing Jimmy say it, Castiel wondered if that was true. That little voice is insidious and he pushed it away. “And now?” 

“Now we have a chance to build something new. It doesn’t have to be based on what was. We can build it from now. Get to know each other again. Really be brothers.” 

“I would like that.” Castiel was surprised to find he meant it. He’d never dreamed that Jimmy would come back. He’d closed his heart to that possibility years ago but now here he was. For years, he’d yearned for his brother back and now, it seemed he could have it. Part of his heart whispered softly that he’d wanted more than just his brother, but he shushed it. That wasn’t what was being offered now. Jimmy was offering him a chance to gain some of what they lost back, and seeing it before him. He wanted it. He closed his arms around the shirt and pulled it to his chest. “I’ll wear this.” 

Jimmy’s smile was like the sun. “Yeah?” 

“Yes.” 

“After you wear it, you give it back to me. Then it’ll be my turn.” 

Castiel laughed. “Yes, Jimmy. I remember the rule.” 

“Cool.” 

Something occurred to Cas. “Oh! Dean sometimes wears the shirts out of my drawer. What if he wears it?” 

Jimmy seemed to consider it. “That would be okay. We can’t leave Dean out, even if he wasn’t there that day. Though honestly, I’m not sure he’d be caught dead in a Bon Jovi shirt.” 

Cas chuckled. “He would if it was in my drawer. He doesn’t even seem to look at them. He wears them because he says they smell like me.” 

“We can’t leave Dean out. He’s part of your life now. I want to be part of that life too. That’s all I’m asking.” 

“Then I think I can give that to you.” There was an awkward moment where Jimmy drifted forward and seemed as if he would hug him. Cas thought about this and acted on the impulse, reaching out with one arm. It was a half hug at best, but heartfelt despite it. 

“Thanks.” Jimmy drew back from him. “Hey… um… I know you aren’t Cassie anymore. But...um...can I call you Cas now?” 

“I don’t see why not. That’s who I am.” 

Again, Jimmy smiled brightly. “Thanks… um… for letting me be part of who you are now.” 

“I think it was time.” 

Jimmy flashed him one more grin and then made his way from the room, leaving Castiel holding the gray t-shirt. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about this change, but he knew it was right. It was time to let go of the past. He was ready to move on. 


	10. Part IV: Six months later, one year after Jimmy and Claire arrived

Everyday living with Cas and Dean grew easier. After he’d sold his house, Jimmy felt more and more like he belonged with the other two men. Dean had said he was family when they were in Chicago and at the time, Jimmy hadn’t been sure. He had thought, in his own way, that his family was always going to be Claire and himself. That wasn’t how things were panning out. Every night, he came home to find Dean in the kitchen and Claire at the table, doing her homework. Sometimes, if he was really late, he’d find Castiel sitting next to Claire, giving her help in his straightforward way. There were even times when Castiel would look up and smile at him, welcoming him home silently. Those days always thrilled his heart. 

Things with Castiel got better all the time. His brother didn’t instantly leave a room when Jimmy stepped in any more. What’s more, they actually talked. Sometimes it was useless chit chat, how their days had gone and what had happened at work. Sometimes it was serious, conversations about Claire and school, or ways to help Dean out around the house. Jimmy had his brother back and it was more than he’d ever dreamed. It wasn’t the same, of course, but it was warm and accepting and he felt like every day brought them a little bit closer together. Castiel didn’t look at him blankly anymore, now his eyes were a warm, glowing blue. It was a sight he’d thought he’d lost with the days of their childhood. He’d never believed he’d get them back. 

Living without Amelia was still hard; he missed her like a phantom limb. There were days when he was sure he’d turn around and she’d be there behind him, smiling and shaking her head at something he’d done. But now, for just as many of those days, there were also days that he got so busy living that he didn’t think of her at all until he got into bed that night. Sometimes that made him feel guilty; when he’d talked to his therapist about it, she’d said it was a normal feeling. There was some guilt that came with healing and moving on; and the days when he wasn’t focused on Amelia, those days were signs that he was moving on. He’d accepted that his life would go forward without Amelia and that she was gone. He’d had no choice but to keep going forward. 

That wasn’t the only sign that he was moving on. After Amelia’s death, he’d noticed an ache in his chest. It was hard to predict when it would come. Sometimes, he felt it when he saw Dean and Cas standing close together, whispering in each other’s ears or kissing each other. At the time, he’d thought it was a yearning to have that sort of something with another person. That seemed natural. Of course he’d miss Amelia and want to be close with someone. He missed her love and the surety of her support all the time. Now though… now he had it all the time. He ached when Castiel smiled at him or when his brother squeezed his shoulder affectionately. It had taken him forever to realize it was because those touches and looks weren’t enough. Despite telling himself they would never have what they had before, and despite watching Castiel be fully in love with Dean, those old feelings had creeped back. He wanted all of his brother and he had no idea how he could get it. 

Of course, that wasn’t all. Because he felt the aching in his chest when Dean was around too. It happened when Dean passed him a beer with a smile or when he watched Dean tease Claire. It happened when Dean asked him about his day or turned the tv over to something Jimmy wanted to watch. Of course, he wouldn’t just develop feelings for his brother again — although an awkward situation, that was something he could hide, but no, he had to develop feelings for Dean too. When he thought about it, it was easy to see why though. Dean was amazing. He was vivacious and bright with his green eyes and shining smile. He was crude and sometimes impatient, but endlessly, and unfailingly kind. Falling for Dean had been every bit as easy as falling for Castiel had been. Of course, Jimmy couldn’t have just moved on like a normal person. His heart had to go and make the most complicated situation possible. 

His first inclination was to hide it. There was no reason he couldn’t pretend that nothing had changed. Dean and Castiel didn’t need to know. He refused to interrupt their marriage that way. He and Claire were never meant to stay forever. Jimmy’s job was stable and now that his house had been sold, he had more than enough to rent an apartment for them to live in. He’d even floated the idea of moving out over dinner one night. To say it hadn’t gone well would be an understatement. Claire had flipped out. More than flipped out. She’d been on the verge of a major tantrum. Dean had looked wounded and Cas had frozen solid. The rest of dinner was taken up by Jimmy explaining carefully that of course they wouldn’t leave if no one was ready for that. He’d just thought that maybe Dean and Cas would like their home back. He’d been assured by Dean that they could stay as long as they wanted. The man had once again asserted that they were family; it went unspoken that family stayed together. 

After that, Jimmy hadn’t known what to do until his mind seized upon a certain memory; when Dean had gotten so mad at them for leaning on him all the time. He’d gone through all that stuff with his brother Sam, introducing Claire to the idea of polygamy. His mind whispered to him that Dean had already thought about the three of them together. To his mind, even now, feeling as he did, the idea seemed crazy. How would that even work.  _ Dean knows. Dean has already thought about it _ . In fact, Jimmy remembered that Dean had pressed him about it earlier, he’d practically begged them, saying  _ “I need to know where I’m going to be if you two…if you decide you love each other again. That’s what I need. I need to know that there’s a place for me.”  _ The memory, along with the voice in his mind was insidious in it’s whisper, mostly because he really wanted to listen to it. Jimmy wanted a life with both Dean and Castiel. Dean would be his ally in that plan. The logical course of action then, was to talk to Dean. 

That was easier said than done. 

For weeks, Jimmy had been avoiding it. He’d watched a good many opportunities to talk to Dean alone slip away. Every Saturday around midmorning, Cas would go for a run, and Dean would work in the garage while Claire slept in. That would have been a great time to have talked to Dean. This weeked Jimmy had even made it outside to talk to him. He’d stood in the garage and they’d made small talk while Dean tuned up his Baby. They talked about the weather, about Cas, and about Claire. They had not broached the topic of the possibility of the three of them getting together for real. Castiel had come home while they were talking and had joined in while they all talked about the possibility of taking a trip as a family. Jimmy had gone away feeling very included but also like a failure. Was he ever going to grow a pair enough to actually do this? 

Today was Wednesday and Jimmy’s classes let out early that day. It was the only day of the week that he got home before Dean usually started making dinner. When he walked into the kitchen, Claire was there, doing her homework. 

“Hey, Dad!” She called from over her math book. 

“Hey, Clairebear.” He crossed the room to kiss her on top of her head. “You sound like you had a good day.” 

“Yup!” Claire scribbled down one more answer and she slapped her book closed. “In fact, I’m already done with my homework. Can I go upstairs?” 

“Yup!” Dean called from his place at the stove. It was a little early, but he was in the process of layering lasagna noodles. 

Jimmy looked twice at that because lasagna wasn’t a weekday dinner. Lasagna was more of a special occasion/celebration type of meal. “What’s the occasion?” 

“Huh?” Dean tossed a confused look over his shoulder at Jimmy before turning back to his work. “Nothing really, just felt like having lasagna.” 

“Oh.” As they talked, Claire collected her books and made her way upstairs, sounding for all the world like a herd of elephants, just as she always did. He and Dean were now alone.  _ This is it. The perfect opportunity.  _

“Are you complaining?” 

“What?” In thinking about his confession, Jimmy had forgotten what he and Dean were talking about.

“You don’t want lasagna?” 

“No, of course I want lasagna. Your lasagna is my favorite.” 

“Kay.” Dean once again went back to layering noodles into the dish. Jimmy stood behind him, watching him work while trying to urge himself to say something about what he’d been thinking about. He shifted from foot to foot and Dean tossed another look over his shoulder. “Is there something else, man?” 

“Um.” Jimmy said very intelligently. He cast around for something to say that wouldn’t be completely stupid. What came out was, “I like you.” 

Dean looked at him curiously before he said, “I like you too, Jimmy.” 

“No, uh, what I meant was I like living here with you. And Castiel. It’s nice and I want to stay.” This wasn’t much better. Jimmy was wincing at how clumsy he’d become. 

“You gotta know we feel the same by now, right? No one is gonna make you leave.” Even as he said it, Dean went back to building his lasagna. 

“No, I know that. I just…” Words failed him and Jimmy gazed helplessly at Dean’s back. Maybe he should have actually nailed down what he was going to say to Dean before he’d tried to approach him. 

“I’m getting the feeling you’ve got something to say and don’t know how to say it.” Dean ventured, his back still turned to Jimmy. 

“Yeah.” It was getting frustrating, not just that he didn’t know what to say but that Dean wasn’t facing him. Maybe he should have waited for Dean to put the lasagna in. 

“Gimme a minute to get this in the oven and then we’ll figure it out.” Dean said reasonably. Hands still moving. 

“Thanks.” Jimmy grasped the time with both hands and began to madly scrabble through his brain for something to say that made sense. Nothing had come to him by the time Dean put the pan in the oven and came to the table where Jimmy didn’t remember sitting. 

Dean sat. “Okay, let’s try this again. You’re telling me you're happy here.” 

“No. I mean, yes.” He shook his head, trying to untangle his tongue. “It’s more than that.” 

“Okay. That’s great, Jimmy. But surely you know you don’t have to say that. We know.” 

“No, you’re not getting it!” Jimmy barked back, then tried to make himself settle. “Sorry, that’s not… I’m not expressing myself well.” 

If anything, Dean seemed amused. “Man, it’s cool. Cas isn’t always great at it either.” 

“What I’m trying to say…” Shit, what was he trying to say. No time to think, Jimmy just went for it. “I’m trying to say that I like  _ you, _ Dean. Um, I have feelings for you. Like romantically.” He squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for judgement to fall. 

What he wasn’t expecting was for Dean to laugh. “Yeah, man, I know.” 

“You what?” Jimmy blinked his eyes open to see Dean across from him, his eyes lit with mirth. “What do you mean you know? I barely know!” 

Dean reached out to squeeze his shoulder. “You aren’t exactly subtle. You never used to do chores for me.” 

“I… what?” 

“Come on, man. It’s been going on for weeks now! You take the trash out now, you’ve been doing the dishes and there was that tragic night where you tried to make dinner? You’ve also started hanging around when I work on Baby. You never used to do that. We don’t even talk about anything. You’re just there, hanging out.” 

Jimmy could feel his cheeks heating. “I didn’t realize I was doing anything different.” 

“I know. You’re like Cas that way. You don’t communicate feelings in words, you do it by doing things for the person you care for. It’s why you spent so much time providing for Claire and Amelia. That was your way of saying you loved them.” 

“Oh.” Jimmy looked down at his fists in his lap, feeling foolish. He’d never really noticed he was doing it. He’d wanted to be helpful and Dean was magnetic, he’d wanted to just be near him to bask in his radiance. Now that he thought about it, he’d often found his brother doing the same. “Do we both suck at verbal communication? Cas and I?” 

“Nah, Cas has had decades of therapy. He’s much better at it than you are.” Dean’s fingers were suddenly at his chin, tilting his head up. “Don’t feel bad, you’ll get there. You just started therapy.” 

Looking into Dean’s eyes took most of the sting out of the pronouncement. It gave him strength to do what needed to be done next. “Okay. I want to talk about polygamy. You, me, and Cas.” 

Dean nodded once, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay, that’s fair. I wanted to talk about it back when we invited Sam over the first time but you weren’t ready. You’re ready now. Maybe we all are.” 

“I’m not sure how Castiel will feel about this.” 

“Mmm, I think he’ll accept it. We’ll probably have to wait for him to come around though. The first conversation is going to shock him; anything he doesn’t expect does. Then we’ll have to wait for him to warm up to the idea.” 

That made sense. In fact, Jimmy knew that was how his brother operated. As he thought about it, he was heartened to see that some things hadn’t changed. “I don’t know how he feels… about me.” 

“He loves you. He never stopped. I’ve always known that.” Dean’s eyes didn’t waiver. 

“That’s had to have been hard for you.” 

“It just was what it was.” Dean said with a shrug. “I learned to love him as he was. That meant accepting that part of his heart would always belong to you. I just wanted him that bad. He was it for me. I knew that from the moment we first met.” 

“When you met him… Cas said it was right after I left.” 

“It was. He was a mess. But helping him through that, staying with him as he healed from that break, those are the foundations of our relationship. That won’t change, whether you’re back or not.” 

“And you’re okay… you know, sharing.” 

“I’ll do what it takes.” Now a stubborn light was in Dean’s eyes. 

“Dean…” 

“Yeah?” 

“You haven’t said what you thought of me? What did you have in mind? A situation where we just share Cas?” 

For the first time, Dean looked away. “I’m happy with whatever form you want it to take.” 

“I think we need to be clear here, Dean. I’m saying I have feelings for Castiel  _ and _ you. I’m not looking to share Castiel. I’m looking to have both of you.” Jimmy had no idea where this strength came from, but he was going to hold onto it while he had it. “You haven’t said how you feel about me, other than to say I’m transparent about my feelings.” 

“Caught that, did you?” Dean chuckled as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I never claimed to be good at this sort of thing.” The tips of his ears were turning red. “I… think you’re a good guy.” 

“The kind of good guy you’d like to kiss?” 

“Maybe.” 

They were flirting.  _ Holy shit _ . Jimmy couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “That’s good.” 

Dean shook his head. “Man, that smile is killer, no matter who’s face it’s on.” 

“Oh.” Jimmy felt himself blush. He knew Dean would be attracted to him, he was obviously attracted to Castiel and they had the same face. Calming his thundering heart, Jimmy tried to bring them back to the matter at hand. “What happens next?” 

“We talk to Castiel.” 

“How do we do that? He’s going to freak.” 

“Yeah, he’s going to freak a little. And you guys have a lot that’s gone unsaid between you two. You’ll have to hash that out before we really all get on the same page.” 

Jimmy blanched. “Are you saying I need to talk to Castiel?” 

Dean got thoughtful. “You know what? Maybe I should ask Sam. He’s good at the whole polyamory communication shit.” 

Jimmy’s heart froze. “How much does Sam know?” 

“Pretty much all of it. I needed someone to vent to. Those first few months were scary, man.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy tried to calm himself down. He’d met Sam more than once and he’d always been kind. Surely he wasn’t judging them harshly. 

“It’s okay, Jimmy. Sam doesn’t think we’re doing anything wrong. He loves and supports us. He just wants all of us to be happy. Promise. That’s the kind of man Sammy is.” 

It was hard to let this kind of worry go; after all, it was something he’d been hiding for most his life. He looked up at Dean and gave him a thin smile. “I trust you Dean.” 

“Good. Tell you what, let’s call Sam.” 

“Please do.” Jimmy settled back in the chair, watching as Dean pulled out his phone. 

***

The phone rang a couple of times before Sam answered. “Hey Dean. What’s up?”

Dean took a deep breath before answering. “Hey...um...not much, but I do need to talk to you.” He thought about it for a second and realized this was probably better served as an in person conversation. “Can you go get a beer with me after dinner?”

“Yeah, sure. Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, fine. Or it will be. Hey, I’m gonna bring Jimmy along, ok?”

“Sounds good.” Dean could practically hear the wheels turning in Sam’s head. “Did he finally admit that he likes you?”

And Dean immediately regretted sharing that bit of info with Sam...but not really. “Shut up, Bitch.”

“Yeah, sure. See ya, Jerk.”

Jimmy was looking at Dean suspiciously now that he had hung up. “Did you tell your brother about me liking you already?” 

“You heard that?” 

“He has a loud phone voice.” 

“I may have mentioned it.” Dean shrugged. “What? It was cute.” 

Jimmy passed a palm over his face. 

Dean nudged his shoulder. “What did I tell you? Sam’s on our side.” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Look, we’ll meet him after dinner.” With that Dean shooed Jimmy away. He needed time to think and he couldn’t do that with the man there. Jimmy took the motion at face value and mumbled something about going to change, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen. Unfortunately, Dean couldn’t settle and ended up deep cleaning the kitchen sink. That’s where Cas found him when he came in. 

Castiel immediately looked concerned. “Are you okay, Dean?” 

“What? Yeah?” Dean scowled at the sink. “It was filthy.” 

Cas gave him a long hard stare then shrugged. “Very well. We can talk later.” 

Dean sighed and let him go. “Dinner’s in five.” 

Dinner was pretty much a normal affair; Claire talked at length about something that had happened at school that day while they mostly ate and nodded. About halfway through, Dean bit the bullet and broached the subject of he and Jimmy going out. “Hey, Cas, Sam invited me out for drinks, and I thought I’d bring Jimmy along, he hasn’t been out since he got here.”

Cas frowned slightly. “I’d like to have drinks with Sam too.”

Dean was surprised. “Bars aren’t really your thing. You prefer to drink at home…besides, someone needs to stay here with Claire.”

Claire perked up at that. “Yeah, Uncle Cas. It will be fun! We can watch a scary movie. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” She winked at him.

Cas turned his frown on Claire for a moment before his expression cleared. “Why don’t we play Scrabble instead?” 

The two had an avid but friendly rivalry when it came to Scrabble. Despite being thirteen, Claire was the only person in the house who could beat Cas and they seemed to challenge each other with the game constantly. Claire’s eyes lit up. “Oh it’s on, Old Man!” 

“I’m not that old.” Cas said, shifting in his chair and hiding a smile. He turned his eyes on Dean. “You two have fun at the bar. Next time invite Sam to the house for drinks.” 

“Promise I will, Baby.” Dean leaned over to kiss his husband’s cheek, feeling a little relieved that he’d let it go that easy. Sure enough, the moment dinner was done, Claire grabbed Cas and pulled him from the room to go set up the Scrabble board. 

Jimmy got up to help him with the dishes and soon they were ready to go. Jimmy looked nervous, so Dean squeezed his shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Sammy. He’s good people.” With that, he went to the hallway to yell towards the den. “We’re heading out!” 

Claire hollered back, “Okay!” But neither she or Cas came out to say goodbye. 

They headed to the Impala and were on their way. The drive to the bar was a little tense, neither of them seemed to know what they should talk about. Dean gave Jimmy a glance and saw the man still looked nervous. He hoped Sam could help put that at ease. Before he knew it, they had arrived so he parked Baby and led Jimmy inside. A quick glance around helped him locate Sam, who was sitting in a corner booth. “Come on.” He led Jimmy over and took the seat across from Sam. Jimmy sat next to him. “Hey Sammy, thanks for coming.” 

“Hey guys. No problem. Where’s Cas? What does he think of this?” Sam tended to cut to the chase. He was a lawyer after all.

“Yeah, um, that’s kinda what we wanted to talk to you about.”

Sam frowned at him. “You haven’t told Cas yet? Communication is important in any relationship.

Dean sighed. “I know that Sam.... We just…. We….”

“You don’t know how to tell him?”

“Yeah.”

Sam looked them over and ran one of his large hands through his shaggy brown hair, then gestured for the waitress to bring them three beers. “Well, the most important thing is to be honest with your feelings and with what you want from the relationship.” He turned to Dean, “It’s not always easy to bring a third person into your relationship. You have to make sure you're on solid ground and that it's something you both want. Polyamory is not a band-aid to fix a rocky relationship.” Then he turned to Jimmy. “Being the third person brought into an already established relationship isn’t easy either. They have a whole history that happened without you….Of course, you and Cas already have your own history as well.”

“You seem to know a lot about this,” Jimmy finally spoke up, a bit timidly.

“Well, yeah. Eileen and I have been in a polyamorous relationship for a very long time. As we grew and changed, so did our relationship so that by the time we met Rowena, we knew exactly what we wanted and what we were ready for. We were thrilled that Rowena wanted the same thing.” Sam smiled wistfully thinking about his girls. He turned to Dean, “So, what is it that you want?”

“I want Cas to be happy.” Dean said without hesitation.

Sam huffed and rolled his eyes. “While that is both very sweet and very true, it’s also a cop out. Think about what you, Dean, personally want from this relationship.” He turned to Jimmy. “What about you? What do you want?”

Jimmy took a deep breath, probably to calm his nerves. “Well, you already know that I like Dean. I guess you also know about mine and Cas’s past...I’m...well, I’m still in love with him too. I want to be with both of them, if they’ll have me.”

Sam turned back to Dean. “Is that what you want too? Do you feel the same way about Jimmy?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good. Then the next step is talk to Cas. See how he feels, see what he wants. He may not want what you guys want, and you have to be willing to accept that.”

“But we’ll never know unless we talk to him.” Dean said. “How do we do that?”

“Dean, you probably know the best way to broach the subject with him. Cas doesn’t really like change, even I know that. But if you’re open and honest about your feelings and you’re willing to listen to him and accept his feelings on the subject, that’s really the best thing to do.”

Jimmy cleared his throat, bringing their attention to him. “I’m afraid if we both approach Castiel, it’ll overwhelm him. He’s always been iffy in large social settings and when we were little he would go hide if there were too many people.” He looked around, his eyes jerked away from Sam before landing on Dean. “I don’t know if that’s gotten better.” 

“Um, not really.” Dean wished he could say otherwise, but he knew his husband. “It’s why we don’t have Sam and the girls over all the time. He loves them and wants to see them, but so many people at once is hard for him.” 

Jimmy nodded before going on. “Also, he’s never been easy to approach about hard emotional things. It’s why….” He looked down, clearly in shame. “It’s why I just left instead of telling him. I knew how he would react and so I just avoided it altogether.”

“Do you think just one of us should approach him?” Dean was trying to understand what Jimmy was getting at. 

Jimmy nodded. “You said it yourself. We have a lot of unresolved issues. I should probably try to clear the air before we hit him with this.” He looked to Sam. “Does that sound okay?”

Sam smiled warmly at him. “Of course that’s okay. As long as you’re open with him this time. No avoidance and no running away. Cas deserves better than that.” Sam’s brow furrowed a little and his expression shifted to one of warning. “And respect what he wants, even if it’s different than what you want.”

Jimmy looked at Sam steadily. “Of course I will. I don’t want to hurt him again. I know leaving him that way destroyed him but it also kinda destroyed me too. I won’t do it again.”

“Good. As long as everyone is honest and respects each other, then everything should be fine. Just remember, this is your relationship. You guys get to define it however you want.”

Dean smiled at his brother. “Thanks, Sam.”

Sam just smiled. “So, you guys gonna actually drink with me?” 

Dean laughed. “Okay asshole, we’ll have another beer. Hey Jimmy, tell Sammy about that student the other day in class. That story was epic!” 

Jimmy’s eyes brightened and he launched into the tale, regaling Sam with the latest from his marketing class. Dean sat back to watch him, marveling at how he could be totally different from Cas and yet, somehow just as easy to love.

***

Last night, Castiel had come home to find Dean obsessively cleaning the sink while dinner cooked. Past experience told him that Dean only did this when he was nervous or upset about something. Then he’d taken that trip to meet Sam at the bar with Jimmy. When they’d gotten home that night, Dean had told him that they’d just compared days and that Jimmy had told them all about his student. He’d also claimed to be tired and had rolled over in Cas’s arms then proceeded to go to sleep without ever explaining what he was so worked up about. 

When he’d gotten home from work today, it was to find Jimmy in the kitchen fidgeting with a newspaper at the table. His brother was something of a fidgeter and had trouble sitting still, that wasn’t atypical, however he’d fled the room when Cas got home in a way he hadn’t done in a long time. He’d also shared a look with Dean and something had passed between the two men before Jimmy had left. 

Castiel trusted Dean without question. He never questioned that but now he had a feeling that the two were hiding something from him. It wasn’t his birthday and they really weren’t close to a special occasion of any sort, so it was unlikely to be any sort of surprise. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure it was something to do with him. This was, perhaps, a little more alarming. He and Dean never kept secrets from each other. They’d always operated on that premise, which meant issues between them were rare and often easily talked through. Once upon a time, he’d thought that he and Jimmy had been mostly the same. That, of course, had been untrue, but these days Jimmy seemed to be honest in his desires to befriend Castiel again and create a new relationship. In fact, they had grown close over the last few months, so close that Castiel believed they were near where they were when Jimmy left. 

So, Castiel knew something was wrong. Particularly because they both scattered the moment dinner was done; Dean upstairs to help Claire with a project and Jimmy to his room to grade papers, leaving Castiel to do the dishes alone. Whatever it was, it didn’t seem like they were planning on clueing him in, at least not immediately. So it left him to decide: should he press the issue or should he wait for one or both of them to come to him? Even as he thought it, he knew what he was going to decide. He wanted to know what was going on now. So, who should he press for more information? Dean could be a hard nut to crack when he was determined to hold on to something. To get through to him, Castiel might have to resort to guilt and that was no way to treat his husband. It would have to be Jimmy then. Back in the old days, Jimmy had never been good at keeping secrets from Castiel (the notable exception being his leaving) and when questioned by Castiel, he usually caved. So, that decided, he finished loading the dishwasher, dried his hands and headed upstairs. 

Jimmy’s door was open and true to his word, the man was sitting on the bed with a stack of papers near his left knee. He was holding a red pen, which he was chewing on, and he didn’t notice Castiel right away. Cas knocked on the doorframe to get his attention. 

Jimmy’s eyes jerked up when he saw his brother and for a moment he froze.  _ (Definitely something going on.) _ He smiled immediately after but remained somewhat stiff. “Castiel. Hey.” He laid down the paper in his hand, returning it to the stack. “Do you need something?” 

“Yes.” Castiel walked into the room, closing the door behind him. Jimmy’s eyes immediately widened so Castiel pressed on. “Something is going on with you and Dean. I want to know what.” 

“Something? With Dean?” Jimmy was knocked off balance from that and was stumbling for words. “What are you talking about? We barely talked at dinner.” 

“Yes, but you kept exchanging looks. The eyebrow gymnastics were quite impressive. Also, you both went out to see Sam together last night. You’ve never done that before. Something’s going on here.” 

“Why are you asking me?” Jimmy spluttered. “Why not ask Dean?”

“Dean’s in with Claire.” It was true, even if it wasn’t the reason he hadn’t approached Dean. “I’m asking you.”

Jimmy stared at him, clearly uncomfortable. Castiel considered pressing harder, but instead, he just turned up the intensity of his stare. True to form, Jimmy started to squirm. It didn’t take long at all before all of Jimmy’s breath came out in a whoosh. “Okay. Okay. I said I’d do this. I told Dean I’d do this, so I’m going to.” 

“Do what?” 

Jimmy picked up the stack of papers and put them on his nightstand before shifting to the edge of the bed. He patted the seat next to him. “Why don’t you sit down?” 

Tension settled into his shoulders as Jimmy made the offer. This wasn’t going to be good. “Why do I need to sit down?” 

“Because I think it’ll be better if you do.” Jimmy shifted again, scooting closer to the bedside table. “I think it’ll be easier.” 

“Easier?” Alarms were ringing in Cas’s head. “Is this about Dean?” 

“A little. But it’s mostly about you and me. Sit down.” Jimmy’s eyes were tight around the corners and his chin was set. 

Castiel thought of refusing but then he sat. Fear was growing in his chest and he couldn’t seem to stop it. “What about you and me? Is this about what was or what is?” The more information he had, the more he’d be able to calm down. 

“Both.” 

That didn’t settle anything, so Cas’s stomach tied itself in knots. “Tell me.” 

“Back then… when it was just us.... “ Jimmy shook his head. “There’s no easy way to say this. We weren’t brothers. Not like we should have been.” 

“No, we were twins. As close as we could be.” 

“No, we were closer.” Jimmy’s voice was gentle as he corrected Cas. “You know we were. We were less like brothers and more like lovers.” The silence that stretched between them was deafening. Castiel’s chest had frozen. He knew this was the truth but they never talked about it. It was too shameful; their dirty little secret. He had only talked to Dean about this and those times, it was in the dark, wrapped in the comfort of Dean’s arms. Sure in his husband’s love. To hear it spoken aloud, in the light of Jimmy’s room was too much. But Jimmy kept talking. “I didn’t just hurt your feelings when I left. I broke your heart. My own heart too, if you want the truth.” 

Castiel didn’t know what to say. His mind was completely blank, not one thought running through it. His mouth, however, seemed to be able to move. “You broke your heart?” 

“Yeah.” Jimmy looked at him, the shame clear on his features. “I knew I shouldn’t want it… want you the way I did. I knew if we stayed the way we were, we would never change. You’d never meet someone, never get married. We would never have the kind of lives that people dreamed of. I had to… I had to make myself stop. I wanted you too much, I coveted your time and your affection. When people tried to get close to you, I chased them away, whispered in your ear that you didn’t need them. I was keeping you from living and I… just wouldn’t stop. So I made myself. I left and it was like leaving part of myself. I wanted to come back immediately, but that was wrong. It all was..” 

“Why?” His voice shook with emotion after hearing twenty years of Jimmy’s excuses all boil out. “Why tell me that now?” 

“Because my feelings haven’t changed.” Jimmy moved, shifting towards him. “ I still love you. I still want you.” 

“You can’t...there’s Dean now. You can’t….” The words won’t come but horror is settling over his body. Have they been talking about him? Have Dean and Jimmy been deciding who gets to stay and who goes behind his back?

“It’s not like that, Cas. I know there’s Dean to think about. He has his place here and he deserves to be loved.” Jimmy finally looked away, down into his lap. “It turns out he’s really easy to love too.” 

“You… love Dean?” That wasn’t what he had expected and he had no idea how to process it. “You and Dean? Does Dean feel the same way?” Suddenly, irrationally, he became worried that maybe Dean and Jimmy have been planning to leave him behind. Filled with raw emotion, some rage and some desperate sadness, he reached out and grabbed Jimmy. He didn’t know if he wanted to hurt him or hug him. “What are you saying to me?” 

Jimmy winced at the strength of his grasp. “I shouldn’t have told you this. It’s too much. I’m sorry. I just meant to tell you….” 

He couldn’t breathe. The air was coming in but it wasn’t reaching his lungs. His head swam. “What are you telling me?” 

“Cas, it’s not that bad! Dean and I just want a future where all of us can be together. All three of us.” 

The words fell over him but he couldn’t process them. How was he supposed to when he was already panicking? He ripped himself away from Jimmy and rushed to the door. His intention was to get out of there, just to think. This was all too much. Yes, he knew he and Jimmy had been in love all those years ago. And yes, he knew he still had feelings for Jimmy. Somehow adding Dean to this, thinking about all of it, was too overwhelming. He closed his hand over the doorknob but Jimmy was right behind him. 

“Wait!” Jimmy reached for him and took his arm. “We can get through this. Talk to me!” 

Shaking his head, Cas turned away again trying to open the door but his hand was numb and the knob wouldn’t turn. His breath stopped in his chest and his head swam and there was no sense or meaning. Everything was vanishing with the lack of air. 

“Jesus, Cas! Breathe!” Jimmy lurched forward, colliding with his back and wrapping his arms around him. His brother held tight, his arms around Cas’s midsection, which dislodged the breath in his chest and pushed it out. Once it was out, it was natural to breathe back in. He still couldn’t make sense of anything. 

Castiel hunched over, his eyes staring at the floor as tears dripped off his nose. He didn’t remember when he started crying. Jimmy was holding him tight and it helped. But it wasn’t what he needed. 

“There, that’s good. Keep breathing.” Jimmy’s voice sounded relieved but it was the wrong voice. It was good that Jimmy was there, but he wanted Dean. 

He tried to say it, parting his lips to speak his husband’s name but instead air rushed out and then back in. It was not helping. Jimmy was there, holding him and it was not helping. Nothing was helping. Suddenly his lack of air became too much air. Logically he knew that he was hyperventilating and that was bad. Unfortunately, he was unable to make it stop. 

“Shh, Cas it’s okay. I’m here and I’m not leaving. I swear I’ll never leave again.” 

The promise stuck in his chest but it didn’t help. He kept sucking in air rapidly, bending over double in Jimmy’s arm, his hands clenched into Jimmy’s forearms like a lifetime. 

“Shit! Shit!” Jimmy grasped him tighter and tried to force him up but Castiel stubbornly remained bent double. “Dean!” His voice was loud as he called. “Dean! Help!” 

The sound of pounding footsteps resounded down the hall and then Dean was there, standing in the doorway. “What the hell, Jimmy?” 

“I don’t know, he just panicked. He’s gonna pass out!” 

“What’s wrong with Uncle Cas?” Claire’s face swam out of the fog in the doorway and she looked pale and worried. He tried to smile at her but he couldn’t make his face move. 

“He’s having a panic attack.” Dean answered, his voice calm. “Jimmy, let’s get him to our bedroom. I’ve got some medicine he can take to calm down.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy scooted him forward, trying to walk them towards the door. “He’s got a death grip on me.” 

“It’ll be okay.” Dean was the calm in the eye of the storm, and suddenly Cas could feel Dean’s hands on him, helping him shuffle forward. 

“Uncle Cas?” A small hand stroked down Castiel’s back and he regretted making her worry. 

“He’ll be okay, Claire. Sometimes this happens.” Dean assured her. “Why don’t you go downstairs and make him a cup of tea. It’ll help.” 

“Okay, got it!” The sound of footsteps receded away. Together Dean and Jimmy shuffled him down the hallway until they were standing at the foot of their bed. Castiel didn’t remember how they got there at all. 

Dean’s hands were there, pressing something cool to his lips. “Come on, baby, swallow.” Castiel obeyed, accepting the sip of water and swallowing the pill. The moment he had it down, he lurched into Dean’s body. 

“There you are.” His speech was slurred and he didn’t know why. 

“Yeah, here I am. Come on, sit down on the bed.” 

Castiel did what was asked of him, his breathing slowly coming back under control. He had no idea how long he sat there, trying to gain control again. As the excess oxygen cleared away, he began to see again. Jimmy was beside him, hovering.

Dean was standing before him, his brow wrinkled in concern. “Are you back?” 

Castiel nodded slowly. “I… think so.” 

“Good. Keep breathing… slowly.” 

Claire clattered into the room. “I’ve got the tea.” 

“Bring it here.” 

A warm mug was pressed into his hands. “There, Uncle Cas. I made the flower stuff you like so much.” 

A slow smile spread on his face. “Thank you, Claire.” 

“Are you okay now?” She still looked incredibly worried. 

“Yes. The medicine helps. It makes me sleepy though.” He could feel the beginnings of it pulling at his awareness. “I’ll be better in the morning.” He brought the tea to his lips and sipped it. “Thank you.” 

Claire smiled at him and Jimmy put a hand on her head, smoothing her hair. “Why don’t you go upstairs, sweetie. Dean and I will get him to bed.” 

Claire looked at them doubtfully before finally nodding. “Okay.” 

They all watched her go. When the door to her room upstairs finally slammed shut, Dean looked at Jimmy. “What the hell happened?” 

“I tried to talk about my feelings for him. Except he’d noticed that you and I have been talking and he knew we had a secret. I tried to explain but it was too much.” Jimmy hunched his shoulders, looking from Dean back to Castiel. 

“He’s right here.” Cas balanced the mug of tea on his knee. 

“I know, baby.” Dean slipped down to his knees before Cas. “What do you need?” 

“Is it true? Do you love Jimmy?” 

“I think it would be easy to get there. I definitely have some romantic feelings.”

Cas looked at Jimmy. “And you still love me?” 

“I don’t think I ever stopped.” Jimmy walked forward slowly before finally sitting on the bed next to Castiel. “I just want to be happy here. With you. With Dean. All of us.” 

“This is a lot.” 

“I know, Baby. Jimmy was just going to talk about you two. We weren’t going to talk about the poly thing until later.” Dean reached for his free hand and took it. “We won’t do anything until you’re sure.” 

Castiel looked between them, from Jimmy to Dean. Jimmy looked like his heart was in his throat. Dean’s heart was in his eyes. He could see the man he loved there before him, suffering because Castiel was struggling. It helped him pull it together. “Okay.” 

“Okay, what?” 

“If you both want it, then we should try it.” Castiel’s voice was firm as he tipped up the cup of tea and sipped. “I want that. I want us to be happy. I want Jimmy back.” He squeezed Dean’s hand. “But I’m never, never letting you go.” 

Dean smiled, chuckling softly. “I know. I’m not letting you go either. We said something about til death do us part, if I remember right.” 

“Good.” Castiel turned to Jimmy. At his side, his brother looked like a wreck. He was shaking a little. “I want to trust you again. I love you and I want to love you. But I need… time, before we move forward.” 

“Of course. You take the time you need.” Jimmy was quick to answer. 

“I want you and Dean to figure things out between you first.” 

“Cas…” Dean was quick to jump in. 

“No, this is what I want. I know where I stand with you. I need you and Jimmy to figure out things between you. How attracted you are to each other, if you can have sex. While you work on that, I’ll figure things out with Jimmy. That’s what I need.” He looked sternly between them, even as his eyelids drooped. 

“Whatever you need.” Dean promised. 

“Good.” He pushed the mug of tea into Dean’s hands. “I’m going to sleep now. You two figure it out.” He turned to Jimmy and reached for him. After a moment, Jimmy finally got it and fell into his arms. “I do love you. I just need time.” 

Jimmy’s arms came around his back and squeezed him back. “Thank you, Cas. This means so much to me.” 

Castiel let him go and began scooting up the bed. On the way he stripped out of his pants, then tugged his sweater vest off. Catching on, Dean came to him and unbuttoned his shirt, leaving him in his undershirt and his boxers. “Goodnight.” He told them firmly, then crawled beneath the covers. 

“Goodnight, Baby.” Dean’s lips pressed into his forehead but Castiel was already drifting. He fell asleep before they left the room.

***

Dean followed Jimmy from their bedroom, though he stopped in the doorway to look at his sleeping husband. He was a little worried about this plan of Cas’s, mostly because they hadn’t had a chance to really talk about it. Sure, Cas had told them what he wanted and he’d been pretty clear about it, but that was after a panic attack and on xanax. He turned his eyes from the sleeping lump in the bed and found Jimmy waiting on him in the hall. Jimmy looked just as troubled as Dean felt. Dean licked his lips and pointed down the hall. “Let’s talk in your room.” 

Jimmy nodded once, and started that way then he stopped at the base of the stairs. “Maybe I should tell Claire that Cas is alright.” 

Dean checked the time on the phone. They’d gone upstairs early and still had another two hours until Claire went to bed. “I think she’s okay. She mostly was finished up with her project. By now she’s on her phone.” 

Jimmy hesitated before he turned away towards his bedroom. “Alright. Come on in.” He walked into the room and sat heavily on his bed, laying his elbows on his knees so he was hunched over. He buried his fingers in his hair and was resting his forehead in the palms of his hands. 

“Are you alright?” It seemed Jimmy was rattled by what had happened with Cas. 

His shoulders shook and for a moment, Dean was afraid he was crying but when he looked up, his eyes were dry. “It’s just… I did that to him. He didn't have panic attacks when we were young. Yes, he would get upset if something overwhelmed him but he would go lay down until he was calm again. He never freaked out like that.” 

“Yeah.” Dean turned to close the door on the off chance that Claire would come down the stairs. “Look, it doesn’t really happen that often these days but it does happen. We have the meds and it was fine. He calmed down and he thought about what he wanted. He told us what he wanted us to do.” 

“And what was up with that?” Jimmy’s brow was knit as he sat up straight. “Did he honestly just tell us to come over here and have sex?” 

Dean chuckled. “Maybe? I don’t know. He said he wanted us to feel those things out. Nothing says we have to do that now but it is a concern. I mean, have you ever been with a man?” 

“Uh no.” Jimmy looked away, his cheeks coloring. “But I have spent half my life wanting my brother sexually.” 

“Do you want me sexually?” Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered away from the bed, his eyes passing over shelves that now contained odds and ends that were presumably important to Jimmy. He knew they had to tackle this; it had already been an emotional night however part of Dean just wanted to get this over with. 

“Yes?” 

When Dean turned around, Jimmy wasn’t looking at him either, his eyes were on the stack of papers sitting on his bedside table. “You aren’t sure?” 

“I mean, I’m mostly sure. I have the… the thoughts and the fantasies, you know.” Jimmy’s eyes flicked to Dean, centered on his face before dropping to his lips. The look lasted a second, a hesitation before Jimmy’s eyes came back. “I mean, I’ve never even kissed a man.” 

“Well, that’s something that we could test out easily.” Dean’s heart sped a little bit, both nerves and excitement. He wasn’t sure about the timing but a kiss or two wouldn’t hurt anything if Jimmy was up to it. 

“Now?” Jimmy looked at him wide eyed, Dean would have been able to read the expression on Cas, but it was hard to parse out on Jimmy. Maybe he was the same as Dean, a little nervous and a little excited. 

“It doesn’t have to be now.” Dean said reassuringly. 

Jimmy licked his lips as he looked up at Dean. “Should we talk now?” 

“Sure. We can talk about whatever you want to talk about.” Dean nodded his head towards the bed. “Can I sit?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Jimmy smoothed out the bedspread next to him. “Please do.” 

“So polite.” Dean chuckled as he sat down. “Cas is that way too.” 

“That was our parents.” Jimmy said with a shrug. “They were pretty strict about manners. They were probably harder on me than Cas, he’s always been polite.” 

“And you were the little hellion.” 

“I don’t know if I would go that far but I broke more rules. I don’t know. I’ve always been louder and had more issues keeping myself still. Cas would read for hours but man, that was so boring!” 

“I can see it. Little Cas with his books and you climbing the walls.” 

“Man that was life. I’m sure you knew that though.” 

“Not really. Cas doesn’t talk much about you guys as kids. It used to be that he would go silent when he’d come close to mentioning your name. That’s how I knew stories were about you, he’d just clam up.” 

“So you’ve been learning a lot.” 

“I have, listening to you guys talk about your past has been great. I’ve enjoyed watching Cas glow as he’s been able to reclaim that part of himself.” 

Jimmy nodded sagely. “I don’t know if we’re supposed to talk about Cas. We’re supposed to talk about us.” 

“Mmm, I guess, but you know, I think we already know each other pretty well. You’ve been living with me for a full year. You like pizza and lasagna best. You drag your feet about doing dishes because you don’t like to get your clothes wet. You love your daughter and work your ass off to provide for her. You’ve got your pride, I knew things were dire when you approached me for money because you like to be self-sufficient. I think that’s hard won for you too… you leaned on both Cas and Amelia and you didn’t like it. You try to lean on me and then you stop yourself but man, you gotta know that leaning on people from time to time is okay.”

Jimmy was fully red in the face now. “Okay, I guess you do know me.” 

“Well, yeah, it’s called life. We’ve been living it together. What’s my favorite food?” 

Jimmy frowns at him. “It’s either burgers or pie.” 

“Yeah, pie first and then burgers.” Dean laughed because he always considered himself a simple man with simple pleasures. 

“You love your car, like really love your car. It has a name and you check on it every week, which Dean, is a little excessive.” 

“Hey! Baby is an old girl. She needs proper care.” 

“You talk to your brother at least two or three times a week. You’ve turned down higher paying jobs just to stay here with him. Family is probably the most important thing to you.” 

“Yeah.” Dean was beginning to see how this could be a little embarrassing but it also was kind of heartening to hear how much Jimmy had picked up being around him. 

“You love Castiel most of all. You two have a tight relationship with each other and I… I want to honor that. It makes me confused because I also want in so badly it hurts.” He balled his hand into a fist and placed it in the center of his chest. “I want you to be happy but I want you to be happy with me.” 

Dean reached out and took Jimmy’s hand, gently wrapping his fingers around his fist. “Man, you can have that. My brother’s proof of that. I was there when it was just him and Eileen you know. I remember them adding Rowena and it made them stronger. They got happier, with each other and with Rowena. It can work.” 

“But can it work for us?” Jimmy’s fingers tensed then he began to relax his fist. Soon his palm was sitting in Dean’s hand.

“I have faith.” Dean wasn’t sure where it had come from but he had it. They’d lived all this time with Cas loving both Dean and Jimmy and while Dean had his moments of fear, he always knew Castiel loved him. “Cas loves you. I know that. You love him. I think I’m well on my way to loving you. If you’re on your way to loving me, all that’s left is to work out the physical stuff.” 

“You want to… have sex with me?” Jimmy’s hand tensed again but didn’t move. 

“Why don’t we start with a kiss and see what happens? We’ll know right away if it works.” 

“That’s… reasonable.” Jimmy turned to look at him expectantly. His cheeks were colored still, the red staining down his neck. He licked his lips and tilted his chin up though, putting off all the signals that he was waiting for a kiss. 

Okay then. Dean could kiss him. He moved in slowly, giving Jimmy the chance to change his mind. The man didn’t move so Dean brought their lips together. Jimmy’s lips were soft and full, they felt a little like Cas’s lips, of course but he tasted completely different. Dean chased that, tilting his head to fit their lips together more fully. It wasn’t a deep kiss, however, Dean could feel the rising want between them. Underneath his hands, Jimmy moaned. It sounded completely different to his ears, Jimmy’s voice was not as deep or gravely as Cas’s and the sounds he made, although not the same, were so, so good. 

Dean pulled back a fraction of an inch to look at Jimmy and was surprised by what he found. Jimmy’s pupils were wide and black and he looked wrecked by just the kiss. His hands, on Dean’s arms, were gripping him tight. “It’s been so long.” He breathed before lurching back in towards Dean, and then they were kissing again. This time the kiss got heated quickly; before Dean even had time to breathe he felt Jimmy’s tongue at his lips. He let it in, eager to greet it with his own tongue before giving way to let Jimmy explore. 

Unable to stop himself, Dean catalogued the differences between Jimmy and Cas. Cas was always large and in charge. He was forceful in his passions and rarely hesitated to take what he wanted from Dean. Jimmy had a much lighter touch; he’d asked for permission to enter instead of demanded, his tongue swept through Dean’s mouth lightly, touching delicately as he learned the contours and shape of Dean. He was also vocal; he made these little noises — soft sighs and tiny moans whereas Cas was often more quiet, holding his sounds inside until they were naked and moving together. Jimmy’s arms surged around Dean and pulled him in and even now there were differences. Cas clung to Dean, holding him tight as if he never wanted to let him go. Jimmy held him lightly, his arms circling, his fingers running up and down Dean’s spine. Dean felt treasured, like something precious that Jimmy didn’t want to break. In the absence of Cas’s firmer hold, Dean felt himself clinging to Jimmy, his fingers sliding through the man’s hair to keep him close.

“Dean.” Dean’s name was different on Jimmy’s lips, spoken urgently as Jimmy broke away from his lips and began to kiss his way down Dean’s neck. “Can I?” 

“Yeah, whatever you want.” Dean’s own voice was sluggish, drunk on just this — a few kisses. He shifted himself back on the bed, lying down to offer himself to Jimmy’s exploration. Jimmy followed him, his body tucked at Dean’s side as Jimmy found the sensitive place behind Dean’s ear. His hands gently navigated the plains of Dean’s chest, lightly tripping over nipples. When he heard the gasp that pulled from Dean, he did it again. Dean squirmed beneath the touch, letting Jimmy tease him until he simply couldn’t take it anymore. “Get up here.” He grunted as he grabbed Jimmy’s shoulder and pulled him up so Dean could get his lips back on him. 

Determined to find what Jimmy liked, Dean took his lips again and this time, he begged entrance and got it. He found that Jimmy was tolerant of direct contact but he really liked to be teased. Hard pushes made him give way, but light touches made him chase. He appreciated teeth to his lower lip but only a little. Any place on his neck was a good place to kiss and nipping his throat made him roll his body against Dean. Dean could feel the evidence of Jimmy’s desire against his hip and it made him yearn to touch and please. He rolled towards Jimmy, placing a hand on his face and pulled back, creating a tiny space between their lips. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” Jimmy looked drugged as he nuzzled against Dean’s cheek before teasing his earlobe with his teeth. 

“You okay?” Dean was kicking himself for even asking, however Sam had been pretty firm about open and honest communication. 

“Very okay.” Jimmy’s hand swept down Dean’s side to land on his hips. “It’s been so long since anyone has touched me. It’s… heady.” 

“And you want me to touch you.” 

Jimmy kissed the spot underneath Dean’s ear again, which made him squirm. He was holding back from pressing his very hard cock into Jimmy’s body. “Yes, Dean. I want you to touch me.”

So Dean touched him. His hands went to the hem of Jimmy’s shirt and dipped inside, intent on exploring the man’s skin. His fingers found the dip of his navel and also noted he was a little ticklish (Cas was not). He traced upwards, learning the shape of his muscular chest. As his hands traveled the shirt inched up and up until Jimmy pulled it completely off. Dean noticed that his chest was smooth and unblemished, without a mole above his nipple. (Cas had one there and it drew Dean’s tongue for teasing unfailingly.) He learned that Jimmy’s nipples were sensitive but nowhere near as sensitive as Dean’s were. He drew his hands back down, sliding over Jimmy’s sides then resting on his hips. Jimmy’s hips were much like Cas’s, sharp enough to cut glass and that drew his lips, making Jimmy arch and moan beneath him.

It was a natural progression to follow the line, peeling back the lounge pants that Jimmy wore. He kept Jimmy’s cock covered but was ever aware of it twitching by the side of his face. There was a dark spot over the tip, where Jimmy was already leaking. And Dean, Dean was already so carried away that he didn’t think much about detaching his mouth from the crease between hip and groin to mouth at the head through the soft fabric of the pants.

“Dean!” Jimmy reacted suddenly, his body was tense as a string as his hips shot up and his back curled off the bed. He was wrapped around Dean, his chest now above Dean’s head. 

It snapped Dean out of the haze he’d been in. “Shit.” He breathed, pulling in the scent of arousal and precum. “Too much?” 

“Too good.” Jimmy panted, his fingers curling into Dean’s hair. “I… don’t know if it’s too much. Cas…” 

“Cas gave us a command to figure this stuff out. He’ll only be upset if we don’t see to it fast enough to meet his expectations.”

This seemed to ease Jimmy and he lay back down, his fingers still in Dean’s hair. 

“Let me make you feel good.” If anything, Jimmy deserved the break. It was clear he hadn’t been touched in a long time, maybe not even by his own hand. Dean certainly wasn’t going to ask.

“O...okay.” Jimmy’s hands tightened in Dean’s hair but that’s all he did. 

So Dean did the rest. He peeled off the lounge pants and underwear letting Jimmy’s cock spring free. He greeted it with his lips, getting acquainted while Jimmy moaned his pleasure. When he took it into his mouth the first time, Jimmy’s hips tried to fly up off the bed and only Dean’s hands on them kept him from getting that dick down his throat. Not that he would have minded, Cas certainly didn’t mind using him a little hard and Dean loved that. 

Jimmy, however, was used to having a lover who needed delicate handling. “Sorry. Dean… I’m sorry.” He stroked Dean’s face. 

Dean shook his head and proceeded to swallow Jimmy down, which cut off all the apologies, the words morphing into a heartfelt groan. Dean took his time and enjoyed himself, once again learning what it was Jimmy liked. He was an old hand at pleasing Cas and knew what got him off, but Jimmy was a different beast. He liked it when Dean stayed shallow, focusing on the head of his dick and teasing the slit with his tongue. He was less impressed by Dean’s ability to deep throat but did like to shallowly thrust into his mouth. He babbled a little as he came apart beneath Dean’s hands, never really making much sense, just words of praise for how good Dean’s mouth was. When he finally came apart, it was on a shout that he muffled with his hand, his hips once again thrusting forward as Dean swallowed him down. His tension eased immediately and he lay boneless on the bed. 

Smiling, Dean tucked him back into his pants and eased his way up his body. “Good?” 

Jimmy pulled him down into a kiss. “Incredibly good.” There was a little bit of tongue and some teeth before he spoke again. “Dean, your mouth. I’m speechless.” 

Dean winked. “That’s the sign of a good orgasm.” 

Jimmy’s hands stroked down Dean’s back and curved over his ass. “I should do something for you.” 

True enough, Dean was hard in his jeans, but he wasn’t worried about it. “Nah, this was for you. To see if you wanted me.”

“I disagree. This was also for you. To see if you wanted me back.” Jimmy’s hands stroked the curves of his ass, squeezing and releasing. 

“What? You think I’ll suck anyone’s dick?” 

Jimmy gave him an unimpressed look. “Please. It’s important that you figure out if you like the touch of my hand. It’s not the same as Cas.” 

Okay, that was true. Dean shifted on the bed to lay himself out next to Jimmy. “Touch away.” 

Jimmy did. His hands were lighter than Cas’s, his grip less firm and not as demanding. Where Cas went after Dean’s pleasure with a single minded purpose, Jimmy tripped his way to it with light fingers. He swept Dean’s clothes off and spent a long time just nibbling at his nipples watching him squirm with delight. When he reached Dean’s pants, he slowed down a little, his touch becoming more tentative as he felt his way through handling someone else’s dick for the first time. The touch of his hand was no less pleasurable, for all that it was very exploratory. He stroked Dean, using his precum to slick the way, testing pressure until he found the right one. At that point, it started to become a very good handjob, then Jimmy surprised him. He licked the head of Dean’s cock. 

Dean laced his fingers in Jimmy’s hair. “You don’t have to do that on your first time out, man.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “I know how good it feels. I want to do that for you.” He went back to work. He never took Dean very deep, mostly focusing on suckling at the head of his dick while his hands stroked the shaft, but that was a hell of a thing. Dean had been so pent up that he was on the edge in no time at all. 

With his fingers in Jimmy’s hair still, he tugged his head off. “Gonna come. Don’t think you’re ready for that yet.” 

Jimmy nodded and stroked Dean the rest of the way there. The orgasm left Dean feeling loose and happy. He pulled Jimmy back up to him, rolling so his softening cock was pressed against the man’s lounge pants. “Pretty good?” 

Jimmy nodded. “Pretty good.” 

They lay together in what was definitely a cuddle until the alarm on Jimmy’s phone went off. “Shit! I have to put Claire to bed.” 

“I’ll make sure you’re presentable.” They wiped Jimmy down and changed his pants. “You’re good to go.” 

“Thanks Dean.” 

Instead of answering, Dean stepped in and kissed him again. “I’m going to go lay down with Cas. Will you be okay?” 

Jimmy smiled. “I can face the rest of the night on my own.” 

“If you need me…” 

“...I know where to find you.” 

Dean followed him from the room, then after watching Jimmy climb the stairs to Claire’s room, Dean headed for his bedroom. Cas still lay where he’d been left, deeply asleep. Dean smiled at his husband and crawled into bed behind him. This could work. They could have it all and that was enough to set his heart at ease, allowing him to sleep. 


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Castiel woke with his alarm and climbed out of bed, however, it was with the feeling that the world had completely changed. Dean lay next to him, oblivious to the world and lightly snoring as he usually did. He smiled to himself and moved off to shower and dress for the day. As he stood before the mirror, shaving with a towel around his hips, Dean came into the bathroom, his hair sticking up at odd angles as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. 

“‘Morning, Sunshine.” He bent over to place a kiss to Castiel’s shoulder before moving into the portion of the bathroom with the shower and toilet, closing the door. 

Castiel finished shaving, expecting Dean to get into the shower, however, after flushing the toilet and washing his hands, Dean was back. He stood behind Castiel, his arms around his waist and was kissing the back of his neck. “You’re affectionate this morning.” Cas reached behind himself to catch Dean’s hair with his fingers. 

“Love you.” Dean said as Cas pulled his head up. 

In the mirror, Cas noticed a colored patch of skin on Dean’s neck. He froze for a moment, knowing that he hadn’t put it there, then he remembered what he’d told Dean and Jimmy to do last night. “Did you and Jimmy work things out?” He kept his voice carefully neutral. 

“We came to an understanding.” Dean said, his voice equally careful. 

Cas turned in his arms and laid a finger over the mark on his neck. “One that involved his mouth on your neck.” It wasn’t really a question and he wasn’t really angry. He didn’t know how he felt. 

“I… you told us to figure out if we wanted each other physically.” Dean was stiff in his arms and when Cas looked up it was to see that his eyes were wide and his cheeks pale. “I… we wanted to figure it out.” 

“I did tell you to do that.” Castiel kept his voice calm, reassuring him. Until he had a suspicion that he instantly put his voice to. “Are you giving me extra affection because you feel guilty?” 

“What?” Dean backed up a step, however Castiel didn’t let him go. “No! I’m giving you extra affection because I love you and am happy.” 

“That’s… good.” He could feel his eyes narrowing and fought it. He wasn’t jealous right now, not really. He didn’t know how he felt but if he said that, Dean would be upset all day. “I want you to be happy. I’m glad Jimmy can do that.” 

Dean sighed. “Baby, this isn’t about Jimmy making me happy. This is about making you happy.” 

“Me?” Cas didn’t know what to make of that. 

“Yes. You’ve spent years wanting Jimmy to come back. Just wanting Jimmy. I know you love me but I also know you’ve always loved him. I can give that to you. You can have both. I was just… you know, happy that it looked like it might work.” 

Even without knowing how he felt, Castiel knew what he should say to Dean. “I want you to be happy too.” 

“I am happy, baby.” Dean leaned down to kiss him softly. “I want this to work. For you. For us. Okay?” 

Doubt roiled in Castiel’s gut but he tried to keep it from his face, leaning in to kiss Dean again. “Go shower. I need to dress or we’ll both be late.” 

Dean looked at him suspiciously, but did as suggested, but not before pulling Castiel in and holding him tight. Castiel soaked up the affection, firm in the knowledge that Dean loved him and always would. 

Once downstairs, the house was busy as always. Jimmy was kissing Claire’s head and on his way out the door. He took a moment to throw a smile to Castiel as he went. 

Sitting at the table, Claire was poking a bowl of oatmeal, clearly made by her father. “Dean’s late.” 

Castiel couldn’t keep in the chuckle. “Yes, we were being gross old men. I can make you some toast if the oatmeal doesn’t suit you.” 

Claire made a face at him, probably about the gross old men comment, but in the end, she said, “Yeah, Dad’s oatmeal is gross. He never uses enough water and it’s always crunchy.” 

Castiel moved to the toaster where he busied himself making peanut butter toast for himself and Claire. He passed it off to her while sticking the corner of his toast in his mouth. He grabbed his lunch out of the fridge while he chewed. “Have a good day at school!” 

“Thanks, Uncle Cas.” Claire answered as she waved him out the door. 

Having successfully gotten out of the house without further raising Dean’s suspicions was definitely a bonus. His tension, however, hadn’t eased and that was immediately noticeable at work. 

“Ach! Had a wee tiff with Dean this morning, did we?” Rowena asked from the desk as he walked into the clinic.

Cas frowned at her while tilting his head. “No, we didn’t fight.” 

Rowena’s brow wrinkled in concern. “Then what’s wrong, dearie?” 

“Nothing!” Cas denied as he hurried past the frowning redhead. 

He almost got to his office before Meg stopped him. “Are you okay?” 

Sighing, he covered his face with his hand. “It’s fine.” 

“No one buys that, Clarence.”

“Can I just say I’m not ready to talk about it yet?” 

“You can.” Meg patted his face none too gently. “We only ask out of love.” 

Castiel untangled himself and went into his office. He didn’t want their concern right now. He wanted to be lost in his own thoughts. Luckily, the schedule was full today and he was quickly absorbed by his work. He stayed that way until it was time for lunch. He sat at his desk to eat, thus avoiding the breakroom where Rowena and Meg would be. He’d barely taken the first bite of his sandwich when someone knocked on the door. “Come in.” He called in resignation

It was Rowena. “You left this at the vitals station.” She put his cell phone on his desk. 

“Thank you.” He tapped the screen to see that he had no messages. He looked up, expecting Rowena to just leave, as she always took every second of her lunch time, but instead she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. 

“This is about your brother.” She said after a long moment. 

Castiel tried to keep on his poker face but he was so shocked by her intuition that he felt the color drain from his face. “How do you know that?” 

“When you fight with Dean, you…” She leaned over the desk to poke him in the nose. “...become a grumpy Gus. You aren’t grumpy. You’re blank. Like no one’s home.” She stood there expectantly, but when he didn’t answer her, she sighed. “Fine. You don’t have to talk to me. Would you talk to Eileen?” 

Slowly, he nodded. He trusted Eileen. “I… yes.” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Rowena, it was simply that he hadn’t known her for as long as he’d known Eileen. 

“Go on and text her then.” Again, Rowena watched him with expectant eyes. 

When it became clear she wasn’t going to leave, he picked up the phone and tapped out a message. 

_ Me: Eileen, would you have some time to talk to me today? _

He turned frustrated eyes on Rowena. “I’ve texted her. Are you happy?” 

She turned on a beaming smile and patted his cheek. She was a lot more gentle than Meg had been. “Yes! Now I can eat my lunch.” She whirled and was gone, leaving the scent of her perfume wafting in the room. 

His phone pinged. 

_ Eileen: Of course. Are you alright? _

_ Me: I… don’t know. I think I need advice.  _

_ Me: About Dean and Jimmy. _

_ Eileen: I understand. When do you want to talk? _

_ Me: Today. Can it be today? _

_ Eileen: Sure. Why don’t we meet for dinner at that Bistro we both like? _

_ Me: 5:30? _

_ Eileen: Definitely.  _

With a sigh, Castiel put his phone away. Knowing that he had someone to talk to made him feel better and he easily got through the rest of his day. He bid Meg and Rowena a good day with the promise that he was going to have dinner with Eileen, which both of them accepted. Dean, however, was suspicious.

_ Dean: What? You won’t be home for dinner?  _

_ Me: No, I’m meeting Eileen.  _

_ Dean: Is everything okay? _

_ Me: Everything is fine. I just haven’t had a chance to catch up with Eileen in awhile. You know I can’t do it when everyone is over for dinner.  _

_ Dean: … _

_ Dean: Okay, baby. We’ll talk when you get home. _

There really had been no way to avoid upsetting Dean, however. Dean knew that Castiel was a creature of habit and every deviation from those habits signalled that something was off. He couldn’t help that was the way he functioned. Hopefully, he’d talk to Eileen and everything would be more clear. He went straight to the bistro mentioned and for once was earlier than her. He got them a good table, one that was out of the way, tucked in a corner away from most other diners. He immediately waved her over when he saw her. 

She was smiling as he approached. “Cas!” 

Cas stood up to accept her hug, returning it in kind. Once they sat down, he greeted her so she could see both his lips and his hands. “Hello, Eileen.” 

Eileen waited until they ordered, but once the waiter walked away, she immediately cut to the chase. “So, what’s going on?”

Cas sighed and ran his hand over his face. “It’s Jimmy...we had a very interesting talk last night.”

She didn’t respond, instead Eileen gestured that he should continue.

He sighed again, closing his eyes, and letting his breath out in a whoosh. Then, he just said it. “Jimmy told me that he is still in love with me and that he’s also falling in love with Dean and...suggested that we should all be together.” Cas didn’t even consider that Eileen might be in the dark about his past, or that she might not be okay with it.

Eileen smiled brightly and clapped her hands together. “That’s fantastic news!”

Cas gaped at her. “What do you mean ‘fantastic news’?”

“You can all just be together and be happy. No more tension, no more insecurities. If everyone knows where they stand now, you guys can move forward.”

“But what if this isn’t what I want? What if this isn’t what they want?”

She frowned at him. “Did they say that’s what they wanted?”

“Yes...but….”

“But what?”

“Jimmy left me once...what if he leaves again? Then not only will my heart break again, he could break Dean’s heart. I can’t...I won’t let that happen.”

Eileen reached across the table and patted Cas on the hand. “Love is always a risk, Cas. You should know that already.” She paused for a second considering, then added, “Or maybe you don’t. You’ve been in love with exactly two people, huh? One who hurt you in the worst way possible, and one who has been everything you ever needed. Love was never a risk with Dean, was it?”

“No, not at all.”

“Jimmy is the wild card. He doesn’t have the best track record with you. But he was what? 18 when he left? In case you don’t remember, 18 year olds don’t always make the best decisions. If you decide this is the relationship you want, you have to trust that Jimmy knows better now and that he loves you enough to not hurt you like that again.” Eileen paused long enough to let that sink in. After a few minutes, she asked, “How does Dean feel about this? Is he open to it?”

Cas nodded. “Oh yeah, he is completely on board. He’s so on board that he and Jimmy have already had...relations.” He wasn’t bitter about it, because it was his idea for them to see if they were compatible...except he was a little bitter because everything was moving so fast.

“You know you’ll have Dean’s support, no matter how you decide to handle this, right? And you know there’s no wrong way to have a relationship. Even if you and Jimmy decided not to become romantic together and just be with Dean. Even if you decide that polyamory isn’t for you at all and you and Dean continue like you are and leave your brother pining for you both. The only people who get to define your relationship are you.”

He considered her words for a moment. “I guess I have to figure out what it is that I want. How did you and Sam figure this out?” Cas knew that Sam and Eileen had been together for a long time, but pretty much the entire time that he knew them, they were developing their poly relationship.

Eileen smiled as she recounted her memories. “You probably know that Sam and I were highschool sweethearts. We were pretty much together from that first day in homeroom.” She chuckled. “We went to college together, and being there, away from home, we started to learn who we were becoming as people. It was only there, away from my Irish Catholic parents that I realized I was bisexual. I didn’t want to break up with Sam. We loved each other fiercely, even then...but l wanted— I needed to figure out this other part of myself. At first, we decided to just see other people on the side, but very quickly realized that wasn’t fair to ourselves or our other partners. We were so young, it took us a while to figure out how to navigate, but we decided that as long as we were open with each other about who else we were seeing, and open with our dates about that fact that Sam and I were it for each other, we started to make things work.” 

She stopped talking when the food came, just long enough for them to start eating. “It was a year before it even occurred to us that we could date the same person and all three of us be together in a relationship. It was when Sam started dating Jessica. When I met her, I was immediately smitten. Tall, long legs, blonde hair. I think you met her at some point.” She looked to Cas for confirmation and when he nodded, she continued on. “Anyway, Sam saw the way I looked at her. We talked about it, and when I told him that I had a crush on her, he brought the idea to Jess and she was on board. Eventually she figured out that kind of relationship wasn’t really for her. It made us sad, broke our hearts even, but we understood.”

She still looked a little sad about it, however, when she continued talking, her face brightened a bit. “It was a great learning experience for me and Sam, though. That was when we started to realize that we didn’t want to date anyone else unless we were both involved with the same person. Of course, it took us so long to find Rowena that we tried dating separately again. But for us, it was never as fulfilling as when we could find that one person who wanted to be with both of us.” She shrugged. “But it’s not that way for everyone. Some people are a triangle, like us. Some people are a V, where person A and person B both date person C but don’t date each other. Some people are a square. It’s really up to the people involved and how they prefer their relationship dynamics.” Silence fell on the table again before Eileen asked, “Did any of this help you at all?”

Cas was listening with his arms crossed over his chest but he wasn’t sure if it helped or not. He was still thinking about it. “I know that Dean and Jimmy want the triangle arrangement. Jimmy was clear that he still wanted me.” 

“But do you want Jimmy? I think that’s the issue.” 

“I…” Castiel really thought about this all day, however when pressed, an answer was slow in coming. “It’s been great having him back. I never stopped missing him. In a way, maybe I never stopped wanting him. I just stopped thinking about it.” 

“And now?” 

“I want what they are offering. I want it to work.” He looked at her, knowing his expression was raw. “I’m terrified. Being hurt that badly… I’m not sure I could survive it again.” 

“Things are different now.” Eileen pointed out between sips of water. “You had to face that hurt all alone, didn’t you? That made it worse.” 

“Dean was there. He was there that morning when I was so stunned by Jimmy’s departure. We moved in together the same day that Jimmy left me. I’ve never been on my own, I guess, even though I didn’t really depend on Dean back then. He was just my roommate with the sunny smile who wouldn’t leave me alone.” 

Eileen smiled. “Well, if Jimmy left again, Dean would still be there. Maybe you’d both be heartbroken, but you’d have each other. And you have us. If anyone understands that sort of pain, it’s Sam and I. We’d be here for you and Dean.” 

Thinking about it that way made it feel a little better. The thought of losing Jimmy a second time was a hurt that threatened to overtake him; but the want he felt for Jimmy was just as strong. “Jimmy has promised to never do what he did again but….” 

“But promises are easy.” Eileen finished for him.

Castiel was often amazed at how smart and intuitive Eileen was. “Yes, they are.” 

“I still think Jimmy now is a different man. He has a family and he puts them first; that’s you too. He has to know that leaving would hurt you. But, Cas, there aren’t any guarantees. You have to decide if the risk of losing Jimmy is worth what you’ll get instead.” 

Was it really worth it? Castiel already knew the answer to that. It’s what his heart wanted. “I… think maybe it is.” He risked a small smile at her. Eileen beamed back. “Thank you, Eileen. This was just what I needed.” 

“You’re welcome!” Eileen winked at him. “And we got to have a nice dinner with each other!” 

“True. Though I am missing meatloaf.” 

“You’ll have it again next week.” 

“Yes, of course.” With that, they turned to talk of other things, however, Castiel felt ten times lighter. 

***

Dean had been buzzing with nerves through dinner. So much so, that he’d cleaned the stove and the floors in the kitchen while waiting for Cas to come home. Jimmy had come in once to check on him, having already picked up that this was a sign something was off for Dean. Dean wanted to brush him off, but remembered that Sam had emphasized the importance of open and honest communication. So Dean had sucked it up and explained. 

“I just think something is off with Cas. He never deviates from the schedule unless something’s wrong.” 

Jimmy just nodded. “I guess that’s true. Is he upset that we… you know?” 

“I don’t know. He mentioned it this morning but I couldn’t tell what he thought. He pokered up while we were getting ready and then he was gone by the time I got downstairs.” 

“I saw him this morning, he looked like he always did. He even smiled at me before I left.” 

“Hmm. Well, he won’t stay out with Eileen too long. When he gets home I’m gonna talk to him.” 

“Just you?” Jimmy looked a little worried. “What if it’s about me?” 

“Oh, I’m sure it’s about you.” Dean shrugged. “That said, I don’t want a repeat of last night. We’ll never get an answer out of him if we keep overwhelming him so he has to take his meds.” 

“True.” Jimmy backed towards the kitchen door, though he looked sad about it. “I guess I’ll make myself scarce then.” 

“Wait, Jimmy.” He made his way to the man and pulled him in. He risked kissing him on the lips. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just think one of us should approach him. You did last night so it’s my turn.” 

Jimmy grumbled about it but he accepted the kiss. “You’re right. Tell me when you talk to him?” 

“You got it.” 

Jimmy left and Dean felt like the air had gone out of the room with him. The waiting was easier with someone else there. Thankfully, Jimmy had only been gone about ten minutes when Cas came in. Dean immediately stood up from where he’d been sitting at the table. “Hey, baby.” He wasted no time in crossing the room to go to Cas’s side to give him a kiss.

Cas squinted his eyes suspiciously. “Were you waiting for me?” 

“I was.” Dean didn’t bother to lie. “What? You had to know that I’d know something was up.” 

Cas’s shoulders dropped a little. “I know. I didn’t want to worry you.” 

“I….” Dean was worried, and while he considered lying about it, he didn’t. “Of course I’m worried. You had a panic attack last night over this and then Jimmy and I moved fast. Probably too fast for you.” 

“It has happened fast but maybe it needed to.” Castiel reached up and once again touched his fingers to the purple mark at the side of Dean’s throat. “No matter how slowly you moved it would have been too fast for me. You know that.” 

“I know, but we could have waited to make you comfortable.” 

“It’s over now. You’re still here loving me. That’s a relief in a way.” 

“Yeah?” 

Cas slipped his arms around Dean’s neck and kissed the tip of his chin. “Yes.” They stood in the kitchen that way, Dean with his arms around Cas’s waist, swaying to music only they could hear. “As it happened, I just had a lot to think about. Talking to Eileen tonight helped.” 

“This about Jimmy?” 

“Yes.” 

Dean let the moment stretch on, waiting for Cas to tell him about it. After a couple of minutes, it was clear Cas needed prompting. “Have you decided?” 

“I have.” 

“Baby, you’re killing me.” Dean groaned. 

“I’m sorry.” Cas titled his head to place a kiss against Dean’s neck, right over that hickey. “Why don’t we go talk to Jimmy?” 

“Okay.” Dean stepped back, letting Cas go only to reach for his hand. Together they walked up the stairs. As usual Jimmy’s door was open and Jimmy was sitting on the bed. Tonight he wasn’t grading papers, though, just staring blankly at the wall, clearly deep in thought. Dean knocked on the door frame. 

Jimmy jumped in startlement. “Cas. Dean. Um, come in.”

They walked through the door together and Castiel dropped Dean’s hand. “I’ve made a decision.” 

“Um, okay?” Jimmy looked between them, before focusing on Cas. “Lay it on me.” 

“I want to give this a try. All three of us.” 

JImmy smiled in relief. “Great!” 

“But!” Cas cut in. “I’m still terrified that you’ll leave. I want us to be together but it’s very frightening for me.” 

JImmy slumped as if his string had been cut. “I… understand. I’ll do whatever you like to make you comfortable. I want this to work. I… I don’t want you to be afraid.” 

“Good.” Castiel looked at Dean. “What happens next?” 

“Um, I think you and Jimmy should work out the physical stuff between you. Um, get everyone on the same page before we try something together. I mean, we have lots of the relationship stuff already worked out. We’ve been living together for a year. We kinda know how to do that.” 

Castiel turned his heavy gaze back on Jimmy. “Okay. Then we should try.” 

Jimmy looked a little queasy in the face of Cas’s stare. “Um… tonight?” 

Suddenly Cas’s hand was in Dean’s with a death grip. “No! Not tonight.” His husband worked his way under Dean’s arm. “I need… I need Dean tonight. Just Dean. Let me get used to the idea.” 

Dean tucked his arm around Cas. “No one is going to make you do something you don’t want to do.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “Never. Just tell me when you’re ready.” 

“Tomorrow.” Cas said firmly, surprising them all. “Friday night seems traditional… for that sort of thing.” 

“I can make myself scarce tomorrow night. Maybe I’ll take Claire out for a movie.” Dean said agreeably. He felt a little nervous about the prospect but this needed to happen. He needed to share. Cas was already sharing him. It would be fine. 

“No!” Both twins answered at once. An awkward look passed between them. 

“I think you should be here.” Jimmy said tentatively. “In the house. Just in case Cas… you know, has a moment or something.” 

Cas nodded. “That’s wise. I think you should be downstairs or in the bedroom.” 

Dean just nodded. “Whatever you think is best.” 

“Very well.” Cas looked from Dean to Jimmy. “Then tomorrow.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy agreed. 

Cas turned to Dean then. “Spend some time with me.” 

Dean saluted. “Yes, sir!” Together they left Jimmy’s room. 

***

Friday proceeded like every other day for Castiel; he got up, he kissed his husband. He went to work. Everyone noticed that he was much more relaxed and he didn’t receive a hard time from either Meg or Rowena. When he came home, a dinner of homemade pizza was waiting for him. As was typical, the moment Claire finished with the dishes, she took off to go to her room, presumably to text Kevin and Jack until bedtime. It left all three adults standing in the kitchen. Jimmy looked nervous. Castiel felt nervous. Dean was the only one who looked calm. However, he was standing stiffly in the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. He was probably nervous too. 

Jimmy licked his lips before he spoke up. “Um… should we go upstairs?” 

Dean gave a brief nod. “You guys go ahead. I think I’ll just watch tv down here.” 

Castiel looked at him suspiciously. “Are you sure?” 

Dean’s expression softened. “Yeah, baby. I’m sure.” He freed one hand to pull Castiel in before placing a kiss on his lips. 

Heartened by that, Castiel leaned into the kiss before turning away. “Let’s go, Jimmy.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Jimmy was looking between them before he started towards the kitchen door. He nudged Castiel as he walked past. It was enough for Castiel to break away from Dean to follow his brother. Up the stairs they went, the butterflies squirming in his stomach the whole way. They crossed into Jimmy’s room and Jimmy took the time to close the door. Castiel couldn’t help but remember the last time he’d been closed in Jimmy’s room and the panic that had ensued. He quickly pushed the memory away. He was fine. This was going to be fine. He squared his shoulders and stopped before the bed, looking at Jimmy. Jimmy looked back before motioning to the bed. “Do you want to sit down?”

Castiel looked at the bed and slowly shook his head. It was too close to what had happened last time. Standing for now was fine. He stared at Jimmy for a moment. “I don’t know how to start this.” 

“Yeah, I don’t either.” Jimmy said, plopping onto the bed to look up at Cas. “This…” He gestured between them. “This is something I’ve wanted for a long time but it’s also something I told myself was wrong to want. That we could never have this.” 

That, Castiel understood. “Denial becomes a way of life.” 

“Yeah.” 

Again they looked at each other. Jimmy’s expression was softening a little, less nervous, more hopeful. That made Cas relax a little too. “Perhaps we should start small.” 

“A kiss maybe?” 

“Yes. That would work.” He gazed at Jimmy. Jimmy looked back. Neither of them moved. 

Jimmy broke the tension with a laugh. “I’ll come to you.” 

“Thank you.” 

Jimmy got up and crossed the room to where Castiel stood. They were both still in their work clothes; Jimmy in his polished boardroom suit and Cas is his dress slacks, button down and sweater vest. Jimmy reached up and untied the bowtie Cas was wearing, pulling it out of his collar. “I’ve been wanting to do that since I first saw you wearing one.” 

“You don’t like it?” Cas frowned at the bowtie, which had fallen at his feet. 

“No.” Jimmy grinned. “It’s sexy. I wanted to untie it in a sexy way but I didn’t think you’d want me to use my teeth.” He winked. “Not right now.” 

Heat swooped into Castiel’s belly at the thought. “Maybe next time?” He hazarded. 

“Definitely.” Jimmy shifted closer and tentatively placed an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. There was concentration on his face as he pulled Castiel to him. They looked at each other from up close. Then Jimmy tilted his head a little, inching forward to bring their lips closer. Castiel moved to reciprocate and the space between their lips lessened. Jimmy leaned in, close enough that Castiel could feel his breath, then he swayed back a fraction, as if he was still contemplating the kiss. Castiel inched forward a little, his heart pounding in his chest. His palms were starting to sweat but he still brought them up to wrap around Jimmy’s waist. Jimmy wrapped his other arm around Castiel’s shoulder. They stood holding each other, close as they could be, still not kissing. 

Someone had to make a move, that much was clear. When it came to first encounters, Castiel didn’t consider himself brave; Dean had kissed him first and it was only when he was truly comfortable with Dean that he was able to take what he wanted. Here, he found himself frustrated. They both wanted this, that much was clear but both were afraid to take that last leap. Knowing that Jimmy was equally as scared, Castiel lurched forward that last inch and pressed his mouth to his brother’s. 

The contact made them both jump at first and there was a moment when they both almost let go of each other. The world seemed to sway in Castiel’s senses and he held on tightly to Jimmy. Sensing his need, Jimmy tightened his arms around Castiel’s shoulders and pressed back against him. He could feel the whole of Jimmy’s body, from thigh to chest. He imagined he could feel the beating of Jimmy’s heart, fast like his own. He could definitely feel Jimmy’s lips, soft but so different from Dean’s. He wanted to learn their shape, to taste their flavor but in the moment, this was good too. 

The kiss was simple for a long time. Just pressure and heat, sometimes with the faintest of sighs. It was Jimmy who took the next step, parting his lips for a deeper taste. Castiel was happy to oblige and soon he was tasting his brother for the first time. It was definitely different than Dean, even though the first hint he got was the pizza they’d had for dinner, as he sifted through the flavor, the taste of Jimmy came through. He was uniquely himself. Wholly Jimmy. Cas was the one to deepen, to chase that flavor to come to know it and Jimmy let him with the softest of moans. Castiel explored his mouth, finding a little more confidence in his desire for greater knowledge. His tongue swept and challenged and Jimmy let him, his hands clutching at Cas’s back. 

Suddenly Jimmy broke away to look at him, his eyes dark. “Jesus, Castiel.” He breathed, then lurched back in to kiss him again. This time there was more fervor to the kiss, a greater desperation as Jimmy shuffled closer, as close as he could get. Between them there was fire and it consumed. Soon Castiel wasn’t thinking of anything more then the exchange of tongues between their mouths and the growing need to be even closer to Jimmy. The passion between them had long been banked but clearly it had survived for now it drove him and he wanted to know everything about Jimmy. They shuffled again, seeking greater closeness and quickly became unbalanced. 

Jimmy caught them on the corner of the bed frame. “Bed?” He suggested. 

“Bed.” Castiel confirmed and went around to the other side to climb on. He kicked off his shoes before sitting himself in the center of the bed and waiting for Jimmy, his knees apart, leaving space between his legs. 

Jimmy toed out of his shoes on the opposite side of the bed then crawled on near Castiel’s feet. He looked up the length of Castiel’s body and slowly situated himself between Castiel’s knees. He kept his body balanced on his hands to either side of Castiel, rather than leaning on him. 

Suddenly vulnerable, Castiel watched his brother move. There was something very potent about the motion, having Jimmy ease his way up Castiel’s body. But there was something enormous about it too, years of repression threatening to break loose. Castiel clamped it down and put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder to pull him back up. He’d been fine when they were kissing. Obviously they needed to be kissing again. “Come here.” 

Jimmy surged up, understanding, and brought their lips back together. Immediately the sense of want, of need came back to Castiel but it didn’t slow the way his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. He held on tightly, forcing his tongue back into Jimmy’s mouth as Jimmy came down onto him a little more; their hips pressed tightly together. Castiel flushed with want and he reeled with unease. He became more desperate in the kiss, searching for that earlier fire, knowing when he found it, it would all be okay. His thoughts suddenly shifted to Dean and the ease he felt with his husband and he began to need badly. It wasn’t a sexual kind of need, he wanted his husband there, to feel his arms around his chest and to be held tight while he did this. 

Apparently his growing tension was noticeable because Jimmy pulled back. “What’s wrong?” 

Castiel shook his head, eyes squeezing shut. “Kiss me.” 

Instead of kissing him, Jimmy’s hand touched the side of his face and held him. “Look at me, Cas. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

Castiel resisted for a moment but slowly blinked open his eyes. He could see the concern on Jimmy’s face. “I want Dean.” 

Jimmy immediately began to back away. “Right. I’ll get him… this was too soon.” 

“No!” Castiel grabbed Jimmy’s shoulder to stop him. “I just need him here. I want this. I want you...it’s just a lot.” 

Jimmy stared at him for a moment, his expression unreadable before he nodded. “I’ll get him, but you have to let me go.” 

Castiel eased his hand. “Okay.” 

Jimmy leaned down to kiss the tips of his fingers then he got off the bed and went out of the door. Castiel could hear his footsteps on the stairs as he went down. Left alone, he could only stare at himself, splayed on the bed, waiting for Jimmy. His sweater vest was twisted in a weird way, the itch on his skin suddenly urgent now that Jimmy wasn’t distracting him. He eased it over his head then neatly folded it and put it on the nightstand. After a moment more, he took off his socks too. He was frowning at his lap, trying to decide if he should take his shirt off too when he heard two sets of footsteps on the stairs. He turned his gaze to the door to watch Jimmy come in with Dean trailing behind him. 

Dean looked worried and came directly to him. “What’s wrong, baby?” 

Cas shook his head because that was the wrong question. “Nothing. I just… could you hold me please?” 

Dean smiled down at him. “Sure. Where do you want me?” 

“Behind me. Arms around my chest.” He hesitated a moment before adding in a softer voice. “Could you get naked, please?” 

Dean winked. “Yup.” He immediately tossed off his flannel then started on his t-shirt. “You gonna be naked too?” 

Castiel frowned down at himself. He had no idea what he and Jimmy were going to do; they hadn’t talked about sex acts really. Getting naked, however, seemed reasonable. “Very well.” He began to unbutton his shirt. 

As Dean began to work on his jeans, he looked at the night stand before frowning. “Are we going to need lube?” 

Castiel turned his frown on Jimmy. “Do we?” 

Jimmy blanched. “You’re asking me?” 

Dean laughed. “Okay guys. What kind of mood are we in?” He grinned at Jimmy. “You gonna blow Cas? You’ve had a decent start with it.” Then Dean looked at Cas. “What are you in the mood for?” 

Castiel thought about this seriously. Getting to have his brother was something like a dream come true but when he honestly thought about it, there was always this one fantasy he always had. It beckoned him now. “Would you…” He looked up at Jimmy. “Would you… make love to me?” 

Jimmy froze for a moment as he took in whatever was on Castiel’s face. Then he seemed to melt, the tension flowing out of him. “Yeah, I would… I would really like that.” 

Dean beamed at the both of them. “Lube it is.” He was down to his boxer shorts but that didn’t stop him from breezing out of the room. 

Castiel finished unbuttoning his shirt and resisted the urge to fold it before he set it aside. He looked up at Jimmy, who was watching him undress with a bemused expression. “Are you going to disrobe too?” Castiel asked him pointedly. 

“Oh!” Jimmy reached for the buttons on his shirt and made quick work of them. “Yeah, I am. Sorry. I got caught up watching.” 

Castiel gave him a flat look. “You’ve seen me naked before.” 

“Yeah… that was over twenty years ago. Your body has  _ definitely _ changed.” 

“So has yours.” Castiel raised his hips to pull off his pants and boxer shorts while keeping his eyes on his brother. He could see the bonus of watching someone else undress. It was quite a nice view. Jimmy grinned at him and made short work of stripping himself until he too was naked. Instead of coming closer, Jimmy stayed standing at the end of the bed. 

That’s where he was standing when Dean walked back into the room. His husband practically did a double take. “Holy shit, that’s a lot of hot to be in one room.” 

Jimmy gave Dean a cheeky grin as Castiel smiled up at him amused. “It’ll be more when you join us.” 

“Okay, okay.” Dean tossed the lube onto the bed next to Castiel’s hip and stripped off his underwear. Then he moved to join Castiel on the bed. “You want me here?” He set his back against the headboard of the bed and stretched his legs out, making space for Castiel between them. 

“Yes.” Castiel scooted back so that he could gently lay himself so that he was sloping up against Dean, his back and shoulders against Dean’s stomach while his head rested on Dean’s chest. “Hold me please.” 

“You got it.” Dean’s arms slipped around him underneath his arms and around his chest. 

Once they were settled, Jimmy came back to the bed and slowly crawled between Castiel’s legs again. When he was settled again, he looked at Castiel with a question in his eyes. “This better?” 

“Much.” Castiel confirmed before reaching out to his brother’s shoulder. “Kiss me again.” 

Jimmy did. It was different right away. With Dean’s arms around his chest and the relaxing heat radiating off Dean’s chest Castiel felt like he had someone supporting him; and he felt more free to wrap his own arms around Jimmy’s neck. This time when he pressed his tongue into Jimmy’s mouth, it felt right and good. The moan that Dean let out just watching only made him feel better. He quickly lost himself in the motion of their lips as they kissed, embracing the heat of it while he grew steadily harder against Jimmy’s body. He could feel Dean’s arousal at his back and that was amazing. As Jimmy chased his tongue, he rolled his body down and pressed his cock into Castiel’s and that was even more amazing. He had no clue how long they stayed like that, but the heat between the three of them was burning Castiel up. He ached now and knew just what he wanted but he lacked the confidence with Jimmy to just take it. He’d have to ask instead. 

“Jimmy, please.” He whispered between their lips and Jimmy paused, for a moment he didn’t seem to understand. 

Dean nudged the lube toward Jimmy with his toes and that seemed to help Jimmy understand. “Oh, yeah.” He picked it up and popped the cap to squeeze some out. 

“You don’t have to warm it up. Cas likes it cold.” Dean added helpfully from behind him. 

Cas looked up at his husband. “Shush. Let him do it.” 

“Sorry baby. This is amazing. I just want to see him make you feel good.” 

Jimmy just laughed. “I’ve never done this before. Pointers are welcome.” 

“It’s not hard. Lube up and rub it around his hole to get it nice and slick. That’s what he likes.” 

Jimmy nodded seriously before hunkering down between Castiel’s legs. The first touch of cool lube against his hole made his thighs twitch but Dean had been correct, Castiel had always liked the coolness of it. He closed his eyes as Jimmy circled and plied the tight muscles, expecting him to dip in soon. That didn’t happen. Jimmy spent a long time just circling until Cas was more than ready. 

“You can press inside. It’s okay. I’m ready.” Castiel reassured. 

Jimmy looked up at him and there was indeed a little doubt on Jimmy’s face but he nodded. A moment later he pressed his finger inside very slowly. In a way, it was endearing. Jimmy was being careful with him. Once upon a time, Dean had been the same way, always gentle touches and long foreplay, at least until he learned that Cas was largely too impatient for it. Thinking of those days made him look up at Dean, even while he relaxed around Jimmy’s finger. Dean looked down at him with love in his eyes. 

“Feel good, baby?” 

“Yes.” Cas reached up and touched Dean’s face. “He’s not fast enough.” 

Dean winked. “He’ll learn. He’s careful too.” 

“I can tell.” 

“He can hear both of you!” Jimmy stated, looking up at them from between Castiel’s thighs. “How should I be doing this?” 

“In and out.” Dean told him. “Not too fast and not too slow. Cas’ll tell you when he wants more.” 

Jimmy began to move his finger as Dean directed. It was maybe a little too slow, however, Castiel didn’t correct him. He could see how having Dean with him might make Jimmy feel outnumbered. He sighed into it as he relaxed and when he was sure he was ready, he prompted Jimmy again. “More, please.” 

Jimmy glanced up at him. “Are you sure? It still feels tight.” 

“I’m sure.” He reassured. 

“It’ll still feel tight even when he’s ready. Trust me. It’s amazing around your dick.” Dean promised. 

Jimmy still looked doubtful but he added more lube, then worked in another finger. “Is this okay?” He asked again as he worked them up to that slow speed. 

“Very okay.” Castiel promised. 

“You can scissor a little too.” Dean lifted his hand to demonstrate. “It’ll help loosen him faster.” 

Cas pulled Dean’s head down for a kiss. “I like fast.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy's voice sounded tentative but he did as Dean suggested. Again Castiel settled himself to just enjoy it however, he soon became a little impatient, his hips moving to fuck himself on Jimmy’s fingers. “Jesus.” Jimmy breathed as he scrambled for the lube. “Do you want more?” 

“Please.” Castiel said again and closed his eyes in bliss as Jimmy gave that to him too. Castiel loosened fast once the third finger was in and soon was ready, but Jimmy took it slow and just fucked him with his fingers for a long time. “Jimmy, I’m ready now.” 

JImmy looked down at his hand and then back up to Castiel. “Are you sure?” He looked worried. 

“Very sure.” Castiel met his brother’s eyes and smiled. “Use the lube on your hand to slick up your penis, then put it in me.” 

Dean chuckled. “His penis. Cas, your bedroom talk still could use work.” 

“I am how I am. You both love me anyway.” Castiel proclaimed. He watched Jimmy lube himself up and then he reached for him. “Come here.”

JImmy hesitated but let himself be drawn close. He accepted the kiss Castiel gave him but he didn’t try to push in. 

Castiel tilted his hips up to receive Jimmy but Jimmy didn’t move. “Are you alright, Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked at him seriously. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Castiel shook his head and drew his brother down in his arms. He was now very sure he wanted this and he wanted Jimmy to want it to. “You won’t hurt me. I’ve wanted this for a long time. Do you want me?” 

“Yes.” Jimmy said, hiding his face in Castiel’s neck. “I feel like I was born wanting you.” 

“Then have me.” Castiel pulled him back by his hair so they were looking at each other. “You can have me.” 

“Okay.” Jimmy breathed against the side of his face, then shifted a little bit to kiss Castiel. When their lips met, Jimmy’s hips came forward and he guided his cock to Castiel’s hole. With a little pressure, he was soon inside. Just the head, but it was still everything Castiel dreamed it would be. 

“More.” Castiel pleaded, his hands clutching at his brother’s back. “I need more. Give me all of you.” 

Jimmy nodded his head fervently, his eyes closed as he dropped his face into Castiel’s neck. He took his time about it, pressing in with the longest first stroke of Castiel’s life. Not even Dean had been that slow about it, but Jimmy was. Jimmy was taking his time and using care with Castiel. As if he was precious. It made Castiel relax further in his arms, letting his brother have his way until he was fully seated. 

Castiel patted his head. “You can move.” 

“If I move even an inch, I’ll come.” Jimmy warned, looking up at Cas. “You’re so tight.” 

“Mm, it’s good, isn’t it.” He heard himself purr. 

“Yeah, it’s good. Criminally good.” Beneath Jimmy, Castiel rocked his hips, taking his brother deeply. Jimmy let out a long, low moan. His finger scrambled against Castiel’s shoulder. “I wasn’t kidding. If you don’t stop that, this will be really short.” 

“That’s okay. We can do it again later.” 

Dean’s arms suddenly tightened about his chest. “Ease up, baby. It’s overwhelming the first time. You know that.” 

Of course Dean was right. Castiel held back a sigh and tugged at Jimmy’s hair. “Kiss me instead.” 

That, Jimmy seemed happy to do. Their lips met as if they’d always been kissing, as if they’d known each other this intimately their whole lives. Castiel gave himself to it and marveled as little by little, Jimmy relaxed into him. It still seemed like a long time before he broke their kiss. “Okay, I think I’m ready.” 

Being more than ready, Castiel just tightened his arms. Jimmy’s first thrust was as slow and careful as Castiel imagined it would be. He met it gently, trying not to overwhelm. He let Jimmy set the pace, which was slow and deep. It set Castiel’s heart trembling; with love and with need. His cock met friction occasionally against Jimmy’s belly but not always. It was good but still not quite enough. Knowing that Jimmy was still learning, Castiel began to shift beneath him, changing the angle until he found one that he liked, one that brought Jimmy close to his prostate, lighting him up with pleasure. “There!” He urged and Jimmy caught on quickly, seeking to do it again. It took time but they learned to move against each other, and when he was sure of himself, Jimmy reached between them for Castiel’s cock, giving him a stroke. Gasping, hungry for it, Castiel gave himself over to what Jimmy was offering. Above him, Jimmy babbled endearments against Cas’s neck, promising to be with him, to love him, and to stay. It was perfect. 

The motion of Jimmy’s hips became uneven as he got close to coming and Castiel moved with greater intensity, suddenly hungry to see his brother come in his arms. He forgot about his own pleasure, squeezing tight instead to draw him closer to the edge. When it happened, it was everything that Castiel had ever imagined and more. Jimmy fell apart above him, trembling with Castiel’s name on his lips. Suddenly feeling close himself, Castiel wrapped his legs around Jimmy’s waist and fucked the hand around his cock until he spilled over. He collapsed back against Dean’s chest and Jimmy came crashing down on top of Castiel. They lay there, shuddering and breathing for a long time. Or at least, it felt like a long time. 

“Um, that was amazing but you are both really heavy.” Dean spoke up at last. 

“Oh shit, Dean!” Jimmy scrambled off of both of them quickly. 

Having Jimmy pull out of him that fast made something dark swoop in Castiel’s chest, however, with Dean still holding onto him, it quickly passed. Castiel began to move out of Dean’s arm, now extremely aware that Dean’s hard cock was pressing into his back. “I’m sorry Dean. We should take care of you.” 

Dean tried to wave him off while pulling his legs up criss crossed. “Nah, this was about you two. I was just here for support… and a really great show.” 

“No, I think your support should be rewarded.” Castiel insisted, sliding up next to Dean and wrapping his fingers around his dick. “Don’t you think so, Jimmy.” 

“Oh definitely.” Reading his mind, Jimmy scooted up to Dean’s feet. He reached out and his hand covered Castiel’s. “It’ll be quick work with both of us.” 

“Shit!” Dean exclaimed, already thrusting up into their waiting fingers. It turned out that Jimmy was right, it took no time at all with the both of them working Dean over. When he was done, he lay back against the headboard, fully satisfied. “Yeah, that was definitely amazing.” 

“I agree.” Castiel leaned in to kiss his husband’s lips, then after a moment, he shifted over to kiss Jimmy’s as well. As he did so, it brought his attention to Jimmy’s very messy sheet. “We messed up your bed.” 

Jimmy just shrugged. “I’m gonna say it was worth it. I usually do my sheets over the weekend anyway.” 

Dean got up and began to tug down the bedspread. “I’ll help.” 

“Thanks.” 

They vacated the bed and stripped it down. After the sheets were balled up, Dean reached for his boxers. “We’d better get dressed. Claire’s not in bed yet.” 

With a sigh, Jimmy nodded and began to rifle his dresser. “We need to figure out what to tell Claire.” 

Castiel had actually been thinking about this since his first panic attack, when Claire had come down to see all three of them working together. She already must know something was up. “I think we should tell her that you and I are sharing Dean. She already knows about polygamy. The rest of it… maybe when she’s older.” 

“That’s a good idea.”

Jimmy nodded his agreement. “I wish…” 

“Yes, Jimmy?” Castiel asked, conscientious of the uncertain look on his brother’s face. 

“I wish we could stay together. Like in bed.” He looked unsure of himself as he added. “You know, to be close.” 

Dean patted Jimmy’s shoulder. “Soon, man. Let’s talk to Claire first and then maybe you can stay with us. Our bed is pretty big.” 

“Okay.” 

Castiel thought about this, thinking that maybe Jimmy needed something more immediately. “Why don’t we go downstairs and watch the television. We can all sit on the couch. It’s still close.” 

Jimmy frowned. “You don’t think that would be weird?” 

Dean was tugging on his jeans when he answered. “Nah, the couch is big enough for all three of us and is the best place to watch tv. We’ve all sat on it before.” 

Jimmy pulled on a pair of lounge pants and nodded with a smile. “Okay, sounds like a plan.” 

After dressing, they bundled up Jimmy’s sheets and headed downstairs to (not) snuggle on the couch. 

***

Saturday morning was the best. No school, no need to get up early, and nothing pressing to do. Claire loved it. When she woke up, it was well after 10:00 but not quite 11:00. She figured Uncle Cas would be up going for his run and Dean would be in the garage. Her dad was probably grading papers in his room. That was fine. She figured if she begged, she could get Dean to make her breakfast anyway. Scooting out of bed, she went to the stairs and headed down. On her way to the first floor, she was surprised to hear voices in the kitchen. It sounded like her dad and Dean talking. No big deal. It became a big deal when she walked into the room. There was her dad, standing way too close to Dean. Dean was turned towards him, smiling at him. His hands were on her dad’s waist. They were practically tangled up together the way Dean and Uncle Cas usually were. When she got closer, she saw the way her dad was looking at Dean. It was like the way he used to look at her mom.

Claire had trouble processing what she was seeing. It felt like a million thoughts were running around in her head. Did Uncle Cas know? Is that why he freaked out that time? Was Dean trying to replace her mom? That last thought was the one she latched on to. She stormed into the kitchen. “Get your hands off my dad! You’re not my mom!”She stomped across the room and jerked at Dean’s hands at her father’s waist. 

Dean immediately let go. In fact, he’d already been letting go by the time she arrived. “Calm down, Kiddo. We should talk about this.” 

Claire turned a glare at Dean. “I have nothing to say to you. You’re married. To Uncle Cas.” She whirled on her father. “How can you do this! This is why Uncle Cas was freaking out about you. You came in here and stole his husband.” 

“I didn’t take anything from Cas.” Her father immediately denied. “Look Claire, it’s complicated.” 

“Complicated doesn’t matter. Dean is not mom. You should stay away from him!” 

“Your mother is gone, Claire. I’m allowed to move on.” Her father’s voice was heating up, a sure sign that he was getting angry. 

“No, you’re not!” Claire screamed back at him. “How can you do this to us? To our family. We were supposed to be a family and you’ve screwed it all up messing around with Dean!” 

“We aren’t messing around!” Dean shot back, though his voice was still calm. 

Hearing him deny it only made her more angry. “That’s not what I saw! You are supposed to look at Uncle Cas that way. Not my dad.” 

“Look, things have changed. We agreed to try polygamy. You know, like Sam.” Dean explained. “Change can be a good thing sometimes.” 

“Bullshit! Change is stupid!” She glared at one then the other before whirling on her heel and stomping up to her room.

“Claire! Wait!” Her dad called behind her, but she ignored him. 

When she got up to her room, she slammed her door with all of her strength and locked it. She sat on her bed and stared at her hands. When her phone chimed, it startled her. It was still sitting on her nightstand on the charger, since she wasn’t allowed to have it at the table. It was a text from Jack.

_ Jack: Kevin and I are going to the arcade today. Do you want to come? _

_ Me: No, thank you. I need to stay here and keep an eye on my dad. _

_ Jack: Oh no! Is everything ok? I thought things were going better now. _

_ Me: I don’t want to talk about it. _

Her phone rang almost immediately. “Jack, I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, that usually means that you need to. Spill.”

She glared at her phone. It was super annoying that her friends made her talk when something was wrong. Taking a deep breath, Claire put the phone back to her ear. “Dad and Dean were in the kitchen being gross.”

“Gross? How? Were they cooking weird food?”

“No! Being gross the way Dean and Uncle Cas are gross! The way my mom and Dad used to be gross.”

“Ew! Grownups shouldn’t do that! Nobody should do that.” Claire could practically see the face Jack was likely making.

“There are more pressing issues here than your dislike for public displays of affection, Jack!”

“There are?”

“Yes. Dean is married to Uncle Cas. He should only be gross with Uncle Cas. Dad was married to Mom. He shouldn’t be gross with anyone else.” Claire was starting to get irritated with her friend.

“Maybe your dad and Uncle Dean are in love.” Jack said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Claire didn’t know why she was surprised. When she told her friends about Rowena and Sam and Eileen, Jack just got it.

“But they shouldn’t go behind Uncle Cas’s back, and Dean shouldn't try to take Mom’s place!”

“Are they going behind his back?”

“Well, he wasn’t there…”

Jack sighed on the other end of line. “Claire, you need to talk to your family.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, you should. And call me if you need me.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“Really? See, I usually like that.”

“Bye, Jack.”

“Bye.”

Claire laid back on her pillows and stared at her phone. She knew Jack was right, she needed to talk to her family. But she didn’t want to. Besides, shouldn’t  _ they _ have talked to  _ her _ when relationships started changing? After all, they were supposed to be the adults. She crossed her arms over her chest and resolutely decided not to leave her room again. Ever. She wasn’t sure how long she lay like that, but she did know it was long enough for boredom to set in. That’s when the knock came. “Go away, Dad.” 

“I’m not your father.” The low, gravely voice came through the door. “But I would like to talk to you. Would you let me in?” 

“What do you want Uncle Cas?” Claire sighed heavily, but got up to unlock the door. She didn’t open it though, not yet.

“To talk to you, obviously. Everyone seems to be upset downstairs but all are insisting I check on you. I’m concerned. Can I come in please? Talking through doors is not conducive to real communication.” 

Claire opened the door and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Do you know Dad and Dean are fooling around behind your back?”

Uncle Cas walked through the door and nodded towards her bed. He sat down near the end. “That would only be true if I didn’t know. I do know so it’s not really behind my back.” 

“And you’re ok with this?” Claire sat down on the edge of her bed and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. “I’m not. Dean can’t take my mom’s place.”

“We all talked it out and agreed this is how we wanted things to be.” Cas gave her his serious expression for a moment before he went on. “Dean isn’t trying to take your mom’s place. He, of all people, would know that he can’t do that.” 

Claire thought over Cas’s words for a minute or two. “I still don’t think I like it. It’s weird. Dad shouldn’t be looking at anyone else like that. It’s...it’s not right.” Claire squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying very hard to hold back her tears. One slipped through anyway.

“I can see how upset the thought has made you.” He got up from the bed and came back with a tissue from the box on her bedside table. “Think about it like this. Do you think your father should be alone for the rest of his life? With no one to love or care for him?” 

She muttered thanks as she took the offered tissue. She didn’t know how to answer Cas’s question. Claire loved and cared for her dad, but she knew that wasn’t what her uncle meant. In the wake of her emotions, Claire opted for her defense mechanism, snark. “He’s not alone. There’s four people in this house. He didn’t have to start groping one of them.”

The look Uncle Cas gave her was clearly unimpressed. “I highly doubt that’s what you saw. Having people simply be near you isn’t the same thing and I suspect you already know that and are trying to avoid the issue. This change was a thoughtful process that involved a lot of communication before it occurred. The point remains, however, whether or not you can accept that your father has the right to be loved after losing his spouse.”

Claire raised an eyebrow at him, trying to mimic a look she’s seen him give a hundred times. Unwilling to deal with her own thoughts, she turned it back around. “So you’re just fine with someone else looking at your husband like  _ that _ ?”

Cas shrugged, not rising to the bait. “I am. I’m very aware of how good looking Dean is. People look at him like that all time. I would have died of jealousy 15 years ago if I hadn’t been able to deal with it. But that is not what I asked you and you know it. You must realize your father is a human being, and part of that process is needing care and comfort.” 

Claire just sighed. “It’s weird though. My dad would look at my mom like he’s never loved anyone so much in his life, you know? I mean, sometimes I’d catch him looking at you like that, but you’re his brother...his twin, so of course he loves you. But now he’s looking at someone else with those eyes. What if he forgets about Mom? What if I’m the only one who still remembers her?” And great, she was crying again. Stupid traitorous eyes.

Uncle Cas scooted forward and awkwardly patted her shoulder. Good to know he was still her weirdo uncle. “That would never happen. It’s obviously something you should talk to your dad about but I think I can speak for him when I say your mother is unforgettable to him. He hurt for a long time after losing your mother and I know he still hurts. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s just part of life. We move on because we have to.” 

Claire stared at her cuticles. “Does it mean he stopped loving Mom?” She spoke softly and to her hands.

“Of course not. You can love another person without diminishing the love you feel for the first person. I think he’ll always love your mother. The only difference is she isn’t here any longer to receive that love. It still exists.”

It wasn’t like Claire wasn’t familiar with the idea that one person could be in love with two people at once. She’s seen first hand how well it could work. What she couldn’t wrap her head around was that her dad could do that. She watched him completely lose himself after her mom died. Seeing him move on was a good thing, she guessed...but it still was hard to understand. “It’s just...weird, you know?” Claire sat up straighter and dabbed at her eyes a final time. “And why did I have to find out like this? How come nobody told me what was going on? It’s not fair.” She crossed her arms again.

“The plan was to tell you, Claire. The truth is this change is very, very new. Your father wanted the chance to sit you down and talk to you. I think he was going to do it today. You simply found out beforehand. I realize that wasn’t ideal. No one wanted to shock you.” 

“Well, guess what? I was shocked. And I still don’t know how I feel about this. I do want my dad to be happy. He was miserable for a really long time…” Claire dropped her head, letting her long hair cover her like a shield. “But is it ok if I just hide for a while? I’m not ready to see...that.”

Uncle Cas smiled. “Of course. I like to hide when things overwhelm me too.” He got up from the bed but squeezed her shoulder one more time. “If you want to talk, you know where to find me… or well anyone else. I’ll tell the others you need time to process.” 

“Thanks, Uncle Cas. And I’m really glad they’re not going behind your back.”Uncle Cas nodded and let himself out, leaving Claire to her thoughts. 


	12. Chapter 12

Come Monday morning, Claire was still trying to work out her feelings on the matter at hand. She was still a little shocked, but who wouldn’t be, seeing what she had seen? There was so much to think about that Claire honestly hadn’t been able to make heads or tails of it. When she thought she’d thought through one issue, she found that more seemed to take its place. In the end, she was confused and still a little angry. She wasn’t sure who she was angry with; maybe her dad or maybe Dean. Maybe both of them. The rest of the weekend had been pretty awkward with Claire staying in her room and demanding meals be brought up to her. 

She was surprised that they let her get away with that, but Uncle Cas always brought them up and always told her to take her time. He seemed to understand it was a lot to think about. Her dad, however, had been less willing to wait her out. When she came down this morning to get breakfast before school, her dad had been waiting. 

“What are you doing here?” She’d asked, completely shocked. Her dad was rarely downstairs by the time she got there. 

He looked up from his newspaper. “We have an appointment with Missouri this morning.” He cleared his throat. “Dean thought it might help.” 

“Great. Just great.” She muttered, taking a plate of food from Dean’s hands without looking at him. “What about school?” Claire asked. She needed to see her friends.

“Claire…” Her dad started to say. 

“Let it go, Jimmy.” Dean cut him off with a sigh. She expected him to say something to her, but instead he started washing the egg pan. “You’ll miss homeroom, but should be there in time for your second class.” 

“Fine. Whatever.”

Breakfast was every bit as awkward and awful as she’d imagined it would be all weekend. No one talked. Not even Dean. He moved around the kitchen quietly, then gave her dad a half-hearted wave before he left for work. Leaving her alone with her dad wasn’t much better, but he didn’t try to talk to her again. At least until it was time to go. 

“Come on, Claire. We don’t want to be late.” 

One silent car ride later, and after waiting for ten minutes in the waiting room, they were ushered into Missouri’s office. Normally Claire liked Missouri, she was no nonsense but also very kind. This morning, liking the therapist was the last thing she wanted to do. She sat on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest. Her dad took a seat in the adjacent chair. 

Missouri looked at them both curiously before speaking. “Okay, what’s going on? You made this appointment at the last minute and the note said it was an emergency.” 

Claire looked at her dad, expecting him to say something. When he didn’t she finally spoke up. “Ask his new boyfriend. It was his idea.”

Missouri turned to Jimmy, “So, you’ve started seeing someone? That’s really good.” Then she turned to Claire. “I guess this has been hard for you, hmmm?”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess no one is trying to take my mom’s place...and I want my dad to be happy and whatever. But why did it have to be with my Dean?” Claire didn’t even notice how she’d referred to Dean.

If Missouri was surprised, she didn’t show it, she simply asked, “Dean? As in your brother’s husband?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah...we’re um...polyamorous now.”

“Good for you.” Missouri nodded. “Claire, how does this make you feel?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. But it’s weird.”

“Are you maybe a little bit jealous?”

Claire considered Missouri’s question for a moment. “No...why would I be jealous of Dean? He’s not trying to take my mom’s place, or so he says.”

Missouri gave Claire that all-knowing smile that she kinda hated. “Maybe you’re jealous of your dad?”

“What? No way!” Of course, as soon as she said it, Claire knew Missouri was right. “I mean Dean has always been there for me...always been my ally...but I’m not _jealous_ -jealous.”

“Hmmm…” Missouri hummed.

Her dad was looking at her with surprise on his face. “I… it was never my intention to take away your support person. Dean can still be that for you.”

“But how do I know that? Now if I try to talk to him about anything, how do I know he won’t go running to his boyfriend and just tell you everything?”

“Um, Claire, when it comes to taking care of you, Dean does talk to me.” Claire started to speak up, but Jimmy held his hand up to stop her. “He never broke your confidence unless it was something I needed to know about your health and well being. I see no reason for that to change.”

Claire sat there pondering for a while. Now that she had a forum, thoughts and feelings she didn’t even realize she’d been holding onto came rushing out. “I still don’t like that you guys look at each other like that. It feels wrong. You used to look at Mom like that. Do you even still love her?” Jimmy was about to answer, but Claire just barreled on, bouncing around like she was in a bouncy house. “If it’s ok for you guys to be in this kind of relationship, what if I wanted to date two people? Would that be ok?” And she bounced back again. “Did you even keep Mom’s wedding dress? Do you remember what she looked like wearing it?”

“Claire, Honey, slow down,” Missouri broke through her racing thoughts with her kind voice. “Your feelings and fears are valid, but you have to give your dad a chance to address each one. She looked at Jimmy. “Go ahead, Jimmy.”

He looked a little shell shocked as if he was trying to decide which question to answer first. He latched onto probably the least relevant one. “You’re too young to date. We’ll talk about that when you’re older.”

“I’m almost fourteen.”

“Jimmy, Claire, I don’t think that’s important right now.”

Jimmy sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face...a habit he’d picked up from Dean. “Claire, I do still love your mother. Very much. Just because I love someone else now too doesn’t change that. Of course I have her wedding dress, it’s hanging in my closet. She was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her the day we got married.” He turned to face her and took her hands in his. “I will never forget Amelia. I will never stop loving her. I see her everyday, whenever I look at you.” He took another breath. “I didn’t plan to fall in love with anyone else, didn’t even know I was capable of it. But what can I say? Dean is pretty easy to love. You love him too, don’t you? And your Uncle Cas?”

“Yeah, I do love them. But they’re not Mom. Dean can never be my mom.”

“I’m sure Dean doesn’t want to take your mom’s place.” Missouri spoke up.

Jimmy nodded. “Of course not. Dean loves you, but not the way your mom did. He knows he can’t replace her, and he wouldn’t want to.”

“I don’t want him to.”

“I know. I don’t want him to replace her either. He can’t. They’re two totally different people, but it’s ok that I love them both, right?”

Claire looked down at her hands where her dad still held them. “He makes you happy?”

“Yes, very.”

“Then I guess it’s ok.”

Missouri was beaming at both of them. “There, now. Crisis averted?” 

Her dad looked at her with a shy smile. It was so unlike what she was used to. “I think so. Will you be okay now?” 

“Yeah, Dad. Sheesh.” She gave her father a playful push, which made him chuckle. “Can I go to school now?” 

Missouri chuckled too. “Honey, you’ve got another ten minutes. Why don’t we pick up where we left off last week?” 

Claire rolled her eyes but it was her dad that spoke up. “I’m honestly exhausted. Can we be done?” 

“Of course, honey. I can always use a ten minute break.” She winked at the both of them. 

Jimmy got up and tugged Claire with him. “Let’s get you to school.” 

Claire was more than happy to follow her father out. 

***

Jimmy was beyond exhausted. The conversation with Claire had been a good thing; a great thing actually. It had gone a long way to ease the niggling sense of guilt he felt for moving on from Amelia with Dean and Cas, though he knew he still needed to work on that with his therapist. Without Claire, of course. That was his own work to do. Getting Claire to the point where she could be with the family and eat dinner had been the main thing. Tonight, after a long day of classes and more classes. they’d sat down to dinner and had conversed like normal people. It was a little stilted at first, but had been so much better than what he’d been expecting. That said, it too had weighed on his already exhausted mind. He didn’t want to think… or feel anymore. 

So, he’d gone up to his room immediately after dinner under the guise of needing to grade papers. It was a cop out for sure, but no one had called him on it. Claire had waved him away though Dean had given him a concerned expression. Jimmy hoped he’d leave it alone. 

Unfortunately, that was not to be, and before too long, there was a knock at his door. “Come in.” 

It was Dean. “You okay?” He asked as he came into the room. 

“Yup, I’m fine.” Jimmy put on his best smile to prove it. 

“Cut the crap, Jimmy. I can tell something’s up.” Dean made himself at home at the end of Jimmy’s bed. 

Jimmy sighed. “I’m just tired. Today was exhausting.” 

“I thought you said the therapy session went fine. Claire seemed much better at dinner.” 

“It did go fine. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t emotionally draining.” 

Dean gave him a sympathetic nod. “That’s fair. Want to talk about it?” 

Jimmy shook his head. “No, I don’t think I’m ready yet.” 

Dean scooted closer to wrap Jimmy up in a hug. “Well, if you need to talk..” 

The hug was awesome and Jimmy clung to it a moment longer than he should. 

Dean noticed. “If you need a different kind of distraction…” 

Jimmy pushed him away with a grin. “Not while Claire’s up.” If his daughter had been aghast seeing them close but not even hugging, she certainly wouldn’t take anything more involved well either. 

“Okay, okay!” Dean tossed up his hands and made his way from the room. “But if you need that too, I’m your guy.” 

“Okay! Got it” Jimmy confirmed, then let out the breath he was holding when Dean left. He just… really needed time to himself right now. He pulled the next paper off the stack and started to grade it. He lost himself in the motions of it, pulling his mind away from the day and everything that had happened. He didn’t know how much time had passed before there was another knock at his door. “Come in!” 

This time it was Castiel. “Good evening, Jimmy.” His brother stopped well short of the end of the bed and stood there awkwardly. 

“Are you okay, Cas?” 

“Oh, um yes!” His brother said before inching forward into the room. “I couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t very talkative at dinner.” 

Jimmy was now seeing the downside of having two boyfriends instead of just one. Though honestly, to see how much they cared was very sweet. “I’m just tired today. It’s been busy.” 

“I see.” Castiel frowned at him before licking his lips. “I could rub your shoulders, if you like. It helps Dean when he’s had a stressful day.” 

For a moment, Jimmy was tempted. “I... “ He reminded himself of what might happen if Claire walked in. “No, but thank you. I think I just need to be alone with my thoughts.” 

“Very well.” Castiel seemed to give up a little more easily than Dean. “If you need something, I’m happy to help. If you wish to join us, Dean and I are reading in our bedroom.” 

Jimmy frowned. “Are you offering to let me join you in bed?” 

“Um, I think so.” 

Jimmy couldn’t help his laugh. “It’s so obvious you guys haven’t been parents. Claire could walk in and she’d definitely freak.” 

“Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.” 

“It’s okay. Maybe after she’s in bed.” 

Cas turned to leave. “If you wish to join us then, please do.” 

Jimmy was shaking his head as he watched Cas leave. Today had been a lot, and it was frankly better if he didn’t add traumatizing his daughter to the mix. He went back to grading papers. He sat there for another indeterminate amount of time, this one much longer than the first two. Finally, there was another knock. Before Jimmy could answer, the door swung open and Claire came in. This was just what he’d been trying to warn Dean and Cas about. Kids didn’t wait for permission very often. “Hey, Clairebear. What’s up?” 

Claire looked at him with exasperated eyes. “Um, hello? Bedtime?” 

Jimmy gave a start. “Oh! I didn’t notice the time.” 

“Yeah, that much was obvious.” 

He put aside his work and got up. When he got to Claire, he kissed the top of her head. “I apologize. Shall we?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Claire gave him a light push away before heading towards the stairs. Jimmy had the feeling that she was hiding a smile. They went up the stairs together and Claire climbed into bed. Jimmy pulled her covers up and kissed her head again. Instead of saying goodnight, he hesitated. 

She looked up at him curiously. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Jimmy said quickly, because he didn’t know why he was waiting. But then, what came out was, “Thanks for today. I needed that.” 

Claire’s expression was hard to read. Finally she said, “It’s no big deal. That’s what family does.” 

“Yeah.” Unsure what to say, Jimmy hovered. 

Claire gave a huff. “Goodnight, Dad.” 

“Goodnight.” He made himself turn around and leave her room. He closed the door behind him quietly and started down the stairs. He had no real idea what was in his head right now. He didn’t feel bad really, just off, and he wasn’t sure what to do with that. It seemed, however, that his body knew what to do because when he looked up, he was outside of Dean and Cas’s bedroom door. He hesitated for a long time before he knocked. 

Dean answered right away. “Jimmy, come on in!” 

Jimmy let himself in and closed the door behind him. True to what Cas had promised, Dean and Cas were sitting on top of their comforter, both holding books. There was enough space between them to fit another person. “Hey.” He stopped at the end of the bed. 

Castiel patted the space between them. “Why don’t you join us?” 

Jimmy looked wistfully at that space. He wanted it. It looked comfortable and the thought of having two warm bodies to either side of him sounded nice. “Okay.” It felt like giving in, but he did it anyway. He crawled down the middle and settled himself between the two men. 

Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Ready to talk now?”

“I… don’t know.” It was the truth. As it was, Jimmy wasn’t sure why he’d come there in the first place. He was seeking comfort. That much he knew. 

“It’s okay not to know.” Castiel said easily, reaching forward to pat his knee. 

It was just a little too much. Jimmy groaned and rolled out of Dean’s arm to plant his face in the comforter, lying on his stomach. He grabbed Castiel’s pillow and pulled it under himself. It smelled like his brother and that was nice. What was not so nice was the way his stomach was rolling. 

“Too much?” Dean asked, sounding concerned. 

“It’s nice.” Jimmy admitted, his voice blurred by the pillow. “I’m just… conflicted.” 

“Conflicted?” Cas asked. “Because of something that happened today?” 

“Yeah.” Jimmy agreed but didn’t move. There was a touch against his shoulder. tentative at first. After a moment without protest, the touch firmed a little bit. Soon someone was rubbing his back. It was soothing. Jimmy closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it, even as the guilt in him rose. 

“Could you clarify?” Castiel asked, his voice careful. 

“It’s just, this morning Claire said she knew I still loved her mother but she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t ready for me to move on.” He hesitated, knowing this was going to sound bad. “Sometimes I’m not sure I’m ready to move on either.” He continued quickly. “I mean, I’m happy. I really am. Everything that’s happened is a dream come true. I want what you both are offering. I want to be happy. I really do.” He knew he should look. He’d promised not to hurt Castiel again and he was deathly afraid his brother would be hurt. “I miss Amelia.” He moaned, hiding his face into the pillow again. 

Dean was the first to speak. “You know, no one has said that you have to stop missing her.” 

That wasn’t what Jimmy was expecting. He turned his head and peeked at Dean. He didn’t look angry. 

Dean continued to talk. “You know, we both expected you to miss Amelia. I’m surprised it took you this long. I thought it would happen after you and I were together.” 

Jimmy sighed. “That night was amazing. I loved it… but you’re right. I felt guilty right afterwards.” 

Dean nodded. “That’s fair. It’s probably even normal. I don’t know what to expect. My spouse is still here.” 

“Did it get worse after we… after you and I were together?” Castiel’s voice was much more careful than Dean’s was.

Jimmy turned to face him for real this time. He’d pokered up, a little. Jimmy had to fix that. He reached for Cas’s hand. “You have to know that night was a dream come true for me. It was something I’d wanted for years. Since before Amelia. It felt good to have it. But afterwards, I did think of her and I just… I missed her. I’m sorry.” 

Cas’s smile was thin but it was there. He squeezed Jimmy’s hand. “No one expects you to stop missing her… or loving her. Moving on is natural, not easy.” 

“It was wrong of me to come here and ask you for comfort.” Jimmy deflected, unable to let it be that easy. Neither Dean nor Cas were his therapist. 

“You should have come here for us to comfort you.” Dean was still rubbing his back; he knew it was Dean because both of Castiel’s hands were now holding his. “That’s what we’re here for. No one said this shit would be easy.” 

“I kind of wanted it to be.” 

“We’ll figure this out.” Cas promised. “Together.” 

Jimmy closed his eyes. “Okay.” He lay there, letting Dean rub his back, his mind slowly relaxing. He started to doze, letting the worry go. Cas was right, after all, moving on was natural. He had to do that one way or another. This way he had someone - two someones - to support him. He gave himself to their support. “Can I stay here tonight?” 

Cas squeezed his hand again. “I’ll wake you with my alarm. Claire’s never up that early.” 

“Okay, thanks.” 

Behind him, Dean stopped rubbing his back. There was an awkward shuffle when they climbed under the covers together. Once settled, Cas rolled to him, very carefully placing his head on Jimmy’s shoulder. “Is this okay?” He asked quietly. 

“Yeah, it’s good.” Jimmy promised. 

After a long moment, Dean rolled into his side. “I’m a bit of a cuddler.”

Jimmy laughed. “I’ll survive.” Comfortable between the two of them. It was easy to fall asleep. 

That had been a good night. In fact, it had been the first good night in the string of many so that by Friday, Jimmy was feeling a lot better and more like himself. Of course, he’d had an appointment with his own therapist that had helped him clarify his feelings about Amelia, enough that he knew it was a work in progress. There might be some backsliding but he was ready for it. 

That whole week, he’d spent a lot of time with Dean and Cas after Claire went to bed. Sometimes, they just slept all together in the bed. There were some nights, however, when both Dean and Castiel got hopeful looks on their faces. One night it got too much for Jimmy and he retreated to his own bedroom. The next morning, Dean had emerged with several visible love bites and had been walking a little more stiffly than usual, a sign that he’d borne the brunt of Cas’s frustration. They never pressed Jimmy though and that was a relief. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to experiment in the bedroom with them. In fact, he yearned to do that. However, it was a little bit overwhelming to think about. All his life, he’d had just one lover at a time. With Amelia, he liked to focus on her and take his time, that way he could be sure she was satisfied. He had no idea how he was supposed to satisfy two lovers at once. It was daunting. 

Friday night, however, he’d run out of excuses. Usually he got around bedroom playtime by insisting Claire might catch them. That seemed good enough for both Cas and Dean. Tonight, however, Claire was over at the Klein’s house having a sleepover with Kevin and Jack. Dean had just gotten home and the whole evening was free for all of them. Jimmy knew what Dean would want to do. 

He was unsurprised, then, when he walked into the living room to find Dean and Cas sitting next to each other on the couch. Castiel’s hand was on Dean’s thigh and they were whispering to each other. 

Jimmy tried to play it cool. “So, what do you guys want to do tonight?” 

Dean immediately grinned. It was definitely sex loaded and despite himself, heat flashed down Jimmy’s spine just being on the receiving end. “I was thinking we could go upstairs and spend some time in bed.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Only if you want to.” Castiel put in smoothly. There was hope clearly written on his face. 

In the face of that, Jimmy couldn’t help but give in. He wanted it too, even if he was a little daunted. He put on the smile Amelia had always described as ‘panty-dropping’. “Sure. Let’s head that way.” 

Dean let out a joyful whoop and was off the couch in seconds. He grabbed Cas and then Jimmy and began pulling them to the stairs. “I’ve been dying to get my hands on both of you instead of just my eyes. Hot damn!” 

Laughing, Castiel freed his hand. “One at a time on the stairs, my love. We don’t want someone to fall.” 

Jimmy followed them up, letting his smile drop and desperately trying to ignore the butterflies in his belly. He wanted this. He knew he wanted it. They’d come close to it the night that Dean had held Castiel throughout. What was the big deal? 

They got to the bedroom and soon they were all piled in. Dean shut the door behind them and turned with glee, only for the look to fall from his face. “What’s wrong, Jimmy?” 

Jimmy found himself with both pairs of eyes on him. “Just nerves, I guess.” 

Castiel gently took his hand. “If you are nervous then we’ll go slow. We’re all new to this… at least with three of us. If you need to slow down, just speak up.” 

Having Castiel say so helped a lot. “Thanks.” 

Castiel nodded seriously and then stepped in a little closer. He was still holding Jimmy’s hand but the tilt of his head and the look in his eyes, still soft, told Jimmy he was about to be kissed. Jimmy leaned in to receive that kiss and the warmth of their lips touching washed away some of the nerves. This was Castiel, his brother whom he had known all of his life. He was safe and wanted here. If he asked them to stop they would. Knowing that let him gently wrap his arms around Castiel’s neck and step into his body. Cas dropped his hand and wrapped his arms around Jimmy’s waist. At first it was just lips, then there were teeth scraping his bottom lip as his brother shuffled closer. A heady shiver passed over Jimmy as he gave himself up to Castiel. 

He let himself be lost in the slowly deepening kiss, feeling more and more of his resistance drift away. After some time, he became aware of a pair of hands stroking over his neck and down his back. Castiel broke away and Jimmy turned to look, knowing he would find Dean. The man’s green eyes were hot and his lips were shining as if he had just licked them. Somehow knowing what Dean wanted, Jimmy leaned in to kiss him too. It was a little odd; kissing Dean while Cas held him but it was a joy he thought he could quickly become used to. Dean didn’t use his teeth but he was quick to taste Jimmy with his tongue. When Jimmy moaned, Dean seemed delighted to pull more of those sounds from his lips. 

After a time, Dean broke that kiss but didn’t go far, instead he grasped Castiel around the back of his neck and pulled him in. When they kissed, there was heat immediately. They touched each other with the sure passion of lovers who knew each other and were unafraid. It was so different from the touches they used with Jimmy and to watch it, Jimmy was blown away. Given time, he could have that level of knowledge and passion with both of them. He yearned for it, even as he still felt the curl of nervousness in his belly. Watching though, was a joy. They traded deep kisses, tongues moving and seeking. Castiel was intense but quiet in his passion while Dean let out these little breathy gasps. Jimmy memorized the sounds as he rubbed his fingers into the dip of Castiel’s spine. 

Soon, however, he was squirming for more; more contact and more heat. He saw an opening and leaned in towards Castiel and began to kiss his neck while Dean kissed his brother’s lip. The response was immediate; Castiel gave a rough tremor and his hand came up to cup the back of Jimmy’s head, holding him in place. Jimmy teased with his lips, finding that it made his brother chase the contact. He didn’t seem to like teasing the way Dean did, but prefered firm contact and pressure. Wanting to catalogue the differences, Jimmy broke away and did the same thing to Dean, teasing his neck with lips and a little scrape of teeth. Dean let out the smallest breathy moan that was swallowed by Cas’s lips but was sweet all the same. 

How long they stood there, slowly driving each other mad with kisses and touches, Jimmy couldn’t say. They exchanged touches and eventually gropes, they took turns in kissing each other, passing it around until all of their lips were pink and swollen. Jimmy was more than aware of Dean’s hand under his shirt, it had been there for some time and he’d soaked up the warmth of skin against skin without pushing it forward. Dean however, pulled at his clothes fairly often without really pushing. 

In the end, it was Castiel who pushed for more with burning eyes. He broke apart and grabbed Dean, his hands trembling as he began to roughly strip his husband’s body. “Time for these to go.” 

Dean grinned as he reached for his jeans. “Hell yeah. I think we should all get naked.” 

“I endorse this plan.” Castiel’s hands were relentless and he stripped Dean efficiently. In no time at all, he was naked, standing before them with his cock standing at attention. 

Dean chuckled as he watched the two of them. “You both look like you’re going to eat me alive.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “But you can’t have me until you get naked.” 

Castiel turned the intensity on himself, removing his clothing in a flurry of motion. Watching him, Jimmy did the same though a little slower. It was silly to be shy about this sort of thing, they’d both seen him naked before and honestly, he didn’t look too different from his brother. 

Once they were naked, Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed. Castiel crawled in behind them, looking for all the world like a tiger stalking his prey. Jimmy couldn’t help the chuckle. “You do look like you could eat us alive, Cas.” 

Castiel stopped and tilted his head in confusion. “Is that bad? Is it too much?” 

Jimmy brushed a hand over his brother’s forehead. “No, it just lets me know you want me.” 

“I do want you.” Castiel surged forward and kissed Jimmy again, with the same heat he would kiss Dean and it nearly swept him away. With the motion of Castiel’s lips, Jimmy felt his nerves sweep away. This was what he wanted. His brother was here. Dean was here and they both wanted him. No matter what happened, it would be amazing. 

Next to him, Dean nudged Cas to get him to break away. “Maybe we should figure out what we are doing here?” 

“I was hoping Jimmy would let me fuck him.” Castiel answered right away. Jimmy was getting the feeling that his brother would always be forthright in his desires. He’d never have to guess. 

Of course, this was something Jimmy had never done before. He was willing, of course, but he didn’t know what he was doing. “Will it hurt?” 

Dean’s hand rubbed down Jimmy’s bare back. “Not if we’re careful and we’ll be careful. I’ll open you up. It’ll feel good, you’ll see.” 

Across from them, still on his hands and knees, Castiel nodded his assent. “What do you want Dean?” 

Dean gave this a thought. “I really want someone to fuck me. How about it Jimmy? Want to be the middle of the sandwich?” 

The thought of burying himself in Dean’s body made pure heat bloom across his body. For all that he was a little unsure of bottoming, he definitely wanted Dean. How hard could this be? “I’ll make that sacrifice for you.” He teased. 

Dean laughed. “I think Cas should open me up. You just get to lay back and relax.”

“Then I won’t argue.” 

“Great! Scoot up against the headboard, pillow under your hips.” Even as Dean gave the instruction, he was pulling out a pillow for Jimmy. 

Jimmy complied, moving to where Dean wanted. Putting himself on the pillow felt a little awkward, like his body was on display. When he was settled, Dean hunkered down on the bed between Jimmy’s thighs, laying on his belly. “This good?” Dean asked, his fingers sliding over Jimmy’s thighs. Jimmy nodded his assent and Dean’s hand’s slipped higher. “Cas, baby, will you hand me the lube. I’ll stay here, you can open me from behind.” 

Cas moved off the bed and rescued a bottle from the bedside table. As soon as he got it, he poured some in his hand before handing it off to Dean. “Here you go.” 

Dean took it and poured some out too. “I’ll warm it up for you.” He winked up Jimmy’s body. 

Jimmy watched him closely, feeling the nerves in his stomach again. To distract himself, he turned his eyes on his brother. Cas climbed on the bed and perched next to Dean’s hip, taking the time to warm the lube as well. When he decided it was ready, he reached between the pert cheeks of Dean’s ass and began to spread it. Jimmy couldn’t actually see Dean’s hole but he could watch the motion of his brother’s hands in fascination. He was so distracted, he didn’t notice what Dean was doing until he felt the feather light touch against his hole. He jumped, his thighs twitching. 

Dean rubbed his free hand down Jimmy’s thigh again. “Relax. It’ll hurt if you don’t relax.” He began tracing slick circles around the tight ring of muscle, then after a moment, he began to kiss the head of Jimmy’s cock. A groan burst out of Jimmy’s throat and he arched his hips forward just a little, begging for the touch of those lips. This met Dean’s approval and he wrapped his lips around the head of Jimmy’s cock and began to suckle. Once Jimmy was thoroughly distracted, he pushed his finger inside. At first it was strange and he clenched around the finger, but as Dean stroked his thigh, he relaxed again. There was something hypnotizing about it, the way Dean’s finger moved inside of him coupling with the sweet suction of his mouth. Before Jimmy knew it, he was moving against that finger, wanting more. 

Dean gave him more. Another finger worked into him, and the two together began to stretch him, readying his body for Cas’s cock. Thinking it flooded heat down Jimmy’s body and made him relax further. This was everything he wanted. When he remembered, he opened his eyes and watched Castiel finger Dean before him. He was already up to three fingers dipping in and out of Dean’s body. Dean let out these sweet little noises, gasps that gave a little whoosh of warm breath to Jimmy’s cock. Dean’s hips moved, practically begging Castiel to fuck him more. His brother laughed and swatted that perfect ass, but never stopped plunging his fingers in. 

While he hadn’t been watching, Dean had eased yet another finger into him and was fucking him with three fingers now, which made Jimmy want to squirm. Then he did something with those fingers, hooking them and touching something that made fireworks go off beneath Jimmy’s skin. “Holy shit.” He breathed, instantly wanting more. 

Between his thighs, Dean winked up at him. “Got your prostate. Good, right?” 

“Definitely. Again?” 

Dean did as he was asked, rubbing into that little space until Jimmy was breathing heavily and squirming on Dean’s fingers. Instead of doing it again, Dean pulled his fingers out. “I think he’s ready here and I know I’m ready. Let’s get this show on the road.” 

Castiel immediately stopped and got off the bed. He was watching Dean and Jimmy with that intense way of his while he took the remains of the lube and stroked his own cock. Dean climbed away next then offered his free hand to Jimmy. “I’m going to take your place and then you are going to get in me. We’ll get Cas settled last.” 

Jimmy left the bed and then stood aside to watch Dean climb on it, laying down on his back with his hips on the pillow. Cas touched his shoulder and handed him the lube. “Here. Unless you want me to do it.” Something in his brother’s eyes said the latter was the right answer. 

“You can do it.” 

Castiel blessed him with a smile while he poured the lube into his hand and then wrapped it around Jimmy’s cock, stroking him and slicking him up. By the end of it, Jimmy was panting with his forehead resting on Castiel’s shoulder. 

Dean gave them both an impatient look. “Come on now, my ass is open and empty.” 

Jimmy laughed. “Sorry, I’ll get right to that.” He crawled back onto the bed, placing himself between Dean’s thighs. Dean immediately moved to wrap his legs around Jimmy’s waist, tilting his hips up to receive Jimmy’s cock. The motion was stupidly hot and left Jimmy burning as he guided himself to Dean’s slick hole. Dean was watching him, green eyes glowing as Jimmy pressed inside. It was just as intense with Dean as it had been with Cas. The heat and the pressure were perfect and he had to hold back to keep from slamming in. Of course, Dean had other ideas and used his legs to drag Jimmy forward until he was fully pressed inside Dean. 

As Jimmy panted, willing himself not to come, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Dean’s legs unwound and the heat of a body pressed against his back. With gentle hands, Cas spread his asscheeks. “Is this okay?” His brother’s voice was a warm buzz against Jimmy’s ear, so close he could feel his breath. When Jimmy nodded, his brother wrapped an arm around his chest and began to press inside. Jimmy drew in a shaky breath first at the pressure, and then at the enormity of that cock. It wasn’t that it was huge, but that the moment itself was huge; his first taste of belonging to Castiel. He squeezed his eyes shut and held still as Cas slowly pressed inside him. A hand touched his face and he found Dean looking up at him, warmth in his eyes. “It’s good, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah.” Jimmy agreed, holding his breath until Cas’s hips were flush against his. 

“Tell me when you are ready.” Castiel’s lips were still at his ear and his other arm came to wrap around Jimmy’s chest. 

Held firmly between two bodies, Jimmy waited until he was sure he could handle what was coming next. It was already overwhelming, to feel Dean clenching around him while Cas filled him up. It was also unbearably good. When he was ready, he turned towards Cas. “Okay.” 

“Tell me if it’s too much.” His brother said and then his hips moved, the pressure pushing Jimmy forward, sliding his cock deeper into Dean.

Beneath him, Dean gave another one of those breathy moans. “So good, Jimmy.” Dean arched up beneath him and Jimmy tried to give him more. 

Soon Castiel established a rhythm that was slow and deep. Dean matched it, rolling his hips to meet the thrusts and Jimmy was lost between them. He was pulled back onto Cas’s cock, then he was pushed forward into Dean. Back and forth, between two very different forces and it was incredible. It filled Jimmy, pleasure racing up and down his spine, building behind his balls. It was inside his body and surrounded his cock. For the longest time, he could do nothing but hold on, one hand clenching on Castiel’s crossed arms over his chest, the other hand holding onto Dean’s shoulder for dear life. 

Behind him Castiel’s thrusts grew in intensity, while before him, Dean’s eyes rolled with pleasure as his body begged for more. Jimmy reached for Dean’s cock and tried to stroke it in time with the thrusting and Dean’s back arched, forcing himself into Jimmy’s fingers. It was so hard to keep up but he struggled to do just that, wanting, no, needing to give his two lovers pleasure. It seemed to be working for Dean because his motions were growing erratic. 

“Close! I’m close.” He gasped, fucking himself on Jimmy’s cock. 

Hearing him, Castiel sped up a little and caught between the two forces, a moan burst from Jimmy’s lips. He trembled, on the verge of exploding and desperately tried to hold on. In the end, Dean came first, his back bowing as his cock pumped out white coating Jimmy’s hand and his own belly. Jimmy only held on for a thrust more before he was pouring out inside of Dean. Cas lasted the longest, thrusting into Jimmy a handful more times before he went tense behind him. Jimmy could feel the slick heat of his brother’s seed inside his body as he collapsed down into Dean. Cas quickly followed collapsing on top of Jimmy. 

Beneath them, Dean let out a groan. “Why do I keep ending up on the bottom? You guys are heavy!” 

“Oh! Dean!” Castiel practically levitated up off of the bed trying to release Dean. 

Jimmy didn’t quite have that much energy as he rolled over and flopped on the sheets next to Dean. “That was… I mean that was….” He couldn’t find the words. 

“Yeah, man. It was.” Dean tossed an arm over that smacked into Jimmy’s chest, surely meant to be in solidarity. 

“I think we need to shower.” Cas said, his nose scrunching up as he looked at the mess they’d made on the sheets. 

Dean laughed. “Always with the showers. Never a moment of afterglow.” 

Cas sniffed. “You can have the afterglow once we’re clean and the sheets have been changed.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m moving.” With a sigh, Dean rolled away and got up. He made it as far as Cas before flopping into his chest. “Hi baby.” He greeted before kissing his husband. 

Cas accepted the kiss but his expression didn’t change. “Shower, Dean.” 

Dean sighed. “Come on, Jimmy. The shower’s big enough.” 

Surprised, Jimmy got up too. “I’m game. I’m also dripping.” Sure enough, Cas’s come was dripping down his thighs.

“Bathroom! Go!” Castiel grabbed both Dean and Jimmy, dragging them towards the shower while they both laughed. Jimmy felt warm and happy but more, he felt wholly loved, maybe for the first time since Amelia died.

***

It was Saturday night. Claire had come home earlier that day wearing a tired grin and with bags under her eyes as if sleeping hadn’t been on the list when it came to slumber party activities. She immediately went upstairs to take a nap. Jimmy was sitting in the living room watching some ghost show on the Travel Channel. Cas was sitting next to him, having thoroughly espoused how he didn’t believe in any of that stuff, and yet he was riveted to the tv too. Jimmy had said there was a police detective that verified the medium’s findings but Dean didn’t really care to watch it. That was fine, the twins could always use some bonding time. 

For his own part, Dean went into the kitchen to work on dinner. Since he had a lot of time he’d decided to make chicken pot pie. It didn’t take too long but since he was making everything from scratch, it took a lot more time than a regular dinner. It was a little bit soothing to lose himself in the action of preparing a dinner for his family. He paused at that thought. _Family._ They really were becoming a family weren’t they? Smiling to himself, he began to roll out dough. 

When it came time for dinner, Claire had just dragged herself back down the stairs. She gave an experimental sniff as she tried to peer in the oven. “What’s for dinner?” 

“Chicken pot pie.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “And you are going to eat it without complaint.” 

Claire elbowed him in the side. “I like chicken pot pie. Mom made that sometimes too.” 

“Cool, set the table.” Grumbling, Claire did as she was asked. 

Dean pulled the food from the oven and left it to cool while he went to fetch the rest of the group. “Cas. Jimmy. It’s time to give up on your ghosts. Dinner.” 

Jimmy switched it off without question, however Dean noticed Cas was clinging to his brother’s arm. Was the show scary? He should have asked Jimmy before leaving Cas to watch it. Too late now. He led the way back to the kitchen. While he put the pan on the table, everyone took their places. By now they always sat in the same way, Claire sat between Dean and Jimmy with Cas on the opposite side. Once that had been a problem, now everyone just sat in their seats happily. Ah, the improvements a year could make.

“Did you have fun at Jack’s house?” Jimmy asked Claire.

She smiled brightly. “Oh yeah! Lots of fun! Jack likes the Friday the 13th movies, so we watched a bunch of those. Scared the crap out of Kevin. He insisted on sleeping between the two of us. It was pretty fun.”

“Claire, it’s not nice to make someone watch something that they’re scared of.” Dean admonished her.

Claire turned to Dean, and when she replied, it was clear she’d started to say something, but changed her mind and instead said, “Kevin said he’d watch as long as we protected him. And we did. Jack and I always make sure Kevin is ok if we do something he doesn’t like. Just like Kevin and I make sure Jack is ok, and they make sure I’m ok. Geez, give us a little credit here.”

“Well, that’s something.” Jimmy put in, mollified by the statement. 

Claire looked at her father slyly. “I’m not the only person who does that, you know. I saw you making Uncle Cas watch that ghost show.” 

“What? It’s not scary, right Cas?” Jimmy looked to his brother for support. 

“Um… yes.” Cas agreed, shifting in his chair looking uncomfortable. “I don’t believe in ghosts at all, it’s nonsense.” 

Claire stared across the table at him. “So you were just holding onto Dad’s arm because…” 

“My hands were cold!” Cas exclaimed, but he was downright squirming. 

Dean laughed and reached over to pet his husband’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be afraid, baby. I’ll protect you from ghosts.” 

“Dean….” 

“You guys are gross!” Claire announced, scooping up a bite from her plate. “How are you still this gross?” 

Dean turned his smile on her. “Now I’ve got more people to be gross with. Why wouldn’t I be gross?” 

Claire put her bite down and made exaggerated gagging noises. “Can you at least manage to not be gross at the dinner table? Some of us are trying to eat!”

Dean frowned slightly, unsure if Claire was being serious or not. “Um...yeah. If it will make you feel better, we can try to not be gross at dinner.”

Claire smiled an overly sweet smile at him. “Thank you. I’d hate for this delicious meal to be ruined with gross-ness.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.”

Jimmy cleared his throat. “Claire, it’s not being gross. It’s being affectionate and there’s nothing wrong with being affectionate at home.” He looked at her doubtfully before saying in a smaller voice. “If you're uncomfortable we can respect that but the problem isn’t going away. It might help to try to get used to it.”

Claire’s entire face dropped. “But Da-ad!” She leaned in really close to Jimmy and whispered, unaware the rest of the table could hear her, “I’m just getting used to you seeing someone who isn’t Mom. Can dinner time please just be normal?”

Jimmy looked incredibly sad at this but he nodded. “I suppose so.” 

The table devolved to silence. Cas was looking at his dinner as if it had somehow wronged him, with the intensity of focus that told he was thinking about something deeply. Jimmy simply looked uncomfortable. Dean certainly felt uncomfortable but he didn’t want to push things. He tried to start the conversation again, picking a lighter topic. “So, Jimmy, what do you have planned for classes next week?” 

Jimmy looked at him suspiciously, but did start to talk. “Next week is presentations all week. At least it’s not more papers.” 

Okay, so that hadn’t lasted long. Dean wracked his brain as to what else they could talk about. He looked to Cas to try to see if there was any help there. Cas wasn’t looking up from his food. In fact, he wasn’t eating at all now. Sighing, Dean gave up. So much for a happy family dinner. 

The oppressive silence seemed to weigh the table down. Claire sighed and put her fork down. “I’m sorry I brought everyone down. I’m really trying to get used to this whole new family thing. It’s just weird for me, ok? I’m sorry I'm a moody teenager.”

Dean smiled softly at her. “It’s alright, Claire. You’re entitled to your feelings. I guess this is pretty awkward for you. We can try to cool down the affection when we’re at dinner, but you have to understand, we love each other and we’re happy, so we like to show it.”

She smiled back at him. “Thank you, Dean. I really am sorry. It’s just...like you said awkward...and super weird. But I really am glad you guys are happy. If my dad did have to move on, I’m glad it’s with someone cool like you.”

The relief Dean felt was a little disproportionate to the statement, but he couldn’t help it. There had been this tiny part of him that had been yearning for Claire to accept him. It had started when she’d walked in to see him standing so close to Jimmy and told him accusingly that he wasn’t her mom. He’d felt the weight of that judgement in his soul, somehow. He knew how hard it was to lose a mother, he’d been through that. What he’d never had to go through was seeing his dad move on with someone else. His dad had been too busy drowning himself in liquor and possibly one night stands at bars. Maybe that was worse. In his own way, he’d wanted to be an acceptable person for Jimmy to move on with. He knew he’d never replace Amelia and he didn’t want that. He just wanted to be accepted. He felt that way now. “Thanks, Claire. That means a lot. I know I’m not your mom and I don’t want to be. I just want to be part of your life. In whatever way you’ll let me be.” 

Next to him, Cas cleared his throat. “I think we all want that. Even if I am your weird uncle.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “You are weird.” 

“Claire!” Jimmy admonished. 

“Come on, Dad. You have to admit that he’s a little weird.” 

Jimmy looked at Cas then winked at him. “He’s always been weird. It’s part of his charm.” 

“You call that charm?” Claire was trying to look serious but her lopsided smile was ruining the effect. She tried to hide it behind her hand. 

“I call it charm.” Dean said, reaching over to hold Cas’s hand. “He blew me away the moment I met him.” 

Cas rolled his eyes but squeezed Dean’s hand. “Dean, I was a wreck that day.” 

“Mm, but you were my wreck. I knew it even then.” 

“Really?” 

“Of course.” 

“You must like wrecks.” Claire announced. “My dad was also a wreck when you met him.” 

“I definitely was.” Jimmy agreed, he looked pointedly at Claire. “So were you.” 

“Whatever.” Her eye rolling was very much expected at that point. “This entire family is built of wrecks.” 

“I like to think we are works in progress.” Cas said primly. 

That’s exactly how Dean would put it. He looked around the table at each beloved face and he felt immensely at home. His family had grown and changed the day Jimmy had come but now he could see that it was for the better. With that in mind, he sat back and basked in the light of hard won joy, listening to them laugh and debate over who was the worst wreck of them all. 

Under the table, Claire grabbed his hand. “You okay, Dean? You’re quiet and that’s weird.” 

Dean smiled with the force of love in his heart. “I’m perfect.” There really was no other answer.


End file.
